//so I was thinking this morning (always a dangerous sign) that Iâve talked a bit recently about how the Tumblr RP community isnât always very good at encouraging people to find ways to manage or get to their drafts, and is instead more likely to coddle peoplesâ anxieties without actually helping them at all.Â
So this is a post of a few tips and tricks that might help RPers manage some of the more common anxieties I see crop up in our circle. Now, Iâm not a full psychologist and nor am I licensed counselor. But I do have my masterâs degree in clinical psychology with the intention to go on for the PhD (or get licensed to practice if I donât get into a program) so I do kinda know what Iâm talking about. Hopefully some of this advice is a little helpful:
1. âMy drafts just stress me out.â This is a pretty common complaint, but I think in most circumstances itâs caused by stress going on outside of the RP world. Take a step back and breathe. Handle whatever is going on in your real life. That always comes first. If you come back and your drafts are still causing you to feel panicky, the next step is to find out the more specific reasons why. Thatâs going to help you best address the anxiety. Read on for some common reasons.
2. âIâve gotten so behind, thereâs so many and Iâm overwhelmed.â This happens all the time! You take a hiatus for a week or two, or life just got really busy for a while, or just lost muse and now itâs back. But in the meantime, your drafts have piled up- suddenly youâre looking at 20, 50, 100- how do you even start?Â
The best way Iâve found to handle this is to break them up into smaller chunks. It might be helpful to copy and paste your partnersâ replies over into one or more word documents. You can then further organize those word documents even more. One for short replies, one for long, one for medium length. Or you can organize by muses, by how long the draft has been in your folder- whichever way you want to handle this. If you want to put one reply per document, you can organize them into folders instead. How you do this is entirely up to you.
Set a small goal for yourself- even one draft a day is better than no drafts at all. But by breaking the work up into chunks, youâve taken a lot of the pressure off yourself. A goal of 1-5 drafts a day is a lot better than looking at all 50.Â
Another tip- use the queue! Or simply keep completed drafts saved in the drafts folder until youâve caught up enough to start posting. The queue will stagger your posts so replies arenât coming out all at once, and your partners arenât able to immediately reply back. And obviously keeping them in drafts even after theyâre done lets you have more time to catch up. These are just a couple of tips, however, and there are probably other good ways to manage drafts. Find what works best for you!
And donât be afraid to drop a couple if you have no muse for those threads anymore. Just let your partner know, theyâll understand. And if they donât, theyâre just an asshole and who needs that, right? It is better to communicate that youâre dropping them, however, so youâre partner isnât left hanging.
3. âI havenât replied in weeks, Iâm worried my partner hates me.â I guarantee this is not true. Most people in the rp community are very understanding of slow response time. Your partners want to rp with you- theyâll be thrilled to see a response, even if itâs been several weeks. Responding, even slowly, shows a lot more dedication and excitement over your threads.Â
So if itâs been several weeks, and you finally have muse for that thread and want to reply to it, but feel guilty or anxious because itâs been so long- reply anyway. Your partner will be so happy to see your response.Â
Another way to alleviate this anxiety is to simply talk to your partner. And I know, this can be scary- but sometimes you have to bite the bullet and do the thing that makes you anxious. Take it slow if you need to, but communication is the best way to feel better about it. And I guarantee, you are going to feel so much more proud of yourself if you did the thing that made you anxious than if you didnât.
That goes for replying as well.Â
4. âI feel so inadequate compared to others. I should just stop.â This is an example of what mental health professionals call a ânegative automatic thoughtâ, or âNATâ. And like real gnats, these little thoughts get all up in your ears and start buzzing around. They can spiral out of control very quickly, until you feel absolutely terrible about yourself. These thoughts are very common in people with both anxiety and depression.Â
But the thing is, they can be changed. You can actually re-wire your brain with a little work so that it wonât think these thoughts quite as often. One of the most effective ways is to simply replace the negative thought with a positive one- even if you donât believe it. So if your negative thought is âIâm horrible compared to other people,â a replacement thought could be âNo, Iâm just as good as anyone else,â or âmy writing is unique to me and it has value.â
You will not believe yourself at first, and it will seem a little bit weird when you start. Itâs also a little challenging- your negative thoughts are automatic, youâre so used to thinking them that you arenât even fully aware of it it half the time. But when you do catch yourself spiraling off into those negative thoughts- try to stop them. This is something we teach in therapy and over time, it does help. And it does get easier.
5. âIt has to be PERFECT.â Perfectionism is at the root of a lot of peoplesâ anxieties. But I challenge you with this- why? Why does it have to be perfect? What will happen if itâs not perfect?Â
The answer to that, usually, is âmy partners will hate me/lose interest/think Iâm stupid or a bad writer.â Perfectionism is usually a fear of judgment, and itâs usually fueled by feelings of inadequacy or fears of failure. So to that, I refer you back to the previous advice about negative automatic thoughts.Â
Challenge your thinking about your perfectionism. A good replacement thought for this one is âeven if itâs not perfect, my partner will still be happy that I responded. My writing is still valuable to them.â Another good one- âimperfection means thereâs room to grow. Mistakes donât mean Iâm a failure or no good.âÂ
In general, donât let anxiety say âI canât do this.â You can do it. Anxiety is not a permanent state. The body cannot sustain it very long- the elevated heart rate, heavy breathing, heightened arousal- itâs physically impossible for it to last. Eventually, your body will start to calm itself and even back out. This is something that is very hard to sit with, because your natural instinct is to run away from the thing thatâs making you anxious. Your instinct is to close the drafts folder, to close the messenger, to log out of tumblr and ignore it all completely. But the truth is, that only makes your anxiety worse in the long run.Â
Now, if these tips donât help, or youâre finding your anxiety is so bad that itâs affecting your daily life in almost everything- I encourage people to please see a psychologist, psychiatrist, or some other mental health professional. Anxiety thatâs chronically preventing you from doing the things you enjoy is anxiety that probably needs treatment. Having the extra support of a therapist or medication often makes it possible to implement some of these strategies, or find better ones that work for you. Especially if youâre having a hard time managing things on your own.Â
Anybody that wants to add to this with other ideas that have been helpful to you, please feel free to do so.Â