“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” I began, placing myself in front of the 12 jurors “I would first like to begin this self-representation by reminding you of the precedent set by Wright V. U.S. in which every person has a God-given right to end the life of one person”.
The jury silently nodded in agreement, making me wonder why this murder is even under contention as a crime anyway.
I took a deep breath, composed myself, and launched into the events leading up to the murder.
“It was a rainy Monday. Having completed all of my work, I left the office and began on the long commute home. You must understand, this commute involves walking 4 miles to the bus stop, waiting for the bus - typically around an hour’s wait -, getting off the bus at the nearest stop to my house and walking all the way home - a 2.6 mile hike. The afternoon in question, April 14th, my leg particularly hurt, especially after walking the 4 miles to the bus stop. I got on the bus, and I found there to be no seats available.” I stated, the whole story beginning to spill out.
“And that’s where you met Mr. Madison, correct?” Asked Judge Horton, obviously trying to hurry along my already incredibly long story.
“That’s right, your honor. Mr. Madison was sitting in the front of the bus, and I politely asked him to move. He asked why and I told him that I have a prosthetic and standing is incredibly taxing, especially after the hour walk I just endured. He not only refused to move, but also called me ‘peg leg’ amongst other terms. He said I deserved it for the, and I quote, ‘bitchy attitude’ I had. So I took off my peg leg and beat the shit out of him, your honor. Right there on the bus. So yes, I killed a man. But I’m sure, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you understand. Thank you for your time and open-mindedness.” I concluded, with a quick bow.
“Wait, Mrs. Laurens, is that the end of your story?” Horton interjected, “We’re aware everyone is born with the right to kill another human, the issue is how you desecrated the corpse and then used him as a puppet like Weekend at Bernie’s”
“Oh. Huh. Yeah, I’d like to plead guilty on all counts then, I guess”
janainaart
theartofmadeline
baratheonpilled
ellievsbear
2087
