Zombie @dead-thoughtss - Tumblr Blog

I had a dream.

Last night I had a dream I was walking down a trail in a forest, But I tripped and face planted into a pile of leaves. When I stood up I was covered in beetles crawling all over me. I was freaking out trying to brush them off of me but then I looked at the ground and the forest floor was covered in ladybugs. Thousands of them.

I calmed down a bit because I was fine if it was just ladybugs crawling on me but I looked down again and they were definitely NOT ladybugs. They were the size of ladybugs but brown and leaf looking. They weren’t biting me but I still went back to trying to brush them off. Soon after I woke up.

Does anyone know what this symbolizes? It was such an odd dream for me as most of mine tend to actually be stories.

#dream #ladybugs #dead thoughts #questions #symbolism

Age.

I sat there in the boba shop I frequent waiting for my order, highschool kids and their friend groups sat all around me and suddenly I realized. I felt it, my age.

I am no longer the young one. The one who has no cares in the world but the hw they were working on like the kids around me.

So I opened my phone to text one of my friends.

But I froze.

Who do I text? I no longer have close friends as I did before. My phone no longer blows up filled with stupid conversation about stupid teenager things. It is simply silent. The only notification an add on my email.

When did that happen?

Where did my friends go?

It was just yesterday I had so many messaging me about the weekend.

Now I do nothing but work and sleep.

Where did the fun go? The laughs and stupid inside jokes? When did I stop smiling at everything? When did I start seeing the wrinkles on my forehead from stress?

Where did I go? Who am I now? When did the time pass so quickly and quietly?

#dead thoughts #writing #aging #memories

Sometimes I just want to give up.

It feels like I just cant get myself to move,

To do even the things I love to do.

So why am I still trudging along when nothing seems to be worth it. When I can’t ever seem to follow through with my plans.

I feel stable for a week or a day and I say im going to turn my life around, do better, be better.

I'll clean my room, maybe draw a picture. Or I'll go out and get some fresh air and be a little social.

Then it all falls apart in another long, miserable, exhausting self-sabotage.

I stop doing anything. I push off chores and doing fun things seem like a bore or too much work. I feel lonely but dont want to talk to anyone.

And I just want to give up.

I dont want to die or kill myself. I just want to stop trying. Lay in bed and sleep all day. Quit my job and just sit there and rot like the lifeless corps I feel like.

But I can’t so trudge on I shall.

#dead thoughts #writing #tired

I once heard that art is important to people who have lost things, who are in grief and loneliness.

But what happens if what you have lost is art itself. what happens when you are numb to the music, numb to the words, numb to the colors.

How do you deal with the boredom of existence? When art used to be your whole life. And now just holding a pencil feels heavy and wrong.

#dead thoughts #writing #longing #loss #art

I’m so fucking tired all the time

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Day after day it’s the same mindless droning on and on

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8 hours of sleep but I still feel like I’m a zombie

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Maybe I just need a nap…

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If only I could make up my mind about dying

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Fuck I’m running out of time

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That’s it, I’m done.

#dead thoughts #sleep #death #tired #dark

I was attacked today.

A hiddious horrible creature attempted to kill me.

With its grotesque wings it pounced and displayed its many legs.

A thing that lurks in the dank of our waste.

The horrible: Periplaneta americana

#dead thoughts #writing #cockroach #panic #funny

Words kill me.

You said something that took me by surprise and it hurt so much.

I thought you would never say something like that. So to hear the words fall from your lips as if they were just another random sentence ripped at my heart.

Something that effected me so much was just a passing comment to you.

Why don't you see this, why must I suffer in silence simply because it meant everything to me but nothing to you.

But I know you didn't mean any harm by what you said, thats the worst part. You are completely ignorant of what you have said.

#dead thoughts #writing #words

Is anyone there?

Why does it feel I talking to nothing but an empty void?

I reach out to grasp a connection and im left without a response.

I long to have a conversation. Truly connect and not just “talk”.

But I guess that's too much to ask from the universe.

#dead thoughts #alone #conversation

I'm tired of being in this state of constant longing to be better, but not having the ability to do so.

#dead thoughts #dark #sad #longing #be better

I feel so sad for no fucking reason.

My heart is clenching and my chest is aching. My stomach is turning and I have this anxious tightness in my throat. It strangles my breath as I try to hold it all it.

The tears sting my eyes as I try to look at my family and not let them in.

There is no reason for this feeling so there is no reason to let them know, they can't do anything anyway.

#dead thoughts #writing

Distraction is my addiction.

Anything to keep my mind off of how miserable I feel in this pointless life.

Reading, shows, people, and…. Others.

But the second I give my mind a second to rest. It all comes crashing at me like a title wave.

A never ending monsoon of hate for myself and my existence.

#dead thoughts #writing

RAT

I fucking hate this place so much. I’m miserable and dead inside.

I feel like a hamster on a wheel, never ending and when I try to stop I just get flattened to the ground by the force that I’ve made myself. Like a rat trapped in a box with only poison to eat. And I’m eating fully knowing it’s killing me, because I don’t know what else to do.

#dead thoughts #dark #writing #poetry #thoughts #feelings

I wish I lacked the ability to see the world around me. The sky, the trees, and the beauty.

Then maybe I could forsake this life as something twisted and rotten.

But it's not. People are rotten, existing is not. I experience the good and bad this world has to offer and almost every single time. I see humanity at its worst

But then I see someone who's soul is as lovely as the sky. And I can't help but wish I had never seen them. Because then I wouldnt have to know that humans could be that beautiful, but simply choose not to be.