*A little business, a fuck ton of pleasure*

[deadlyniteshade1111]

Labyrinth

When someone has been in my life this long, not only have they been a source of a plethora of pleasure, but they have been the source of countless nights of pain and tears. It’s almost like I keep trying to soak up a selfish amount of pleasures again and again in hopes that it will drown out the infinite pain that has been there since the very origin of it all. The pain of wanting to embrace and caress someone that just can’t or even worse, won’t be there. The pain of knowing a person is a part of me, but knowing that I may not be a part of them in the same way. The pain that burns through my body like a raging fire with my heart at its core. This is why I truly believe they call them twin flames-because their flame burns alongside the eternal flame inside us all to the point we can physically feel it. Twin flames are those that come into our lives as permanent fixtures, and no matter what role they may land, there is inevitable permanency. No matter how many times we commit the crime of being fallible entities and hurt each other - they remain. No matter how many times we are passionate lovers, but not with each other - they remain. Whether they are here on the physical plane or just burning there inside you- they remain. When hysterical laughs turn into cries and cries turn into hysterical laughs-they remain. There comes a point in time when I realize I will have to make the choice: how many more nights can I surrender to wandering around in the labyrinth that is my psyche just looking for an answer that I don’t even know the question to? How many more nights will I cry myself to sleep because of realizing what it will never be, but embracing what it is? I hang on with my hopes so fucking high, but I crash so hard when the reality hits me … every single time. I am resilient, I can bend and not break… Will I be able to bend much longer? Am I going to look at this in another 16 years like I looked at my writing from 16 years ago and call myself delusional? It’s so ironic how I can look back at journal entries from 16 years ago and think I was insane to feel the things I was writing, but when I read this out loud, is it any different? This leads me back to that pain – the beginning. There is only one thing that can cause a pain that burns like that for eternity. One thing that can make all of those nights wandering around my own personal labyrinth seem like a vacation, and one thing that drives me to have hope yet another day. That’s love. Love is keeping a person close even though you want them closer- I take them any way I can. Love is being able to hold a hand so tight and embrace for a night’s rest and being content with just that. It is sharing a flame, sharing a bond, making sacrifices and sometimes that sacrifice will last a lifetime. Sometimes…that’s okay.

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[reikokocrunch]

Unrequited Love

You know this feeling of being drawn to someones personality. And as you get to know them more it felt like you’ve known them before, you’ve just forgotten who they were.

You weren’t even suppose to like them in the first place, but look at you; you’re completely falling in love with that person.

And no matter how difficult that person is, no matter how broken their heart and soul is, or no matter how bad their life is; you still cared and understand their situations.

You tend to listen to their dreams, their stories, their hopes, their rants, their problems. You accepted their flaws, their insecurities and the part of their self that they don’t even love. You trust them with their words, and even if you’re not special to them you tend to put them first.

Their happiness is what you wanted, even if they only spare you a little of their time. And even if there’s alot of reasons not to fall in love with them, you still did, and you stayed. You supported them, encourage them, because you love them, without any reasons.

You love them not because of their looks, but because of who they are beneath those mask they’re hiding;

you still love them.

And as much as you want them to stay, to feel the same way, or how much you wanted to be selfish

you can’t.

Because you cannot force your love to someone. You don’t expect love in return, but rather you wait until it grows in their heart. You hope that your love would be enough to make them stay.

But sometimes it doesn’t work like that.

Sometimes even if you love them,

You’re not the one that makes them smile unknowingly.

You’re not their 1 am thoughts, and the reason why they cannot sleep.

You’re not the one that makes their heart flutter,

You’re just someone they knew.

And sometimes, it scares you to know if one day you try not to talk to them, to know if they’d miss you. They probably won’t even notice it, and won’t even bother to message you, cause you’re not the person they were looking for each day.

Cause no matter how vast and beautiful the scenery is and how good it made you feel,

it was never yours to keep.

And if your love does not grow in their hearts, then just be happy that it grew in yours.

And you were able to love someone like them.

[deadlyniteshade1111]

“Knowing that we may not have that much time left... only makes it that much sweeter.” -Lucifer

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[deadlyniteshade1111]

Man... someone’s gone and made me soft as fuck

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[deadlyniteshade1111]

Oh my heart ❤️

[bnmxfld]

“Say you want me too.”

— Lana Del Rey

[deadlyniteshade1111]

Little distraction

This little bug keeps flying around my head. I won’t kill it; all life is too precious. I just keep swatting it away. As I sit with my feet up, watching the sunset, I am lifeless… I refuse to move. This feels so good, but I just can’t seem to shake this bug. I don’t have repellent on, and I don’t feel the need to. No matter how irritating the little creature is, I do nothing to combat him. A little blow here and there, a wave of the hand. He is still here. He lands on my leg and I just smile. At least he isn’t in my ear again. Fluttering and buzzing. Drowning out the sound of the wind. At least he is just being. Just like me. He just wants to be. Whether it is on a beach campground, somewhere up the Pacific coast highway about an hour North of Santa Barbara, or whether it is in the Colorado mountains with a river filled with fish for catchin’ , I just want to be. I also don’t want to be without another companion that shares the same soul as me. When you find yours, you will know what I mean. Maybe that is what this little bug senses as he reclines on me reclining… He knows we are connected and we are one with all else living. He knows I am not going to hurt him because I have had opportunity to do so, and avoided it at all costs. He knows I will let him be, and he finally wants the same for me. After all of this torment and the time we had together in peace after, he disappears into the wind. I will never see him again, but there is one thing that is certain. I will never forget what he reminded me of and what he taught me. I will never just be. Without your soul, what do you have?  

[quotemadness]

“I think I’ll miss you forever.”

— Lana Del Rey

[deadlyniteshade1111]

Like the stars miss the sun in the mornin sky 🌌

[fuckitloveu]

how high do i have to get to see you again

[deadlyniteshade1111]

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[deadlyniteshade1111]

#simplethings

[05h59]

[deadlyniteshade1111]

“Call me friend, but keep me closer...”

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[deadlyniteshade1111]

Yes, Mr. Shelby

[deadlyniteshade1111]

[annajoganiyan]

[deadlyniteshade1111]