Labyrinth
When someone has been in my life this long, not only have they been a source of a plethora of pleasure, but they have been the source of countless nights of pain and tears. It’s almost like I keep trying to soak up a selfish amount of pleasures again and again in hopes that it will drown out the infinite pain that has been there since the very origin of it all. The pain of wanting to embrace and caress someone that just can’t or even worse, won’t be there. The pain of knowing a person is a part of me, but knowing that I may not be a part of them in the same way. The pain that burns through my body like a raging fire with my heart at its core. This is why I truly believe they call them twin flames-because their flame burns alongside the eternal flame inside us all to the point we can physically feel it. Twin flames are those that come into our lives as permanent fixtures, and no matter what role they may land, there is inevitable permanency. No matter how many times we commit the crime of being fallible entities and hurt each other - they remain. No matter how many times we are passionate lovers, but not with each other - they remain. Whether they are here on the physical plane or just burning there inside you- they remain. When hysterical laughs turn into cries and cries turn into hysterical laughs-they remain. There comes a point in time when I realize I will have to make the choice: how many more nights can I surrender to wandering around in the labyrinth that is my psyche just looking for an answer that I don’t even know the question to? How many more nights will I cry myself to sleep because of realizing what it will never be, but embracing what it is? I hang on with my hopes so fucking high, but I crash so hard when the reality hits me … every single time. I am resilient, I can bend and not break… Will I be able to bend much longer? Am I going to look at this in another 16 years like I looked at my writing from 16 years ago and call myself delusional? It’s so ironic how I can look back at journal entries from 16 years ago and think I was insane to feel the things I was writing, but when I read this out loud, is it any different? This leads me back to that pain – the beginning. There is only one thing that can cause a pain that burns like that for eternity. One thing that can make all of those nights wandering around my own personal labyrinth seem like a vacation, and one thing that drives me to have hope yet another day. That’s love. Love is keeping a person close even though you want them closer- I take them any way I can. Love is being able to hold a hand so tight and embrace for a night’s rest and being content with just that. It is sharing a flame, sharing a bond, making sacrifices and sometimes that sacrifice will last a lifetime. Sometimes…that’s okay.














