Thats a little gross... @deafseries - Tumblr Blog

Nov 25, 2020

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Ivan pulled the collar of his shirt up over his chin and bit down on it, staring at the little black screen in his hand. The room was dark and hot, the fan spinning rapidly, cooling him down in the mid summer heat. There was a thin sheen of sweat on his body, which could be credited to either the heat of the room, or the hand between his legs, pumping his cock to the video on his phone. One headphone was in, the other open out of habit, on the lookout for anyone coming down the hall. Of course, Ivan lived alone, but after growing up in a house full of girls who never knocked, some things just stuck.

He groaned into the his shirt, biting down harder on it, wishing it was the skin of the porn actor on the screen. Pretty pale skin, tinted red from the sex. His hair a blonde mess as he played along with the scene. Ivan would never admit to getting his rocks off to something like this. The pornstar’s slim legs stretched unfolded out from the red skirt he was wearing, the fabric bunching up at his hips as the other actor fucked him from behind. Ivan couldn’t remember what the scene was supposed to be, and he didn’t really care anyways. He’d skipped through the intro and the bad acting to the good part, anyways. The man- Charlie was his screen name. Charlie Angel. It was clearly fake, but that didn’t matter. It wasn’t like Ivan was exactly looking for realism in his porn. Just the way “Charlie” sunk down, slowly going from his hands to down, down, down until his face was pressed into the mattress, soft and breathy moans leaving him.

The man fucking him leaned forward with Charlie on his chest, one hand going down and yanking his hair back. The angle of the video suddenly changed, so that the camera was in the smaller man’s face, and Ivan could see everything. The residue of cum across his cheeks and clinging to his dark eyelashes, his mouth hanging open, tongue lolling this way and that. The other actor was mumbling something that Ivan didn’t care about, his gaze focused on the way Charlie’s eyes were unfocused, whatever pretense that the title (“Skinny fem twink fucked hard for good grades”) gave leaving him. Suddenly, it didn’t matter if all of this was faked or how unrealistic everything about this was. All that mattered to Ivan was the way the pornstar’s voice hitched a few times as he was pounded harder and harder, his fingers curling in the blanket so tight. Ivan’s hand moved faster, panting a wet spot in his sleep shirt. He wished he could be the one behind him, the one fucking him and making him mewl like that and saying all the dirty shit Charlie was getting off on.

He came before either of the actor’s did, biting down on his shirt hard enough that he felt that his jaw would crack. Visions of Charlie grinding on his cock and clinging to him and calling him Professor (sir, master, daddy) flashed in his minds eye as he came into his hand and across his sheets. He shuddered, jerking his cock even after he came and panting through his teeth. The video continued to play, and Ivan watched with a blurry gaze while Charlie trembled and came, his knees spread just right so that the viewer could get a good view of his cock bouncing as he came. Ivan paused the video before the other actor could cum, freezing Charlie’s face with an expression of exhaustion and pleasure.

He scrolled down, absently skimming the comments before clicking on Charlie’s profile. It was the only one he was subscribed to. Which was just some wishful thinking, as the last video uploaded to his account was three years ago. Clearly, he had quit the porn industry for one reason or another. But Ivan couldn’t help but have some sort of hope that one day he’d return out of the blue with another video of him getting fucked or fucking or simply just touching himself. Why else would he keep the profile up? Either way, if he ever decided to upload again, Ivan would be first in line to watch it, dick in hand.

Ivan let his phone fall to the bed, pulling himself up with a wrinkle of his nose. The post orgasm clarity was hitting him, and he began to clean up after himself, wiping up the cum across his hand and on his sheets. He would go to sleep satisfied, with thoughts of Charlie’s face screwed up when he came dancing in his head.

Ivan had a day job. He did other things than just lay awake at night jacking off to pretty guys who wouldn’t give him a second look if they met him in real life. He was a librarian. Yes, he went to school for four years and memorized the dewey decimal system just to put books on shelves and deal with people who didn’t know how to use a printer. It wasn’t all bad, he supposed. He was able to provide people with a quiet place to work and read, and the teenagers of the town liked him, because he never got too much on them for hanging out in the reading nook. There was jack shit else to do in this town, so he didn’t really blame them. He was sorting the return books, setting them on the cart when he heard someone clear their throat from the front of his desk.

And when he turned his head to go through his script- Hello, how can I help you? The words died in his throat and he was sure that he froze like a deer in the headlights. Because on the other side of the desk was Charlie Angel. At first, he thought that his eyes were playing tricks on him after his jack-off session last night. But no, there he was. He was real. His messy hair, his green eyes and his body. He wore a blue button-down with the sleeves rolled up, tucked into a pair of dress pants that seemed inappropriate for the hot weather. While Charlie seemed to have no problem wearing a skirt in porn, this was real life, Ivan had to remind himself. A messenger bag was slung over his shoulder, the front of it decorated with little band buttons. And more importantly, a shiny gay pride pin.

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to stare?” “Charlie” snipped, crossing his arms over his chest. A frown was on his face, showing impatience. Ivan felt his face warm, and he laughed it off, quickly looking away to set the book he’d been holding down on the cart. He headed over to the front desk, his heart pounding so hard in his chest that he felt like it could be seen in his hands.

“I’m sorry,” Ivan apologized with a smile, settling down on the chair behind the desk. It had been a big angle in all of Charlie’s videos that the man was of small stature. He was always a small twink or a skinny bitch or whatever. But that didn’t prepare Ivan for how true it was, and sitting down made him feel less like he was towering over him. “How can I help you?”

“I’d like to check these out, please.” He nodded to the three books that he’d set on the desk.

“Do you have a library card?” Ivan asked, though he assumed that the answer would be no. He’d never seen him here before, and he was pretty sure he would have remembered his favourite porn star checking books out at this library.

“Er. No. I just moved here,” he explained, his accent so much clearer and nicer in person compared to over his shitty headphones.

“Alright. Well, it’s free and only takes a second, if you’d like to sign up for one..?” Ivan offered. So he was new in town. That explained why Ivan had never seen him around here before. Ivan’s favorite pornstar had moved to his town. What were the odds of that? It was like some kind God was shining on him or something. Not like they would ever hook up or something. It would probably just be Ivan staring at him whenever he came into the library and then pretending he hadn’t just been imagining bending him over and fucking him.

“Yes, please.”

Ivan nodded, turning to the computer screen to boot up the system. His mouth was dry from those two simple words- “Yes, please.” It reminded him of how the other man begged to be fucked or begged invisible hands to touch him while he jacked off in front of a camera.

“Name?” His hands hovered over the keyboard, suddenly hit with the knowledge that he was going to know his real name. Not the ugly, punny nickname he used in porn.

“Arthur Kirkland.”

It was such a simple name, and this was all probably very mundane for...Arthur, but Ivan’s heart was pounding even harder. Arthur Kirkland. They went through the rest of the motions of setting up a library card for Arthur, eventually handing the little plastic card over to the man for him to sign as Ivan checked out his books. Two nonfiction, one an older-looking book that Ivan didn’t immediately recognize. The name Quatrefoil flashed across the screen, and he made a mental note to look it up when he got home. Or maybe as soon as Arthur left. As Ivan checked the books out, he finally mustered the courage to speak.

“So, ah...Did you move here for Britain?” He asked, stamping the card with the return date for the books. “I noticed the accent.”

Arthur nodded, freckly arms crossing over his chest once more. It seemed to be the default stance for the Brit. “Yes. Moved here a month ago.”

“What do you think of America?”

“It’s...Different. I like this town though. It’s cute.”

Ivan found himself smiling at the comment, feeling some sort of personal achievement that Arthur thought that his town was cute.

“When did you move here?” Arthur asked him back, those gorgeous eyes glinting with amusement when Ivan handed his books back over to him. “I noticed the accent,” he echoed Ivan’s words back to him with a teasing tone that Ivan would have loved to take as flirting.

“When I was 13.”

“Russia?”

“Mhm. Yekaterinburg.” Ivan didn’t think Arthur would know where that was. Most non-Russians just knew about Moscow and St. Petersburg. “It's the city with the tall domed church,” he explained for him, but it looked like Arthur had checked out of the conversation the second that Ivan said Yekaterinburg. Most Americans found it at least a little bit sexy when he spoke in Russian. Though Arthur could be no exception to that rule, Ivan instead assumed that Arthur just did not care about that. Even though Arthur had been the one to ask about it.

“Right.” Arthur opened his bag and slid the books in, and Ivan was able to glimpse what looked like binders and notebooks shoved snugly into it. Arthur wasn’t a student was he? Had he grossly overestimated how old Arthur was when he was filming and posting those videos? That didn’t make sense. He was trying to do mental mathematics in his head over exactly how old Arthur was, trying to call what year Arthur had said when he gave him his birthday for the library card.

“You’re staring again,” Arthur critiqued, clicking his messenger bag closed and looking up at him, meeting Ivan’s gaze. Ivan looked away, feeling embarrassment broil inside of him.

“Sorry. I was just wondering about your binders,” he quickly covered himself, so that Arthur didn’t think he was staring at his pin and being homophobic. Instead, it kind of just looked like he was being nosy. But Arthur just chuckled.

“I’m a writer. None of my stuff is published yet but...Yeah. It’s all rewrites and edits.”

“Oh. And you carry them with you?”

“Yes. Never know when inspiration hits.” Arthur gave a shrug of his shoulders. That got rid of Ivan’s concerns about exactly how old Arthur was, and gave way to something else instead. Curiosity. Arthur had quit porn in order to write? It gave him a sense of depth Ivan hadn’t been expecting. Of course, he knew that there was a person behind every one of Arthur’s videos. But that person was always getting a cock up his ass, so it was hard to imagine him doing anything but that.

“I actually have a meeting with a publisher soon, so..” Arthur said next, seeming like he was trying to make his escape without being too awkward about it.

“Right. See you around, then.” Ivan gave a nod to Arthur’s wave as he made his way out into the hot summer day.

That night, Ivan got off with Arthur’s name on his lips, and with a brand new fantasy in his head. Arthur bent over his desk or with his face pressed against his pillows. Abruptly, he didn’t need the porn in front of his face in order to make a mess of his bed.

Arthur didn’t make an appearance back at the library for a few weeks. Ivan should have expected that, considering the fact that he worked at a library and that most people didn’t complete books in a span of only a few days. But as time went on, Ivan got more and more nervous, thinking that maybe Arthur was scared off and just dropped the books in the return bin and left. He hadn’t meant to scare Arthur, but some part of him was telling him that he’d somehow been too overbearing, too talkative, maybe somehow let Arthur on that he jacked off to his orgasm every night.

So when he finally showed up again, the books pulled to his chest, Ivan tried not to seem too excited. He moved to the front of the desk, smiling happily as Arthur dropped his books on the front desk.

“Nice to see you again,” Ivan chirped, shifting the books off the top of the desk to check them back in. He glanced over to Arthur, taking in today's outfit. Black pants, with a faded graphic t-shirt hanging loose. He looked..Cute. A more casual than how he’d been dressed last time. As he approached, he pulled one of his earbuds out and let it dangle, bouncing a little bit on his chest whenever he moved. “Did you enjoy the read?”

Arthur nodded, the earbud that he’d pulled out of his ear bobbing. “I did. But I’ve read this-” he rapped his nail on one of the books- the one Ivan had never gotten around to looking up. Quatrefoil. “-a few times before, so I was just reliving it.”

“What's it about?" He crossed his arms over the top of the desk, leaning forward.

"Its about gay men during World War Two. It's really good. Sad, though."

"I can imagine." Ivan slid the books onto the return cart, only looking up when he felt Arthur's gaze on him. He glanced over, meeting his gaze. It felt like Arthur had been sizing him up when he hadn't been looking, and he quickly glanced away when Ivan caught him doing so. The next few seconds were awkward silence as Arthur clearly tried to politely make his way out of the conversation. He eventually mumbled something like “Right,” with a little nod, and stepped away from the desk, going to roam around the library. Ivan tried not to watch him while he thought about their brief conversation. He really, really hoped Arthur didn’t think he was homophobic. Between the staring at his pin, the talk about gay people in the book he was reading, he was really hoping Arthur didn’t think that he was one of those weird, semi-acceping straight people.

When Arthur came back up, he was checking out two Steven King Novels. The man was quiet, messing with his phone and not looking up at him until the books were checked out and Ivan was handing them back over to them. Arthur visibly hesitated, and Ivan was about to ask if he was okay before a piece of paper was placed on the top of the desk, and Arthur quickly whisked away before he could ask what it was.

It was Arthur’s phone number, with ‘text me’ scribbled messily under it. Ivan’s heart nearly stopped reading it. He almost couldn’t believe it. Ivan didn’t find himself very attractive (pretty plain, actually) so the thought of Arthur wanting to talk to him, maybe even something more. He found himself blushing furiously as he looked at the piece of paper, his body warming the more he thought about it.

9:43 PM - ✓✓

hey, this is ivan ^.^

9:50 PM - ✓✓

From the library haha

9:53 PM - ✓✓

Hi!

9:53 PM - ✓✓

Sry for the delay, work stuff.

9:54 PM - ✓✓

Its okay!

10:01 PM - ✓✓

So do you wanna come over tomorrow?

10:02 PM - ✓✓

Yeah sure :-)

10:05 PM - ✓✓

Okay. I'll send you my address.

In a day's time, Ivan stood outside the door to an apartment, a bundle of red roses in his hands. He hadn’t been sure about the roses, wondering if they made him come off as too formal, too forward. He had just assumed..He didn’t know what he assumed that this was. It wasn’t a date, but Arthur hadn’t said what it was. Were they just hanging out? It didn’t even occur to him that this could be strictly a hook-up thing until Arthur answered the door. He was wearing a loose Black Veil Brides t-shirt that looked like it had been through the wringer and a pair of ripped jeans. When he saw Ivan, he smiled, though Ivan could see a moment of confusion flash over his face.

“You brought roses.” He stated more than questioned. The smaller man stepped aside, allowing Ivan to go into his apartment. The place wasn’t small, but it was certainly cozy and it was clean. Ivan presented the roses out to Arthur, and he took them.

“I thought you would like them,” Ivan said, slightly unsure about the reaction he was getting from Arthur. This definitely wasn’t a date. Not with the way Arthur was peeking at him over the flowers, giving him a solid once-over before he turned and made his way to the kitchen. Ivan nudged his shoes off before loosely following, feeling more and more awkward. He stood in the doorway as Arthur filled up a vase with water.

“I’m kind of a flower killer, but thank you,” Arthur said, sliding the roses into the vase.

“Oh, it’s no problem.”

“How can I pay you back?” Arthur turned, leaning on the edge of the counter and watching Ivan from across the room. The reality of the situation he was in hit him all at once. This was a hookup. Arthur had invited him over to have sex with him. His heart skipped a beat, almost convinced that this was going to be a big joke. That at some point cameras were going to come out and Arthur was just going to laugh at him. But Ivan wasn’t living in some prank show.

“Um,” he spoke just to fill the silence, “you don’t have to. They’re just roses.” Very smooth. That made it sound like he didn’t want to have sex with Arthur. Because he definitely did, Ivan just...Wasn’t as smooth as Arthur, didn’t have the experience. He wasn’t a virgin by any means, it was just the flirting that tripped him up. He couldn’t navigate it correctly, didn’t know the right things to do or say. That didn’t seem to bother Arthur however. With a confidence Ivan wouldn’t have expected out of such a small man, Arthur crossed the room and took his hand in his own. There was a clear size difference, with the way Arthur linked their fingers together. Ivan could feel his heart in his ears.

“I want to, though.” Arthur tilted his head back, looking up at him with bedroom eyes he’d seen a million times before. He could only guess what was going on behind those eyes, what Arthur was thinking about him, about this whole situation.

“Okay,” Ivan said in a breath, watching with wide eyes when Arthur took one of his fingers and easily popped it into his mouth. In moments, blood was rushing down to his cock, making him half-hard in his pants. All from something as simple as the soft sucking on the tip of his finger. He sucked in a breath through his teeth just as Arthur eased the finger down his throat more, tongue working on the underside. He didn’t break eye contact.

Ivan swallowed, silently willing his voice not to shake when he spoke. “Why don’t you try that on my dick?”

Arthur gave a little noise between surprise and arousal, leaning back to allow Ivan’s finger to slide out of his mouth with a soft pop. Arthur looked up at him with a pretty smile, one he’d seen a million times before behind a screen. The man sunk down to his knees in front of him, hands messing with his button and zipper, eventually getting his pants and boxers down enough to get access. When his cock sprung out, the head was red and heavy, and Ivan couldn see Arthur’s eyes widen. But he still wrapped his hand around the base and leaned forward, giving the head a few tentative licks before sliding it into his mouth. Ivan groaned, one of his hands going down to settle in Arthur’s messy blonde hair. The warmth enveloped his cock, Arthur’s tongue and hand working the parts of his cock that his mouth couldn’t fit. Which was a considerable amount, considering Ivan’s size. Briefly, he wondered how his cock would even fit inside Arthur without hurting him. He’d seen Arthur take some pretty big cocks, but not to brag, nothing as big as his own size. Arthur seemed to be handling it pretty well, however, bobbing his head and working his hand around his cock eagerly. At some point, he hallowed out his cheeks and suked hard, and Ivan’s hips bucked forward.

“Shit, sorry-” Ivan apologized in a pant, and Arthur just pulled back to say;

“Do it again.” And popped his cock back into his mouth. Ivan happily obliged. With a hand holding Arthur’s head still, he began to thrust into his mouth, stopping short before he could completely push into the blonde’s throat. He didn’t want to completely choke him with his size. Arthur’s hand kept at the base of his cock, jerking it while his mouth was used for his pleasure. Then his hand moved down to Ivan’s balls, cupping them in a warm hand. Ivan gasped, hand tightening just that much in blonde locks as he began to fuck his face a little harder. He had worked up a nice rhythm and he was beginning to sweat, loving the way Arthur’s tongue pressed against his cock, how the back of his throat nudged against the head of it with no threat of Arthur gagging and getting sick. With a nudge, Arthur pulled off, going down and replacing his hand with his mouth, sucking softly on wrinkled skin as his hand was still working up and down on his cock.

“Oh fuck,” Ivan cursed softly, such a simple motion dragging him closer and closer to the edge. He was sure he would have cum from this, if Arthur didn’t fully pull back and look up at him with a proud grin.

“Do you wanna go upstairs?” He asked, thumb sliding over the head of Ivan’s cock. Ivan nodded quickly, not even thinking about it for more than a second.

A clumsy but quick change to Arthur’s upstairs bedroom had Ivan sitting against a headboard, tugging off his pants the rest of the way. His sweater followed, clothes piling up besides the bed. Arthur kneeled at the base of the bed, tugging his own clothes off. Now that he was getting to see Arthur’s body in real life, not on some scummy website, he was devouring it. The way he flexed and moved, the way his muscles moved under his skin. It had him jerking his dick as Arthur fetched a bottle of lube. Some part of him was starting to feel bad, starting to feel perverted over the fact that he’d already seen all of Arthur’s body in video. It almost made him feel like he was using the former porn star for sex. Those thoughts left him pretty quickly as Arthur climbed up into his lap and kissed him for the first time.

Ivan moaned into the kiss, putting his hands on Arthur’s hips as their lips slid together. He wanted Arthur bad, wanted to bend him over and fuck him. Arthur was the one to break the kiss.

“Did you bring a condom?”

The question, despite everything and the situation they were in, made Ivan blush.

“No..I didn’t realize we would be fucking,” he admitted, and Arthur just nodded, thankfully sparing him the embarassment. Arthur reached over and grabbed a condom from his nightstand, ripping it open and beginning to slide it on.

“Ah, you- you should prep yourself first,” Ivan warned, but Arthur just glanced up at him with a raised eyebrow.

“I prepped myself before you got here,” he said matter-of-factly. Ivan almost didn’t believe him until Arthur covered a few fingers in lube and easily slid them into his hole. The sight made IUvan suck in a breath. He still wasn’t completely sure if he would fit inside of Arthur, but he trusted Arthur to know his own limits. Arthur saying he was already prepared before Ivan had come kind of made Ivan feel uneasy. Arthur had known that they were fucking today, so why didn’t he realize it earlier?

That was another thing that was pushed out of his mind when Arthur hovered over him, tongue sticking out a little bit, positioning Ivan’s cock at his entrance.

“Oh, fuck,” Ivan breathed as Arthur slowly sank down. He was so fucking tight, so much tighter than he thought the blonde would be. His head fell back on the headboard, hands tightening on Arthur’s thighs. Arthur let out an opened-mouth moan, his knees tightening on either side of Ivan’s hips.

“It’s so fucking big,” Arthur groaned once he was all the way down, tossing his head back. Slowly, he started to move his hips in a grinding motion, leaning back and using the bed behind him to help move himself.

“Does it feel good?” He asked, surprised by how husky in arousal his own voice was. He used the hands on Arthur’s hips to guide him as he fucked himself on his dick. Arthur started to get more into it as he spoke, moving his hips a bit harder on top of him.

“Yeah,” Arthur painted. He opened his green eyes, holding Ivan at steady eye contact while his hips moved. Ivan wrapped his arms around Arthur’s waist, pulling him close so that the two of them were chest-to-chest. Then using the grip to hold him steady, he quickly began to fuck upwards into his body. Arthur moaned, wrapping his arms around Ivan’s neck and keeping him close while they fucked. Pleasure zapped up and down Ivan’s spine, loving how tight Arthur was, how he squeezed around his cock and jerked against him with every thrust. Arthur’s breath was hot and heavy against his skin, coming out in short puffs. His fingers curled around Ivan’s back, digging his nails into his soft skin. That just pushed Ivan on further, fucking him harder as Arthur’s hips pushed down to meet his thrusts. Arthur was the first one to cum, his voice pitching into a few moans before he shuddered and moaned, cumming across their stomachs. It was just as beautiful as it was in the videos, with the added bonus of Arthur clenching around him and jerking his hips this way and that, trying to drain the rest of the pleasure from him.

Ivan groaned, his grip tightening on Arthur’s hips. And then he flipped, pinning Arthur beneath him and continuing to thrust into him. This way, he could see the way Arthur’s jaw went slack from overstimulation, the way his gaze went unfocused on his face. Flashes of porn flicked in Ivan’s minds eye of Arthur making that exact face into a camera. But this time, it was all for him. Nobody else could see them right now, with Ivan fucking Arthur into the mattress like Arthur hadn’t already finished.

“Fuck.” Was Ivan’s only whispered warning before he came, shoving deep inside of Arthur as he filled the condom. He paused, taking a moment to catch his breath before he slowly pulled out and flopped to the bed next to him, looking up at Arthur’s popcorn ceiling.He lay there in a stupor, only moving to watch when Arthur began to move.

Arthur stood up from the bed, lithe body pulling into a long stretch. He grabbed a pack of cigarettes from the nightstand and lit one, heading over to the window. It wasn’t until then that all of his thoughts about using Arthur for sex came back to him. But he realized, it had been the other way around the whole time. Arthur had been using him.

And he really wasn’t upset about it.

#fanfiction #hetalia fanfiction #aph england #aph russia #ruseng #aph ruseng

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