The Spleen

I’m Katie! I'm almost 30 and I like to knit sweaters while listening to smutty audiobooks or watching anime. If I'm not doing that I'm probably reading a webtoon.

[supertaliart]

Someone pointed out that it’s hard to find the full comic so here it is all at once!

[whetstonefires]

easy to miss that one of the reasons maternal mortality is diminished so extremely by modern medicine is that modern medicine makes it so much more possible to identify the pregnancies that will die and take you with them, or are otherwise unacceptably high risk. and then discontinue those ones safely, before it's too late.

thought about this because it's so frustrating when people argue that 'dying in childbirth' is a historical sort of event that doesn't happen nowadays (false) and therefore is irrelevant to the legal status of abortion, since it's not a real danger.

except it super is, and i think a lot of people haven't noticed that this argument in addition to simply being incorrect is basically the same as when people say we don't need vaccines for deadly diseases because no one gets those now anyway.

like yeah one reason for that is we vaccinate everybody ffs.

[leebrontide]

Younger people, one thing I want you to understand about Millenials is that, overall, our parents taught their daughters to aim for careers and employment, but they didn't teach their sons to keep house. This causes a whole lot of Situations.

[beardedmrbean]

[ophilosoraptoro]

Behold! The printing titty!

[sunder-the-gold]

I normally tag these posts “specific ass machines” after a minor meme that blew through Tumblr, but I was tempted to tag this one “specific boob machines”.

[ahallister]

(Artist meow25meow seems to have had their Twitter account nuked and I cannot find any other original source to link to.)

[muckmagister]

disappearing into the bathroom at the club only to reappear covered in decorative printing patterns followed by a 10ft lady wearing bowls as a bra

[dont-stop-her-now]

[fagcrisis]

i hate the word spicy can we bring back calling things erotic

[maryoliveoil]

rolling up to Wendy's to get an erotic chicken sandwich

[psych-is-the-name]

[yuriwinged]

the prince has begun practicing curtseying in the mirror. which could mean nothing.

[heydocverdant]

we have good news and bad news, my liege. the good news is that we now know what that curtsying was about: you will be pleased to know that, after several heartfelt conversations between your child, the court jesters and a myriad of singing woodland creatures, you are now the parent of a proud and joyful new princess. the bad news is that, due to a series of events related to the dragon-sized hole in her bedchamber wall,

[illmoraineakoi]

I love the insinuation that the second the princess realized she was a girl and thus actually a princess, the dragon was there. That thing wasted no time. It heard "princess" and was like "I need no further invitation, here I come."

Gender affirmed by Dragon. Amazing.

[heydocverdant]

pretty sure you’re literally the only person who understood my vision on this accursed post

[the-zenith-calls]

My favorite scenes in the LotR books are the ones where Legolas has vital information and just decides it's not important to share.

Like when Gandalf spent literal PAGES trying to figure out why the vibes were off in Moria and Legolas chimes in with just "it's a balrog :) that shit's evil :) we're so fucked :)" like what do you MEAN you knew already and just didn't tell him??

Or at the beginning of Two Towers when Aragorn thinks there's something nearby so he puts his ear to the ground to listen, and then like 10 minutes later is like "hmmm i hear horses" and Legolas is just like "mm yep. there are 105 blond bitches with spears" like you just let your friend put his face in the dirt and you can SEE them??

Legolas please gain a sense of urgency

[knives-in-the-dishwater]

It's because legolas hasn't spent enough time with non-elves to remember that they don't know what he knows.

gandalf is scratching his head in moria, and legolas is thinking "oh man, the wizard noticed something off *besides* the obvious balrog that we all are aware of??"

"I wonder what aragorn is listening for? must be hard to hear, what with all of the horses. How many horses are there, actually? 1... 2... 3..."

[taavicleric]

"What do your elvish eyes see?" is Aragorn saying, as politely as possible, "Because the REST OF US are at a significant disadvantage, Prince Dipshit."

[biancodinera-deactivated2026011]

[wintersoldierfell]

[maidthings]

i really like how the milkman exists as an entirely fossilized character who now serves no purpose other than to fuck people's wives for the punchline

[ode-on-a-grecian-butt]

[leafyteahouse]

800 years with no parents and mu qing and feng xin 😭

[shagandaishi]

silly tumblr post doodle dump

[nonasuch]

batman: what’s the situation?

commissioner gordon: Harley and Ivy have hijacked an AM radio station and taken the employees hostage

batman: what are their demands?

commissioner gordon: they haven’t issued any. they, uh.

batman:

[commisioner gordon turns on the radio]

harley: —you gotta walk away, sweetie. His family sounds completely toxic, if not outright emotionally abusive, and he’s too enmeshed to see it.

caller: no, you’re right. you’re right. I gotta do it.

harley: you got this, honey. now, stay on the line a minute, I’m writing down some the names of some books for you and you can get those from Ivy after we’re done. okay! our next caller —

[commisioner gordon turns off the radio]

batman: what station is this?

commisioner gordon: WGTM.

batman: the one that rebroadcasts rush limbaugh?

commissioner gordon:

batman:

commisioner gordon: you know what, i probably didn’t need to call you for this.

[tygermama]

I WOULD PAY MONEY FOR RADIO SHRINK HARLEY OKAY? I WOULD CALL RADIO SHRINK HARLEY OKAY?

[thequantumqueer]

“alright, babe, one more reminder that my license was revoked which means i have to tell you this as your friend and not as a mental health professional: you have two options here. one of them is safe, legal, and healthy, and will have lasting long term benefits. the other one is fun.”

[nonasuch]

reblogging for this extremely accurate addition.

[powersandplanetaries]

Ivy’s segment is where people call in to ask why their succulent is dying and she yells at them for watering it too much.

[nonasuch]

oh, VERY good

[empressofthelibrary]

A few weeks in Selina gets dragged into it, and starts offering advice on caring for cats with special dietary needs and stuff. It inevitably turns into Jackson-Galaxy-esque explinations.

"My cat keeps attacking my feet."

"How often do you play with him?"

"Not as much as I should, but he has a basket of toys right there where he can reach it."

"He wants to play with you. Grab a teaser toy or a laser pointer and go nuts. He'll wear himself out in about fifteen minutes and you can go back to work."

[nonasuch]

great, now i actively want someone to start a podcast that’s just in-character episodes of batman villain radio shows

[buzzdoesdc]

You know, I actually think this would make for a really good Killer Croc redemption storyline

Cause the guy's whole deal is him lashing out at society for rejecting him because he has a skin condition (ignoring the cannibalism in certain adaptations), which means radio would be perfect for him. People can't see him, they can only hear him, and I imagine he has a sort of warm scratchy voice that sounds like he chainsmokes and it feels warm like an old wool blanket

Maybe he tells stories, maybe he does interviews, maybe he takes calls, whatever. But he becomes a fixture of late night Gotham, beloved by late shift workers and night owls, and Waylon Jones becomes a household name amongst a decent chunk of Gotham. That way, when he's eventually outed, people stop reacting like "AAH A CROCODILE MAN" and start being like "hey, it's our Waylon!"

I just like the idea of Croc being accepted and even loved by the people of Gotham

[prismatic-bell]

Plot twist:

The show is sponsored by Wayne Enterprises.

If you ask Bruce in his billionaire-playboy-philanthropist-idiot persona, he’ll tell you talk radio is the fastest-growing communications segment in the country and you’ll be left wondering how the fuck this man runs a successful business.

If you are one of the select few who knows him in his “also I am Batman” capacity, he’ll tell you overall crime has gone down since the villain-run station has hit the air, and also if Harley Quinn can talk someone out of the early stages of an abusive relationship before he—or worse, the Gotham City Morgue—has to get involved, so much the better.

(Also, Ivy sent him a very nice orchid with very clear, vaguely-threatening care instructions, as a thank-you for the funding. Alfred follows them to the letter, of course.)

[bisexualbaker]

Shelving this right next to the one where the Riddler gets a YouTube account and/or escape room business.

[myfriendsneedtostop]

It is perfect 😍😍 and Bruce would 100% sponsor it because then he would be able to ensure they stay good and don't use the station for brainwashing without involvement from the police of the Bats.

Just imagining Hatter or someone starts trying to use their portion to mindwash themselves an army and all the other rouges barge in on their segment and pummel them mid-talk. Cause-

"You are not ruining this for us Jeffrey!"

While Penguin or someone has taken over the segment and is providing live singing. And all listening just hear between the lovely singing; yelling, screams from their previous presenter and intermittent punching sounds before the song ends and all the noises seem to have stopped not that the station has muted but because they are all holding their breath.

The most tired sigh is let out before "Hand him over."

Shuffling and pained groans are heard.

Before a muffled "Good singing."

'click'

*cue ad break

[nessimaki-deactivated20141106]

[dialupmodern]

Babe, you okay? you reblogged “and we were nice to each other” like 12 times again

[whitepeopletwitter]

[debkorvelus]

I feel sorry for the old man, but it was stealing.  There is no apparently about it. Water is not free, it’s not a right to have it, and people pay must pay for it.  If a government gives a thing to you like utilities, its still not free because they take it from somewhere else, like in taxes.  

[nutsacktorturer]

[gigastacyy-deactivated20231011]

my friend visiting my house: hey i’m thirsty can i get a glass of water

me:

[stormesandshowers]

Nestle isn’t gonna fuck you

[asingularcanadian]

Also water IS a human right, it’s classified as one by the UN the only country that really disagrees with this is the United States

[ruffboi-mags]

I know this post is a few years old, but I stumbled on it and I just want to also point out… Even aside from water being free or not, even aside from water being a human right,

the old man wasn’t stealing.

He was using a neighbor’s water, that the neighbor pays for, with the neighbor’s permission. Nothing was stolen. The old man just wasn’t the one paying. If someone comes to my house and I let them charge their phone while they’re there, are they STEALING electricity because I’m the one who pays the electric bill? If I take someone out to dinner, are they STEALING their meal if I pay for both of us? Get fucked.

I hope that person has become a better kinder person since 2021, but I"m not holding my breath.

[kitachett]

I headcanon that during He Xuan's time in Tonglu, after several years of being alone, the giant Xie Lian statue basically became Wilson from Castaway for him lmao