Dear Ex Boyfriend
I gave you everything. I gave you every piece of my heart, only to get nothing in return. I have a very hard time believing that you truly loved me the way that I love you. I don’t think you wanted to be with me. I think it was an excuse. I think you wanted me to feel good about myself. Instead, you made me feel like an idiot.
I hate the person I became in the short time that we dated. I changed who I was for you. I lost myself trying to make you happy and keep you with me. I always bragged that I’d never let a man control me. Jokes on me, huh? I changed my looks. I damaged my hair. I was going to drop everything and move for you. I look back at it and want to slap myself. You changed nothing.Â
You were my first relationship. My first love. And unfortunately, my first relationship wasn’t a healthy one. It was mostly one-sided. I got texts and calls and “I love you’s”, but it didn’t feel real. It always felt too good to be true-and it was. I told everybody how amazing you were. I told everybody that you made me feel like a princess. In reality, I was crying myself to sleep at night because you were going days without talking to me for no reason whatsoever. You didn’t tell anybody we were dating. The day we face timed and you introduced me as your “friend,” that’s the day I felt my world crashing down. That’s the day that I realized my fantasy world was shattered into a million pieces. Things went downhill from there. We talked less, argued more, and fell apart. We went from texting nonstop, to me hoping I can get a response from you every few days. I refused to end it because I didn’t want to admit that it was over. I told you to man up and end it if you didn’t want to be with me anymore. And you did. You didn’t understand how I wanted to still be your friend. We promised each other our friendship would come first.
There will always be a part of me that loves you. You were my first love and you will always have a part of my heart. But I’ve got to accept to accept the fact that you will never love me the same way and I have to move on. We’ll always be friends. Absolutely always, and I’ll support you in everything you do. But just know, you absolutely ruined me and I will never forgive you for that. And I hope the guilt of what you did to me sticks with you forever.