Dear Carrie Fletcher ... The Return..
Dear @carriehopefletcher ..
Wow that feels a bit strange to type. It’s been a while, I kind of abandoned ship. I don’t really know why, perhaps a combination of lack of time, my own laziness and maybe not feeling the need to write anymore. But as I was sat rewatching some of your old videos earlier this blog suddenly came to mind and I had the urge to log back in. I had a surge of pride watching your old videos about how far you’ve come and then I started to think about how long I’ve been watching your videos and how they’ve always been there when I’ve needed, even now. When I first started watching your videos I was a lost 15-year-old girl struggling to get through one of the hardest times I’ve had to face to this day. When I first started this blog I was 17 but still just as long, I was struggling to deal with the past while trying to navigate my future steps. And now? Now I’m almost 20 and I’ve found my feet a little, yet your videos are still of massive comfort to me, they almost feel like home.
So, a little life update…
When I last wrote I spoke about how I was heartbroken about not getting into my first choice university and apprehensive about starting one I didn’t really now that much about. But a year and a half on I can honestly say that it was one of the best things that has happened to me. I’m now half way through my degree (which is absolutely crazy – time is going by far too quickly for my liking!) and have found friends I can genuinely rely on and trust. I’ve found where I’m happy. Moving away from home was the scariest thing I’ve done to date but I do believe it was the right thing to do. Being away from home was initially scary but I soon found home with a new group people. Now I’ve even moved on from there, away from halls and into a house with people I can genuinely call my family. (But that doesn’t stop me from popping home every now and then for a nice cooked dinner and hug from mum – and I’m not ashamed to admit that!)
However, the last month has definitely been the hardest I’ve experienced since moving away. The leap from first year to second year seemed like a leap across the Grand Canyon at first. I was still struggling to deal with the past, this time of year is always the hardest. I went into a slump for a couple of days, I faced no one, ignored my never ending deadlines and slept the days away. So much of me wanted to run home get away from reality for a few days. Unfortunately, the real world doesn’t work like that! But what I did learn in that time was how much the people around me care. They were there to hug me when I cried, without saying a word and not expecting me to explain myself. They gave me advice when I needed it, but also sat in silence with me when I just needed company. On a day that was particularly hard they spent the day distracting me which also got me doing something other than work or sleep. My mother was also the most wonderful human being on earth during this time, taking my endless phone calls, offering the best advice and just always being there for me even though she couldn’t be with me physically. I’ve learnt to see the beauty in the smaller things and I now feel almost refreshed. Your videos have also been a massive help with that, so thank you.
It’s been an odd few weeks, but I have also learnt the importance of self-care and just taking some time out for me. Something I no longer feel guilty for. I always preach about treating your Mental health as importantly as physical health but often fail to take my own advice. But I do now.
Sorry for the incoherent rambling post as always, but I just needed somewhere to ramble.
I’m now still inundated with deadlines and the exams start soon after that so who knows when I’ll write again.
I hope you’re well Carrie and congratulations on Dubai and your books! (Who knows Uni might allow me some time for reading for pleasure soon so I’ll be sure to pick them up as soon as I do!)
And once again, thank you for being my guidance for the past 5 years, for always having words of wisdom and for always being wonderful you.
Love Always,
Hopeful
X
