Dearest Estelle

A spot where I can feel beautiful and interesting

[dearestestelle]

My morning commute was particularly beautiful today. Everything bathed in lavender fog while waiting for the sun to come up.

[dearestestelle]

What if in the grand scheme of things, feeling beautiful for just a bright shining moment means more to us than the whole day we wallowed in self doubt?

After the day I had, I'm going to pretend that's a reasonable assumption. Having pretty nails is enough for me right this second.

[dearestestelle]

I started a really interesting book today. Has anyone read this one yet? I have only read the first two stores. I didn't care for the second, but the first one was extremely interesting and freaky....

[dearestestelle]

I realize that I'm in a cynical place, but damn is it horrifying to realize how often marriages implode. I've been married over a decade. He's been distant and not wanting to talk or acknowledge me for many of those years but this year was worse. Imagine my disappointment when the reason I don't have any intimacy is because cam girls are "easier" and he doesn't want to discuss why I'm angry. My entire marriage ended with a conversation that never happened because he wouldn't engage. Then not one but TWO of my coworkers had their significant others light their homes on fire? Could've been worse I suppose.

Can I just have someone who wants to watch silly TV, dance with me in the kitchen, hug me on occasion and indulge my kinks? Oh, and is an adult about important conversations that need to occur. I could've moved on a year ago if I'd known my desperate attempts to reconnect with him were not wanted or appreciated because my brand of love is too difficult.

I feel like comfort, caring, and the occasional rough messy sex shouldn't be too difficult, but I'm so beaten down right now that who even knows anymore.

[dearestestelle]

I was sad so bought myself a new pretty nail polish. Still sad, but my self esteem went up a couple points.