She/Her. Ravenclaw. Echelon Since '99. obsessed with: The Umbrella Academy
shipping: Falice and Bughead
binge-watching: Santa Clarita Diet, Season 2 [textsfrommars] [masterlist]
Shannon rubbed his eyes as he walked slowly down the stairs. Penelope’s nightmares, for the second week in a row, had made it hard for either of them to get a good night’s worth of restful sleep. Add in the fact that she was getting bigger everyday, and it wasn’t surprising that no one was comfortable.
He hit the button to start the coffee as soon as he rounded the corner in the kitchen, knowing that he was going to need a certain amount of caffeine coursing through his veins in order to make it through whatever the day held for either of them. Then he headed right for the fridge, falling into the muscle memory of it all, and pulled out his favorite creamer before heading back to the counter to wait not-so-patiently for his cup to fill up.
He closed his eyes for just a second as he propped his elbow up on the tiled counter, listening carefully for the slightest noise from the library upstairs. It had become their makeshift bedroom since it made her feel the safest, but it was intended to be anything but a bedroom. That much was clear.
“Shannon!” Penelope suddenly screamed, jolting him out of his impromptu nap. The hysteria creeping up in her voice quickly had him racing toward her, taking the stairs two at a time. “Shannon!”
As soon as he appeared in the doorway of the library, she visibly relaxed. Then the anger set in. Like it had every other time before. She had already told him how much she hated that she depended on him. And no matter how much he told her he didn’t mind at all, she still got mad. Mostly at herself.
He’d never say it out loud, but he preferred this to the alternative. An alternative that he had lived for too long.
She crossed her arms over her chest. “Where were you?”
“Making coffee, baby,” he explained easily. “Are you okay?”
Shannon reached out and wiped a tear away as he crept closer, knowing the answer. She hated feeling vulnerable. That wasn’t a secret.
“No,” she answered truthfully.
“Wanna come with me?” he offered, pointing toward the door. “I’ll make you some decaf.”
She scrunched up her nose, but made a move to get off the padded bench anyway. He held out his arm for her to take as she waddled with him across the room. He stopped at the top of the stairs and stared down at her before bending slowly to give her a kiss. She closed her eyes just as slowly, leaning into the feeling before he pulled back and helped her down the steps, one at a time.
She winced a couple of times as they made their way to the kitchen, reminding him more and more just how much he’d missed of her pregnancy. He had no idea what was bothering her, or why, and most of the time now the days just faded together anyway, not helping his case at all.
“Do you remember when we’d sleep in the library before?” he asked absentmindedly, trying to conjure up a happier memory than the one he was delving into at the moment.
“You mean when we had sex everywhere in there and were too tired to make it to the bedroom?” she asked, perking an eyebrow at him.
He chuckled low. “There wasn’t 4 of us. It wasn’t as crowded.”
As he turned to her, smiling wide, he noticed her face fell and he instantly regretted making the joke at all. Shannon knew better than to bring up happier memories, and yet he’d done it again. She was too far gone in her own torment of what Preston had done and taken from her, she couldn't see anything else.
And it went beyond that. Not only could she not see it, reminding her of anything else only added to that pain.
“I’m sorry,” he blurted out. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” she lied, ducking her head. “It’s not your fault I’m crazy.”
“You’re not crazy,” he retorted, his voice barely above a whisper. “What happened was crazy, but you’re not.”
She rolled her eyes at him and gave a small laugh as she took a deep breath, Shannon imagined to keep from crying again. Something she did at the drop of a hat most of the time.
Suddenly, the wind swept through their covered porch at the back of the house and slammed the screen door shut. Penelope’s body instinctively folded into his, and he wrapped her up in his arms like he always did.
“It’s just the wind,” he reassured her. “It’s fine.”
“Is the front door locked? I can’t remember if I locked it. Did you lock it?”
“PJ,” he cooed softly, “you checked it three times. And then once before you went to bed. Okay?”
Shannon ran a hand up and down her back as she continued to cling to him, wanting something to direct his frustration to and failing miserably. She was the only one here and would never be an acceptable target anyway. He loved her far too much for that.
But he was still mad. Even if it wasn’t at her.
It hurt too. Penelope was back. She was home, where she belonged. But he still missed his wife terribly. He couldn’t reach the woman she was, the one he’d fallen in love with.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, pulling back.
“Stop apologizing,” he muttered, his voice tired. “Not your fault.”
He let her go when he was sure she was steady and made his way around the island and back to his steaming mug, the last couple of drops just now hitting and rippling the surface. He turned on Penelope’s machine next, not waiting for her to tell him to since he knew she’d want some eventually.
Even if it was just decaf.
“Still tired?” he asked, his back turned.
He knew better than to ask if she was okay anymore. They both knew she wasn’t, and neither was he. It slipped out sometimes, out of habit more than anything, but he kept it out of his vocabulary as much as possible.
When he turned, she was struggling to get on the stool, and he watched from a safe distance, trying to give her the tiniest shred of independence that he knew she craved. When she made it up safely, she laid her head on her hands and watched him.
“I can’t do this,” she admitted, a single tear escaping. “How am I supposed to raise my kids if I can’t leave my house?”
Her voice got a touch louder with each syllable and Shannon looked on, as helpless as he’d ever been. He didn’t know what to do to reach her anymore. She was here physically, but her mind was always somewhere else.
“Our kids,” he corrected, his voice emotionless.
She sighed heavily and then pushed away from the island, making her way over to the couch. She didn’t look back to him once either, signaling it was going to be a long day for them both.
———————
Shannon held out his hand, unable to keep the huge smile off his face. Of course, all Penelope could do in return was give him a strange look as she waited to find out what he had hup his sleeve.
He took her in his arms the minute she finally became pliant in his arms, ceding control for the first time in weeks, as she leaned into him and he turned on the worn record player. The sound of the needle scratching on the vinyl seemed to startle her though, and as Shannon took her hand and tried to spin her around, their song began to play.
And she tensed up faster than he had ever seen.
Despite her effort to follow his lead just a second ago, her feet now seemed cemented to the floor. Her breathing quickened next and he couldn’t help but notice he was having problems even swaying her from side to side.
“Shannon, can we…”
“No dancing tonight,” he finished for her, pulling her toward the nook. “Got it.”
“Can you turn it off, please?” she asked, her teeth gritted.
He watched her carefully, but didn’t argue. He knew better than that now. She wasn’t sure how to vocalize everything she needed, or even everything she felt, but when she did, he made sure to listen.
He lowered the volume and then walked back toward her. “Turn it off, not down,” she snapped.
And then he walked back over the record player and slammed the lid shut without thinking, causing her to jump slightly at the noise. He instantly regretted it, taking a deep steadying breath of his own as he put his hands on his hips.
“I’m trying, PJ. You see that, right?”
“Of course,” she said, looking down at her lap.
“I’m trying so hard,” he repeated. “But I can’t do this without your help. I have to know what’s going on. I don’t… I don’t even know who I’m married to anymore,” he confessed. “I need you to tell me what to do here. Stop shutting me out. Please.”
“I’m not me,” she returned. “I want to tell you. I should tell. I know that, but I don’t know… I can’t…”
He nodded once and then walked back over to the bench when she was sitting. He knew she wasn’t lying to him. He knew she wasn’t doing any of this to make his life harder, but it didn’t mean it didn’t suck.
She put her head on his shoulder and breathed him in as he kissed the top of her head.
“Why didn’t you call me?” she asked, her voice barely audible. “After our fight, why did it take so long for you to start looking for me?”
He hoped and prayed she wasn’t accusing him of something right now, because he didn’t know if he could take it. But instead of bristling at her words, he decided answering them directly was the best approach. Even if picking a fight would’ve relieved some of his stress.
“Because you said you needed space. Which, to be honest, totally wrecked me that day. I was convinced you were done. That you were leaving. Like you had realized finally you were too good for me.”
She moved back until she was looking at him fully, but she stayed quiet so he continued.
“I knew I was being an overprotective asshole. I didn’t wanna make you any more angry at me than you already were. When I didn’t get anything from you for a few hours, I noticed something was wrong. But I guess it was too late. And then you sent me that message so I…”
“Wh––what message? I didn’t send you anything. I was… being a brat,” she said, her cheeks getting red as the words left her mouth like she was embarrassed by her actions. “I wanted you to sweat it a little bit.”
Shannon pulled his phone out of his back pocket. “I, uh, kept it. Here.”
“Why?”
“It was the last thing you sent me. I had to keep it. I read it every day hoping I’d find some clue in there. Anything. Something between the lines. I just… I wanted you home.”
She looked down at the screen as he handed it over, her eyes darting through the words before she handed it back to him.
“Baby, I never wrote you that message,” she offered gently. “I wasn’t going over to my parents’ house. I went shopping for baby clothes. That’s it. And judging by the time it was sent, I was passed out in a hospital somewhere.”
The realization hit him like a ton of bricks.
“Preston,” he whispered, instantly feeling the shame envelop him fully.
He felt like an idiot for believing it. Maybe it was his fault after all. He had so little trust in their marriage, or in his ability to love her enough, that he had genuinely believed for even a second that Penelope was gone from his life without a word.
As if that might be an option for her.
“I’m a moron,” he retorted. “Can… Can you forgive me?
She gave him a watery laugh, a few tears making their way down her cheeks as she nodded. “Of course. I love you, you idiot.”
———————
Shannon squinted as the sun hit him in the face, the window he was pointed toward wide open. A gentle breeze was wafting toward them both and he smiled wide as he realized they were in the same position they’d been in the first time he had ever spent the night with Penelope.
But it wasn’t the first night. And he was allowed to touch her, and kiss her, and love her. So he did just that.
He pushed the hair out of her eyes and off her neck as he bent down to place gentle kisses along her shoulder, making his way to her jawline.
“Preston, stop,” she replied forcefully, her eyes still closed tightly.
And just like that, Shannon’s entire body tensed up as he backed away from her slowly. He could feel the anger rise up in him and knew it wouldn’t be long before he lost all control. He couldn’t have her seeing that either. She didn’t deserve that from him. Or anyone.
He was completely blind with rage, though, by the time he walked into their guest room. Even though he tried to force the images of Preston in his position out of his mind, he couldn’t, and before he knew what he was doing, he had put his fist through the wall.
As he pulled it out of the crumbling drywall, he found himself doing it again and again. When his body finally gave out on him, he slid down the wall and put his head in his hands. He wished desperately that he didn't know what had come over him, but he did know and he hated it for both of them.
He worked on slowing his erratic breathing as he forced himself to stand back up. She’d definitely be up now and waking up to that noise probably wasn’t helping her anxiety.
He walked back toward the library and froze when he heard the gentle cries on the other side of the door. He put his hand to the wood and listened to his own heart break. He knew better than to go in there right now. It wouldn’t help. He didn’t deserve to hold her after what he’d done.
He turned and put his back to the door as he sat down on the floor. A single tear slid down his cheek as he listened, wanting to soak in the full reality of his mistake.
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Penelope waited patiently for a reaction that didn’t come. She didn’t know what she’d been expecting, but silence wasn’t it. She needed him. She needed to hear his voice.
“Shannon, it’s me,” she repeated. “Can you please say something.”
She clutched the phone with both hands now, not caring that her voice carried a pleading tone to it. She could be vulnerable with him. She’d always known that, but right now she craved that more than ever.
In the background, she could hear Jared’s muffled voice asking what was happening as Shannon began to hyperventilate. And she hated that she had no idea how to help him. Or where he even was right now.
“PJ?” he finally said. “Is… is it really you?”
“Yes,” she whispered, relief washing over her. “Yes.”
“Are you okay? Are the babies safe?” he blurted out next, in rapid succession. “Jade and Samantha saw you… in New York.” His voice trailed off as he choked on whatever words accompanied that sentence, but she didn’t have the heart to ask. She certainly didn’t trust her own voice enough. “Why’d… why’d you leave, PJ? Why’d you leave me?”
“Leave you?” she questioned, shock coloring her words. “I didn’t leave you. Why would you think that? I was just…”
“It doesn’t matter,” he cut across her. “Listen, we’re on the next flight out. We’re almost to the airport. I’ll see you in a few hours, okay?”
“I love you,” she announced quickly, rushing to say everything she didn’t know she’d been missing for the past few months. “I do. I love you so much.”
“I love you too, baby.”
Penelope replaced the receiver on its hook, turning back to a very calm Mrs. Pearson.
“You know, dear. I always thought something was odd about you being here,” she confessed. “I’m sorry I brushed it off. I should’ve said something.” She shook her head as she got up and walked to her door, locking it and coming back to join Penelope. “But we can deal with all that later. Right now, we’re going to wait until the police get here. That man is not coming anywhere near you. I’ll keep you safe.”
She nodded once, like she had the final say, and Penelope smiled softly at her before taking note of the time from the clock on the wall. It hadn’t even been five whole minutes since she’d called 9-1-1, but it felt like an eternity.
Penelope wanted to get up and pace. To relieve some of the anxious energy flowing through her veins, but she had to keep her stress down as much as possible. Preston hadn’t been wrong about all of it, just the parts that mattered. She was still pregnant and those babies were her first priority. That hadn’t changed. No matter what else was happening, they still mattered the most.
The intercom ringing Mrs. Pearson’s buzzer interrupted her train of thought, though, at exactly nine minutes and fifty seconds since she’d hung up with the emergency operator. Her heart beat started to hammer loudly, almost blocking out any other sound, as Mrs. Pearson reached over and gave Penelope’s shoulder a gentle squeeze before she went to push the button to let them in.
When they made it up to the floor they were on, they found her faster than she thought possible, knocking and announcing themselves before Mrs. Pearson let them in too. They were accompanied by two EMT professionals, and suddenly Penelope felt infinitesimally better. Should the worst occur, at the very least, she would be taken care of, and so would the babies.
She certainly didn’t trust herself to remain calm.
The plain clothed police officers sat down at Mrs. Pearson’s table first and gave her the quickest rundown of the information they had on her case before they asked to be taken to Preston. He usually took pretty long showers, so she knew she wasn’t in danger of him looking for her just yet, but she wanted him in handcuffs as soon as possible. Behind bars was the only way Penelope was ever going to be able to sleep again. It was the only way she might feel safe.
She walked them across the hall, Mrs. Pearson holding her hand, just as he was getting out of the bathroom. He abruptly stopped towel-drying his hair when he noticed the ground that had entered his apartment.
“Preston Cooper?” one of the police officers asked.
“Penny? What’s going on?” he responded, his eyes bouncing from one person to the next.
“You son of a bitch,” she bellowed, her voice breaking with the weight of the emotion it held.
“Preston Cooper, you are under arrest,” the police officer announced, ignoring her outburst.
“How dare you?” she hissed. “How fucking dare you think you could do this to me. Who the fuck do you think you are?”
The clink of the handcuffs seemed to go off like a cannon blast as they led him away from her. “I love you, Penny.”
“My name is Penelope, you asshole.”
As he was taken forcefully out of his home, she felt the impact of everything that had happened to her begin to take its toll. And quickly. Suddenly, her eyes were ringing too loudly to hear anything besides her own heartbeat and her legs were starting to tremble.
Without realizing how she got there, she was in the back of an unmarked police SUV, speeding through the streets of New York City. The siren wailing over her head seemed to blend in with the thoughts swirling so rapidly in her mind that she couldn’t pick one out if she wanted to.
From the front seat, she heard one of the officers explain they were headed to the hospital to get her checked out and Preston was headed to the station to be booked immediately. But it didn’t really sink in until they showed up at the trauma bay doors and she was whisked away faster than if she was actually in labor.
There was a wall of people surrounding her as they made their way to a private room, and it took her a second longer than it probably should have to realize why. They were protecting her from prying eyes. They were making sure no one took any videos or pictures as Shannon Leto’s wife was hurried through the ER with no explanation.
People were going to form their own anyway, but seeing her certainly wouldn’t help matters.
In the room, though, she had no concept of time as doctors and nurses ran a million tests and she waited to see Shannon. She was poked, observed, and questioned, but she wasn’t bothered by it as much as she felt like she should have been. And with every jiggle of the doorknob, she jumped a little, hoping he would appear.
It was too soon, she knew that, but nothing about her current thought process was rational, and no one could ask for it to be either. She knew she had been forced to endure an absurd amount of trauma recently, some she wasn’t fully processing even, but she just needed Shannon. With Shannon here, it would all be okay. She knew that.
At one point, a Detective Cruz entered her room, followed by Jade and Samantha. She instantly perked up and tears started to cloud her vision, unable to force the emotions down anymore. The exhaustion was catching up to her quickly.
“You have no idea how hard we all looked for you,” Samantha admitted, walking straight up to her and wrapping her up in a hug.
“Where’s Shannon?” she asked quietly into her hair.
“He hasn’t landed yet,” Jade explained, a hand on Penelope’s head as she looked on sweetly. “Besides, we’re only allowed in after hours because of the special circumstances. And because we're your lawyers. He won’t be able to get in when she touches down, unfortunately, but we’ll let you know what’s going on, okay?”
“Thank you,” Penelope said as Samantha pulled back.”For being here. For finding me.”
Jade shook her head. “No. You found yourself.”
“We’re just glad you’re okay,” Samantha observed.
The detective they’d all forgotten about cleared her throat and then apologized several times before asking Penelope to do a rundown of everything that had happened to her since she’d been taken from California. She reminded her not to leave out any detail, no matter how mundane.
Penelope knew it was fundamental for making sure Preston never saw the light of day, but right now she just wanted to rest. If she could do that, she knew when she opened her eyes again, Shannon would be there. But she also knew this was important. Without her sworn statement, they were going to get nowhere with the investigation, and it all had to be by the book.
She couldn’t allow him to walk free on a technicality.
At a quarter past two, she found herself alone again. Or without a familiar face, at least. She wasn’t completely alone, of course. There were nurses and doctors still checking on her way more frequently than she felt was necessary, but there was no one she loved here. No one to hold her. No one to tell her everything was going to be okay.
“Mrs. Leto,” a nurse whispered, coming into her room, “I’m just going to give you a mild sedative. Just to help you sleep, okay?”
She nodded, not wanting to take it, but knowing she should let them give it a try. She still felt way too amped up to believe anything would touch her adrenaline. But as her eyelids got heavy almost immediately after the nurse put it in her IV, she knew what they were giving was probably the good stuff.
Penelope wanted to stay awake. She didn’t want to deal with the nightmares, but thankfully, blissfully, they never came.
---------------------
Shannon realized New York City had never seemed so small to him as it did right now. Even with the thousands of little lights twinkling below him as they landed, there was only one road, one building, and one room that mattered in the whole city.
The one that held Penelope.
He could feel Jared’s attentive stare every step of the way as they walked off the plane, probably expecting him to bolt for a cab at any second. And it was completely valid, because that was exactly what he felt like doing right now.
Not that it mattered. She would be asleep now.
Call me the minute you land, his phone said as soon as he turned it on. It was from Samantha. And along with a dozen or so others, and a handful of voicemails, his phone kept vibrating. But that was the only one that mattered.
As he held the phone to his ear, listening intently to every word she said, he worked his way through the airport, baggage claim, and eventually the curb where all the cabs were patiently lined up. And he never said a word as she explained what had happened in the hospital and since she and Jade had left a few hours earlier.
“I’ll just go up there and wait until visitation hours start,” Shannon promised.
Jared jerked the phone out of his hand without warning. “No, he won’t. I’ll make sure he goes to the hotel and gets some rest,” he argued, shooting Shannon a patronizing look. “Yes, he knows. Don’t worry, I got it. Just text me the address and I’ sure we’ll be there the minute we can be.”
He gave back the phone the same way he’d hoisted it out of Shannon’s grasp, silently, not explaining his behavior or allowing a protest of any kind, which was obviously intentional. He was even going so far as to not look at him, but Shannon just rolled his eyes and said goodbye and thank you to Samantha before staring out his own window as the city blurred past him.
The check-in wasn’t any better either. He didn’t really process anything that was happening until he was in the room with Jared and face planting into the pillows without even taking his shoes off. His heart ached being this close to her and not getting to touch her and hold her.
He didn’t remember falling asleep, but he knew he must have at some point because suddenly Jared was jostling him awake. He sped through getting ready, and Jared waited patiently as he patted down his pockets two and three times making sure that he had everything because he sure as shit wasn’t leaving her side until she was released.
And he could tell Jared knew that too.
Somehow, though, they managed to show up at the exact moment visiting hours began, but it was almost two hours later when Samantha finally appeared at the end of the very long corridor he’d been staring at all morning.
She didn’t meet his eyes, and he didn’t miss that, as she made a beeline for him. Jared stood up and Shannon copied his movements, hoping and praying he could keep his emotions in check.
“So?” he asked. “Can I go in now?”
“Shannon, I…”
“No, can I go in?” Shannon interrupted.
He hadn’t come this far not to see his wife. No matter how bad it had gotten, or the fact that he had almost given up, he still deserved to see her alive. He still deserved to know she was okay. If she still left him after this, he could survive, at least on some level, but he wanted to know she was there and so were their babies.
“I need to tell you what happened first,” Samantha pleaded. “I can’t have you freaking out in there or something. She needs you right now.”
“Then let me go,” he insisted.
Samantha sighed heavily and then shook her head, letting him know she wasn’t about to let this slide. He had to get over the shock first, she asserted. Penelope had lived through a nightmare and she needed her husband to not be blind with rage when he finally saw her again. And it certainly wasn’t something he needed to happen upon either.
On some level, he understood this. But right now, he didn’t care.
“Preston, umm, kidnapped her, when she was shopping, I guess,” Samantha began slowly.
Shannon blinked rapidly in surprise. Whatever he’d been expecting, that wasn’t it. “You’re kidding me. Preston? That fucking bastard.”
He knew why Samantha would force him to live through this here, in this very public lobby, and not in the privacy of their room. His anger would be internalized by Penelope because she wouldn’t be able to help it, and instead of worrying about herself and the babies, she’d be focused on him.
And he couldn’t have that.
But he also couldn’t let Preston live either.
Shannon sat back down slowly and put his head in his hands, warring with himself about his non-existent options. And even though he didn’t want to, he forced himself to listen to the rest. To everything Penelope remembered last night that she had told the detectives in front of Samantha and Jade.
When she was finished, and his breathing finally evened back out, Samantha held out her hand. He took it without question and let her lead him down the hallway she had come down earlier. And then he was sprinting.
Technically, he had no idea where he was going, but he took in all the signs and found the ICU easily enough. He looked around frantically when he reached the nurse’s station, not seeing her or any sign of her anywhere.
He felt the smallest touch on his elbow and jerked in its direction, noticing a tiny nurse pointing him toward a room with the curtains drawn. He steeled himself up for whatever he was about to find and walked slowly toward her, swallowing hard.
Every step he took made his heart beat stronger. Not faster. Not louder. Stronger. Like it was mending itself the close he got. He was anxious and all the anticipation of this moment was catching up to him so quickly it made his head spin, but he didn’t stop.
His eyes started to flood with tears as he caught sight of her as soon as he opened her door, her arms already stretched out for him. Three long strides were all it took to reach her.
He scooped her up in his arms, not caring how long he had to stay like this. He was here. She was with him. Nothing else in the world mattered.
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The sunlight streaming through the nearby balcony was blinding Niki as she opened her eyes slowly. She waited a couple of minutes, trying to take in the scene before her as she stared at the ceiling.
Bright white. That’s really all she could process.
Then she turned over and noticed something strange. Shannon was in bed with her. Not that that in itself was strange. They’d shared the same bed a million times. No, the strange part was how much older he looked. Not like an old man necessarily, but certainly older than the last time she’d seen him. Which just reminded her that she couldn’t remember when that was. Time seemed irrelevant and incredibly important right now.
She sat up, propping herself up on her arms, and peered out the double doors to her left trying to decide where she was and why Shannon was with her. She couldn’t remember falling asleep either, or what had happened the day before. Then she wondered if maybe this was a dream and if she would look older too.
She sat up slowly and moved to the edge of the bed, letting her feet dangle off the side. She walked to the doors where the curtains were billowing in and out. Then, suddenly, she could hear people talking nearby. She didn’t recognize their voices, but figured Janet and Jared might.
She grabbed a silk robe that was hanging by the door and walked out of the room. She turned back one more time to see Shannon still resting peacefully. She didn’t want to bother him. He probably needed his sleep, but she wasn’t sure how she knew that.
She peeked out into the hallway and realized nothing about the house they were in looked familiar. Again, that by itself wasn’t weird. They stayed in plenty of random places over the years they’d known each other. Maybe they were on tour, she reasoned. Not that it made anything else make sense, but it was still something.
There were stairs leading to a living room right below the tiny hallway she was now making her way down quietly. She found herself tiptoeing toward the noise of the talking and opened the door just slightly. If Jared was in there with Janet, it would be fine, but if it was anyone else they probably wouldn’t approve of an interruption.
As she peered through the crack she’d just created, she gasped loudly and stepped backward. She couldn’t believed what she was seeing and realized she had to be dreaming. There was no other explanation.
There were kids in there. Kids she’d never seen before. Kids that looked an awful lot like Shannon, for some reason. She backed up from the door and then it opened, revealing the two tiny people she’d seen just a split second beforehand.
They were beaming wide, staring at Niki like it was a completely normal day. Like their existence was only a surprise to Niki and no one else.
“Did we wake you up, mommy?”
“I, uh... no.”
Yep, she was dreaming. Either that, or she was dead. Could she be both?
Then they were leading her down the stairs talking a hundred miles a minute about nothing in particular. She smiled at their voices, trying to place where she’d heard them before. She knew she wasn’t creative enough to dream up these perfect little people on her own.
They brought her to the kitchen and then looked at her expectantly, but she wasn’t sure what they wanted her to do. And now she was too scared to ask for fear of somehow making them upset.
“Ladies,” Shannon said, making them all turn their heads quickly. “You two know mommy doesn’t cook.”
He pushed off the wall and made his way over to them all, scooping up the little girls first and placing them in front of the TV in the living room. He then made his way back to her with an almost predatory look in his eye. It didn’t scare her, like she was sure it should. No, it was almost like it... aroused her. An automatic reaction she couldn’t control and wasn’t sure she wanted to.
“What are you doing up so early?” he asked, picking her up and putting her on the counter quickly.
It made them level and he wasted no time as he started to kiss a line down her neck, causing her to moan.
“Oh, really?” he chuckled, his mouth still attached to her neck. “It’s like that this morning, huh?”
She bit her lip to try and stay quiet, but she wasn’t sure how long that was going to last.
“You coulda just woken me up, babe.”
“I, uh...,” she started.
But she couldn’t form any coherent thoughts when he was doing that. Then he added his hands to the mix and now she was basically a puddle in front of him.
He chuckled again as he pulled back suddenly and she pouted. “We can’t do it now, unless you want to go to the laundry room.”
She swallowed hard and nodded enthusiastically, making him laugh louder. “We should probably feed them first.”
“Uh, yeah. Yeah.”
“But that doesn’t mean I have to keep my hands to myself,” he whispered conspiratorially in her ear as she hopped off the counter.
Her cheeks got hot at the implications and then he moved away completely for a second to grab some bowls and other necessary utensils. As soon as he was gone, though, she dropped to the floor in agony. Every part of her body hurt suddenly and she wanted to cry out, but she found she couldn’t do that either.
Shannon fell to her side on the other side of the island and looked for the source of the pain, but came up empty. Nothing appeared to be wrong, which made it that much more frustrating.
“Baby? Babe, what’s wrong?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted after a second.
“Well, why don’t you go sit down with the girls and I’ll make breakfast. Or you can go lay back down.”
“I’m fine. I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay...,” he answered, but it was clear he didn’t believe her.
He went back to making pancakes, but kept watching her closely as he did so. Then it hit her again. The same sharp, horrible pain. It shot through her whole body. It enveloped every single nerve ending she had and didn’t even know about. But again, she couldn’t make a noise. It was like she was trapped in her own body.
As her eyes were shut tight, she started to hear other voices. Voices that hadn’t been there a second before. Voices that didn’t make any sense. More she didn’t recognize and some she did.
She could hear Shannon talking to someone, so she focused on that. They were holding hands too, but the direction was confusing. So was how she was laying. It still hurt too. The pain wasn’t subsiding like before. It was dull, but it was still there.
She felt him jerk next to her suddenly and it was like he might be hovering over her. She tried to look around, but she couldn’t see anything. It was still so dark. Then she realized the only thing keeping her that way was herself.
She slowly peeled back her eyelids and was greeted with Shannon’s much younger face, looking frantic.
Then her brain did the strangest and most horrible thing. It started to replace her wonderful dream with an awful reality she’d obviously been trying to forget. The bright light was now being stripped away and in its place was a much more sinister picture. One that involved Sam.
Tears started to look out of the side of her eyes as she tried to tell Shannon all she remembered, but she couldn’t move. She was still trapped. But she was here.
The sound of a phone ringing broken through the wonderful dream that Shannon was having and he groaned loudly into his empty room in frustration. He rolled over and looked at the time, not helping with how irritated he was. Jared had kept them in the studio all damn night, and the only thing that made it bearable had been the sleep he’d been promised today, which was getting cut short apparently.
He tried to just block out the noise, but if it was Jared he was going to keep calling until Shannon answered, so he picked it up after several rings.
“What?”
“Shannon? Where are you?” Janet asked frantically.
“In bed. Why?”
“I can’t find Niki,” she blurted out breathlessly.
“What?” he shot up. “What do you mean?”
“We were supposed to do lunch today and she never showed up. And now she isn’t answering her phone and Shannon...”
“Whoa, calm down. It’s okay,” he said, rubbing his tired eyes. “I’m sure she just took a nap or something and overslept. I’ll go check on her, okay?”
“She hasn’t been at work either, Shan,” Janet admitted, her voice cracking as she spoke.
It was thick with emotion. One that Shannon didn’t approve of. It bordered on fear and where Niki was concerned that wasn’t an option.
Shannon was completely silent as he tried to think it through. There was no way in hell that she didn’t show up for work without calling first. If Janet was calling, it was bad. She’d done all the tracking down necessary. Shannon would have been her last call. His mind started racing with all the horrible possibilities.
“Where are you?”
“On the way to her house.”
“Meet you there,” he said, hanging up.
He hopped out of bed without thinking and raced around the room looking for clothes and shoes. He almost fell down the stairs as he pulled the shirt over his head in a mad dash down the street. He couldn’t make his legs go fast enough, though.
He saw Janet pull into Niki’s driveway just ahead of him. He was breathing heavily as Janet jumped out of the car and raced up to the front door with him.
She knocked, but there was no movement from inside. Shannon pulled out his phone to call her and as soon as it rang in his ear he could hear it ringing inside the house too. Janet’s eyes went huge as she looked over at him.
She peered through the glass on either side of the door as he moved over to look through the window. Suddenly, she yelped and backed away from the door. Her hand was covering her mouth in surprise. He made sure to steady her so she wouldn’t fall off the porch as she backed up before he moved over to where she’d been standing.
Then he saw what had her so spooked. Niki’s tiny, little feet were poking out from the end of the couch between it and the coffee table. And she wasn’t moving. One of her shoes was missing. Then he saw the puddle of blood leaking out.
He swallowed hard to keep himself from crying as he reached for the doorknob. Janet grabbed his hand to keep him next to he and he tried to pull her along too. He was going in there.
“Maybe we should call the police, Shan. I don’t know...”
“I don’t know either, but if she’s not...,” he gulped, unable to finish that sentence. “We have to go in there if we can.”
He didn’t say that he was getting in there somehow, but thankfully the front door was unlocked. He opened it wide and they both stepped over the threshold. The minute they did, Janet sprang into action. She fell to the floor beside Niki and pulled her tiny wrist up. She was feeling for a pulse. As Shannon walked around the coffee table he came face-to-face with his worst nightmare. A sight nothing could prepare him for.
“She’s alive,” Janet finally whispered. “But her pulse is super slow.”
Shannon pushed her out of the way and started CPR immediately. He counted out loud and breathing into her mouth at the appropriate intervals before turning to Janet.
“Call 9-1-1 now,” he yelled.
She’s okay, he thought. She has to be okay.
He kept pounding on her chest and breathing for her as Janet talked through the situation with the dispatcher on the other end. Shannon worked to block her out and focus on just Niki. He couldn’t hear what he was seeing. It made it too real. His brain didn’t want to believe any of it was real.
Blood was covering every inch of her clothing, which was shredded and hanging loosely off her body. The only thought he could deal with now was that he had to save her.
The siren of an ambulance suddenly broke through to him as it could be heard in the distance. Janet sprinted back out the front door and left the phone dangling by the cord on the small end table.
Shannon continued to count as he waited for help to get there. And he was still counting as a woman and a man came into the room with Janet.
They fell to the ground beside them both, much like he had earlier, and began trying to work her over. The man tried to free Shannon of his job, but he couldn’t stop. Or rather wouldn’t stop. It was like he knew if he did, she’d die. He couldn’t let that happen. Then the man gave up and started to start in on other issues and tried to find the source of the blood.
When she was finally strapped to the gurney, her heartbeat sounding loudly on the machine, he felt infinitesimally better. That obnoxious noise was actually the most beautiful one he’d ever heard. It meant she was alive.
He held tightly to her hand as he let the tears flow freely now, looking out the back window for a second and noticing Janet was racing along behind them with her flashers on. She had her phone up to her ear, so he figured she was filling everyone else in on the situation. He was certainly in no state to, so he was glad someone else was coherent enough for things like that. Necessary things.
He gripped her hand tighter still as they unloaded her and wheeled her into one of the trauma bays just inside the sliding glass doors. A nurse tried to get him to let go of her, but the paramedic explained the situation quickly in hushed whispers. That wasn’t going to happen. He didn’t really care to listen, though, as more wires and tubes were strapped to her body.
He looked up when he heard Jared’s voice on the other side of the glass. He walked in slowly and grabbed ahold of Shannon, who fell apart briefly. He felt Niki’s hand slip from his as they moved her out of the room. He tried to get back to her side quickly.
“We have to take her to surgery. We’ll bring her back, okay?” a nurse offered.
Shannon looked at her mutinously for a second before nodding consent that wasn’t his to give. They hurried her to the elevator and the metal doors shut, sucking all the oxygen out of the room when she was gone. He backed up against the nearest wall and slid down it slowly.
Jared, of course, was at his side at once, pulling him back up into an awkward hug. They sat there for what felt like an eternity before someone directed them to the appropriate waiting room.
They sat down in the chairs nearest the door and Shannon propped his arms on his knees and began to rock back and forth. He shut his eyes as tightly as he could, but every time he did all he saw was blood and more blood. Then he opened his eyes and it was the same since he was covered in hers. There was no way he’d be able to get that image out of his head. For as long as he lived, he’d have to deal with this failure. And he deserved to.
Someone rubbed his back, but he wasn’t brave enough to look up and see who it was. Suddenly, Jared stood up and Shannon saw his feet move beside him. He jumped up too and noticed several doctors walking their way.
“Mr. Leto?” one asked, both of the nodded. “She’s alive.”
Alive, but not good. Shannon made a mental note of that and suddenly a hand was intertwining with his. He looked down at their hands and noticed it was Vicki standing there, trying to give him strength. He looked back to the doctor slowly as he waited for more information.
“She’s in the ICU now,” he explained. “She’ll be there for a while. Are her... parents on the way? There’s more surgery we need to do and we’ll need consent on a few issues.”
“I have power of attorney,” Shannon offered.
“Alright, well, that should work. As long as it covers end of life scenarios.”
End of life. Oh, God.
“I... uh...”
“It does,” Jared offered when it looked like Shannon wasn’t going to be able to handle this after all.
“Can I see her?” he asked when he did find his voice.
“Yes. But we only allow two people at a time,” he said, looking around at the room full of people there for them. “If you want, Dr. Cunningham can take you now.”
Shannon nodded frantically and without another word he and Jared followed after the young doctor. She lead them through the elevators and through several hallways. He didn’t bother memorizing the way as he wouldn’t be leaving her side again until they both left.
When they finally made it to the ICU, Jared turned to Shannon and put a hand in his chest to stop him. “I don’t know what we’re about to see, but you need to be ready for it, okay? She needs you right now.”
“I’ve already seen the worst of it,” he admitted.
Jared just nodded slowly and they both turned their attention back to the doctor as she opened the last set of doors. Jared followed closely on his heels as he turned to go in.
The room was fully concealed by a curtain, which Shannon knew on this floor was not a good sign. He swallowed hard as he took stock of her again and rushed to her side. The minute he touched her he knew it would take extraordinary forces to pry him away again.
He started to cry and looked for a free place to kiss her that wasn’t covered in wires. He found a spot near her forehead and placed a couple of tender kisses there before sitting down next to her. If he’d been able, he would have crawled into that bed with her.
Jared grabbed her other hand and Shannon saw tears in his eyes too. They were quiet for a long time before they were joined by another doctor. A new one. Hopefully one that held answers, but the only he really needed she wouldn’t have. He wanted to know what had happened.
“Mr. Leto,” she said, rushing forward to shake his free hand. “We need to discuss a few things. I understand you hold a power of attorney.”
“Yes,” he croaked.
“We’ll need to see it before we can make any decisions final, but we can go ahead and decide on her course of treatment in the meantime.”
“Fine.”
“I can get the lawyer’s office to fax it over,” Jared offered.
“That’d be great,” she said.
She walked over to stand next to Shannon and bent down until she was at his level.
“Mr. Leto... We, umm, it was worse than we thought when we got in there.”
“What does that mean?”
“We were able to set her leg, her arm, and her jaw, which you can see, but she’ll need more surgery. There was severe damage done to her brain. The swelling alone makes it impossible to predict if she’ll ever fully recover.”
“Is she going to live?”
“I... don’t know that.”
“When will you know?”
“If she makes it through the night, we can discuss the next set of surgeries that are necessary.”
“If...,” Shannon repeated, trying to force that to sink in.
“I’m sorry.”
Shannon turned back to her face and watched as he chest rose and fell. Of course, the machine was the one doing that for her, but it comforted him nonetheless.
He heard the doctor answer a few more of Jared’s questions before she finally left them alone again.
Shannon smiled into his pillow, but kept his eyes closed. Last night had been both mentally and emotionally exhausting, and he groaned loudly as she came back to bed.
“Sorry. Did I wake you up?” she whispered again.
“What happened?”
“I ran into one of the trillion boxes in here.”
He wrapped his arms around her middle and she snuggled into his embrace without another word. He shut his eyes tightly and prayed it wasn’t a dream. That he hadn’t finally lost his mind. He wouldn’t have wished what happened to her on anyone, but least of all her. She was here now, though. Granted, if he’d just told her the truth about his feelings from the start they could have skipped all this. At least that’s what he kept telling himself anyway.
“We have to get up soon,” she admitted, but didn’t move.
“Nope.”
“Shannon…”
“It’s warm and quiet and dark. Do you really wanna get up?”
“No,” she said, smiling against his chest, “but there are lawyers and stuff to go see today.”
He groaned loudly and she giggled. “Fine.”
He already hated not having his arms around her as she got up, and would have stayed in that bed all day, but he needed to start doing what was necessary to get rid of that asshole. It was partly for selfish reasons, but mainly because he wanted to make sure Niki and the baby were safe. That really and truly was his first priority.
She had finally told him everything last night and it had taken all the willpower he possessed to stay in his apartment with her. Even when she begged him, he fought the need to go over and kill him. Jared and Tomo had wasted no time in going to get all her things so she’d be comfortable here, knowing that Shannon didn’t have the ability to stay calm. But Sam hadn’t been there anyway, so it’d been for nothing. She’d been most afraid to call her parents, though, but they’d been supportive and understanding.
He took his time getting ready when he did finally drag himself out of bed. Not that he could help it. She was finally here. With him. He wanted to soak it all in, even if it wasn’t in the way he hoped it would be one day. They’d get there. Maybe. Or he’d learn to be happy with what he had now. Her. Safe.
They even got caught in traffic on the way to their first appointment, but he still had a smile on his face when they got there. He didn’t even care a little bit that he looked insane either. He couldn’t find it in himself to care.
They held hands all the way into the office and he couldn’t believe that luck that one camera captured their tender moments. They were only for them. For once.
The meeting, once they were finally in it, dragged on longer than anyone anticipated and Niki was getting irritated by the second. He’d offered to run and get her food, because he was sure the hormones weren’t helping, but she’d told him she needed him and he didn’t need another explanation.
Shannon, of course, had a whole other way to handle the situation than the lawyers were suggesting, but none of them were legal. He even smirked to himself, not bothering to hide it, as she smarted off to the team assembled a couple of times. They were asking the most ridiculous and necessary questions, but she was done. It was only a matter of time before someone got a dressing down like he’d gotten a couple of times and Shannon loved to watch, so he settled in.
“Shae Bear,” she said, her lip quivering, “I don’t wanna go back there.”
He swallowed hard, fighting his own tears. “I know, babe. But that’s your house. I can stay with you, if you want, but we have to go back, okay?”
“I wanna stay here,” she admitted.
He placed a stray piece of hair behind her ear and kissed the top of her head as he pulled her into a tight hug. With the restraining order filed, and Sam removed from her place permanently, it was time to go back to the scene of the crime. She had been with him for a while and he didn’t want her to leave either, but he could clearly see the importance more than she could right now.
The lawyers had promised the more stable she appeared, the easier it would be to strip him of all his parental rights later. She couldn’t see that now. She didn’t feel safe there, but she wasn’t going to until she went back and faced her fears. Sure, they had both hoped that this divorce thing would be quick and easy, but with Sam there was never any guarantee, which made the situation volatile. He hated it for her.
“Come on,” he finally said, “Let’s get you home, okay?”
“I’m scared.”
“There’s nothing to be scared of. I’m right down the street. Or do the hallway. Whatever you need.”
She nodded and didn’t say another word as they walked to the car together. It wasn’t really far enough away to warrant it, and all her stuff was already over there, but he wanted to give her a safe space to wait in until she was ready to go inside. He didn’t care how long it took.
They rode in silence, except for the sound of her quiet sniffling, but he hadn’t expected anything else. As he put the car in park he looked over at her and turned the key off. He settled in, ready to wait for her to be ready, but she just took a deep, shaky breath and reached for the handle.
“Hey, Shae Bear,” she said, smiling into the phone. “Yeah, I just got home. I don’t know if I’m coming over, though. I’m super tired.”
“Okay,” he said. “What do you want for dinner? I’ll bring it over. Craving anything specific, my dear?”
She laughed quietly at him as she put her key in the lock. “Shae, I’m fine. I’m just gonna crash.”
“Are you sure? I can deliver it in the thirty minutes or less.”
“Yes,” she giggled.
“Well, text me if you need anything,” he commanded. “I don’t care what time it is.”
“I know. Bye, Shae.”
“Bye, babe.”
The line went dead just as she walked into the foyer and flipped the switch to turn on the hallway light. She was humming lightly to herself as she looked through the mail and turned around; something strange catching her eye.
She screamed loudly when she saw Sam sitting calmly on the couch in the dark. She calmed herself as it quickly turned to anger. With the restraining order against him, she couldn’t understand what made him think this was a smart idea.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” she rounded on him.
His eyebrows perked a little at her abrasiveness, which he definitely wasn’t used to. He stood up and walked over to where she standing with her hands balled up into little fists at her sides. Her breathing hitched in her throat for a second as he towered over her. She’d completely forgotten how much bigger he was than her. She was instantly regretting not having run the other way when she knew he was there.
She swallowed hard just as he bent over like he was going to kiss her, like he’d done a million times before tonight. But before she had seen it coming, he slapped her across the face with the back of his hand. Her own shot up to the place that now stung.
Yeah, she should have left.
She reached for the phone and he ripped it out of her hands and threw it across the room without looking. She heard it crunch somewhere in the distance, but it didn’t sound like it was unsalvageable. Not that it mattered now, though, if she couldn’t get to it.
He reached out his now free hands to shut the door just as she was opening it up.
Okay, this never happens. I just sat down for a solid 3 and a half hours and wrote a fic from start to end in a draft format that closely resembles mid-draft as opposed to first draft. My concentration never wavered.
