i killed a cactus once

chilled, call me chris ao3: goldsbitch instagram: golds_bitch

[goldsbitch]

masterlist

** personal favorites! the queen of typos is here - longer fics at the top, one shots below

for legal and obvious reasons, this all just one big joke. this is not a reflection of how real people act, behave or think. do not share outside of tumblr or ao3

Lestappen

**Twelve Grapes - prologue p1, p2, p3, p4, p5, p6, p7.1, p7.2, p8, p9.1, p9.2, p10, p11.1, p11.2, p12.1, p12.2, epilogue (complete)

summary: Yeah, sure. Let’s do the talking on track. Only - the track is public roads of Monaco and the talking is a couple fight. somewhat friends to lovers, soulmate au vibes, slowburn, angst and fluff, smut later on, lestappen

I'm Not Your Prince p1, p2, p3, p4, p5, p6, p7, p8, p9, p10, p11, p12, p13, p14, p15

summary: Charles Leclerc joins Red Bull. He does not come quietly. Let them build churches out of stolen glances.

Best Kept Secret p2, p3, p4, p5, p6, p7, p8

summary: Max suffers from amnesia. Charles suffers with him - not that Max would know.

Lando Norris

**That one Christmas flight part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8 epilogue p1, epilogue p.2 (complete)

summary: Y/N and Lando Norris are seated next to each other on a long flight. Innocent little Christmas tradition that Y/N does every year brings them just a little too close. fluff, cheesy, meet cute, angst, slowburn and smut later on

///////////

Right? part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8 (complete)

summary: Y/N is a photographer for McLaren F1 team. Hard working, goal oriented professional who would never put her career in jeopardy for some stupid crush, right?

That is until a photoshoot gets out of hand and there is no way to go but forward. teasing, flirting, little smutty, work fling

///////////

Just don't talk p 2, p 3, p 4, p 5, p 6, p 7, p 8, p 9, p10, p 11, p 12,

summary: Enemies to lovers on steroids. Lando can't stand Y/N, the first female driver in F1 in a long time. He also can't stand having her with her clothes on. enemies to lovers, fake dating

warnings: swear words, minors do not interact, just generally don't take this one too seriously, smut

Charles Leclerc

**I gave so many signs part 2 , part 3, part 4 (complete)

summary: First unrequited love is not the one to ever leave your mind. Y/N looks back at her missed connection with Charles Leclerc, from the time they were just teenagers and regrets having him slip away. Song fic. friends to lovers

one shots and short fics

LN -** My Name - pre-proposal fluff LN - BEEP - first evening in their own apartment fluff LN -**You texted... - making up after a fight, angst LN - The hair thing - fluff LN - Hypochondria , p2 , p3, p4- soulmate au, angst LN - short king - short blurb about a tiny height difference LN - **the last time I pick you up - moving apartments, nostalgia, smut LN - remember that - first time Lando nearly ends up sleeping on the couch, miscommunication LN - **Fire. - incident at McLaren sparks a confession, fluff and fun LN - **I'll drive - Lando is not a good passenger princess, fun LN - Four times I bumped into you and one time I fell - delayed meet cute, fluff LN - Open your eyes - best friends help each other out, insecure reader, light smut LN - ***monaco kiss.wav - Lando and Y/N end up recording anonymous smut song, nsfw CL + MV - ** somewhere between yours and mine - tooth-rotting lestappen fluff

Norris Family Polaroids LN - Blink Once - Lando mixes up his twins, domestic, fluff, fun LN - Kiss with a fist - Lando's twin daughter kisses a boy! fun LN - Home is where Dad's car is - one of the girls runs away, fun

F1 grid - Light Roast Mosaic - coffee shop AUs blending into each other

CL - **Past Lives - soulmate au, romantic

OP - Ah... - soulmate au, words written on wrists

FC - Not on the menu - playboy Franco breaking hearts, smut and angst

[goldsbitch]

[verstappenalty]

most online man in the world

[xarialore]

now imagine this had brembo simply shut the fuck up and swallowed their pride we wouldn't have known about any of this but instead.....

they decided to release the most aggravating pr statement towards a specific driver and unfortunately for them this driver has the italian press behind his back

[formula-redd]

just watched Pierre’s interview and holy shit that’s heartbreaking

(the fact that he wasn’t even TOLD about the penalties until AFTER??? he finished the race thinking he was in P3? fuming)

[formulakracing]

this is what i mean when i ask what the fuck is alpine’s problem—

[lecmonica]

alpine requesting right of review for gasly’s podium and they’re damn right

@scuderiaferrari when will you back your driver against the fia

[goldsbitch]

when will they back him against their own strategists

[goldsbitch]

WAS there any overtake???

[goldsbitch]

charles, my goat, i don't remember last time i have seen the PR training slip up like today. keep it up

[goldsbitch]

what's the point of a penalty when everyone gets it seventeen times?

[papayaskye]

This is actually the biggest mess of a GP I think I’ve ever seen

[hatecauldron]

“honestly im not even going to take the fucking blame” charles leclerc character development???

[charles-leclerc-please-shave]

I need someone to DM Charles's friends and have them hang a banner on the balcony with Lewis's time penalty to inform him because Ferrari is apparently not going to do it.

[maxcore]

remember you can always just go home

[inhalingstardust000]

hadjars whole car is about to explode and he still can’t get overtaken Monaco I hate you.

[monegasque]

the potential entertainment value of a race drops at least 70% when we lose max I can’t lie

[goldsbitch]

Max please do a Kimi R. and fuck off to a nearby yacht

[goldsbitch]

i’m having such an issue for getting excited for this season

i used to schedule my free time around races