yoyoyo let's gogogo

what's cookin good lookin?

[depsidase]

[shittymoviedetails]

Kevin is the real villian in Home Alone

[orgyporgy]

The movie establishes that the phone lines to the house are down, that’s also why nobody is able to call Kevin at home. The movie also establishes that all of his neighbors are out of town which is why he couldn’t borrow their phones. The movie ALSO BEGINS by introducing the main antagonist as a “police officer” which is why Kevin doesn’t trust the cops. I’m so tired of the ignorance. The slander.

[foxyclock]

FINALLY we’ve reached the time of year for home alone discourse

[hypokeimena]

#he did what he needed to do to survive. then he did a bunch of other stuff he felt like doing (via @hotcrossedfangs) 

[christopher-bryant]

home alone is just die hard for kids

[godsperm]

He also stole that toothbrush so was even more scared to call the police in case they arrest him for theft too

[syntactition]

Kevin knew that ACAB ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[violetwolfraven]

Keep in mind that the robbers could have turned around and left at any time. Kevin set up the traps, but they didn’t have to walk into them. They could’ve left and robbed an easier house, but didn’t because they wanted to get the 8-year-old who was beating their asses. At some point, it stopped being about stealing the McCallisters’ stuff and started being about killing Kevin, at which point Kevin was justified in doing whatever the hell he wanted to them.

[magic-owl]

Skdhsjdhsk okay Home Alone discourse? xD I recognize this is a joke but I’m jumping into the shark pit regardless because I just love this movie and wanna talk about it so HERE GOES

Lol so yeah actually the phone line argument is a bit confusing because yeah the phones are down at first, but they obviously were fixed at some point since his family tried to call him from the airport in Paris or later on he wouldn’t be able to order pizzas or call the cops from his house at the end of the whole attempted robbery night, so there IS the question of why Kevin’s family doesn’t keep trying to call him daily.

HOWEVER, as people have already mentioned, Kevin thinks he’s a criminal due to stealing a toothbrush and has already been chased by a cop, he’s not gonna contact the police about the robbers.

Calling the police about his family leaving him? He’s not gonna do that because he doesn’t KNOW they’re in Paris, Kevin believes he magically wished his family out of existence the night before they left after they were all right dicks to him. He doesn’t know they have the power to come back, that’s why he asks Santa to return them later on, what use is telling the cops who (in his eyes) will probably blame him for it?

Also ppl be criticizing him for the booby traps like this isn’t the THIRD time Kevin’s had to chase these guys off his property? First he tried to fake a house party, they still came back, he tried to fake a MURDER, they spied on him and declared they were coming back again. Kevin’s given them two nonviolent chances to leave his house alone, they’re the grown men deciding they’re gonna come back and rob a house they KNOW has an eight year old in it. They announce their presence by knocking and taunting that they know he’s alone and “helpless” in there and that they’re coming in anyway, what their original plans for dealing with him were, we don’t know. After they spring his first traps, their plan switches from robbing the house to specifically harming Kevin in revenge.

These guys are trespassing on Kevin’s property AGAIN after multiple warnings, and they’ve announced themselves with a declaration of intent to harm him, he can’t call the police or they’ll discover he vanished his family and committed toothbrush crimes, Kevin needed to defend himself and he had FULL RIGHT to do so however he saw fit (which all proved entirely necessary seeing as literally nothing he threw at these men actually stopped them from trying to hurt him, they kept coming until his neighbor saved him)

Respect Kevin 2kforever 😤😤😤

[neurospicy-offical]

@hellsite-hall-of-fame where you at

[prokopetz]

Standard sword and sorcery fantasy film periodically interrupted by cutaways to an in-universe historian from a notional period hundreds of years after the depicted events explaining the film's various historical inaccuracies. There's a recurring tangent about how the film's protagonist is a conflation of three different guys, all of them much weirder than the end product of that conflation.

[prokopetz]

At one point the historian remarks that the film's principal villain probably never existed, but you can tell from their thousand-yard stare that there's some Poe's Orangutan level discourse about that topic.

[amashelle]

Honestly would love to see a King Arthur movie with this framework.

[amashelle]

Still thinking about this.

Except now I’m envisioning:

Standard King Arthur movie with the usual ‘back in the 6th century…’ establishing blub, which looks a little odd because it started with a specific year, which was crossed off and replaced by another, which was also crossed off and replaced by ‘~6th century, give or take’ along with a few other editorial addendums.

Opens with Uther and Merlin discussing the siege of Tintagel. Things go smoothly until Uther’s name is used, cue the first interruption to explain that Uther was probably an ‘invention’ of Geoffrey of Monmouth, but then that academic is interrupted by a Geoffrey apologist (possibly yours truly) to defend his work with a complicated spiel that gets interrupted by the actor who plays Merlin insisting ‘we should get back to the story’

What follows slowly unravels into a poorly disguised academic debate mediated by the Merlin actor as the voice of ‘well I was actually There!’ And it slowly becomes clear that not only does he genuinely believe he’s Merlin, but his version of the story is absolutely the most unhinged and least academically supported version and relies largely on the French Romances for some reason*.

*the reason being that this is an accurate representation of many fans, who hold the Romance era as the ‘Cannon’ for King Arthur even knowing it is not the ‘Historical’ or even ‘Original’ narrative.

[vonnebenan]

i think i'm slowly getting the hang of these pencils

[5luv]

(original tweet)

[theoriginalblackbarbie]

Lmbo 😭

[tarynel]

😂😂😂

[sushinfood]

KEEP WATCHING KEEP WATCHING KEEP WATCHING KEEP WATCHING KEEP WATCHING

[probably-shey]

I remembered this and had to scroll down my likes for approximately 30 minutes to finally find it so I will now periodically reblog for myself so I can always have ease of access.

[doveywovy]

no matter how hard i try, nothing i write will ever be as fucked up as the stuff somebody who thinks they're creating a Wholesome AU with unexamined beliefs will make.

[jerboaoa]

couldn't leave this in the tags

[hyperfixations-and-hecticness]

As much as I make fun of Percy for being down bad from day one what I really love is that he truly thinks this is regular friend behaviour. He’s unleashing his inner wattpad mafia boss for Annabeth, has her picture on his mirror, promises he’d burn down Olympus for her, seems offended there’s ‘another’ boyfriend and thinks it is purely platonic. And the best part is Percy is such a loverboy in all meanings of the world that that genuinely is understandable because he is simultaneously going to the sea of monsters for Grover, having Grover’s picture on his mirror, telling Grover he looks beautiful in a wedding dress, embracing Grover like the husband he presumed missing at sea and being so soulmated to his best friend that they dream together.

[thatoneacecryptid]

Percy Jackson is simply Like That™️ and it’s why we love him

[spaceshipsandpurpledrank]

It's so nice to see black men be vulnerable and fun.

[kivcraft]

[nocturnofshadow]

I’m shitting at these tags

[mad-hare]

yea this is Montreal, do you want to know how bad Montreal drivers are? only on the island of Montreal, is it illegal to make a right turn on a red light. because they don’t fucking look. it’s the only place I’ve ever been that has lost it’s “turning on a red light” privilege

but yea powdered snow is slippery af and the island is hilly and full of narrow streets. not designed for wheeled vehicles.

[mad-hare]

I need to reblog myself because I just found this on the gov of Quebec’s website

[beardedmrbean]

Sad Waluigi noises

[catchymemes]

[ablatheringblatherskite]

My little sister just said "Whatever makes your little heart sparkle" and I need to add it to my vocabulary

[7-inches-of-satanic-panic]

Grace gets a kidney stone at some point while living on Erid and Rocky who hears it forming inside of him thinks Grace is pregnant so he starts interrogating the biodome team like

[cloudabserk]

stratt said grace will be a perfect astronaut he will never have a workplace relationship! but then…

[janmisali]

here's another idea for a poll! I think this will have some interesting results. this sentence is here to pad out this paragraph so people who don't read posts will be more likely to accidentally miss these instructions. if you're reading this, please select option eleven. here's another sentence to make this block of text look longer. anyway here's my fun poll idea!

try to create a normal (bell curve) distribution

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

Remaining time: 2 days 6 hours

[greatlordfluffernutter]

Now, one might look at these numbers and be lead to believe that half of all tumblr users don't read posts. However, in the replies to this post you will find over a hundred users who will happily clarify to you that actually the reason why they voted the way they did isn't cause they didn't read the post but actually because they didn't bother to look at the words in the post and process them as language, a technique commonly referred to as reading the post.

[thememedaddy]

[sweeetestcurse]

Planet Earth II: Episode 05 - Grasslands