Freak freely if you're really a freak

Eat my entire ass. // indie deadpool rp blog

[dedpaul]

redeemedranger.

            ↳ ✗ “ Another of Rita’s monsters. What are you suppose to be ?                                    –a Man Spider ? ” ✗ ↵

     “Listen up, asshole! I'm gettin’ sick of all the hate you be puttin’ on Mommy Rita. She had that whole bog witch thing goin’ for her in that last movie, really dangled my carrot... MAN-SPIDER?! Oh, you really are cruisin’ for a goddamn bruisin’, you green prick! You lettuce-man, you Kermit The Frog coloured motherfucker! Time to eat ass and chew bubblegum, and newsflash asshole: I’m all out of ass!” 

[dedpaul]

@redeemedranger

     “There’s only one of two ways this is gon’na go -- we’re either gon’na fight in a quarry, or we’re gon’na fight surrounded by cardboard buildings, either way I’m taking you on a one-way trip to pound town...” 

[dedpaul]

chancesspent.

“Wade…” She sighed and fought the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose. “I’m not the cops and I’m bein’ SERIOUS. Can ya, maybe, just try to meet me halfway for a second?”

He grits his teeth and rubs his eyes. “Sure, I’ll fight every urge I have to call you Cruella DeVille, but make it quick. I still think that the star spangled spangled man with a plan’s plan is to have you stall whilst he sneaks up behind me and beats the back of my face with that cast iron Ultimate Frisbee of his, but for old times sake I’ll put on my serious face and tell ya’ what I’ve told you a million times already. I did what I did. People like me don’t change -- we jus’ get better at hiding that we’re rotten. Kapeesh? Alright, now that we got that out the way, ain’t you got one hundred and one puppies to steal?” 

[dedpaul]

" You're making things up again, Wade "

     “GID is a word!” He slams his fist on the table, scrabble pieces fly everywhere. “It’s a disease found in sheep, you ass!” 

[dedpaul]

“Kill her.”

meme // accepting.

     “Alright, but I’m doing it because I want to, not because you told me to. And if you think I’m getting any dumb tattoos because of this then you’re sorely mistaken. In fact, actually, I’ve changed my mind, I might get “Joker Is A Straight Up Dumbass” across my forehead. Quite a mouthful, I know, but I’m bald, so my head’s basically all forehead.” 

[rpmememaker]

Mafia Themed Sentences

{ trigger warnings: violence, noncon/dubcon implications }  originally from memeroundups but the post has been deleted so we’re reposting it.

“You’d do well to pay. It’s in your best interest.“

“We have ways of making you talk.”

“The moment you came to us, we owned you.”

“I’m not guarding the boss’s kid to play babysitter. Sit and behave.”

“You run your mouth again and see what happens.”

“I don’t care how tired you are, you don’t turn down clients until I say you can.”

“Didn’t think I’d catch you, eh? Run away again, and I’ll break your legs.”

“That was your first kill, you should feel proud. Hey… you don’t look so good…”

“I don’t know what kind of ideas you’re getting but remember this… without me, you’re nothing.”

“The world will eat you if you let it. That’s why it’s everyone for themselves. But here, you’ve got loyalty.”

“Don’t be ungrateful… on your own with this kind of city, you’d be laying face down on a ditch if he/she hadn’t found you.”

“You used to be such a good kid… glad I was able to break that out of you.”

“I think there’s a mole in our operations… and you don’t exactly seem innocent to me.”

“There’s no out. Even if you tried to kill yourself, we’ll just lock you up.”

“Consider this a ‘gentle’ reminder of respect when speaking to me.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll start to enjoy it soon enough.”

“You might be a ruthless brute, but you’re ‘my’ ruthless brute.”

“Kill him/her.”

“They don’t wanna pay? Burn their house down.”

“Don’t you know? You’re the gang’s ‘pet’.”

“I think they’ve earned their lesson, you can stop hitting him/her now.”

“Do you honestly intend to get this far without getting your hands dirty?”

“He’s/she’s squirming around too much, drug them.”

“Far as you know, I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”

“I’m sick of this, I want out.”

“N-no… I… I didn’t want to kill him.”

“I’m through with being your fucking lap dog.”

“People wanna kill me in my sleep…”

“I’m tired of being numb and desensitized. I’m tired of killing before I eat a goddamn breakfast like nothing happened. I’m tired of this life.”

“If anything happens, I’ll take the blame. And don’t you dare to try to put it all on you this time, don’t even fucking think about it.”

“I don’t care if my demands are silly, if you don’t do them, then your boss won’t be pleased if I suddenly got ‘injured’ under your watch.

“Do you even know what you started? The riot and upcoming gang war will be beyond what your fucking punk ass can handle!”

“How about we make a deal?”

“Oh don’t worry, I won’t make a move anytime soon, but I’ll be watching you.”

“Are you willing to take a bullet for me?”

“I don’t know if I’m willing to forgive you just yet. Maybe if I throw another punch…”

“I’m a person, and not someone for you to order around.”

“You think you’re hot shit, but I’m the one who does your dirty work.”

“You honestly believed I would never turn against you?”

“M-my leg… it’s shot, I can’t walk…”

“I ran away, but they’ll be looking for me I know it.”

“You don’t need to get involved. Just walk away.”

“Who said not to mix business with pleasure? Let’s talk this over with a date…”

“If they find out I’m sleeping with you, they’ll kill me.”

“Don’t worry, I heard human trafficking isn’t so bad. At least they’re not harvesting your organs.”

“Please, let me go. I won’t do it again, please.”

“It was simply a mistake on my part, it won’t happen again. I promise.”

“No no, I’m not interested in your friends. I want you. Give yourself over, and they’ll be safe.”

“You can sell me, but I’ll fight it with every fiber of my being.”

“Hey hey, are you passing out? Come on, tell me names and I’ll stop the beatings.”

“I trusted you. You were the only one I trusted, and for what? So you can stab my back?”

“I can’t believe what you’re doing! Untie me, now. Do you have any idea what deep shit you’re in?!”

“Just do what you’re told, like you always do.”

“I know you’ve been tailing me.”

“Care to explain why you were attempting to kidnap me?”

“You know, you’re always such a fucking thorn on my side. But laying on the ground, beaten and helpless, you ain’t lookin’ half bad…”

“Alright, you just quietly sit there on that chair lookin’ pretty. I’ll go collect your ransom.”

“Did you just hit me, you fucking piece of-”

“We can run away together.”

“Come on, let me help you!”

“Then you’ll be going to the highest bidder. Grand, eh? Ready for the auction?”

“I don’t care what kind of best you have, you’re okay in my book.”

“Shit, they weren’t supposed to die. Alright, we gotta cover this up. Grab that body.”

“Can’t you ever follow orders?”

[bestdefender-arc-blog]

just in time for the next installment of the mcu, come on and join a brand spanking new marvel rpc in chara discord server!! (i’m very original with names, can you tell?) come hang out and chat with us!! we’re here primarily for lighthearted IC interactions rather than the serious and longform threads we’ve all got going on tumblr. there’s plenty of room for chatting OOC and plotting with people as well!!

everyone is welcome, from duplicates to OCs to multimuses!! if your muse isn’t part of marvel but you know someone who is in the server is welcome to join as well!!

[lesbiansassemble]

when you lie on your resume, but get the job anyway

[oddballspecial-deactivated20210]

So you’ve decided to steal Cable

[dedpaul]

selfexiling.

      wow, he must enjoy hearing himself talk. she merely stares —– look of mild annoyance upon her face as he carries on. she should have listened to the others when they warned her against wandering off alone and picking fights with strangers. consider this a lesson learned.

      ❝ wait —– did you just call yourself ‘daddy’? well, daddy’s not going to be doing much dancing when I’ve broken his legs for threatening me. ever think of that? ❞

     “Wan’na see a magic trick?” He quipped as he clicked his fingers back into place. “Good as new. If you’re really gon’na stand there looking like you rolled through Flash Gordons wardrobe and jive-talk daddy-o’s lingo, I’m gon’na have to teach you a thing or two, bend you over my goddamn knee and give you the spanking of a life-time. Let me tell ya’, it’s gon’na take a lot more than a broken leg to stop the rhythm in my soul, can you dig it?” He draws one of his swords. “I showed you mine, you show me yours. And I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout your tatas -- seriously, I asked some green broad about her tatas and she chopped my head off. Authors note: that’s a reference to an entirely different thread! I know, continuity, what a laugh we’re having!” 

[dedpaul]

chancesspent.

( @dedpaul didn’t ask but )

          “ So are we ever gonna talk about it or…? ”

      “What’s there left to talk about? I’m a wanted man, Rogue. Thought you’d        be more interested in putting me in cuffs. Sure, that sounds kinky and all,       but we both know that can’t happen. If I change my mind, my safe-word’s        huavos rancheros. Bit of a mouthful, I know, but so am I.” 

[dionysosthursos-blog]

My muse has gained a bit of weight. Not much, but it can be noticed. Send me "I told you that would happen." for my muse's reaction

[rpaskmemesx]

◜ the book of mormon ; act ii ◇ ask memes ◞

❝ so what the fuck does that mean? ❞

❝ let’s skip that part. ❞

❝ for three hours we’ve been listening to him talk about stupid shit that happened on the other side of the world. what does that have to do with us? ❞

❝ i just told a lie. well, no, i didn’t lie- i just used my imagination. ❞

❝ you’re making things up again, { name }. ❞

❝ you’re digging yourself a deep hole. ❞

❝ for the clitoris is holy amongst all things said he. ❞

❝ the funny thing is… i don’t really remember getting here. ❞

❝ no, please!! i don’t want to go back! ❞

❝ you’re a dick! ❞

❝ jesus! i’m sorry! ❞

❝ you think that’s bad? i broke rule seventy-two. ❞

❝ please, give me one more chance! ❞

❝ i can’t believe jesus called me a dick! ❞

❝ you had the hell dream, didn’t you. was i in it? ❞

❝ ever since i was a child, i tried to be the best. so what happened? ❞

❝ a warlord who shoots people in the face. what’s so scary about that? ❞

❝ i can’t allow myself to have any doubt. ❞

❝ i believe that god has a plan for all of us. and i believe that plan involves me getting my own planet. ❞

❝ satan has a hold of you. ❞

❝ the power of christ compels you! ❞

❝ they are so fucking weird. ❞

❝ i’m about to do it for the first time. and i’m gonna do it with a girl! ❞

❝ he makes my heart kinda flutter, like a moth in a cucoon. ❞

❝ it will set us free. ❞

❝ i’m so happy you’re about to be my first. ❞

❝ i’m wet with salvation! ❞

❝ i’ll text you later. ❞

❝ it blows my fucking mind! ❞

❝ well, well, well. if it isn’t super-mormon! ❞

❝ i woke up, that’s what happened! ❞

❝ of course you woke up, you drank twelve cups of coffee! ❞

❝ you’re doing everything i was supposed to do, isn’t that a little telling? that the universe doesn’t work the way we’re told! ❞

❝ i worked, and i worked, and even when i studied stories and i thought ‘hey, that doesn’t make any sense’, i kept working! because i was told i’d get everything i always wanted! ❞

❝ bullpoop. that is bullpoop, { name }. ❞

❝ don’t talk to me, and don’t touch me! ❞

❝ necrophilia, what are you doing here? ❞

❝ take these fucking golden plates! ❞

❝ let’s be really fucking polite to everyone!! ❞

❝ now comes the part of our story that gets a little bit sad. ❞

❝ i think they liked it. ❞

❝ you have crushed my soul. i hope you all had a good laugh. ❞

❝ how could i let my hopes get so high? ❞

❝ you gave me a dream, but it was all a lie. ❞

❝ but they were happy. and hopeful. and wearing costumes. ❞

❝ { name }… was eaten by lions. ❞

❝ salt lake city isn’t an actual place. it’s an idea. a metaphor. ❞

❝ that’s fucking stupid. ❞

❝ you know what guys…. FUCK HIM! ❞

❝ you want to stay here with me? ❞

❝ don’t worry, little buddy. ❞

❝ i am here for you. ❞

❝ tomorrow is a latter day. ❞

❝ i can almost see it now… ❞

❝ did you know that the clitoris is a holy sacred thing? ❞

❝ this book will change your life. ❞

❝ thank you, god! ❞

[hellyeabrotha-blog]

                                             HELL YEAH BROTHER                              a totally 100% serious RP blog based on a dumb meme i saw                                                           written by bobby

[dedpaul]

I'm seriously considering making a joke OC blog based on this

[dedpaul]

cfhcpe.

Gwen stared on, her large eyes darting from side to side as if asking the universe if this was really happening. He was kind of just…purging out words?    ❛ Are you done yet?❜   she grimaced at the mustard idea.   ❛ You think peaking is eating a bunch of mustard? ❜  the blonde settled on that topic in particular, finding it odd for him to include within his rantings.   ❛ are you telling me that you want me to give you props for the mustard?- or for the genital enlarger? ❜

“I ate thirty five individual sachets of mustard, what about that don’t you find impressive?! Just can’t win with some people. I want props for both, but most of all I want props for putting the bad in ass, for putting the scene in ‘sir, you’re causing a scene’, for being cool. Give me props, c’mon, give it to me. Shit, watch this” He steps back and does a back-flip on the spot. 

“That wasn’t no hokey CGI neither, all me, baby! Besides, you just saw a guy recover from a broken neck in zero point three five seconds precisely and... Nothing? You just want to go on about the time I ate thirty five sachets of mustard -- that’s what you get hung up on? Seriously?”

[dedpaul]

foundedhope.

“It’s good to see you Wade. I see you found the spare chair. Quite fun isn’t it?”

“Woah yeah.” He doesn’t have very good control over the chair, and thus bumps into the wall. “Drives like a dream. Hey -- y’know what could be cool? Wan’na set up some ramps outside?”