My Rambles

I have no idea what I will be posting on here. It might be fun; it might be boring....but never the less, it will be from my perspective. Enjoy :-P

[deeper-roses]

Come join me on @Twitch tomorrow (Saturday 6th August 2022) for some horror game time! I'll be streaming from 8pm (GMT)

Deeper_red89

https://t.co/HJn6g6KDyM

[deeper-roses]

Hes different with me now...is it because we're close to the 6 month mark? He doesn't say the L word as much.....he doesn't message back as much lately. Has he just got used to having me around?

Or maybe it's me....maybe I'm looking for issues that aren't even there 😔

It's really hard to tell. Maybe it is just me...how do I tell? 🤔

[deeper-roses]

He left me to go see a friend in Benidorm for a whole week.....I know he won't cheat. I trust him completely....

However...I NEVER want to miss him like that ever again 😣❤

[deeper-roses]

I'm having one of those weekends where I just feel down. I feel ugly and fat and sad. I can't explain it either.

He doesn't like seeing me like that and thinks a cuddle, a kiss on the head and saying "no more feeling low. I don't like it" is going to fix me. It's not.

I have these depressive states from time to time.

After all, you will never win an argument with yourself. Fact.

[deeper-roses]

[deeper-roses]

I find myself wondering what he thinks of me.....

When he's brushing my hair out of my face and staring into my eyes....

I wonder....

[deeper-roses]

He said "it's good"

I replied "just good?"

He shrugs "good and bad...basic words babe"

Well I thought amazing....

Its not like I thought....We are not on the same page 😢

Maybe one day 💕

[deeper-roses]

Finally found something I can't stand....seeing him in pain.

I literally can't handle it. I wish I could take it away and make him feel better.

If I'm like this about the man I adore, what on earth would I be like as a mother 🤦‍♀️

[deeper-roses]

We are too harsh on ourselves. I stand there look in the mirror and feel sick. I want to be smaller. Not just skinnier but wish I was shorter.

I point out my flaws all the time. My nose is too bent, too much fat on my stomach, my thighs are too big.

But, to him, I'm perfect....

Be kind with your words. Because people always see themselves different to how others do. Cruel words will fuel that. This world is ugly enough and kindness costs nothing.

[deeper-roses]

Today's affirmation....never forget. Everything in this world is always helping you to grow 💕

[deeper-roses]

I've always been in to journaling thoughts, feelings and whatever I'm interested in.

But do you know what I like about Tumblr? I can write whatever I want and no one really reads it. No one gives a shit whether I write my happiness or sadness. And I'm OK with that. It's my own little world where I can't be judged.

[deeper-roses]

Life is so difficult for a sleepy girl with a busy life.

Where does your motivation go when you lose it?

[deeper-roses]

Last weekend....was just....perfect. I laid my head on his chest and took a deep breath

This is when I realised, I was genuinely happy. Even if it was cut off by time and needing to go to work. I was genuinely happy for the brief fleeting moment. And that....that is something I'll keep.

[deeper-roses]

Time means nothing.

I don't even know what day of the week it is.

It's like everything stands still and nothing else in the world matters.

But only when I'm with him.....

[deeper-roses]

I quite often sit, looking for a meaning to my life. Why am I here? Do I have a purpose?

Quite often I feel like I'm not living at all. And that, is when I am unhappy. Quite often is too often.

Just because you're alive, doesn't mean you're living.

[deeper-roses]

I'm always an afterthought to people but yet the first to get the blame. Humans baffle me. I love certain people with everything I am but yet I stay as an afterthought or the person they blame. They need someone to help them but don't ask for help then blame me for not being there 🤦‍♀️

Yes....people baffle me.

[deeper-roses]

Fed up of people not knowing what's around them. Who's around them. The people using them. It's a joke. They just think I'm holding a grudge, when no. I've actually woken up and refuse to deal with people who are negative and nasty 😒