hurts so good | twelve (final)
summary: growing up with Park Jinyoung was never easy and things are about to get worse when you’ve been asked to marry him
one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten | eleven | twelve - final |
You sat down quietly across from him and next to your attorney. It had been three weeks since you last saw Jinyoung, three weeks since he agreed to the divorce. You only heard from him when he asked to meet to sign the papers.
“Thank you Mrs. Park for coming to meet us. My client said the both of you mutually agreed to sign today’s papers. Is that correct?”
“Yes that’s correct,” you responded as Jinyoung’s lawyer slid over some papers. Your lawyer intercepts the papers and begins scanning the document.
“My client is generously offering $20,000 a month for the next 40 years or a one time check of $10 million,” he revealed. You stared at Jinyoung in shock.
“No,” you denied. “No, I don’t want your money.”
“Mrs. Park, I urge you to reconsider this. It’s his responsibility to take care of you,” your lawyer reminded you.
“It’s Y/N and I can take care of myself,” you argued.
“How?” Jinyoung finally said. “You have no job, no house. Your father still gambles,” he exposed.
“That is none of your concern. I will figure it out. I will find a job. I don’t want your money. I don’t want to owe you anything,” you continued to explain.
“Just take the fucking money, Y/N! Don’t be so stubborn,” he exclaimed. You glared at him. “I’m sorry,” he sighed, knowing he’s going to lose this battle against you.
“Moving on to the next thing-,” his lawyer began to speak before you interrupted him.
“I don’t want a single thing from him. I’m not interested in what else is on that list.”
His lawyer looked over a Jinyoung, who had his arms crossed against his chest. He sighed again, nodding in agreement. He leans over to the table, “I want to talk to you alone.”
“No. My client will not be speaking with anyone without me present,” your lawyer declined.
“Don’t worry, we won’t be negotiating anything. My lawyer will leave to fix these papers, won’t you?” he instructed.
“Yes, that’s right. Mr. Lee, please follow me.”
“It’s alright. I’ll be okay,” you assured your lawyer. He nods leaving you alone with Jinyoung as he helps prepare the divorce papers. He stares at you in silence as you avoid his gaze.
“You wanted to talk?” you asked him.
He sighed lightly before leaning forwards once again. “This may be the last time we ever speak to each other like this - face to face.”
You gave him a subtle smile, nodding in agreement. “I will always be thankful for you and your family. You saved us and that will never change, no matter what happens between us.”
“I appreciate that,” he said. “Father loved you, no matter how harsh he was.”
You smiled weakly, “He loved you too.”
There was another long silence between the both of you. Now that you think of it, you and Jinyoung never had a peaceful conversation before. If he wasn’t being mean to you, he was yelling at you.
“I know Jisoo came to see you. I know she told you some stuff,” he said softly. “I should’ve been the one who told you and I’m sorry I never did. I’m sorry I never showed you.”
You held your breath. Never in a million years did you expect him to apologize.
“I hope the next person you love, you’ll be better to her than you were to me.”
His eyes began to swell, slightly turning pinkish. “She told me you thought I always loved her.” You looked down at your lap because you knew it was true even if they denied it. “Do you still believe that?”
“Look at where we’re at, Jinyoung. It doesn’t matter what I believe.”
“It does! It does matter. I may have never showed or told you that I loved you but I never loved anyone else. Not once,” he confessed.
“Every time we fought, you always ran to her. You always picked her, sided with her and I was the one in the way. What else was I supposed to think?” you questioned.
Jinyoung sighed. “February 14, 2013.”
“W-what?,” you stuttered with tears in your eyes.
“It was our senior year of high school.”
You remembered now. You had finally mustered enough courage to confess to Jinyoung. You hand-made heart shaped chocolates for him but he rejected you brutally even front of all your classmates.
“The night before - Jaebum stayed up all night making you chocolates. I overheard him confessing to the housekeeper that he was going to ask you to be his girlfriend. What gave him the right?” he asked, rhetorically.
“He never told me about this. I never received his chocolates,” you said, confused.
“I was so angry at him. He took my father away from me and now he wanted you! He wanted to take everything...everyone away from me!” he shouted. “I knew I couldn’t let him have you so I had to beat him to it. I had to tell you I liked you before he did.”
“Then why did you reject me?” you asked.
“I had this elaborate plan - to make you fall in love with me, to be together until Jaebum couldn’t handle it anymore and leave. But the moment I looked into your eyes that day, I didn’t have the guts to do it. I couldn’t confess to liking you out of spite,” he revealed. “But what I didn’t expect was for you to confess first.”
“You broke my heart then too.”
“I didn’t know if I liked you because I actually liked you or if I liked you to get back at Jaebum. You would’ve never forgiven me if you found out I confessed out of spite,” he said almost in tears. “I tried so hard to differentiate the two but I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried. I didn’t know what to do and it drove me nuts. A couple of days later, it finally came to me. I thought if I was meaner to you, maybe...just maybe I would stop having those feelings for you. Maybe I could finally stop thinking about you.”
You stared at him quietly, taking in every word he said. Tears rolled down your face as the droplets of tears landed on the table.
“It worked,” he chuckled, bitterly. “The meaner I was to you, the easier it was to forget you. And every time I did something nice for you, I had to do something ten times worse the next time. Seeing how much pain you were in...it broke me but it always reminded me that my intentions were never pure to begin with. That’s why I always went to Jisoo. I confided in her.”
“Why did you ask me to marry you then?”
“He had already beat me at marriage - marrying the girl Father chose. Nothing would hurt him more than knowing I had you and he could never. I admit I ended up using you,” he revealed as tears fall from the corner of his eyes. You lifted your head up, staring at the ceiling as tears continued to fall down the side of your cheeks. “I’m so sorry,” he apologized.
“H-how can you say you love me when you used me?!” you sobbed.
“I knew it was wrong! I regretted it instantly but it was too late. You needed the money...” he whimpered. “If I could go back and change it I would. I would’ve loved you properly, cherished you..” he begged.
“God!” you whimpered to yourself. “Why did you do this to me?! I was happy! I had a boyfriend!” you cried, angrily.
“I know. I know. I’m so sorry,” he continued to apologize.
“I’m not some fucking reward you can claim when you feel like it! I loved you! I thought if I worked harder, tried harder, that you would start to love me! I was praying you’d change for me!” you continued to shout. “Are you that damaged that you had to break someone else to make yourself feel better?”
“I was 16! I never felt the way I felt for you with anyone in my life! How was I supposed to react? Tell me! What was I supposed to do?!” he shouted back.
You sobbed into your hand.
“I know this doesn’t justify all the shitty things I’ve done to you. You endured things no one should have to experience,” he explained.
“Why are you telling me this now?”
“Y/N, I’m telling you not because I want you to forgive me! I’m going to sign the papers regardless. All I wanted was to be honest about my feelings for once in my goddamn life,” he said.
You blinked slowly, letting the remaining tears in your eyes fall. You took a deep breath in. “When were you able to tell?”
“Our wedding night,” he answered. “Watching you walk down the aisle in that white dress. You took my breath away and in that moment I knew. I knew I loved you this whole time. It was never about competing with Jaebum. I was just afraid to let myself fall in love.”
“If you loved me so much, why did you sleep with other women? Why did you cheat?”
“Because with them, I never had to worry about falling in love. They mean nothing to me,” he explained.
“But they don’t know that! They think you like them that’s why they sleep with you, Jinyoung.”
“They know I’m married.”
“To someone you don’t love. They think they can Mrs. Park one day,” you sighed. “Stop playing with people’s feelings. Don’t hurt anyone else,” you asked, nicely. You paused, “If there’s one last thing you can do for me is learn to let go. What your Father did to your Mother was unfair and cruel but you don’t have to repeat the pattern. Learn to love the people you’re supposed to love. You’ll find that you have more people on your side than you know.”
“Will you be?”
“Oh Jinyoung…” you called out as you reached for his hand. You gripped it tightly. “I will always be on your side even if I’m not physically there with you.”
There was a light knock on the door. You let go of Jinyoung’s hand and wiped the leftover tears on your cheeks away.
“Come in,” he called.
“The papers are finalized. All that’s left is your signature.” The lawyers handed you each a pen. You scanned through the document until you reached the bottom of the page.
“I know you don’t want money but it will always be here if you need it. You just call me, okay?” Jinyoung asked, softly. You nodded but you knew you would never be calling him.
You uncapped the pen and began signing with Jinyoung following suite until you reached the final page.
This was it. No more Jinyoung.
“If we can do this over again, would you?” Jinyoung asked, spontaneously. “If you knew what you know now, would you still have said yes to me?”
You looked up from the papers and stared at him - taking in all his features one the last time. “Yes.” You scribbled your signature on the last page before standing up. “Goodbye Jinyoung. Take care.”
Four months. Four months of no pain, no tears, no Jinyoung. You moved away from the city to get away from the fast pace lifestyle, the busy streets and the people. You were content here. You spent your days helping an old couple sell fruit and pies in a small shop by a rest stop. The pay wasn’t nearly as much as a corporation but it didn’t matter to you. You could finally be yourself. You didn’t have to worry about being the perfect wife or worry if your husband loved you enough to come home that night. All that seemed trivial here.
“How much are the apple pies?” you hear someone asked. You scurried out to the front to greet the customer.
“They’re $5-” you began to respond before coming to a stop as you laid eyes on the man in front of you. “I- how did you know I was here?”
“I didn’t,” he responded. “I was taking your advice and finally letting go. I gave up my position at the company and decided to move here to live a more simple life.”
“Why here?”
“I-I don’t know...this was the first place I thought of,” he mumbled. “I guess I remembered you saying how much you wanted to move here when it was time to retire.”
“You remembered that?”
“Of course I do. I remember everything you told me even if it seemed like I wasn’t listening,” he explained. “So how much are the pies?”
“$5 each,” you said hesitantly as you handed him a pie.
“I honestly didn’t come here to purposely look for you. I know the last thing you wanted was to see me. I can leave if it bothers you,” he offered.
“No...who am I to not allow you to be here.”
“Okay then. I’ll see you around then,” he smiled before waving goodbye.
You returned the smile and watched him drive away. You thought you would be angry seeing him; maybe even feel hurt. But nothing. You didn’t feel any of those things. In fact, your heart raced at the sight of him.
Maybe this was fate. Maybe it was God’s way of telling you this is your second chance.
Whatever it was, no matter how it ends this time, you knew it wasn’t going to hurt as much as the first.