Diabolical ways to gaslight your partner into regression pt. 1
A couple of fun ways to turn your partner into the little baby they were always meant to be! The changes described involve long-term investment, the process should take years. It requires a lot of oscillating between “progression” and “regression” so your partner doesn’t become too suspicious. You want them to believe it’s all their fault after all!!
Begin with bed-wetting. Make sure your partner is well-hydrated, and simply dip their hand in a bowl of warm water while they’re asleep. Every time they wake up wet—poor baby—make sure to be super reassuring about it; your understanding and acceptance of something so humiliating and vulnerable will help them trust you more. Once your partner’s little accidents have occurred about six or seven times, maybe within a month or two, once they’re really confused and distraught about it all, gently suggest some night-time protection. When they inevitably resist, subtly guilt them for making such a mess and ruining the mattress. They’ll refuse initially, and that’s okay. Accept their decision—they’re an adult, after all, aren’t they?—and keep inducing their wetting. This is the time to indicate your ambivalence and distance; they’ll be sure to start wearing night-time diapers if it means you won’t break up with them! Once your partner is wearing, ensure a mix of wet and dry nights. They’ll struggle to identify any patterns in their wetting and any factors that improve/worsen their bladder control, as a result they’ll start to feel even more helpless. Then, after a few months, stop inducing their wetting accidents entirely. Your partner will have a succession of dry nights, and with cautious enthusiasm, you’ll both celebrate their return to grown-up undies… for now. Rinse and repeat until they’re completely resigned to their new sleepwear. :)
Your poor partner must be so tired staying up all night worrying about their bed-wetting habit! Help them out by offering them some Ambien. Zolpidem (sold as Ambien) is a narcotic that is known to sometimes cause sleepwalking. If you’re lucky, it may induce your partner to start behaving strangely at night. They’ll surely notice that it’s the Ambien that’s causing the sleepwalking issues, so you agree they should stop taking it. Then, start slipping it into their dinner or night-time drink. Several months of destructive, dangerous sleepwalking will invite another gentle intervention. Suggest a special bed, a custom-built single with bars for safety. Reassure them that it’s not a crib! Sleepwalking is a medical issue, just like their other unfortunate night-time habits. You just want to help them have a good night’s sleep for once. Long after they get acclimated to their new bed, once their sleeping stabilises (you’ve slowly eased them off their nightly Ambien, and transitioned them with lower-potency narcotics), start “accidentally” referring to it as their crib. Apologise to your poor partner. Of course you’re not trying to baby them! Keep doing it until they’re too weary to correct you anymore.
Now, you should get to work on your baby’s eating habits. It seems that they are far too tidy when they’re eating food that would otherwise require a bib! Place a small dose of flavourless numbing gel at the base of their cutlery, so that every time they take a bite of their food, it coats their lips. Midway through their meal, you can expect the sides of their mouth to get messy. Wipe their mouth for them and lightly scold them for being so sloppy all of a sudden. They will definitely notice the numbness, but let them know they’re just being silly, why in the world would their lips go numb out of nowhere?! Increase the dosage of the numbing gel each night, so that their food starts outright falling out of their mouth while they eat. Their top will inevitably get stained, make sure it happens many times before you truly intervene. Try to make it happen when you’re eating in public, if at all possible. It needs to be embarrassing enough to affect their sense of self, which is already quite fragile at this stage! Remember that variability and inconsistency will throw them off your scent, but that randomness across several new inexplicable behaviours is in itself a pattern and a cause for suspicion. You can therefore associate their inability to eat tidily with “messy” meals, like pasta/noodles, soups, and stews. Maybe suggest they take their top off while they eat these foods, or that they tuck a napkin into their shirt during mealtimes. Naturally, they’ll choose the latter option. But you’re environmentally conscious, and this has been a consistent issue for months! Why not suggest something reusable, like a bib? You can of course wean them off the numbing gel once they're used to wearing the bib, but ensure to reapply once in a while, so that they never feel entirely ready to eat without it!
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