slow burn irl

A place for demiromantics of all shades of grey. Banner image by @rockingatnothing

[demiro-halo]

For Those Who Love Rarely, But Intensely

Welcome! I'm Psyche. I use she/her pronouns, and I'm demiromantic, nebularomantic and bisexual. I am romance-ambivalent (usually somewhere between indifferent and favourable) and I'm currently in a romantic relationship (formerly a QPR) with another demiromantic!

I created this blog because I couldn't find very many active demiromantic blogs that didn't also focus on demisexuality. While this blog is mostly used to share my own personal thoughts and experiences, other demiromantics, plus allies and those who are questioning, are more than welcome to chime in! I'm open to any and all good-faith asks seeking advice, reassurance, or just sharing demiromantic joy.

Because I'm aroallo, and because this blog focuses on demiromanticism first and foremost, I generally won't post or reblog stuff about demisexuality, or asexuality in general. Please look elsewhere if that's what you're after. I don't care an awful lot about how people tag my posts, but please just be mindful of the fact that my posts are primarily focused around demiromanticism (or aromanticism in general) unless otherwise indicated (in those cases they'll be tagged as "aspec" and/or "asexual")

I am anti-amatonormativity and pro-"do what you want forever." Nobody has to abide by traditional romantic norms, let alone have a romantic partner at all, and we have a long way to go to properly accommodate non-partnering people.

Tags

#aroallo things for posts and reblogs about being aromantic and allosexual, including erasure. These posts may discuss sexual topics, though never in graphic detail.

#relationshipposting for posts about my romantic relationship. I'd recommend blocking this tag if you're romance-repulsed or averse, or otherwise prefer not to hear about my relationship.

More may be added in the future; if there's anything you'd like tagged please let me know!

dividers by @g0ds-f4v-svp3rn0v4

[gay-otlc]

Sometimes it can feel like the aro community is very QPR focused, and QPRs are awesome, but not everyone wants a relationship like that. And that's okay. It's okay to not want any relationship, romantic or queerplatonic or anything else. Sometimes people act like having a queerplatonic partner is the only way to be happy if you're aro, but that's just amatonormativity all over again, and it's not true. You can be nonpartnering and happy. Being nonpartnering is awesome.

[demiro-halo]

"aros can still date" and alloros can still choose to stay single

[aromanticofficial]

Can you still be in relationships if you are aromantic?

yes, you can! i myself am in a committed romantic relationship because i identify as demiromantic (only feels romantic attraction after an emotional connection forms), but there are many many many ways for aros to date. greyromantics feel attraction rarely and/or less strongly, so they may enter a relationship because they felt attracted to someone when they usually might not, or an aro of any microlabel may start dating because they felt sexually attracted to their partner, wanted a long term partner for emotional intimacy, or any number of reasons. every aromantic person is different, and so are their relationships!

[enderhasentered]

I think that the lack of aromantic spaces that aren't also asexual is a function of both amatonormativity and purity culture.

Either you're having sex for love, or you're a wh*re

So aroallo people struggle to proudly exist because we're labeled "shallow" or "unavailable" when we don't fit into the lines drawn for us, without us.

We're just as real and just as normal as anyone else, but the constant shame surrounding sex pushes us to label ourselves wrong.

I cannot be the only person who labelled myself aroace despite knowing it wasn't true because I was scared of what others may think of me, even in my own communities.

Well that's bullshit. I'm not going to live in the closet because of others' ignorance. I want to be loud and honest and maybe if I'm lucky, I can help someone else feel just a little bit less alone.

You don't have to be afraid of who you are. Who you are is cool as fuck.

[aromanticofficial]

official aromantic post

[your-local-fluie]

Before Pride month ends, I wanna give a special thanks to aplatonic people.

Aplatonic activism and instances changed me and affect me positively to an enormous degree, as an alloplatonic neurodivergent and mentally ill aroace.

They empowered me to enjoy my own company, knowing I don't need friends either to be happy; I can be content with myself. They made me see the value in loneliness. Considering socializing drains me fast, so I tend to stay alone in my room a lot, this is very relevant to me.

They made me look inward, noticing my internal narration is actually possibly the best company I could ask for 90% of the time (when depression doesn't turn it into literal hell). No other person on the planet would understand me better than myself. Nobody shares 100% of my values. No one person shares all of my interests. When I have a healthy dose of self-confidence, I actually laugh at my own wittiness and think that no single friend's humour caters to my taste nearly as well. It would feel frustrating and self-absorbed if aplatonism existing didn't make me realize it's okay to not place friends above yourself.

They taught me to be independent. That's still a work in progress but if I hadn't learned about aplatonism, I'd probably obsess over my best friends way worse than I already do.

It also taught me another level of consent. I have yet to meet an aplatonic person irl (at least as far as I know), but the idea that even placing a label like "friend" on someone without consent could be wrong makes me feel both safer myself (I've gotten a taste of it when my ex QPP broke up with me and asked if we could still be best friends. Wtf we were never best friends dude, just friends, that felt almost dirty), and probably makes people around me feel safer too. Since I'm friendship favourable it actually makes me experience my friendships more respectfully and thoughtfully so they come out healthier.

I don't mean to make it all about myself here—aplatonic people already get the shortest end of the stick when it comes to a-spec visibility and general attitudes towards them, so it's not in such good taste to bring the focus on me and my alloplatonism—but maybe some other alloplatonic people can come across this and be inspired to deconstruct their own platonormativity.

Aplatonic advocacy helps literally everyone I swear. Aro advocacy falls short in some places by too often shifting the focus on platonic bonds as a "replacement" for the "missing" romance. Understanding aplatonism directly contributed to actually *fully* deconstructing amatonormativity without just recycling the same rhetoric.

I've already posted a similar appreciation post about loveless people so I'm not gonna repeat it this year but yeah, shout out to loveless folks as well, y'all rock.

[shiny-pride-stamps]

U can make Demisexual and Demiromantic?? pls <3

Ofc!! I also made demiaroace / demirose too ^^

[aro-culture-is]

Demi4Demi culture is your relationship playing out and developing like a slow-burn romance.

.

[iceglobe-system]

"My loveless heart still beats"

As in, a phrase to mean: Yes, I am loveless, but I'm also still alive, and a person. So you should still treat me with the same kindness, and respect that you would anyone else.

[mongeese]

The Murderbot Diaries are a power fantasy about being aromantic and still developing extremely important dedicated emotionally intimate partnerships where you are a top priority in a person's life, equal to their other family or romantic attachments despite your own emotional difficulties. And having guns in your arms

[largemandrill]

I may be Aromantic but also be aware that I am a romantic

[aro-culture-is]

aroallo culture is developing a sort of crush for people but its more just strong platonic/sexual desires for someone and having no clue how to deal with it

.

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is wishing that the extent of most people's amatonormativity deconstruction wasn't just "well aromantic people are allowed to not have partners if they wish". Framing aro people as just an exception to the "everyone should be seeking out romance" rule does nothing but reinforce social expectations that hurt everyone. Just because someone isn't aro doesn't mean that they cannot have a fulfilling life by themselves. Single allos shouldn't be treated as if they're lesser and allos who are openly opposed to being in romantic relationships aren't in denial or need of "fixing". We shouldn't place value on one's relationship status and make them feel worthless for not being "desirable" regardless of orientation. And arospec people shouldn't have to out themselves for their life choices to not be heavily scrutinised. Aro people are never going to escape alienation if the extent of aromantic awareness is that we're the exception to the norm rather than deconstructing why society is so focused on these relationships to begin with and uplifting lives without romance as equally fulfilling and valuable.

💯

[the-aro-agenda]

if you think headcanoning an autistic character as aromantic or asexual is infantilizing them i will disintegrate you with my laser eyes

[seymourworld]

and i do think that humans in general arent really made to be constrained to romance and monogamy in the way its enforced and understood now and i do think a lot of people only feel like they really need it because its whats expected and normal. But i say that and people get mad at me so

[seymourworld]

like im not gonna claim to be an expert on psychology or whatever the fuck but like. the idea of only having ONE extra special all important person who must meet all your needs perfectly and who cannot be substituted for anybody else and who everyone else in your life must be lesser than in your eyes is insane

[beartitled]

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH 🗣️‼️🏳️‍🌈

took a bit more time then I expected, but the pride doodles are here :>

[somesortofdog]

friend requested for more flags

Sorry if I missed any of y'alls flags

and heres the og flag cuz I'm evil and can repost art I like