ᵗʰᵉ ʷᵒʳˢᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ʷᵒʳˢᵗ. ( ᵃᵖ! )

[demonstained-a-blog]

hey  !!!  i  didn’t  forget  about  xavier,  it  just  took  me  a  while  to  gather  muse  and  motivation  to  remake  him.  so  his  new  account  can  be  found  HERE  !!!  nothing’s  changed  about  him.  he’s  still  the  same  old  xavier  with  the  same  fc  and  the  same  url  and  the  same  introverted  as  fuck  personality.  i  just  needed  a  fresh  start  on  him,  some  new  tags,  yada  yada.  stats  have  been  updated,  but  that’s  about  it.  anyway  i  hope  to  see  y’all  there  and  i’m  sorry  it  took  so  damn  long  for  me  to  finally  get  him  back  !!!

[demonstained-a-blog]

hey  !!!  i  didn’t  forget  about  xavier,  it  just  took  me  a  while  to  gather  muse  and  motivation  to  remake  him.  so  his  new  account  can  be  found  HERE  !!!  nothing’s  changed  about  him.  he’s  still  the  same  old  xavier  with  the  same  fc  and  the  same  url  and  the  same  introverted  as  fuck  personality.  i  just  needed  a  fresh  start  on  him,  some  new  tags,  yada  yada.  stats  have  been  updated,  but  that’s  about  it.  anyway  i  hope  to  see  y’all  there  and  i’m  sorry  it  took  so  damn  long  for  me  to  finally  get  him  back  !!!

[demonstained-a-blog]

heyo so i’m gonna be remaking xavier as an attempt to get his muse back ??? cleaner tags, new icons, new theme maybe a little tweaking of his character, i don’t know yet, but i’ll post the link to his new blog when i’m done on it !! 

[spiritspoken-a-blog]

    ❝ do you have a moment to talk about our gay lord and savior,                                                    the babadook? ❞

[demonstained-a-blog]

"Letting someone see you that vulnerable, it's a scary thing."

deep ass starters

         he chews on his lip and focuses on his burning cigarette. emotions aren’t something he likes to admit to having, he hates showing them even more.  if it’s not because of the weakness he thinks it holds, it’s definitely because of the tie to his abilities. he’s trying his best to open up to her more because she’s someone he wants to open up to. every time he starts to, his mother’s words echo through his mind— ❝ vulnerability gets you killed, mal. ❞ 

         he’s tired. he’s tired of keeping secrets from her and taking on the world by himself. he wants to scream and cry and let out his anger for once. ❝ i wanna tell you everything. i do. ❞ more than anything he wants her to be the one that shatters his walls. he’s already feeling more with her than he ever has in his life. ❝ i just—i don’t know how to be vulnerable. everything’s fucked and—i can’t afford to be weak because of it. ❞

[demonstained-a-blog]

"I'm scared of being used again..."

deep ass starters 

      ❝ you won’t. ❞ the words are said with such confidence. xavier had always held such a grudge towards his brother—he got to be the golden boy, he got to be human. it was easy to let the anger and hurt get to him. except now he’s realizing how much his brother was hurting too and he’s realizing how important he is to him. the years spent without him left a hole in him, one that he never wants to feel again.

     ❝ you protected me my whole life so now it’s my turn. nothing’s gonna happen to you and i ain’t gonna let anyone use you. if they try i’ll set them on fire and rip them to shreds. ❞ it’s not an over exaggeration. lately he’s been more brutal. he’s been letting his urges get to him more often. add that to someone hurting his brother and he’s not going to be a merciful type. ❝ as long as i’m around, ain’t nothin’ gonna touch you. and i don’t plan on leavin’ you again. ❞

[demonstained-a-blog]

beastburdened.

     “if you can call living in a shack in the middle of a forest a life,” he offers a wry smile, his new life is by no means perfect, but he’s well aware of the fact that it’s infinitely better than the life he was leading before. he only wishes he’d taken xavier and run when they were kids, before their mother twisted his brother up. but regardless, there’s nothing his twin could do that would ever change kade’s opinion of him. after all, neither of them are entirely human now.

     he wants to reach out, to offer comfort the way he used to when they were younger, but it’s been so long now, he doesn’t know if xavier would accept or reject his touch. a nod, “that’s good. good that you found someone, and you’re not alone.” he won’t bother mentioning his own epic failure of a relationship right now. “so, half angel girlfriend, huh? that must be… interesting.” he isn’t bothered by the fact that she’s been told nothing about him, god knows their family history isn’t exactly a walk in the park. “m’happy for you, man.”

      ❝ ya got the lumberjack look so it fits. ❞ a dry joke that doesn’t even sound like one. if anyone should understand when xavier’s joking, though, it should be kade. they grew up together, he should understand his brother’s lack of tone. ❝ still, if you didn’t like killing, i bet it’s a better life. totally proud of you, dude. ❞ even if he doesn’t think he’ll ever understand dropping out of the hunter lifestyle. he’s just happy his brother is trying. 

      ❝ interesting is one way to put it. ❞ he’ll stop himself from talking too much about malia--even if he always wants to talk about her. it’s still too weird finally being in the same spot as his twin again. ❝ you know this is nothin’ like i pictured us meetin’ again. i figured next time we did, ❞ he’s not even sure if there would have been a next time. other hunters are already on the lookout for him, ❝ it’d be with mom puttin’ a bullet in my head, but since that’s not the case, ❞ he holds out his hand, ❝ give me your phone, i’ll stick my number in. i gotta roll out an’ kick some succubus ass as soon as my car’s ready. i’d rather not lose contact with you again.❞ 

[demonstained-a-blog]

Deep Ass Starters.

Sometimes it's hard to get in depth with your muse and their backstory, because you can't figure out how to bring those things up with others. Here are a couple of starters intended to make things a little more personal!

"What's holding you back?"

"I'm not comfortable with this conversation."

"Will you /ever/ be comfortable with this conversation?"

"Let me in sometime!"

"It's not that easy, you know."

"Help me understand."

"It's hard to connect with someone when all they do is push you away."

"Why are you always so cold?"

"Why are you always so happy?"

"Are you really happy now?"

"Who hurt you this badly to make you this way?!"

"What, did your ex mess you up that badly?!"

"Why do you keep fighting it any time you feel?"

"It's a problem, I get it."

"This is all kinds of messed up."

"That's not exactly a good coping method."

"So what happened, with your parents, really?"

"What was your childhood like?"

"Everyone has at lest a little bit of mommy/daddy issues. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"My parents aren't exactly perfect models, either."

"You were bullied? What for?"

"Was it hard? Coming out, I mean."

"You can't just run away all the time."

"You can't just hide all the time."

"Are you still thinking about them?"

"I'm not the enemy here. But this makes me wonder who the real one is for you."

"Is the reason you're so cold and defensive because you feel threatened?"

"How long has it been since you last spoke to them?"

"You never talk about it, why?"

"How come you're so different around them?"

"It's like you don't have a care or worry in the world."

"You seem so perfect. I don't get it."

"What was your ex like?"

"I don't think I was ever good enough for them."

"Are you not comfortable being intimate?"

"Why don't you feel comfortable being intimate?"

"Letting someone see you that vulnerable, it's a scary thing."

"Are you scared of being hurt?"

"Have you ever been taken advantage of?"

"Why are you afraid of saying I love you?"

"I never understood how someone could say those words so easily."

"You're hurting others the way you've been hurt in the past, don't you think that's ironic?"

"You use people to make yourself feel better."

"I'm scared of being used again..."

"Losing someone isn't easy, but you're making it harder than it needs to be."

"How long has it been since you lost them?"

"You're too attached."

"I'm not attached, I'm just comfortable with what I'm familiar to."

"Maybe the real reason you're so controlling is because, deep down you'd rather have them in your grasp than lose them."

"Why did you ever break up?" / "Why did we ever break up?"

[demonstained-a-blog]

beastburdened.

     “wasn’t much else i could do. took a while to get the whole,” kade gestures at himself, “beast thing under control. still not really sure what i’m doing. that’s why i came out here. way up in the mountains, i can’t hurt anyone.” his bear wants to, though. they may have reached a somewhat peaceful accord, but that doesn’t stop the beast from wanting to kill. “i never… had the stomach for what we did,” for what xavier apparently still does, “i stayed for you, that’s the only reason.”

     he’s worried about his brother, worried about him being on his own, with nobody to help him with controlling his powers. the mention of a girl gives him pause, though. if anyone deserves to be happy, it’s xavier. “a girl, huh? she know about you?” kade hopes so, hopes that his twin isn’t as alone as he seems. “might be waitin’ a while. folks around here like to take their time.”

      he wishes he had got out sooner. that it hadn’t taken almost dying and becoming something more than human to get him out of a life he hated. not that xavier ever knew about it, he figured they were in on it together how exciting the job could be. he won’t say anything about it, though. he’s just happy he’s alive.  ❝ you made a life for yourself, as weird as it seems, so you know---good. ❞ if anyone’s going to be turned into a monster, it may as well be someone good enough to not hurt someone. he’s slightly confused by his own feelings towards the situation--he’s never been very accepting of anything supernatural.

      he grabs a cigarette from his pack and twirls it between his fingers. he won’t light it ( even he realizes that’s rude ), but it’s the second best thing he can do to relieving some of the anxiety building up. ❝ the whole demon thing? yeah---she’s half angel. so, when i said opposite of everything i am, i meant opposite. ❞ a pause, ❝ haven’t told her ‘bout you or anything though. figured that would lead to a whole family discussion which would lead to some shitty facts she don’t need to know yet. ❞ 

[demonstained-a-blog]

“There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.”

comfort 

     the words go against everything he’s been told his life. abomination, devil child, mistake—-everything he could be told, he was. words of comfort aren’t something he’s used to. he chews on his lip, eyes falling towards the ground. he’s scared, it’s been a secret for so long, but he figures it has to come out sometime. if he’s going to trust anyone with his past, it’s going to be malia. ❝ i..that’s never been said to me before. ❞ 

    he appreciates it. it does make him feel less of a sin cursing the earth with his existence. ❝ my mom hated me. like—really hated me. threatened to kill me each time i showed the slightest hint of disobedience. ❞ his voice is shaking, it’s not a topic he talks about much. most of it, he tries to keep repressed. ❝ i was literally only a weapon to her. she wouldn’t let me talk to people, she’d pull me out of bed by my hair if i was having one of my bad days, she blamed me if hunts went wrong, i drank a lot when i was younger, like bordering on alcoholism at fuckin’ sixteen, but my mom just found it as an excuse to threaten my life again. she really liked doing that, i think. gave her a sense of control over her mistake.  ❞

      it’s only taken him twenty nine years to admit it, but he’s finally coming to the realization, it wasn’t his fault.  he didn’t make her sleep with a demon. ❝ i guess what i’m getting at is, i guess it’s just—it’s nice to hear? ‘cause all my life i got told i was the worst possible thing to happen and–and that the only thing i was useful for was killing, ❞ a fact he still does firmly believe in, ❝ i don’t get what you see in me, and i probably never will, but i don’t have to. i really love you, mal. you make me feel better. so thanks for—everything you do for me, really and thanks for seeing more to me than just some weapon of destruction. ❞

[demonstained-a-blog]

“When all this is over, I’ll still be here and so will you.”

comfort 

     he clicks his tongue, trying to let himself just take the statement. he’s glad kade’s out of the game, ecstatic for him, but that’s not something he can ever see himself doing. social skills are a trainwreck, he’s never been good at even the basic of schooling, and he doesn’t quite know any talents he may have other than killing. ❝ it’s not gonna be over for me, though, kade. ❞ he wishes it could be. living a normal life with his twin seems more appealing than he’d care to admit. 

     ❝ i can’t get out. it’s not gonna end ‘til i’m dead and then— ❞ he shrugs, ❝ then we’re not gonna both be here. ❞ there’s a pause before he forces a smile, ❝ but hey, we can take advantage of the time we got. however long it may be. ❞ if things go the way he plans, he’s got a good eleven years still on him.

[alannasroleplaymemes-moved]

Comfort Sentence Starters, Part II

“Hey, it’s all right. Everybody argues sometimes.” “Just because you didn’t agree doesn’t mean it’s over.” “The fact that you fought means s/he cares enough to want to change your opinion.” “Come on, you know that doesn’t really matter to her/him.” “No, don’t say that. You’re going to be okay.” “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.” “It isn’t anyone’s fault. Sometimes love just changes.” “You gave it your best shot, that’s all anyone could ask of you.” “I’m here and I love you.” “ I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you.” “Love is never a waste and you know that.” “We don’t have to talk about it right now, but I’m here if/when you want to.” “Just because it happened once doesn’t mean it’ll happen again.” “You are beautiful and capable and strong. You’ll overcome this.” “I’m sorry you’re hurting so much.” “You’re not alone in this. I’m here for you.” “You are important and you matter.” “When all this is over, I’ll still be here and so will you.” “I can’t really understand what you are feeling, but I can offer my compassion.” “You won’t drive me away. I’m not going to leave you or abandon you.”

[demonstained-a-blog]

"Where am I?"

some hospital meme i don’t wanna look for 

     he’s never liked hospitals, they send shivers down his spine. though, they’re bearable if it’s not him lying in that hospital bed. he doesn’t know anything about the girl, not who her friends or family are, so that’s why he decided to change up his usual routine. usually, he wouldn’t stay for anyone to come back to consciousness, but he doesn’t want her to be alone when she woke up. ( he gets how scary that can be. ) 

     he’s reading some poorly put together magazine to entertain him in the meantime—not that it means much to him. it’s media related, which goes completely over his head. because of that, when he hears her voice, he’s almost too relieved to be able to put it down. leaning forward in his seat, his attention focuses on the stranger. ❝ uh, you’re in the hospital. ❞ a pause before he decides to continue, ❝ you got attacked by—something, ❞ won’t tell her what. he doesn’t want to scare her with supernatural details, ❝ and you weren’t looking too good so i, ah, brought you here. ❞

[demonstained-a-blog]

“you are very endearing when you’re half asleep.”

some meme i don’t wanna look for i don’t wanna look for 

      there’s a moment of silence and all he can do is look up with sleepy eyes. today’s starting to feel like a day to spend the entire time laying in bed. surprisingly, it’s not like his usual low moods. this time he doesn’t feel like something’s swallowing his soul whole, he doesn’t feel guilty, or like crying—he just really loves malia’s bed. it’s a whole hell of a lot better than his car seats. 

       a smirk before he grabs her and pulls her down with him. throwing the blanket over her and wrapping his arms around her. ❝ mm, i know. now it’s sleep time. ❞ a glance towards the clock and nose scrunches in distaste. one pm. ❝ okay so nap time is more appropriate. ❞

[demonstained-a-blog]

“i just want you to know that i’ll never stop loving you.”

some meme i don’t wanna look for i don’t wanna look for 

    he’s scared. a twisted feeling in his gut every time he thinks about her leaving. there’s a lot she still doesn’t know, that he hasn’t gathered the courage to tell her. he’s concerned once it comes out, that he may be seen as too damaged for her tastes. even after telling her about his demon half, which is undoubtedly his biggest secret, he’s still too terrified of her finding out about his past. maybe that’s why he hasn’t told her about finding his twin yet—or that he even has a twin to find. 

     the words send a wave of comfort through him, though. he may not have the courage to reveal everything just yet, but for now, at least, he can revel in what they have. he can revel in their love and how, for the first time ever, he feels like he has a shot at being happy. fingers reach up, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear before tracing down her jawline. he still can’t believe it’s possible to be so utterly entranced with someone. ❝ i’ll never stop loving you either. ❞

[demonstained-a-blog]

"You hit your head. There was so much blood that I got scared."

some hospital meme i don’t wanna look for

       fear and anxiety spikes as soon as his eyes flutter open. bright fluorescent lights that don’t do anyone any favors make it fairly obvious where he is before he gets the chance to look around. he sits up, eyes quickly darting around the room. ❝ no, no, nah, i–i can’t, ❞ the words aren’t directed towards her, just a note to himself. he’s been in the hospital once before and that was after his ghoul attack. they still scare the shit out of him. doctors poking and prodding at him and there’s a fear that they’ll find out what he is. it’s not totally unlikely, especially with rising emotions that are beginning to make things shake. 

      ❝ i need out. ❞ it’s not something he likes doing, it hurts like a bitch, but he rips out his ivs. standing up makes his head spin, but he’s too determined to leave to let it stop him. he slips on his pants and, after throwing the hospital gown on the floor, tosses a hoodie over him. his head is pounding and he’s sure it’s not a wise move to move so much after getting stitches, but he’s terrified of hospitals. he’d rather take care of himself. finally, he turns to kenzi, ❝ you brought me here s-so please lead me out of here. ❞ 

[beastburdened-deactivated201812]

s / b: so how old are you?? the peace twins, with straight faces: seven.