Denied Poppy @deniedpoppy - Tumblr Blog

Five by Five is available to pre-order plus other news from my hubby

James's Tumblr still isn't restored but I know there's quite a lot of crossover between followers. So if you're a fan of his writing this is to let you know his latest book is out this Friday on Amazon. Or you can get it right now on his SubscribeStar.

Five by Five by James Hardcourt - pre-order it on Amazon

Also the book 4 in the series, 'On All Fours' is on sale on Amazon today and tomorrow too - half-price or similar I think. And if you haven't checked them out you can get the first book The One-Bar Prison for free by signing up to our mailing list. You'll hear about my books on there too.

Thanks everyone. And if you can reblog this, then I know he'd be grateful. He's still sending support requests in to Tumblr to try and get it back, bless him.

Anyway, this book is brilliant (I know I would say that but he's spent so long on it and is very proud of it) and it reveals Brandon's secret past that I had honestly missed all the clues on so that was fun. I keep suggesting Natalie should lock his cock up but he argues that's the plot of Friends with Kinky Benefits already. He has a point but still... it feels to me like Brandon's secret might create an opening for that in future.

Here's the blurb he wrote:

A submissive’s collar is Natalie’s dream. But is Brandon ready to commit? It’s crunch time for our kinky couple. Their love and desire are blossoming. But can they take the big step of committing to each other as dom and sub? Can they even say, ‘I love you?’ Not until they’ve agreed what their commitment means, shared their hopes and fears — and not before Brandon’s dark secret has been revealed. But first, they have new kinks to explore, in less than private places, and scariest of all, she has to run the gauntlet of Trixy and Tess, Brandon’s best friends. Natalie’s dream is about to become reality. Can it possibly live up to her expectations? With all the hot consent, realistic interactions and sexy scenes that made this a bestselling series, Five by Five is the full-length novel that brings this erotic romance story to a satisfying climax, even for denial kinkster, Natalie! The Kink by the Numbers series is by blogger and sex educator, James Hardcourt. It's written not just to titillate, but to educate, encourage and inspire new ideas, ways of thinking about sex, and how to integrate them into your life. Incorporating author notes, and discussion points for submissives, dominants, and couples, these books are for anyone who loves good erotica, and wants it to not only excite them, but challenge and inspire too. Or you can just use them to get off. It's all good. Full of kinky play, edgy but adorable scenarios, and the hottest consent you'll find in any erotica - explore this fifth book of James Hardcourt's Kink by the Numbers series and get inspired.

Five by Five by James Hardcourt - pre-order it on Amazon

deniedpoppy

James’s tumblr is gone again but hopefully some of you will be able to see this. Five by Five is out now!

enbyfication

I looove ppl with praise kinks like god let me praise you when you do something cute,,, let me shut off your brain with compliments and make you desperate for more,,, hang onto my every word and I'll show you how good it feels to be adored

angel-in-the-basement

When they go from “you’d let me do this to you, wouldn’t you baby?” to “admit you want me to do this to you” to “you’re such a sick little slut for wanting this so bad”

babygirlberry-deactivated

imo, the feeling of edging isn't what makes orgasm denial hot. Orgasm denial is hot because of the absolute control. Knowing that you love the feeling of cumming so much and would sometimes do anything to get that release, but still choosing to obey your dom when they tell you that you can’t, so spellbound by them that you’ll ruin your own pleasure over and over and over again, just for their enjoyment… thats what makes orgasm denial so sexy.

I love knowing that my dom has that much power over me. I love that they can tell me if, when, and where I get to cum. I live for it. And I get so so so wet from it, too.

deniedpoppy

This sums it up perfectly.

the-evil-clergyman

Pan Consoling Psyche by Ernst Klimt (1892)

deniedpoppy

Hey there hope you’re all good 🥰 I just noticed that James’ blog has disappeared (female-orgasm-denial) 😔 was wondering if you knew what had happened cos you two seemed to know each other well x

Hi anon, thanks for checking in. Yes, James and I are good friends. Tumblr deleted his blog (again!). We’re not sure why this time but he’s appealing it and we hope to have it back soon.

In the meantime you can find him on his subscribestar, buy some of his new books, or you can email him at [email protected] if you have a burning question.

Also, work on Five By Five is ongoing behind the scenes and it’s very close to being finished (We’re proofreading the final version next week) so if you’re not already subscribed to his newsletter make sure to do that so you get all updates.

Thanks xx

deniedpoppy

Our beloved @female-orgasm-denial is back!

Hi anon, thanks for checking in. Yes, James and I are good friends. Tumblr deleted his blog (again!). We’re not sure why this time but he’s appealing it and we hope to have it back soon.

In the meantime you can find him on his subscribestar, buy some of his new books, or you can email him at [email protected] if you have a burning question.

Thanks xx

#female orgasm denial

softsapphicsiren

the thing about being with me is… you don’t get to cum. i’m a slut for denial and i want to know you can hold out for me. i want you desperate and begging to cum, and i want to see the tears well up when i say “no.” i want you to go to bed with your panties soaked through and a pillow between your legs so you can hump it in your sleep while you dream of me. i want you to wrack your brain trying to figure out how to be good for me, good enough that i’ll finally let you, and i want you to come up short every time, hard as you try. i want you to get so frustrated you just do it yourself, even though it’s not even half as good as the one i’d give you, and i want to punish you for it. and you’ll put up with all of it because there is nothing, nothing like my fingers inside of you and my lips on your neck, and you know it. you’ll wait and suffer for hours, for days, for weeks even, just for the chance that i’ll decide you’ve been good and put my mouth between your thighs. don’t worry, though. even on the nights when you do get to cum, i’ll have you groveling and weepy and so fucking desperate you’ll think you’re going insane. and then, and only then, i’ll make you cum so hard you feel it for hours. maybe even twice, so you think you got lucky. but it’s only because i’m planning on making you wait even longer this time… and i want you to know exactly what you’re missing.

dominant-dominion

SPACE ASKS

Comet- What are you currently frustrated about?

Black Hole- What are you most afraid of?

Galaxy- Do you have any nicknames? What are they?

Star- What song(s) do you feel describes you?

Moon- Are you currently reading any books? If so, what book(s)?

Planets- If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

Mercury- Describe your aesthetic.

Venus- What’s your favorite tv show?

Earth- If you could be anyone else for a day, who would you want to be?

Mars- If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change?

Jupiter- If you had to pick one color to use for an entire week, what color would you choose?

Saturn- How far would you go for those you care about?

Uranus- What would you say is your greatest achievement?

Neptune- Describe yourself in one sentence.

Pluto- If you could meet anyone, alive or dead, who would you meet?

Constellations- If you could have one talent, what would you want it to be? (can be magical or not)

Asteroid- When you die, what do you want to be done with your body?

Aquarius- What’s a topic you enjoy learning about?

Aquila- Do you prefer to read books or watch movies?

Aries- What is something you enjoy doing?

Auriga- If you had to pick one villain from any media, who would you rather have to face and why?

Bootes- If you could have any animal, wild or not, fake or not, which would you want?

Cancer- How do you want to be remembered?

Canis Major- How many friends do you have?

Capricornus- What’s a song lyric that you relate to?

Cassiopeia- What’s your favorite quote?

Cygnus- If you could go back to any time period for a couple days, when/where would you want to go?

Gemini- Do you have any siblings? How many?

Leo- If you could change the way any movie was made, which movie would you change?

Libra- If you could talk to your past self, what would you tell yourself?

Lyra- Would you rather be feared or loved?

Orion- What’s your favorite type of weather?

Pegasus- What’s your favorite music genre?

Perseus- What’s your favorite movie genre?

Pisces- Describe someone you love without saying their name.

Sagittarius- What do you do when you don’t feel well? What do you eat/drink?

Scorpius- If you had to pick someone to betray you, who would you pick?

Taurus- What makes you feel comfortable?

Ursa Major- If you had to pick any job to have, what job would you want?

Virgo- What do you value the most- artistic ability/creativity, musical ability, athletic ability, intellect, or work ethic?

Neutron- Are you more of a leader or a follower?

Supernova- How do you feel about yourself?

Supergiant- What’s something you like about yourself?

Red Giant- Would you get into a debate/argument with someone if you heard them saying something you disagree with or know to be wrong, or would you stay silent?

Red Dwarf- What’s your favorite smell? What smell makes you feel most comfortable?

Protostar- Give a random fact about yourself.

baixueagain

People keep searching for ways to argue that JK Rowling has always been a horrible person deep down as a way of explaining her recent behaviour.

But here’s the thing: that’s probably not true at all.

Pretending it is discounts the harsher, scarier truth: that even decent, well-meaning people can be radicalised by dangerous, hateful, predatory groups, and given enough time they can become truly hideous versions of their former selves.

It can happen to me. It can happen to you. It can happen to any of us, given the right mix of circumstances. And over the past few years, we’ve seen it happen to one of the most famous children’s authors of our age.

Nobody is immune.

agender-thanos

So you’re saying that The Clown wasn’t always… outright evil?

the-angry-ship-deactivated20220

No one is born evil

agender-thanos

Well…

Good point, but prejudice is best installed at a young age. Why is why I assumed the said Clown was just evil since some early part of their life.

baixueagain

What I’m saying is that JKR, like so many average people, very likely started off in a place of well-meaning ignorance. Then she started exploring new and different ideas being shared online. Some ideas resonated deeply with her experiences as an abuse survivor, so she began exploring them deeper. Then, wham, public backlash. Her trauma is triggered - but so is her curiosity. After all, if something she did or said set people off, maybe she’s onto something. So she starts exploring more. Starts asking more questions. And when she does this in public, there is always backlash. Meanwhile, however, in private, her new friends are telling her “See? This is proof we’re right. This is proof that the world wants us silenced, because they’re scared of the truth, and they really hate women that much.” And what do you know, what they’re telling her starts sounding more and more reasonable, especially since the outside world is becoming more and more hostile.

And round and round it goes, until you have a radical.

fierceawakening

This is absolutely how radicalization works. I started out “I could never be a feminist, they hate kinksters” (yes, this was a massive oversimplification) and within, oh, i think two years? i was saying “well, i don’t like the overtones of ‘radical feminist’ but what’s so wrong with saying you’re a radical AND a feminist? we need to make sure there’s space for traumatized women who really do legitimately hate and fear men.” When you become an extremist, you become UNRECOGNIZABLE even to YOURSELF.

filthyjanuary

#also JKR is just the most famous and most heinous case#there are MANY MANY young people being indoctrinated with the same ideals within the circles they found safety and community in#i do not care that JKR has been radicalised; i am far more worried about people not recognising the radicalising process#and how it invades queer and women’s communties to deliberately and actively create harmful environments#as disappointing and gross as JKR is; it’s#it’s important to recognise that radical ideologies (be they alt-right racism or TERFdom) are spread (via @wondersmith-and-sons)

wondersmith-and-sons

There is also this….revisionist tendency to say that JKR has always been a closet bigot and conservative and right-wing since she got famous, but that’s not even entirely true. One of her first major political stirrups was criticising Tory austerity measures and David Cameron, (she also once said “people who send their children to boarding schools seem to feel that I’m on their side. I’m not.”), donating to Labour and being openly supportive of the British welfare state. She has, in at least one interview (from 2000) self-proclaimed to be left-wing. As early as 2003, she claimed that one of her biggest writing influences was a Jessica Mitford, who Rowling described as a “self-taught socialist”.

This isn’t to apologise for her behaviour or rehabilitate her into some former activist who is still worthy of saving; it’s to contextualise her recent descent into TERFdom compared to her previous political stances she’s openly held. She was probably never going to be a staunch ally for equality and diversity, and yes, a lot of the HP series were very problematic in retrospect, but she could very easily have gone the other way and at the very least turned out to be less of a bigoted shitbag she is now. The fact that her politics in late 2000′s/early 2010′s were similar to so many people who are now activists and organisers for queer, BIPOC and vulnerable communities should tell us to be all the more careful about radfem ideology and transphobia in progressive spaces.

It’s comforting to say “we should have known in hindsight that she was always going to become a TERF, the early signs were all there!” but that’s also not true. We have to recognise that the toxic ideology, the active harm she chooses to participate in, was a deliberate choice; this was a path she chose to go down, not one that was pre-determined for her. It’s also an easy way to separate ourselves from being critical of radfem influence; “JKR was always a right-wing bigot and that’s why she became indoctrinated with radfem bullshit. I’m not a right-wing bigot, therefore unlike her, I will never fall for radfem bullshit.”

People who become radicalised, including those to become radfems, were not always irredeemable right-winger proto-Conservatives doomed for extremism and hatred, and that’s the point. The revisionist idea that she was always beyond salvaging erases how TERFs recruit people (especially vulnerable, impressionable people) in queer, progressive and liberal circles and how easily their dogwhistles can go undetected. The idea that JKR was already a closet right-winger from the get-go and therefore could never have been a good person is ultimately unhelpful because all it does it separate from the reality of how radfem doctrine spreads. TERFs sell their own toxic, harmful views packaged as progressive ideas as part of their strategy and that’s why their ideology is dangerous and requires constant vigilance to drive out.

plantsandothers

this actually happened to me in seventh grade, i knew what terfs were and i didn’t want to become one, but i started seeing posts about how sex work is used in society and how it harms women, and i started getting into it by saying ‘alright, i’m going to listen to these people but i’m not gonna be a terf. i’m not gonna let that happen’ but the posts turned from sex work, to sports (“women athletes are at a disadvantage to trans women athletes, i’m not a transphobe i just think this should be noticed”) to trans women in womens spaces (“there are women who are vulnerable and traumatized because of their pasts with males especially, and trans women can’t relate to that in the same way they’re just concerned with being in a woman’s space, i’m not a transphobe i just think this should be noticed”) until it was genuinely, irrevocably transphobia and terfness (“trans women keep harassing lesbians, nobody is obligated to feel attracted to you, other women understand that, why can’t they? unless…”) and still i didn’t notice how far i had fallen.

i don’t remember what it was that made me pause, step back and say ‘no, actually this is exactly what i said wouldn’t happen. we need to stop’ but i did, i looked up trans perspectives and forced myself to unlearn the bullshit i had absorbed. and while i’m glad i did that, it’s not an exaggeration to say the internet lives forever. there’s still comments under posts from years ago that i wish i could find and delete, but i doubt i ever will.

prismatic-bell

It may be true that everything is forever on the internet, but that includes the fact that your story should be one of hope.

It IS possible for someone who’s been radicalized to go “what the fuck am I doing?”, learn better, and then openly say “I fucked up and this is wrong.” You literally did it on this post.

That should be the end goal: creating a community so open that radical groups stand no chance of growing, and indeed people can be rescued.

nonasuch

For Rowling in particular, it’s also worth noting the effects of suddenly coming into a huge amount of money and power, and the subsequent case of Never Being Told No Disease that so frequently develops.

Never Being Told No Disease is what happens when someone is so wholly insulated from pushback, criticism, disagreement, and consequences that, after a while, being told No in even the most trivial context becomes a huge blow to their ego. Rich people are particularly susceptible to the condition. It’s reversible, but the cure requires having someone in their life who will call them on their bullshit.

Rowling, who more-or-less opted out of being edited past book 4 (and whose publishers let her), who went from a pre-HP life composed mostly of being told No to a life largely devoid of it, seems to have let the Handle Being Told No With Grace center of her brain wither away to nothing. So when her initial bad takes were gently corrected by trans activists, she reacted to this very mild No like a vampire to sunlight, and fled the searing gaze of mild criticism for the soothing darkness of TERFS who told her she was right about everything.

cherishedproperty

Sometimes Talking Doesn’t Help

I walked in and flung myself down in a frustrated huff.

“This stupid fucking app. I’ve been saying « Je voudrais réserver une table » for the last 15 goddamn minutes, and it keeps giving me the bad buh-bong tones. What am I doing wrong?”

“Your pronunciation sounds fine to me.”

“I tried changing this, I tried changing that, and still, buh-bong buh-bong BUH-BONG.”

He looks me over for a few moments. He knows why this is so frustrating to me. It’s not just that I’m an overachiever who wants congratulatory head pats, even from an app. It’s also that I desperately want to regain enough French that I make a good impression on his family when we meet. And right now I’m in a delicate place. I alternate between feeling reassured and proud of how much French I can remember and feeling like a fucking idiot who will never be able to have a conversation with anyone older than 4.

Most times when I’m frustrated, he lets me talk. Usually it’s work, and I ramble on and on about the problem of the day. He knows this is how I process, so he listens. But this time, he knows talking won’t help. He sees the downward spiral about to begin.

“When do you have to go get the kid?”

“Not for an hour and a half.”

“Come with me.”

He leads me upstairs. He strips me, piece by piece. Then he bends me over the couch, with my hips raised by pillows he’s stacked for my comfort. Then he gets the flogger.

He starts slow. I try to keep my brain focused on him, but it’s a mess. I think about him, and then I think about something else, and then my brain tries to work out how to say my internal monologue in French, and then I try to yank my brain back to him. He hits me harder. He hits the same spot a few times in a row, and suddenly I’m back in the moment.

My brain settles. I take the blows as they come, groaning and wincing when it gets painful. Each time, he pushes a bit further with the pain, then switches to the other side. Then he kneels down beside me and lightly drags his fingertips over my warm cheeks. I cry out. He bends over to kiss my cheek. Then he switches to using his hand. A different kind of pain to process.

After, he covers me up and strokes my back for a while. He knows I like to sit in my subspace a bit before moving on to something else. But I know he’s hard. And I find myself hoping he’s not finished with me.

He stands up, and I hear his belt and zipper. Clothes come off. He removes the blanket covering my sore ass and positions himself behind me. And then I am his. Orgasm after orgasm, until he cums with his fingers digging into my sore, pink cheeks.

Then, calm. He helps me to the shower, with the warmth of his hand and his cock still radiating through me. As I return to reality, I haven’t forgotten the earlier frustrations of learning French. But I’m no longer ruminating. I’m no longer pulling myself into the darkness.

Sometimes talking is the answer. But sometimes, for a certain kind of girl, a spanking is far more soothing.

rosy-puppy

make! your! sub! speak! positively! of! themselves! before! you! let! them! cum!

adjust language for pronoun, title, and pet name preferences as needed but things like

- “who’s my beautiful girl”

- “i am, i am”

- “you’re what?”

- “i’m your beautiful girl”

- “say it again, what are you?”

- “i’m - ah - a beautiful girl”

- “that’s right, beautiful girl. now be even prettier and cum for me.”

are everything, don’t let up on asking, repeat the phrase you want them to say often, and don’t let them cum until they’re kind to themselves. you can work as much teasing as you want into this, make them say it until they convince you they mean it, make them say all sorts of good things about themselves. the point is for your sub to associate loving themselves with the dopamine rush of their orgasm (i would not recommend doing this if you plan on ruining their orgasm, let this chemically play out all the way through for your sub), and this can be such a gift for dom’s too because you’re helping your sub see themselves the way you see them and making them more confident in themselves, especially as a creature of beauty, pleasure, and desire - not to mention the wonderful bonding opportunity this all can be for you both

tl;dr: take the praise kink to the next level by pulling an uno reverse card and making ur sub praise themselves

nolongersilkbox

In order to stop the culture of faking orgasms, we need to stop the culture of shaming others for their sexual experiences.

Can’t get your partner off on the first try? Cool. You can still be thoughtful and make them feel good.

Can get your partner off within 30 seconds? Awesome, good for you both, don’t let it get to your head.

Can make someone cum in less than 5, but for others, it’s a process that takes an hour? That’s alright, everyone’s different.

Does it take you 30 minutes to cum? That’s okay, you’re not broken, you’re not a failure.

Does it take you 10 seconds to cum? That’s great, you’re not a slut, you’re not overly sensitive or dirty.

Can’t cum without toys/vibrators? That’s awesome, that’s a valid part of sexual play!

Can only cum with loving, vanilla sex? That’s perfectly normal, and you will find lots of great partners to experience that with!

Can’t orgasm at all? THAT’S ALSO COOL. It’s not a bad thing, you can still enjoy sex TONNES just like others.

Orgasms are NOT the defining characteristic of your sexual prowess. They are great, they’re lovely when they happen, but for the love of science, stop bringing them up higher than they need to be.

oldenoughtobeyourfather

This one’s a pretty big deal. “Did you come?”

No, but it still felt great

Yes, and it felt really great

Yes, but coming isn’t that big a deal for me

No, can you keep going?

Yes, can you keep going?

No, do you want to watch me get myself off?

Yes, but don’t get a big head about it – I come so easily it doesn’t matter what you do.

No, but I bet I can get you up again

Yes, but I’d rather keep edging because I always get a huge drop after coming and it really puts me off sex for a while

No, thank you, orgasm denial leaves me deliciously horny for days

No, and I’m really frustrated, let’s brainstorm how to change that

All of these are fucking awesome answers. Including the last one. They’re also 100% legitimate answers. Including the last one.

Only the last one is even a little bit “negative,” and, really, how bad, arrogant, or egocentric a lover do you have to be that you’d rather not know when your partner says “here are some great ways to help me come next time, lover?”

If on the other hand you’re going to panic or be unhappy about that last answer then you’re not a bad lover (no shame either way) but your sex life will be less workable. With the result that you’ll continue having, well, the same result.

To be honest, whether you or your partner comes isn’t the most important thing about sex. It’s whether you’re both satisfied afterwards. The only trick being that

You get to decide what “satisfied” means for you

You don’t get to decide what “satisfied” means for your partner(s.)

Asking “did you come” isn’t really the right question. “Does this work for you” is way healthier. That’s the culture we want to look for and encourage.

—

P.S. Your partner isn’t a video game. His or her orgasms aren’t a boss fight. The question you want to ask isn’t “did I beat the previous high score” but “would you like to play again.”

jennabunns

Love this!!!

mt-dreaming-deactivated20200421

Heck yes!

angelenentrenamiento

also “coming together” is something that rarely happens… most ppl cant cum at the same time as the other person, it’s almost impossible

fuckyeahfingersinmouths

her-master

Girls, have you ever had a man put his fingers in your mouth? Yes, yes. Of course, but you also know that’s not what I’m talking about: I most certainly do not mean when a guy shyly slides his finger into your mouth, timidly, like a boy at a school dance might touch a girl’s hip. Then you tease that finger and him, having your fun and pretending it’s a little cock while you suck on it and play with it with your tongue. Of course you’ve done that.

No, what I’m asking is has a Man ever taken your mouth with His fingers? Has He grabbed a handful of your silken hair, cranked your head back so roughly that it hurt and you cried out in surprise? Has he then shoved two or maybe three fingers in your open mouth as He holds you there, helpless, by your hair? Has He probed deep into your mouth, exploring all its secrets, your tongue, your cheeks, your wetness? Has He told you that you belong to Him? That you are His little fucking slut now and He is going to fuck all your holes when and how He wants? Has He reminded you that you will not be sucking cock, that your mouth is simply another hole He will fuck? And tell me girl, when He did that, did your little cunt tighten, did you feel butterflies in your belly, and did you beg Him with your eyes, wishing more than anything that it was His cock, and not His fingers in your mouth? Did you beg to be allowed to suck His cock? Did you try to grind your sopping wet little pussy up against His leg while He looked at you and gently laughed at your hunger, knowing that you were broken and conquered before He even touched your body? Did he tell you, then, while he held your jaw with those fingers still in your mouth, that you were His?

If not, then the answer is “no”–a Man has never put His fingers in your little mouth. But if you are a good girl, maybe He will…

meltymuffin

Well fuck ♡

sillyshygirl88-deactivated20160

Holy…. oh my

gentlemanlibertine-deactivated2

It’s so delightfully intimate, this sort of invasion.

faewildehasmoved

You've done such a good job pretending to be big and strong today! Now let me put your collar on, it's time to turn your brain off <3

omwb1234

Let's watch porn together just so I can see you start to squirm and rub your legs together. "Do you want me to do that to you, baby?" I'll say as you softly cry onto my shoulder and nod softly, your hand slowly guiding mine between your thighs

lovemysub-deactivated20250527

Hey LMS. I am a man and I have always been very masculine, like you. For the past several years, though, the idea of submitting to a woman has seemed just...right to me. Not even just sexually. I would want a full time BDSM relationship with a woman. But online, every time I see a male submissive they are always presented as being sort of stripped of their manhood, treated as weak. And that part isn't appealing to me. Can I be a male submissive and retain my masculinity? Is there a space for me?

Anon- it’s been a while since I had a male submissive specific question, and this one in particular gives me a chance to say some things that need to be said, so thank you.

First- there is absolutely space for you in the BDSM world. If you’re looking online, I’m sure you do see a lot of forced feminization or emasculation, because the Internet is a visual medium and that’s the most convenient way for people to convey a reversal of traditional gender roles or just male submissiveness in general. But you have to remember that what you’re seeing is a lie. Not to say it doesn’t exist, mind you. But it’s very much not the norm.

This is one of those areas where BDSM’s online representation and BDSM reality are very different.

Here is the BDSM reality: the majority of male submissives look and dress and act like regular dudes that you’d see anywhere else. The majority of male submissives retain 100% of their masculinity.

I’m a big fan of visualizations, so roll with me on this one: imagine a dog. A Rottweiler, specifically. Big. Strong. Powerful. Dangerous if provoked (but generally a big teddy bear). Now imagine that dog being walked down the street on a leash. Is the dog suddenly less big, strong, and powerful? Is it suddenly less capable of tearing you limb from limb if it wanted to? Of course not. The dog being on a leash doesn’t change its nature. And it won’t change yours, either.

Back in Alabama, in one of the local kink communities I was part of, there was a really cool couple I knew. The female dominant was *maybe* 5 feet tall and probably didn’t weigh 100 pounds. The submissive male was roughly 6'3 and 250ish. All solid muscle. And he was a friendly dude, but you could also tell he was the queensguard. His domme was his to protect and serve and he did so with pride. Wasn’t a damn thing lacking in masculinity about this guy, I can tell you that.

My point is this: you can be a male submissive and retain 100% of your masculinity. Masculinity is determined by one person and one person only, and that’s you. Don’t buy into the bullshit myth that you have to act a certain way or drink a certain drink or wear certain clothes to be masculine. If you’re secure in your status as a man, none of that shit matters, and it sure as hell doesn’t matter if you choose to kneel to someone who is worthy.

Go forth and find your queen, brother. Make sure she’s worth your service, kneel and serve her well. There is honor in that. Never forget that.

-LMS

deniedpoppy

Lovely.

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