INFERNAL CONCEPTUON IS SO GOOD?????? đđđđđ
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INFERNAL CONCEPTUON IS SO GOOD?????? đđđđđ
AH, thank you so much!!! Iâm having a ton of fun with it, so Iâm happy there are people enjoying it!
Archive of Our Own
Chapters: 3/? Fandom: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Apocalypse Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Michael Langdon/Reader, Michael Langdon/You, Michael Langdon/Original Female Character(s), Michael Langdon/Original Character(s), Michael Langdon - Relationship Characters: Michael Langdon Summary:
Michael Langdon has arrived at the Outpost and you find yourself vying to secure your place at The Sanctuary. You're willing to do almost anything to secure your future. Almost. Though the world has changed, you have not. You're dedicated to your beliefs and refuse to compromise your innocence to gain favor, which is exactly why Michael wants you. As the last virgin on Earth, you've been chosen to serve a purpose that threatens everything you stand for.
You're a good girl. You really are. The problem is that Michael Langdon makes you want to do very bad things.
The Cooperative has developed a particular and rigorous questioning technique we like to call âcooperatingâ.
âThe Devil is real. And heâs not a little red man with horns and a tail. He can be beautiful. Because heâs a fallen angel, and he used to be Godâs favorite.â
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Infernal Conception [CHAPTER 2]
Chapters: 2/?
Fandom: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: ApocalypseÂ
Rating: ExplicitÂ
Relationships: Michael Langdon/ReaderÂ
Chapter Index: [1] [2]
Summary
Michael Langdon has arrived at the Outpost and you find yourself vying to secure your place at The Sanctuary. You're willing to do almost anything to secure your future. Almost. Though the world has changed, you have not. You're dedicated to your beliefs and refuse to compromise your innocence to gain favor, which is exactly why Michael wants you. As the last virgin on Earth, you've been chosen to serve a purpose that threatens everything you stand for.
You're a good girl. You really are. The problem is that Michael Langdon makes you want to do very bad things.
You return to your room and lock the door behind you like you have every day for the past year. It only takes this small, insignificant action to ground you. Familiar surroundings have that sort of power, and just like that, the terror that had you fleeing to your bedroom is just as quickly left at the threshold.
Heâs just a man, you assure yourself as you jiggle the doorknob to make certain no one can just walk in. The panic is gone, but youâre still dithery with anxiety because it doesnât feel over. Whatever it was that you ran from, whatever it was that you felt in that room with you and Michael, you can still sense it. It clings to you like the watch of eyes from a source you canât locate. Itâs driving you crazy.
You go to your wardrobe and quickly change into your nightdress. Itâs a shapeless sack that buries any sign of feminine shape beneath heavy gray fabric. The sleeves fall over your fingers and you push them up to free your hands to write.
You remove your diary from its hiding place under your mattress and take a seat at the small desk beside your bed. The ballpoint pen you press against the page was gifted by Emily as a thanks for being so understanding about some of the rules she sometimes broke with Timothy. Now that resources are so scarce, pen and ink are somewhat of a limited luxury. In a world where you have no one you can trust, your diary has become something like your closest confidant. Itâs where you divulge your most secret thoughts, your frustrations, your gossip. Itâs the only place you can go without fear of judgement. Itâs your safe haven, your sanctuary.
The thought momentarily makes you smile, but it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. You stare blankly at the page before you. Iâm not going to The Sanctuary, is the thought that slips free from the mental wall youâd sloppily brick-and-mortared on the way back to your room. The significance of this realization stirs your dozing panic to life like a sleeping wasp nest roused by the whack of a stick.
Iâm going to die. You gaze dazedly at the words youâd just written as if theyâd appeared there by magic. You read them over and over, waiting for it to sink in. Waiting for it to stop feeling like a nightmare. Like none of this is real but you just canât wake up.
Tears spring to your eyes and you clench them closed because you refuse to let them fall. Fear is such a temperamental force, and joined with your grief, you find yourself frustrated. You close your diary and shove it back under your bed before climbing beneath the covers to seek the one escape you can always count on when nothing else works.
You have no idea what time it is, but you figure it must still be somewhat early in the evening because youâre nowhere near tired enough to sleep. You toss and turn restlessly as thoughts of Michael swarm you and you do your damndest to avoid them. You donât want to think about him. Itâs too much to contend with, coming to terms with your grim future while heat still curls low in your belly at the memory of his hands.
To think you made it this far just to have your future placed in the hands of an insane person. Because thatâs exactly what Michael Langdon had proved to be tonight. Utterly crazy. There was no other word for it. Everything else you experienced--what you thought you experienced--could be easily excused away as smoke and mirrors. You were still self-aware enough to know that living in an underground hole for a year would have effects on your mental health; something that fell under the umbrella that housed conditions like Stockholm syndrome and cabin fever. Conscious, vengeful fires? Please.
But all of his talk about you being the bride of the New World? Of grooming you for a mysterious purpose because his father willed it? Crazy. Completely unhinged.
However, he was still the one pulling the strings. He was the one The Cooperative sent to determine the futures of everyone in this Outpost, and youâd gone and turned your nose up at his proffered terms and conditions because you refused to bend to the demands of a madman who sought to corrupt you.
It just wasnât fair.
This time there is little you can do to stopper the tears. You turn your face into your pillow and release a shaking breath. Pitying yourself makes you feel pathetic, especially when you know youâre considered one of the lucky ones. You donât feel lucky. Sometimes you wonder how many of the dead would trade places with you if they knew that this was what surviving looked like. Slowly wasting away beneath the earth, youâve essentially been buried alive.
Your pillow is damp and cold by the time you calm. The stress of the evening has taken its toll, and you finally ease into a light sleep. Tonight, your dreams take you to your past.
Itâs a little after eleven on a school night. Youâre the only one in the house still awake, and you take extra care not to make too much noise as you finish getting ready. You peek at your phone to find a text message from your boyfriend and you smile as you open it. Heâll be over in ten minutes. You hurry to change out of your frumpy pajamas and into the silk short and cami set you keep stashed at the back of your underwear drawer. You consider the thigh-high socks in your hand unsurely. You know Jared likes them, but you also know that wearing everything he likes puts him on his worst behavior. You remind yourself that youâll have to be extra in control tonight as you slip the socks over your knees.
You turn off the lights and settle into the center of your queen-sized bed to wait for him. The rays of the full moon reach through the French doors to illuminate the inside of your bedroom in hues of pearly blue. You toy with the crucifix at your throat as anticipation builds. Your phone buzzes. Heâs here.
You rush to the balcony just in time to see him climb the lattice. âHello, Romeo,â you greet with a light laugh.
Jared rolls his eyes as he hoists himself up to the second story. He pauses to press his mouth over yours. He tastes like mint chewing gum. âDid my heart love till now?â
âSomeoneâs been practicing their lines. Iâm impressed.â You break away and move back inside.
âNo, Iâm impressed,â he says, following after you and openly checking you out. âAm I hallucinating, or is the Virgin Mary wearing thigh highs?â
Your mouth drops open in offense to the nickname thatâs followed you around since you were old enough to date. Youâre not ashamed of your virgin status, but you donât like being ridiculed for it. Jared knows it annoys you, which is why he says it. âStop,â you chastise, slapping him playfully on the chest.
He catches your wrist and doesnât let go. His smirk is wolfish. âMake me.â
The backs of your legs brush against the bed. Apprehension tightens your smile and you put some force into pushing him back. âYou know I canât make you do anything. I can only ask nicely and hope you love me enough to listen.â You exaggeratedly flutter your lashes.
âFine, Iâll stop,â he swears, backing off and taking a seat on the edge of your bed. âThough if you want everyone else to stop saying it, you could always just, yâknow, not be a Virgin Mary.â
This time your smile is forced. You keep it up just to avoid making the situation awkward. âHa-ha. Now get your book out. I donât want to look stupid tomorrow, and weâve barely rehearsed.â
You plop down on your vanity chair and open Romeo and Juliet to where the two of youâd left off a week ago. When you glance up, itâs to find Jared staring at you with his brows cinched.
âYouâre serious?â
You shake your head, not following. âWeâre presenting tomorrow.â
âWho cares? Weaver wouldnât fail us even if we read straight from the freakinâ book. Heâs too afraid of our parents to give either of us anything but an âAâ.â
âThatâs not the--â You cut yourself off, because your voice is rising to a volume that might wake one of your sisters down the hall. You move past your annoyance and lower it. âThatâs not the point. Donât you have any integrity?â
âIntegrity,â he scoffs, running his hand through his perfectly tousled chestnut hair. âWhy donât you bend over so I can help you get that stick out of your ass?â
You fling your copy of Romeo and Juliet at him. It misses and lands with a sad flop in the center of your rug. âGet out,â you seethe.
Jared glances between the book and you in disbelief. It takes much too long before it sinks in that youâre serious. When it does, his demeanor changes entirely. He lifts himself from the bed and approaches you with open arms. âBabe, come on. Iâm sorry. I didnât mean it. I just forgot my book at home.â
âI donât care.â Youâre standing too because you donât like him looming over you when youâre arguing. You canât do anything about the difference in height, but at least this way you feel like youâre trying.
He does what he always does to mollify you, and wraps you in a bear hug. His biceps nearly crush your head as he presses your face into his chest and buries his nose in your hair. He twists you gently in a side-to-side rocking motion, and you grudgingly wrap your arms around his waist to keep your balance.
âIâm sorry. I just wanted to see you, thatâs all. I didnât think you were serious about studying.â
âIâm always serious about studying.â
He huffs a laugh against your forehead as he tilts your head back. âYeah, well sometimes I just want you to be serious about me. I mean, Iâve been thinking about you all day, and youâre up here in your castle thinking about Romeo.â
âYou are Romeo,â you sigh as he begins to lay soft kisses at your temple. âOr you were supposed to be.â
âHey, if wearing tights and speaking in iambic pentameter is what gets you hot, then Iâm game.â
The image pulls a smile from you. âYou really donât have to try that hard.â
âYeah, I really do.â
His lips close over yours and his hands immediately drop to your hips so he can guide you towards the bed. He pulls you down with him so youâre on top, your knees bunching in the comforter around his hips. You lift yourself up while you kiss him, but his hands force your hips back down against his and he holds you there. The front of his jeans press uncomfortably between your thighs.
âJared, wait a sec,â you request as his hands slip around to your ass.
He ignores you. Instead, he rolls his hips upwards so you can feel his arousal. The sensation gets you flustered, but not in the way he wants. The swell of him between your thighs is daunting. Anxiety snuffs the warm kindling of excitement in your gut.
As he speaks, he peppers tiny kisses along your jawline. One of his hands drops to your thigh and his fingertips trace the peek of skin above your socks. His mouth is beneath your ear. âIâm not doing anything bad, am I?â
The flush that darkens your skin is indignant. His question steals the wind from your sails because heâs not really doing anything bad yet. âNo, but youâreâŠâ You glance at his crotch shyly.
When his ochre eyes meet yours, theyâre taunting. âI canât really help that.â
You donât know how true that is. He isnât your first boyfriend, but heâs the first one youâve been so intimate with. He knows this, and sometimes you wonder if heâs taking advantage of your inexperience. The part of you that wants to trust him is hesitant to follow that train of thought. You donât want to feel betrayed, so you comfortably couch yourself in denial.
His hands are on your hips again and you gasp as he pulls you back down to the bed so he can hover over you. The cloudlike softness of your mattress feels like a brick wall at your back when youâre forced against it like this. The arms he has braced at your shoulders are a cage.
âJared, please donât.â
âDonât what?â He challenges playfully, running his hands beneath your silk cami to your waist.
Goosebumps rise against your skin. When he lowers himself to fit between your legs, you panic. This isnât what you want. He hasnât even been here ten minutes, and already heâs trying to get your clothes off. You feel cheap. The silk pajamas you put on to look pretty now make you feel ashamed. You regret the socks around your thighs.
âFor beauty starved with her severity, cuts beauty off from all posterity,â Jared quotes softly. His thumb drags purposefully close to your breast. âIsnât that right, Juliet?â
You donât like him. The thought isnât so much a realization as it is sudden acceptance. Youâve been skirting around this truth for quite some time, but you can no longer avoid it. Not while the boy who claims to love you is grinding himself into you despite your protests.
You donât want this. You donât want to associate him with the things you like. You want Romeo, not someone mimicking him as a way to get into your pants. His lust has violated every experience youâd once dreamed of holding dear; your first date, when you couldnât pay attention to the movie because of the hand he kept over your thigh, your first kiss, which involved too much tongue, your self-worth, which heâs been whittling away at since the first time you told him youâre saving yourself and he took it as a challenge. You donât want to be touched by these greedy, unaffectionate hands.
You try to push him off. âYou should go home.â
He shakes his head, already angry. âWhy?â
âI donât want to do this.â
He doesnât move. His weight, which is still bearing down heavily, hasnât shifted. âCare Bearââ
âPlease go.â You donât want to suffer through hearing that stupid pet name. The one you once thought was endearing, but too late realized was just another way for him to manipulate your feelings.
The fragile trust you have in him shatters when he just presses into you further and lowers his mouth to yours. The kiss is suffocating. His lips are a muzzle that quiet your protests, his tongue a gag which chokes you silent. Heâs rubbing his hardness into you, and the only heat you feel between your legs is caused by chafing.
âHail Mary.â The safe word leaves you on a rushing, shaky breath when he breaks away to drag his mouth below your chin. Youâre still pushing against his chest, but youâre no match for his athlete frame. âJared, stop--â
âCalm down, babe. Iâm not doing anything you donât actually want,â he says, finally lifting himself off you so he can stand to pull off his shirt. âEven if God is guilt tripping you into saying otherwise.â
He stills just when he begins to unzip his jeans.
You blink up at the ceiling. Just like that, youâre now aware that youâre dreaming. Itâs as if youâve half woken up, but your body is stuck in fantasy. You glance at your ex-boyfriend standing at your feet to find him frozen, that lecherous smirk on his face. You feel disgusted, but the swell of panic calms. This isnât real.
A familiar voice cuts the quiet. âHeâs charming.â
You scramble to sit up. Your eyes lock on the man approaching the bed. âWhat are you doing here?â
âItâs your dream,â Michael says, dragging his eyes over you. Youâve forgotten to readjust your clothes, and his gaze pauses on the exposed curve of your waist. âYou tell me.â
âI donât know.â Itâs a knee-jerk response. You do know why heâs here. He was the last thing you were thinking of when you fell asleep, just like heâll be the first thing on your mind when you wake.
He smirks at you like he knows this, before moving to Jaredâs side. It isnât until that moment that you realize how odd Michael Langdonâs appearance is as he stands in contrast to your cookie cutter ex-boyfriend. Gorgeous, but odd; the long gold hair, the hint of red shadow on his lids, the antiquated dark clothing and the sparkle of expensive rings. Heâs almost vampiric, and you find yourself once again drawn in by the allure of his dangerous confidence.
âSurely you couldâve done better than this.â His judgmental gaze roves over Jaredâs body like an esteemed art critic assessing the work of an amateur.
Somehow you manage to be offended. You know heâs referring to Jaredâs stunningly vile personality. However, your response transforms halfway up your throat as you watch him pull Jaredâs wallet from his back pocket and open it. Three square foils are tossed on the bed at your feet.
âDid you know he carried these with him?â Michael questions with the crisp calm of someone holding back a smile.
You shake your head. You thought youâd put these feelings to rest, but a new wave of remorse washes through you and you angrily shove the condoms off the bed so you donât have to look at them. âThis is a dream, so it doesnât matter.â
Even as you say this, you know itâs true. Jared never did believe that youâd stay a virgin until marriage. Of course heâd be prepared. Heat flashes over your eyes and you squeeze them shut. You just want to wake up.
âWhat happened next?â
Your head snaps up when you feel the bed dip. Michael has taken a seat beside you. Heâs close enough that you can smell him again. Cinnamon and smoke; it calms you and you unconsciously lean closer.
âHe kept ignoring me, so I kicked him in the groin.â That part of the memory you still enjoy reflecting on. âLong story short, we broke up and I never spoke to him again.â
âFear doesnât paralyze you.â Itâs not a question. He has a peculiar habit of narrating the things he learns about you and approves of, converting observation into praise. It makes you feel good.
âThere arenât many other options. Fight or flight, right?â You lift one of your legs to display your lack of muscle definition. âAnd Iâve never been much of a runner.â
âThat doesnât make you a fighter.â His eyes drop to your legs and you can feel the focus of his gaze on the peek of skin exposed above your socks. âThere is a third option.â
âIs there?â
âSurrender.â
[READ MORE]
Michael Langdon + sassing CordeliaÂ
Michael Langdon | Forbidden Fruit
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/? Fandom: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Apocalypse Rating: Explicit Relationships: Michael Langdon/Reader Summary
Michael Langdon has arrived at the Outpost and you find yourself vying to secure your place at The Sanctuary. You're willing to do almost anything to secure your future. Almost. Though the world has changed, you have not. You're dedicated to your beliefs and refuse to compromise your innocence to gain favor, which is exactly why Michael wants you. As the last virgin on Earth, you've been chosen to serve a purpose that threatens everything you stand for.
You're a good girl. You really are. The problem is that Michael Langdon makes you want to do very bad things.
You donât trust the visitor.
You donât respect the way he shatters the Outpostâs monotony with the promise of sanctuary for some, and damnation for the unworthy. You donât like the pressure of meeting his unknowable expectations or the way those expectations can be felt in his piercing, leonine gaze.
You donât like that he sees you. Youâd grown accustomed to blending in with the background over the long months. You diligently perform the tasks expected of your rank as a Gray. You do not step out of line, you do not draw a curious eye. Your life has been reduced to being a servile shadow to those more privileged. Your pride is wounded, but it is a small price to pay for the promise of safety. Thatâs how the game is played.
Until now.
Michael Langdon was here to revise the rules and turn the current order on its purple and gray head, and there was nothing you could do but bite your nails and hope you said just the right thing to please him.
Please him, you scoff. You glare at your reflection, annoyed with how normal subservience has become to you. You hold your gaze in search of the confident spark of a young woman whoâd once been proudly self-assured, determined and outspoken. A woman that was forced to take a step back under the new world order. A woman tucked away, indefinitely sleeping.
For me, you amend. For The Sanctuary. You untangle your hair from its ridiculous topknot and comb through the tangles with your fingers. You groan as you massage the soreness from your scalp.
You begin to strip off your gray garb. The shapeless dress and dirty apron pool at your feet. Chill sweeps over your skin, and you are quick to pull on the dress you save for special occasions. The white cotton is soft against your skin. The waist is fitted, the hem falling just below your knees. You admire the sweep of the neckline below your collarbone and take a moment to unreservedly appreciate your reflection. Itâs been so long since you felt pretty.
You brush your wavy hair behind your shoulders and bite the red back into your lips. Your cheeks are already mottled with your nerves.
You donât trust the visitor, and he probably doesnât trust you. The interview is your one opportunity to give him reason to. Give him something if it means ascertaining your safety. Youâd do anything to ensure your future. Well...almost.
Your eyes fall to the peek of cleavage exposed by the loose garment and you self-consciously pull it back up. With quiet fingers, you adjust the chain of the gold crucifix lying against your clavicle, making sure your modesty is hinted in a way that spares you from having to draw any awkward boundaries.
Itâs an interview, not an audition. You inhale deeply, exhale slowly, and try to muster the courage required to leave your room.
Your steps are slow, yet purposeful, as you make your way along the servantâs corridor, down the staircase, past the library, around a corner and down another hall until you find yourself at a bulky, dark wood door. Your hand is trembling as you raise your fist to knock. However, before your knuckles have a chance to rap against the door, it slides open. You hesitate just before stepping inside.
You anticipate him to be standing on the other side of the threshold, waiting with a calculative gaze. What you find is an empty room, lit by a dozen wax candles. A fire crackles in the stone fireplace. Its flickering light makes the shadows in the room contort in a way that is unsettling. The air in here is stuffy as you step further inside. You can feel it cling to your skin, leaving it balmy.
When the doors behind you close, you turn to face them. The voice in your ear is spoken from behind. âYouâre late.â
You gasp at the unexpected presence at your shoulder and stumble a few steps away. Your hand is pressed over your heart to keep it still.
Langdon is watching you with patient passivity, leaving you to believe his words were not meant as a reprimand. Regardless, heâs made it clear that heâs keeping track of your missteps. Heâs moved the first chess piece. The game has begun, and itâs your move.
âI still got here first,â you counter. Your words are childish. Before you have time to regret your impulse to be argumentative, you notice Langdonâs lip curl. He likes the less docile side of you. Good. You straighten your posture to regain the appearance of composure though the feeling of it seems to have fled the moment you felt him breathe against your ear. âSo, how are we going to do this?â
He just barely tilts his head. His strong brows crease and draw a shadow over his eyes that somehow manages to heighten their penetrative intensity. âDo what?â
Now you wish youâd bitten your tongue, because you donât know how to answer him when heâs looking at you as if heâs read you for the umpteenth time and heâs bored. How can you continue this show of confidence when you no longer have the backbone needed to maintain it? âArenât you going to ask me questions?â
âHas someone told you I would?â
You shake your head. âI havenât spoken to anyone. That would be cheating.â
âGood girl.â He says this with mocking adulation to drive home how unimpressed he is by your virtuousness.
You flush, embarrassed with the way heâs making you feel ashamed for doing the right thing. Heat is in your cheeks and neck, and you curse the way your body betrays how easily he can make you uncomfortable. The telltale reaction only worsens as he steps closer until heâs looming before you. Instinct is screaming for you to flee, but you hold your ground, lift your chin and meet his eyes.
Looking at him is like looking at the sun. His beauty is the sort that demands attention. You find yourself conscious of him, whether you want to be or not. You have to look at him. It feels mandatory that you admire the sharp cut of his jawline, his hooded sapphire gaze, the fullness of his mouth and the fall of his gold hair. He is the morning star that rises to put the glory of the sky to shame. Youâre compelled to marvel, though his image leaves you burning.
âThe world is no longer a place where your moral integrity will earn you the brownie points to get you where you want. Those were someone elseâs rules.â His gaze drops to the pendant of Christ hanging from your neck before returning to you, amused. âNot mine.â
You donât like the suggestive implication in his tone. You dislike even more how you react to it, a very different sort of heat now tingling across your skin. âWhat are your rules?â
âThatâs the best part: there arenât any.â
Concern crinkles between your brows as you try to comprehend what heâs saying.
âAnything is fair game. However,â he begins to slowly circle you as he speaks. âIf you lie, I will know. If you hedge, I will know. And if you try to trick me, I will know, and this interview will be over, and you will die here painfully.â He pauses at your shoulder, his mouth once more at your ear and his breath hot against your neck. âAre we clear?â
Your heartbeat would give a hummingbirdâs wing a run for its money. âThose sound like rules to me.â
You can hear the amusement in the purr of his voice. âMerely preferences. You are allowed to lie to me, you are allowed to avoid my questions and you are allowed to attempt to fool me, just as I, in turn, am allowed to kill you for it.â
âDoes that mean I am allowed to kill you?â
âYouâre allowed to try.â He returns to his place before you, his long hair casting half his face in shadow. âDo you want to?â
âNo. Iâve never wanted to kill anyone.â
âNot even the one responsible for ending the world?â
You donât understand the significance of what feels like a pointless conversation, but he looks to be waiting for your answer. âWould revenge change anything? Anyway, whoever is responsible for this is probably dead along with everyone else.â
âAnd if they werenât?â
You are unable to determine what heâs alluding to. âAnd if they werenât, would I want to kill them?â He watches as you consider the question. You move your eyes to the fireplace as you think. Your fingers come up to toy with your necklace as you recall the memories of your family, your friends, your home, and how they were stolen from you forever. A second of reminiscing is all you allow yourself, because you know how much youâre capable of handling before you begin to feel your eyes sting. You already know you miss them, just as you already know this new life is merely a weed compared to the bouquet of possibilities promised by your old one. âCan I give a complicated answer?â
âYou can give an honest answer.â
âI donât think killing them would be my first impulse. Iâd need to know why they did it.â
Langdonâs expression remains unreadable. âYou would bother to put the harbinger of the Apocalypse on trial?â
âNot because I think thereâs any way for them to defend what they did, butâŠâ You hesitate, frustrated to find the right words to express such a complicated sentiment. âI doubt their motivation for ending the world had anything to do with my family or my friends. The people I cared about were victims, but they werenât targets. For me to feel so vengeful as to kill someone, my anger would have to come from a personal place.â You finally return your eyes to his and have the gall to shrug your shoulder. âAnd I just canât be expected to take the Apocalypse personally.â
Langdon laughs. It is neither mocking nor patronizing. The sound echoes around the stone chamber, unexpectedly pleasant and rich. For a sliver of a moment, he is reachable, and you manage to glimpse the boy that exists inside the enigmatic man.
âSuch a strong sense of justice,â he says when his laughter calms. âYou really are a good girl, arenât you? Tell me, whatâs the worst thing youâve ever done?â
You shake your head. âI donât remember.â
âI thought I made it clear thereâd be no lying?â He chastises.
It no longer feels like youâre on equal footing. Heâs staring down the straight line of his nose at you, the set of his mouth taught. Youâre being told off like youâre a child, but this time you suspect that it isnât a simple spanking youâll get. No standing in a corner, no hand-written apology. You bite your lip as cold rinses through you. Youâre afraid of whatâs coming. Youâre afraid heâs going to hurt you.
âGet on your knees.â
Your eyes snap to his. Thereâs ice in your veins. Youâre terrified of where this might be going. You frantically search his face for any hint that what he has planned is meant to violate as much as punish. âWhat? Why?â
âTo confess.â His hand grips your shoulder, just firm enough to pressure you down. Understanding that you have the option to either play along or forfeit the game, you lower yourself to your knees before him.
The stone floor is unforgiving below your naked knees and you grimace as your bones grind. You grip your skirt to quell the trembling in your fingers, and glare at his polished shoes. You know why heâs having you take this position. You know it has everything to do with the cross around your neck. Heâs mocking you, and you can only hope thatâs all he plans to do.
You refuse to let your imagination take you to where this could be headed. You refuse to feed into your fear. âIâve done some things, but nothing worth mentioning. Nothing stands out.â
âYou canât expect me to believe that,â he says from above. âNot from a girl like you.â
âA girl like me?â
He crouches before you. You flinch when his hand settles beneath your chin and forces your eyes to meet his. Your faces are mere inches apart. Heâs so close, you can feel him breathing against your mouth. You expect to be frightened, but it isnât fear that simmers low in your belly as you stare into eyes that share their color with the same sky you thought youâd seen the last of the day the world came to an end.
âYoung, pretty, rich,â his other hand caresses the crucifix at your throat, âdevout. You are the recipe for a rebellious stage.â
His hands are gone from you now, but heâs still too close for you to think clearly. You know heâs not asking to hear about that one time you stole candy from the grocery store when you were five, or the time you egged the house of a girl from school because she made fun of your new haircut. The problem is that you donât have much to confess. You never thought youâd find yourself in a situation where you were repenting for not having more of a wild streak.
âNothing?â He presses, his gaze searching yours.
You know heâs waiting for some kind of response from you, but youâre not paying attention to whatâs being said anymore. He smells like cinder and cinnamon. If you closed your eyes, you could easily imagine being back home with your family, seated around the firepit in the backyard. You loved sitting out with them late into the night, just talking around a warm fire and sipping cinnamon tea. This smell is nostalgic and warm. You want to bury yourself in it.
You snap to the moment you feel the softness of his lapel beneath your fingertips. You freeze when you realize how close youâve leaned in, your mouth but a hairsbreadth away from his. Your eyes sweep to his to find that he doesnât look surprised by your actions. There isnât a trace of the smugness you expect to see from someone who considers you predictable. Heâs simply patient as he continues to walk you through this exchange.
âI-Iâm sorry,â you stammer, pulling away from him.
âAre you?â
Again, he is waiting for your answer. Challenging you in all the ways that make you uncomfortable. You cannot help but to drop your eyes to his mouth. You donât know whatâs wrong with you, having such thoughts at such an inopportune time, but you canât stop them. Heâs so close and his warmth and smell are all you can focus on. You shake your head, feeling your face flame.
His lip curls as if heâs pleased with himself for being right. When he stands to put space between you, you feel that draw for him dissipate like two weak magnets drawn too far apart. âThere is no need to apologize for doing what you want, as long as you are prepared to accept the consequences.â
âI didnât realize what I was doing,â you explain. Itâs important that he knows you would never resort to using your body to get what you want.
âI know,â he assures you smoothly. He comes to stand before you again, and raises his hand back to your face. This time his fingers drag against your cheek and pause at the corner of your lips. His eyes are on them as he speaks. âItâs your nature, given what you are. It would be hypocritical of me to judge you for it.â
Immediately, you take offense. You turn your head away from his hand and glare up at him. âMy nature? You mean, as a woman?â
He smiles at your indignation, and crouches before you again. His voice is velvet. âAs a virgin.â
Your skin blisters with embarrassment, your heart kickstarting to an impossible speed. âHow do you know?â
âLucky guess,â he purrs, and his fingers snag against your crucifix as he moves his hand over your flying heartbeat.
You understand that you should be against him touching you with such familiarity, but you canât bring yourself to push him away. With reluctance, you admit that you like the feel of his hands against your skin. Despite what heâs saying, it isnât because youâre a virgin that youâre responding so strongly to his touch. Itâs him. Everything about him is magnetic. Heâs impossible to resist, as if he were tailor-made to suit your preferences.
âAre you saving yourself?â
He asks this with no hesitancy. He knows youâll answer him. Itâs this certainty of his that makes answering so easy, despite your shyness. âI am, but I donât think it matters anymore.â He looks at you to explain. You can feel the dullness of your smile. âI donât see marriage in my future.â
He offers a small laugh and drops his hand away from your skin. âNone of the other survivorâs have caught your eye?â
The suggestion is absurd enough to make you laugh a little. The people youâve been holed up with these past few months are tolerable, at best. Most of the time, you canât suffer the sound of their breathing, never mind their constant bickering and whining. âTheyâre not my type.â
âBeggars canât be choosers.â
âIâm not begging.â
âNo, not yet.â The words are a promise veiled in ambiguity. He takes your hand and pulls you up from the floor. He doesnât let go as he leads you towards the fireplace where he invites you to take a seat on the brickstone beside him. âWhat is your type?â