The ‘How are you?’ checklist post -Winter Holiday Edition
• Don’t worry, you look amazing.
• Drinking at a holiday party? Don’t forget to have a glass of water between drinks.
• You do not have to drink just because it’s a celebration/holiday. It’s okay to say ‘no’.
• Have you taken your medication? Bring a small dose with you to a gathering, just in case. **Especially anti-anxiety medication.
• Family gatherings are great and fun if you’re up for it, but they’re not actually mandatory. If you don’t feel like you can deal with a crowd/certain family members or friends, please don’t pressure yourself or allow them to pressure you into being there. Stay home, pet a cat/dog, eat microwaveable mac and cheese if that feels right.
You can also set a time limit for yourself. Tell them you can only stay for an hour, or just stop in to say ‘hello’. You’re ‘allowed’ to look after yourself during the holidays. It’s okay.
• Have you had enough sleep?
• Going out on a frozen lake/pond with friends?
1: Walk like a penguin. Spread your feet out, and bend your knees to lower your center of gravity. If you slip, try to protect your head.
2: ALWAYS make sure the ice is thick enough to walk on. When in doubt, only go in areas that have been checked by the authorities.
• Do you need to be alone right now? Find a bathroom or somewhere you can step away from the gathering/party to take a breather. Literally, take a few slow breaths, and take some time to yourself.
• Be the photographer! Hide behind the camera, and get great shots of people snorting popcorn out their nose.
• If you feel like you’re disassociating, try counting your fingers or looking at your finger whorls. Remember that they are unique to you, that you are real. Affirmations [basically a verbal anchor] can also help you settle the anxiety that comes from being triggered. If none of your usual techniques work, don’t be afraid to ask a friend or family member to help you find a place that feel safe and comfortable for you. Also, please try not to be hard on yourself if you have to leave.
• If you are having a panic attack: [These may or may not work, depending on your personal disposition.]
1: Ground yourself to reality with something familiar like a keychain or even pictures of something on your phone. [Cats and dogs are good.] Also, do not trust everything your mind/body is telling you right now. Thoughts like, ‘i’m going to die’, ‘everyone is leaving me’, ‘everyone hates me’, are a part of the panic, try not to linger on them, because they will only make it worse.
2: Find a space that feels the safest for you, and stay there. If you can’t get out of a crowded room on your own and no one you know is around, try to find some space to move freely and call/text a friend to come help you out.
3: Take slow, deep breaths. After breathing in, hold it for a few seconds before breathing out.
4: Stimulate your mind with something simple, and not stressful. Tap your fingers, re-read nice messages from someone, play a game one your phone that doesn’t require any thought or is timed.
5: You are doing a really good job. You don’t have to feel embarrassed. You are not alone. You are strong.
• Hang out at the kids table. You don’t have to be an adult. Plus, there are probably no politics at the kids table.
• Don’t feel guilty for feeling upset or overwhelmed, you’re allowed to be.
• If someone misgenders you, and you’re out, correct them if you feel comfortable enough to do so. If you’re not out, or you don’t feel safe enough, please remember that there are people who do know, and who support you. We’re with you today, we’ve got your back.
• You’re family is not always right.
• You don’t have to be brave.
• Take another deep breath.
• No one should treat you like less for any reason.
• If you’re having a hard time with your family mistreating you to due to your gender, sexuality, choice in partner, choice in jobs, race, foods, etc, please try to remember that your life, your needs, and your choices are valid. You do not exist for your family. You do not have to be thankful to them for your existence. [Anyone saying something of that nature is possibly emotionally manipulating you.] You are you, and that’s okay.
• If you’re wearing a binder, raise your arms and take several deep breaths. Cough to clear your lungs. ONLY WEAR YOUR BINDER FOR 8 HOURS AT A TIME.
• Don’t be afraid, you’re not alone.
• It’s okay to want to be alone.
• If you’ve been sitting a while, stand up and stretch. If you’ve been standing for a while, take a break. Try to stretch your legs out horizontally if you can.
• Eat something sweet. (If you like it) Treat yo’ self!
• You do not have to eat that food item your friends/ family are pressuring you to eat unless you absolutely want to. Food allergies are not a joke. Eating disorders are not a joke. Being a vegetarian/vegan/ is not a bad thing. Eating meat is not a bad thing. People who tease you about it or pressure you into eating foods you can’t or won’t eat are being rude, and should be aware that they could make you really sick. People pressuring you into eating more or less food than you’re comfortable with are being rude and, again, could lead to you becoming very sick.
• 1 (800) 273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline [USA]
International Suicide Hotlines
• If you know someone problematic/triggering/abusive is going to be at a gathering, please consider telling the host that you don’t want to or can’t deal with them (if you can) or don’t go to the gathering. You don’t deserve to suffer through any negative or harmful interactions for the sake of the holidays or your family.
•If you run into someone who is problematic/triggering/abusive, it’s okay to turn right around and avoid them for the rest of the event. It’s also okay to have a reaction. [See above for panic attacks.]
• If you have bad memories associated with a certain holiday/seasonal day, you don’t have to explain them to anyone. It’s okay to just say ‘no’, and leave it at that. You don’t owe anyone an explanation unless you want to tell them.
• Remind yourself that it’s okay to change your personality from your private space to a family gathering/party. It’s okay to act/feel/seem like a different person around family.
• Religion is important to some people, and not to others. It’s okay to feel strongly about it, or not at all.
• Forgot someone’s name? Don’t panic, it’s okay. You can try one of those tricks like asking them to put their number in your phone [hopefully they’ll type their name in too], or introducing them to your friend, [Hey, this is my friend Billy Bob, Billy Bob, meet–hold breath and hope they’re polite], you could ask them how to spell their name/ask what nickname they prefer, or ask someone else once they’ve moved away. Or, you could let them know that you’ve forgotten. It’s alright, you’re not a bad person for forgetting.
• One mistake does not make you a failure. [This also counts for multiple mistakes, if you’re counting.]
• Try using thick/wide tape, or a folded, damp paper towel when picking up broken ornament pieces or glass.
• And please try to remember that not every tip/advice will be applicable to you or your situation.
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