Newer-Minted Destiel Shipper [11.11.21]; genderfluid/pansexual she/her/they/them; NSFW blog; Dean is my No.1 comfort character & witnessing him get Captain Kirked off this godforsaken franchise has damaged my heart & soul in ways I can't explain or fully comprehend. It is out of desperation I created this blog; if any of you have comforting points of view, ways to help me work through my plethora of painful existential crises, please let me know. I'm totally wrecked. Fix-it fanfic, fan art, FMV, helpful essays -- suggestions of any maturity rating are welcome.
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A Hollowed Heart Made Whole written by DestielzChild
Inspired by: cottoncandyofterror.tumblr.com
Word count: 2792
My first-ever Destiel fic.....please be kind!!!
Summary: Fixit fic rewritten, AU starting with the fateful "barn scene".
Dean had died so many times, he’d lost count nine or ten years ago. And those were merely the times he could remember. Demons and angels and other supernatural life forms had told him repeatedly that Dean and Sam had begun their so-called death spree long before they’d ever lost John.
However….this was the first time in which he could recall ever feeling quite so….alone. It wouldn’t be long now; Dean had felt how the unyielding metal crunched itself through the back of his ribs, into his lung, only to lodge itself through the top right ventricle of his heart as his back slammed against the beam.
He told Sammy it was hopeless, asked him to stay with him instead, but….Dean supposed he couldn’t expect his baby brother -- someone who’d spent lifetimes triaging the dead and dying -- to suddenly act any different. It’s what Dean had always taught him, after all.
Dean blinked several times and with a touch of dread, realized he’d gone blind….and soon he couldn’t hear anything either. He supposed that’s what happened to one’s senses when gravity held you upright as you bled out. Though he could no longer lift his head without help, he still needed someone near him. Especially since this was it….his final goodbye.
"Sam...Sammy? Please come back…." A tickle hit the back of his throat. "Are you-ou st-still there-ere, Sammy?" Dean's voice sounded gravelly and quieter. He coughed timidly at first, covered his mouth with a hand, and then one enormous explosive cough tore painfully all the way through him. Dean felt flecks of something warm peppering his mouth and pooling in that one hand. The force of that cough was enough to snap back Dean's head like whiplash. First, his neck throbbed fiercely as Dean's skull struck the beam behind him only to again painfully loll against his collarbone. The cursed hunter had almost zero control left of his extremities.
Dean's chest ached so damned much...he couldn't catch his breath anymore…..with a shock of realization in Dean's memory, it felt eerily similar to that one time when Billie had been trying to rip him apart from Cas...and send him back to Hell or even the Empty some years ago. Unbidden thoughts of Castiel's final moments made Dean's mortal wound that much more agonizing….and more than ever Dean wished he could just climb down, fall to the dirt, and die in peace, but the stupid rebar has him skewered like a giant fishhook. And to think he once believed as recently as 5 minutes ago that it was better for him to die on his feet. But not like this....not all alone. Not slowly, painfully, inexorably, with zero dignity....like bait on a hook. In a blaze of glory is how Dean knew his demise always had to be....not this gawdawful--whatever this was.
Now, however, Dean couldn't even raise his own head but he managed to drag that hand back over his chest, covering from the opposite side the approximate location where the rebar stuck him. For the first time in over five years, he gave himself permission to pray. "I'm-m so s-sorry, C-Cas -," he wheezed.
Now Dean knew he was hallucinating. He could've just sworn he heard the rustle of wings behind him, which would signify the arrival of -
"What the hell, Dean?" came Cas's angry-sounding gruff voice. If he weren't seconds away from buying the farm, Dean would've jumped 10 feet from being so startled. It was so reminiscent of….
"Cas...w-what? You c-can't-be-be-here," whispered Dean breathlessly. He still couldn't see. "Unless I-I'm all-" he groaned piteously and tears began pouring down his face.
"No, you're not dead…yet," clipped Cas.
"B-but m' dyyying," Dean slurred as his eyelids drooped closed.
"Yes, I can see that." Cas's tone softened somewhat in spite of himself. "Hold still, please."
Castiel placed his hand against Dean's chest and it was exquisitely painful for the hunter, having his heart divinely mended in record time. Despite the fact he could still barely breathe, much less speak, Dean persisted in getting Cas to stay. "Cas."
The angel carefully anchored his feet for what came next. With Castiel's arms flexed, he staunchly positioned himself and raised Dean up and off the blasted rebar that had caused so much trouble. The hunter's eyesight was very gradually returning. But Dean still couldn't move independently since he required a lot more help and healing. Thus Cas gently braced his once-best-friend over his shoulder, wrapping his arm tight around Dean, bodily supporting him while saying, "I've got you." He didn't hear Dean's near-inaudible reply, "You always have." More than anything, the hunter wished he could just wrap his own arms around Cas in return and envelop him in a bone-crushing embrace. But….he simply cannot. Hell, he can't even truly see again at the moment. It's all Dean can do to hook his thumb through the belt loop of Castiel's trench coat, guided by touch alone. Dean's still far too weak...though at least he can finally feel sensation in his feet and legs again.
Castiel caught a peripheral glimpse of the rebar coated in Dean’s guts and was instantly consumed with irrational anger. The angel turned briefly toward the rebar that was the source of their current woes, allowing himself to build-up smiting energy from deep within. Castiel's eyes soon were aflame like a pair of aquamarine embers and the angel rightfully melted the jagged meddlesome thing into slag like it deserved.
“Cas, please,” Dean tried again, before Castiel applied his hand to Dean’s back and finished mending his messed up insides, making sure nothing was leaking into his chest cavity. Next, he made sure Dean was fully supported against a post in the barn.
“Next time, be careful and make sure not to play around giant nails, Dean. Goodbye!”
“Goddammit Cas, WAIT!!!” Thanks to Castiel’s ministrations, Dean at last had some strength to shout again, although his body was still very much recovering. He slid, panting, down the wooden beam to the floor. Dean begged again, less forcefully, “Please wait.” Cas froze, his back still in Dean’s direction.
“I….I….” Dean stuttered. He tried again. “If...if you weren’t truly gone, how long have you been back? And why haven’t you ever come to see me?” Dean sounded like a weepy wounded child but at the moment, he didn’t really care. This might be his last ever chance to speak with Cas again.
“I didn’t think you would want that, Dean,” Cas replied simply.
“What?? Why wouldn't I?” Dean demanded. Tears of frustration coursed down his cheeks. Cas slowly turned around and gave a heart-breaking explanation.
“That whole last year and a half between when…..Mary passed away because of...Jack....and when you and Sam finally vanquished, well, CHUCK,” Cas yelled forcefully into the air, “you kept telling me I was the one constant problem in your lives. Long ago, even before that, Dean, I realized that my mere presence with you and Sam and even Bobby was a liability. That the only justifiable reasons I should stay with you is as long as I could be useful and of help in some way. That I could be more of a blessing than a burden.”
“That’s really what you decided?” Dean was horrified that somebody he loved so dearly would think so poorly about himself. “That’s what I had you believing this whole time?” asked Dean, half in shock. Cas half-shrugged self-consciously.
“Geez, I am such a dick,” realized Dean, as he ran a hand over his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. He’d never asked or demanded more of anybody than he’d demanded of Cas…..nobody other than himself, that is.
“I’ve never once thanked you for saving me, have I?” Dean had an almost sickening epiphany. “At the time, all those years ago, I was so busy being terrified of Uriel and Alastair and running from the God Squad that I…..I never…….Man, I am such a bag of dicks,” Dean fiercely shook his head and could no longer look up to hold Cas’s gaze.
“Please, come here, Cas.” Cas came over and carefully knelt on the floor of the barn by Dean’s shin. Dean still rested with his back supported against that wood beam with one knee drawn up, the other leg fully stretched out. “Uhm….so….Cas. I felt so undeserving of what you said right before you left, I could never forgive myself for being such an oblivious asshole for 12 godforsaken years. Not really. I tried….and now I've learned that I was worse to you than I ever thought.”
“Is that why you never prayed?” asked Cas with concern. “Is this the reason I’ve never heard you call out for me all these intervening years? Why you never once sought me out, even after Jack rescued me from the Empty? Why there was only silence.”
“M-maybe,” Dean’s voice wavered. “I….I also…..I knew the Shadow had taken you. I knew nothing of Jack’s rescue for you. And I thought it would be cruel and selfish of me to pray to you, especially on the off-chance that you might-could hear me in the Empty….but just not be able to answer.”
“So you…..you held all of this inside because you--”
“I figured I’d hurt you enough in your living life, Cas. I didn’t wanna torture you in death too.” Dean thought heard Cas’s breath hitch. He inched closer toward Dean across the floor.
“But Jack told me…..during the times he checked on you, Dean, for the first few years, you drank a lot and...and….you nearly burned your coat with my bloody handprint on it multiple times.”
Dean blanched. “He saw that?”
Cas looked at the floor, crestfallen, as he nodded. “I thought it must be that my words had hurt you instead of helped. That you wanted nothing to do with me once I had gone.”
“Cas,” Dean grabbed his hand, as the angel had scooted barely close enough, “did it ever occur to you that a 5-year-old kid -- even one with godlike powers -- was capable of grossly misinterpreting the things he saw me doing?” Dean asked gently. Castiel’s eyebrows knitted together. “Well….no. I suppose not,” Cas replied, with raised eyebrows.
“Jack guessed wrong. But I wasn’t sure how to move on either. I guess I was just…..scared, Cas.”
“Of what, Dean?”
“Of just….being, I guess.”
“So you just decided you’d stop trying, instead? Give it all up and let Sam watch you die horribly, one last time?? Didn’t you remember a single word I told you?” Cas asked with mild exasperation.
“That’s the thing, Cas…..I remembered all of it. Word for word. And I’m completely screwed up. You telling me how much you loved me, knowing what would happen right after…..you have no idea the amount of guilt I felt. You dying right in front of me….based on….on…. How badly that got to me. So what the hell yourself, Cas! Sometimes it got to the point where your words blocked out everything else in my head. I got mired. Like Baby in quicksand. So I had to put all of it away -- carefully block it out as much as I could -- in order to have any type of life. And I--I tried too hard to live the way you and the others before me would want me to live….but I guess I just couldn’t see out.”
“Oh, Dean, I’m so sorry. I never meant to cause you so much pain…!”
“No, no--don’t apologize-- that’s not the point I’m trying to make here. The point is…..ultimately, I didn’t know what to do …..I had no real purpose left. Especially when it got to the point where Sammy didn’t really need me anymore. The world didn’t need me anymore either. And I don’t know who I am when I’m not…..useful. Sound a little familiar?” Dean smiled ruefully and Cas pulled back, surprised at the comparison. “Everything I was trying to do somehow got hollowed out in the middle. It seemed so empty without someone to share things. So what’s the point in bargaining with death for something that doesn’t even feel right anymore?” Tears started falling from Cas’s eyes. Dean continued.
“When I let myself think about you again, just a couple of months ago, I finally figured out what it was…..that the hollow, empty space was where a huge Cas-shaped hole had formed. My two biggest regrets have been that A.) I was so oblivious that I’ve kept you at arm’s length, not having known angels could feel that way and B.) it took capital-D-DYING for you to finally tell me how you felt. I’m such an asshole. I must’ve had you convinced…..and for that, I’m sorry…..” Cas has moved enough to where Dean has now grabbed both of the angel’s hands within his own. Tears fell from Dean’s eyes again too.
“But Cas…..how could you know unless you asked? How could you know for certain unless you’d tried? What made you so sure that you couldn’t ever have me?” Dean reached up a hand to softly touch Castiel’s face….something the hunter had only dreamt of doing for 5 long years.
“Dean.”
“I mean, I know it’s years after the fact and now I’m pushing 50, but if you still want this useless ungrateful broken guy, you can have him. You can have me.” And Dean carefully brought Castiel’s face to his own to tenderly kiss his angel on each cheek. “You’ve always had me, Cas.” Dean kissed the right side of Castiel’s mouth, and then the left. “I am yours,” and Cas’s lips parted in surprise, enough so that when Dean kissed him again, he carefully stroked the inside of Cas’s top lip with the tip of his tongue. Cas latched onto Dean’s jacket and smoothly tugged him closer, oh-so-lightly sucking on Dean’s tongue into his own mouth and both of them felt the electrical current flowing between them. They parted and Dean said breathlessly, “I love you so much, man. I’m sorry it took so long--” And Castiel initiated this time, nibbling gently on Dean’s bottom lip….and then his top lip….and finally taking Dean’s mouth in his own.
“And I thought I was the dramatic one,” Cas smiled, after he pulled away.
“Ass!” exclaimed Dean, grinning as he blushed just a little.
“I love you too, Dean,” and Cas flashed a grin of his own as Dean finally got to put him on the receiving end of a bone-crushing Winchester hug. “No more holding back, Cas,” he vowed.
“In that case….” Cas requested wryly, “please don’t mention your age again in a self-deprecating way.”
“Oh yeah -- that’s right! Mr. Billion-Year Cosmic Being here, how could I forget?” and Dean waggled his eyebrows.
“Who’s the ass now?” smirked Cas.
“Guess that makes you a gold-digger, Dean,” came an amused, if water-logged deep voice off to the side.
For half a second, Dean tried to scowl in Sam’s direction but he failed so spectacularly that he wound up laughing himself stupid in about 10 seconds. Dean’s joy at Sam’s wholly unexpected joke was so infectious that all three of them laughed so hard they dissolved into tears (again) and Dean still couldn’t stop laughing. Not entirely.
“Yes, Sammy, I’m okay! You can stop crying,” he playfully shoved his gigantic little brother. “It’s just….been one helluva day, is all.”
“You’re telling me??” Sam asked incredulously. “Not 15 minutes ago, I thought I’d be losing you again. Yet you say ‘“Stop crying, Sammy.”’
“But it has been one helluva day,” Cas deadpanned with characteristic understatement.
Sam sat back on his long legs as he finished wiping the tears from his eyes. Resting his hands on his thighs, Sam quietly studied Cas and Dean glomming onto one another and said, “So. Guess that finally happened, huh?”
“Sheddap,” Dean mumbled under his breath as he smothered a grin. Cas looked away as he blushed and grinned like crazy. And Dean was unable to resist the temptation of giving Cas another smooch on the apple of his smiling cheek.
And Sam thought it was fun trying to embarrass Dean! If making Cas blush was this entertaining all the time, Sam was gonna have a field day reinitiating him back into the Clan Winchester. Five years without Castiel was five years too long.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you, @cottoncandyofterror for your awe-inspiring Destiel Fixit comics. They are like healing balm for my wounded soul....and I have read them multiple times daily ever since I first discovered them.
I wasn’t expecting much. Maybe Vader’s baritone with hints of melody. I was *not* expecting it to be a masterpiece, what the fuck, this is a million times better than I was expecting and it’s unironically really good. Turn on that volume button.
Holy shit. JAW ON FLOOR MOMENT. =O I can't BELIEVE how these youth PERFECTLY captured the harmonies of an indie band from 20+ years in the past.
As an ancient fellow filker, my helm is off to ALL of these fantastic musicians/cosplayers!!!
Dean just wanted to be a normal lil guy, with a normal lil guy's job. With his family surrounding him, with his best friend - the man he loved - by his side. Because he was too damn old and too damn tired. Because he fought enough to deserve. And he deserved. To be safe, content, cared for. To fill a table with food, hosting for the people he most cherished in his life, to provide now in different ways. To find small pleasures and hold onto them, to laugh, to breathe freely for the first time. To stop fighting. The world, himself, his wants, his needs. He was ready.
Not only was Dean ready, the fucking CW stripped that type of resolution away from both him AND Castiel.
THANK YOU MISHA, for your (non)conventional candor and leveling with the fans.....("What're [the CW] gonna do, fire me from the show?") we know that Cas was supposed to meet up with Dean in the Roadhouse in the finale. They just used the pandemic as an excuse to utterly and completely butcher what was originally written. (Nevermind the fact that they'd spent 15 months promoting the fact that Castiel would be featured in the final episodes....)
As Carlos says, no matter what war we’ve fought or why and with which feelings about it, we all share the same trauma. And John and Carlos, the two war veterans, are the two sides of the Dean that’s gone through his own war against the script God wrote for him: one angry, drowining in the pain and the survivor’s guilt, unwilling to open up about his experiences and instead bottling up his feelings, forever stuck in the jungle; the other gentle, supportive, moving forward, allowing himself to style himself the way he likes regardless of prescrictive social roles, willing to speak about his experiences and share his feelings with others.
It seems already written that one side will win and the other die. Carlos won’t survive the show, John will become the man we always knew him as.
Of course that path is already written, it’s the script, it’s the destiny. The god of war calls himself destiny, a microcosm of Thee God’s destiny for the characters.
But what if Dean is rewriting the story? What if Chuck’s script doesn’t have to be an inevitable, inscapable prison?
YES (catching up on other people’s meta after my late entry to the show).
If Dean is now in the place of God, as the narrative’s author (after defeating and replacing Chuck) and he is the one “picking the music”, what if he is (Ouroboros narrative style) re-echoing his mother’s promise to him, when he was still in her womb in 5x13 The Song Remains the Same: “Angels are watching over you.”
And Lata and Losy are angels of emotional healing, sent by God-the-Author-Dean (not necessarily literal angels in the Castiel sense, but metaphorical ones) to watch over his young parents, and to help them journey on a much less dark and tragic road.
They have definitely been functioning as emotional guides so far; Losy urging John to get into therapy for his PTSD, Lata teaching John to meditate, and talking about how she chose to break the cycle of her own father’s violence. Losy and Lata both calling out Mary for being an arrogant team-leader who doesn’t listen, and asking her to do better. What’s more, John and Mary appear to be listening and trying to change.
Despite the horror of the angel breeding programme in which Sam and Dean were ensnared by Chuck, Dean had Cas, who broke with fate and chose free will, to become Dean’s guardian angel.
God-Dean-the-Author wants to gift his parents the same healing love; to break the cycle. Because of course he does <3
Titles for fanfics that you personally are writing are either I Have the Perfect Title for This Instantly or I Could Spend 5 Years on This and Still Not Know What to Call It.
the appeal of jensen ackles lies in how he consistently does his best acting when he’s not speaking. the type of tv that spn is (campy, cheesy, trashy, soapy, whatever -y you want) means that the actors often move through the dialogue more like action figures than people (they take turns announcing the themes at each other, everything unfolds with the inevitability of rehearsal, jensen ackles and misha collins are both Doing Voices). this isn’t a bad thing; it’s just a type of storytelling that relies on exaggerated emotions and broad, archetypal characters. to quote barthes’ essay about pro wrestling, “at this pitch, it no longer matters whether or not the passion being expressed is authentic. […] what is expected is the intelligible figuration of moral situations ordinarily secret.” jackles recites his lines like everybody else, but he happens to be good at physical comedy and have a very expressive face, and every once in a while there will be a shot of him so genuine in contrast to everything else that’s going on that it effectively disrupts the show’s architecture of signs. you wonder where it came from. this tension between spn’s inherent theatrical stiffness and jensen ackles’ flashes of unaffected physicality contributes to dean’s appeal to lgbt audiences; it gives the impression that dean can, both textually and metatextually, be freed from his own performance. in this essay, i will–
the thing that is so compelling about destiel to me, personally, is that yes it is about these big, sweeping moments that impact the entire universe and God's plans for his little ants and declarations of love that bend the will of the fates but also. it's in the way cas hooks his pinky around dean's when they sit next to each other. swap the food from each other's plates when they're eating out. the unconscious leaning of their bodies towards each other for no particular reason. in how cas can make dean laugh and dean can get cas to smile and sigh and slouch in a way that shouldn't be possible. they watch movies together. dean wants cas to know the songs he loves. cas doesn't quite understand it but he indulges dean so much anyway. he will say werepire because he knows how dean gets about these things. he will endure a history lesson on cowboys that he doesn't need. when dean cooks, he eats. dean hands him a beer, because that's how he knows to include him, and cas drinks it because dean handed it to him. these are all strange things, but they are also strange things love makes everyone do. it's the absolute mundanity of their love that gets to me. it's beautiful because it's not exactly special or unique but it is extraordinary. it's not something that people don't find in their lives. they do. they have. they will continue to. it's just so very human. and it defeated God.
Destiel: Battle-hardened soldiers eventually falling into such effortless domesticity with each other that their blossoming romance became inevitable
This is a huge part of what makes Destiel special for me. Dean and Cas weren't created or "made for each other"; rather they defied what god, the world, and everything had pre-ordained for them and shattered every expectation....they made over their own respective paths, their own destinies, to include one another.
I think it would've been funny if Mary was on a solo hunt and met Claire, with her curly blonde hair and big blue eyes and tough attitude and wearing a shirt she stole from dean that dean stole from john, and Mary's like 'oh. interesting. I'm a grandmother. nightmare scenario.' and this is post the bmol reveal so Dean is fully not talking to her and she thinks he didn't tell her he has a daughter because he didn't trust her so she decides to get in Claire's good graces. 1) because her granddaughter seems to have the impulse control of an irritated bull and she definitely shouldn't be hunting alone and 2) she gave Claire a fake last name so she wouldn't figure out their relation so by the time Dean figures out they've met Claire can help sweeten him up so Mary can fix things with him. Claire meanwhile is annoyed that this random woman keeps following her around but she's already resigned to the fact she attracts parental figures like a magnet.
so they're a VERY chaotic hunting team for awhile. Mary also keeps trying to needle out details about Claire's life- she figures she might blow her cover if she asks too much about her father, so she asks a lot about Claire's mother but she's very cagey about the topic. then one day Claire let's Mary use her phone for something and she notices the background is a pic of her and Cas and Claire doesn't wanna get into the whole angel thing with this woman who won't get out of her car so she's like 'oh yeah that's my dad'. and Mary's IMMEDIATELY just like oh God oh fuck I almost got my son in law killed no wonder Dean hates me. she's fully spiralling about her kids not trusting her so much they're hiding an entire family from her. even BEFORE they knew about the brits Dean didn't tell her?? she spends all night on google taking like those dumb 'am I homophobic??' quizzes to see if she said or did anything to make him uncomfortable and she literally goes to a library and prints out articles about how to support your gay child. turns into one of those hardcore gay rights moms over night. Claire just thinks Mary's doing this because she's figured out Claire's a lesbian and she finds it sweet.
Dean eventually starts responding to Mary's texts again and Mary just wants to tell Dean she knows everything so they can Properly make up and move forward but all the parenting books she's been reading insist that she needs to let him come to her with this. she starts dropping hints though, like 'oh I'm working with this hunter named Claire', thinking he'll take the bait and tell her he's Claire's father but he's just like 'tell that criminal she has 32 hours to return my ivory grip gun or else I'm actually filing a police report against her' and Mary's not in any place to critique parenting styles but she's like 😬 and tells Claire who's like 'tell him they'll never take me alive' and Mary ends up in the middle of dumb banter between these two while Claire's driving but neither of them will admit they're father and daughter and it's driving her INSANE. she just wants to be trusted!!
skdhdj Claire has a p.o. box and one day they stopped by and there was a head of a stuffed unicorn in there as a godfather parody, and Claire calls Dean like 'THAT WAS ALEX'S!!' and Mary hears him cursing over the other line and after they hang up she asks who Alex is and Claire's like 'oh my sister' and Mary's like. YOUR WHAT.
then all the shit with the brainwashing and apocalypse world goes down and by the time she's back in the bunker she's SO over waiting she just wants as normal a family dynamic as she can possibly get so she makes a big show of like getting Dean alone and she has a whole apology speech AND a gay rights speech that she had kids from a local lgbt community group proof read and edit for her. and Dean king of the closet is like thanks! but what the Fuck. and people are fully walking into the library now Sam has popcorn and Mary's like listen sweetheart I know I haven't given you a lot of reasons to trust me but at the very least you could have mentioned I'm a grandmother, I mean the resemblance is uncanny- and Dean's like 'shit you met Ben? is he okay?' and she's like. WHO?? WHAT? HOW MANY CHILDREN ARE YOU HIDING. And he's like well Emma's dead ('WHAT') so who else could you POSSIBLY be talking about?? And Mary's like 'Claire!! obviously Claire!!' and Claire, who's on the other side of the room yells 'EW?!' in a put on offended tone and Dean's like 'no she's Cas' brat?!' and Mary's like. 'well she's not a nephilim like Jack! I know you and Cas are together Dean-' and Dean and Cas are like. um. what drew you to that conclusion. pay no attention to the fact we're blushing and now refusing to make eye contact with each other we Swear we are only simply platonic friends we are NOT in a romantic relationship. and then Jack and Claire are both like 'WHAT YOU AREN'T?!?!' and the night is lost to many many confusing confrontations. this post got away from me.
I think it would've been funny if Mary was on a solo hunt and met Claire, with her curly blonde hair and big blue eyes and tough attitude and wearing a shirt she stole from dean that dean stole from john, and Mary's like 'oh. interesting. I'm a grandmother. nightmare scenario.' and this is post the bmol reveal so Dean is fully not talking to her and she thinks he didn't tell her he has a daughter because he didn't trust her so she decides to get in Claire's good graces. 1) because her granddaughter seems to have the impulse control of an irritated bull and she definitely shouldn't be hunting alone and 2) she gave Claire a fake last name so she wouldn't figure out their relation so by the time Dean figures out they've met Claire can help sweeten him up so Mary can fix things with him. Claire meanwhile is annoyed that this random woman keeps following her around but she's already resigned to the fact she attracts parental figures like a magnet.
so they're a VERY chaotic hunting team for awhile. Mary also keeps trying to needle out details about Claire's life- she figures she might blow her cover if she asks too much about her father, so she asks a lot about Claire's mother but she's very cagey about the topic. then one day Claire let's Mary use her phone for something and she notices the background is a pic of her and Cas and Claire doesn't wanna get into the whole angel thing with this woman who won't get out of her car so she's like 'oh yeah that's my dad'. and Mary's IMMEDIATELY just like oh God oh fuck I almost got my son in law killed no wonder Dean hates me. she's fully spiralling about her kids not trusting her so much they're hiding an entire family from her. even BEFORE they knew about the brits Dean didn't tell her?? she spends all night on google taking like those dumb 'am I homophobic??' quizzes to see if she said or did anything to make him uncomfortable and she literally goes to a library and prints out articles about how to support your gay child. turns into one of those hardcore gay rights moms over night. Claire just thinks Mary's doing this because she's figured out Claire's a lesbian and she finds it sweet.
Dean eventually starts responding to Mary's texts again and Mary just wants to tell Dean she knows everything so they can Properly make up and move forward but all the parenting books she's been reading insist that she needs to let him come to her with this. she starts dropping hints though, like 'oh I'm working with this hunter named Claire', thinking he'll take the bait and tell her he's Claire's father but he's just like 'tell that criminal she has 32 hours to return my ivory grip gun or else I'm actually filing a police report against her' and Mary's not in any place to critique parenting styles but she's like 😬 and tells Claire who's like 'tell him they'll never take me alive' and Mary ends up in the middle of dumb banter between these two while Claire's driving but neither of them will admit they're father and daughter and it's driving her INSANE. she just wants to be trusted!!
skdhdj Claire has a p.o. box and one day they stopped by and there was a head of a stuffed unicorn in there as a godfather parody, and Claire calls Dean like 'THAT WAS ALEX'S!!' and Mary hears him cursing over the other line and after they hang up she asks who Alex is and Claire's like 'oh my sister' and Mary's like. YOUR WHAT.
then all the shit with the brainwashing and apocalypse world goes down and by the time she's back in the bunker she's SO over waiting she just wants as normal a family dynamic as she can possibly get so she makes a big show of like getting Dean alone and she has a whole apology speech AND a gay rights speech that she had kids from a local lgbt community group proof read and edit for her. and Dean king of the closet is like thanks! but what the Fuck. and people are fully walking into the library now Sam has popcorn and Mary's like listen sweetheart I know I haven't given you a lot of reasons to trust me but at the very least you could have mentioned I'm a grandmother, I mean the resemblance is uncanny- and Dean's like 'shit you met Ben? is he okay?' and she's like. WHO?? WHAT? HOW MANY CHILDREN ARE YOU HIDING. And he's like well Emma's dead ('WHAT') so who else could you POSSIBLY be talking about?? And Mary's like 'Claire!! obviously Claire!!' and Claire, who's on the other side of the room yells 'EW?!' in a put on offended tone and Dean's like 'no she's Cas' brat?!' and Mary's like. 'well she's not a nephilim like Jack! I know you and Cas are together Dean-' and Dean and Cas are like. um. what drew you to that conclusion. pay no attention to the fact we're blushing and now refusing to make eye contact with each other we Swear we are only simply platonic friends we are NOT in a romantic relationship. and then Jack and Claire are both like 'WHAT YOU AREN'T?!?!' and the night is lost to many many confusing confrontations. this post got away from me.
