A/N: Sorry for lack of proofreading and any formatting issues. Wrote this real quickly with a bout of insomnia on my iPad. Post ep for “Sein Und Zeit”
23. “Did you just hiss at me?”
“Did you just hiss at me?”
“I don’t need you anymore, Scully. Go home already. I’ll be fine.”
“Well, you weren’t fine 20 minutes ago. It seemed I had to literally hold you up as you cried and keep you from destroying your coffee table.”
She put her hands on her hips angrily. “Am I good for is slicing and dicing when it is convenient to you? For God’s sake, you made me autopsy your mother, Mulder.”
“For that I am thankful but I want to be alone, Scully. I’ll call you.”
Mulder stormed off into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. She sighed and looked down at her feet in frustration. Beyond the door, he choked back another sob. She could easily have left and do what he wanted. But to love someone was a different matter. That is why she agreed to perform the autopsy of his mother even though it quarreled with her own morals. She did because she loved him and wanted Mulder to have some sense of peace. He had hurt way too long. How was this any different? It wasn’t. Scully took off her boots, slid off her socks, and slipped off her suit jacket. She carefully folded her jacket over the leather sofa and straightened her shoulders. She marched right into his bedroom, prepared to have a shouting match with him but she stopped dead in her tracks. Mulder lay on his side and continued to sob silently. Her angry melted.
“I told you to leave, Scully!”
“And you know I never would do that to you.”
“Leave me alone, Scully.”
She shook her head and crawled onto what had become her side of his bed. The mattress sunk slightly with her added weight and she brought her hand up and trace his arm. He did not pull away. Taking that as a sign, she took a deep breath and pressed herself behind him. She as the big spoon to his little spoon. She wrapped her arms around Mulder as much as she could. His breath hitched and she kissed his cheek. She rested her face against his and could feel the salty hot tears down his cheek.
“I’m not leaving you, Mulder.”
He breathed shakily and closed his eyes. Mulder could not regain his breath and calm down. He continued to sob uselessly. Scully sighed and whispered in his ear.
“Mulder, listen to me. You have to listen to me.”
She pressed her against his heart. It sounded like a war drum. “Breathe with me, Mulder. You have to to breathe with me.”
“I know.” She took a deep breath, trying to fill her lungs as much air as she could so that he could feel it. She remembered the breathing exercises her sister had taught her. Breathe in. Hold in. Exhale slowly.
“You can. Close your eyes, Mulder. It’s just us here at this moment.”
He hugged Scully around him like a shield as she whispered into his ear.
“You have to breathe with me. You need to breathe.”
Slowly, he took a deep breath, mismatching it with the pace of hers.
Together, they breathed deeply and he felt her bury her face into the crook of his neck. And together, they released their shared breath. “Good. Again, Mulder. A few more times.” In. Hold. Out. In. Hold. Out. His heart rate slowed and she nodded in approval.
Even after seven years, they could still put so much emotion and meaning into just saying each other’s surnames.
“I got you. I’m right here.”
“I’m cold.” Scully rubbed his arms and drew a blanket around them.
“I told you to leave,” Mulder hiccuped. “And you’re an idiot. I’m always going be with you, no matter what dark road we go down together.”
She felt his breath continue to be in sync with hers. “Why are you so good to me? I have no one else.”
“I love you and you still have me.” She tightened her embrace around Mulder. “Try and sleep I’ll be right here when you wake up.”
“I love you. So much. I’d do anything for you.”
“I know. Just sleep right now. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Hey, Scully. You know German right?”
“A bit,” she whispered back. “What does ‘sein und zeit’ mean?”
“Really,” she whispered in amusement. “It’s been awhile. I think being and time.”
“What no parts of speech?”
“I don’t know everything, Mulder.”
“You do. Being and time.” He sighed. “I wish this moment could last forever for us. Just us. Loved. Safe. I love you so much, Scully. You are a gift to me. You and your stubbornness.”
She chuckled into his neck. “Me too. Love you. Sleep. I’m right here.”
He relaxed, soothed by the sound of Scully’s heart beating against his back and her surrounding him. She sighed and closed her eyes, focusing on him. Sometimes it hurt to love him but she would not have it any other way. As he finally drifted off to sleep, she promised to love him to the end.
