[tiramisutrexs]

One only knows how to bite, the other only knows how to run.

Behold the fight or flight instinct humanized.

(1.01, 1,05, 1.06)

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Much too blind to see the damage he's done | chapter six

Ilya woke to an empty bed, arm outstretched reaching for someone not there. Shane had probably woken up early, gone to the gym. He wasn't sleeping much recently, always stressed, eyes trained on his phone, doomscrolling and texting. Biting at his nails and locking the screen whenever Ilya turned to look at him. Force of habit, Ilya told himself, for any former closet-case.

--

What if Shane stayed with Rose?

A character study of Shane Hollander, a man with a strict moral compass who would never cheat, except for when he does.

And when, years later, Ilya Rozanov suspects his husband of cheating, how does he grapple with the guilt of being the other man, all those years ago.

cw: cheating, homophobia

Read more

[buddie-romance]

thank you ao3 for being an archive and not an algorithm. thank you for letting me like things without consequences, thank you for being free with no ads, thank you for having lawyers to defend our freedom of speech. thank you tag wranglers. thank you to all authors and thank you ao3

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Much too blind to see the damage he's done | chapter five

And Ilya couldn't bring himself to ask “Where were you? Who were you with?” because it would hurt too much to say it. He'd spit blood with the words, cut himself right down the middle, exposed. So he kept his mouth shut and tried to forget all about it. Forget about how this all started, their secret meetings. All of Shane's lies. It wasn't fair, it wasn't the same thing. But he was capable of it, of swallowing the lies, of keeping up appearances as he sucked someone off in a dark room. Ilya knew it, he'd been the someone.

--

What if Shane stayed with Rose?

A character study of Shane Hollander, a man with a strict moral compass who would never cheat, except for when he does.

And when, years later, Ilya Rozanov suspects his husband of cheating, how does he grapple with the guilt of being the other man, all those years ago.

Read more

cw: internalised homophobia, cheating, referenced homophobia

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Much too blind to see the damage he's done | chapter four

Ilya sat on the hotel bed, his skin still wet from the shower. The door slammed shut behind Shane. The first night after he came back, the Florida heat, unbearable, but all those fears he’d had of awkwardness and pain between them, gone. He wanted more, Shane had said “I want this to be real, its not emotionless for me.”

And Ilya had agreed. And later, pressed together in bed, naked and spent, Ilya asked, “So, Rose?” Thinking Shane would say, ‘Yes, I ended it,’ But he didn’t, he just said “She can’t know, obviously.”

--

What if Shane stayed with Rose?

A character study of Shane Hollander, a man with a strict moral compass who would never cheat, except for when he does.

And when, years later, Ilya Rozanov suspects his husband of cheating, how does he grapple with the guilt of being the other man, all those years ago.

cw: cheating, internalised homophobia

Read more

[shanehollandergirl]

always an angel, never a god // shane hollander + "not strong" enough by boygenius

[connorhudsongifs]

HUDSON WILLIAMS + that yellow sweater TIMID MAGAZINE

[gaysie]

does anyone know if lestat and shane are opening the portal over montreal tonight or do i still have to go to work tomorrow

[lucylehane]

"The sex is when you can be honest."

Jacob Tierney on It's Open With Ilana Glazer

[ilyashaneconnorhudson]

he won 😭

(and he mentions sharing the award with connor)

"... if these gay yearning little bottom eyes didn't have a big sexy russian to feast upon, my performance wouldn't be as good..."

[pinenora317]

Heated Rivalry ll S01EP05

[vanpalmersgf]

🏒 Heated Rivalry S01E02 Olympians 🥅

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Much too blind to see the damage he's done | Chapter three

It was never cold in Shane’s bed, he ran hot, his muscular body always there, firm and pressing into the mattress beside her. Rose woke to the cold, a bristle beside her, the empty space where he usually was. She could’ve thought he was in the bathroom, sick from the alcohol or pissing but she knew, somehow, she knew he wasn’t there, that she was alone in his house. She had probably heard the door shut, felt him climb out of bed while she was sleeping, stored it subconsciously. Whatever it was she knew. She heard the buzz and the light of his phone filled the room. He never left his phone face up, she realised, and never left the house without it. It was worry, really that led her to sit up and look. She wasn’t proud of it, snooping, looking through her boyfriends phone, she wasn’t that kind of girl. But he was gone, in the middle of the night, and his phone was unlocked.

And there is was, that underlying fear, the thing she had been pushing down and ignoring. Lily had text him

--

What if Shane stayed with Rose?

A character study of Shane Hollander, a man with a strict moral compass who would never cheat, except for when he does.

And when, years later, Ilya Rozanov suspects his husband of cheating, how does he grapple with the guilt of being the other man, all those years ago.

cw: cheating, internalised homophobia

Read more

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Much too blind to see the damage he's done | Chapter two (explicit)

– Not tonight, it’s a bad idea.

Three dots appeared immediately, and Ilya responded before Shane could put his phone down.

– Hmm okay, is true. But I thought you liked to be bad

– I could do so many bad things to you

Fuck.

-----

What if Shane stayed with Rose?

A character study of Shane Hollander, a man with a strict moral compass who would never cheat, except for when he does.

And when, years later, Ilya Rozanov suspects his husband of cheating, how does he grapple with the guilt of being the other man, all those years ago.

cw: cheating, internalized homophobia

Read now

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i just have in my mind a novel length character study of Shane Hollander in which theres canon divergence in that he stays with Rose for longer and subsequently cheats on her and keeps feeling awful and convincing himself it didn't count and thinking he needs to stop things with Ilya and break up with Rose and admit he's obviously gay and he just can't do it and it takes her telling him "I know, it's okay." for him to finally admit it to himself and wash off the shame and guilt that is still permanantly etched into his skin because Shane Hollander is not a cheater he has a strict moral compass and how did he let this happen. and then things fall into place with Ilya and he's in love and they are together for real and cut to a few years later and Shane's out a lot more and working late and now its an Ilya character study. Where for years he slept with a guy who was in a relationship, and Shane wasn't the only one there were loads of DL guys he'd been with with wives and families at home and the guilt of it suddenly hits him when he's on the other side. Waiting for Shane to come home. Knowing Shane is the kind of guy to cheat but that was different and now Ilya's spiralling. anyway. that could be good huh

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I did it

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Much too blind to see the damage he's done | Chapter one

Shane could stare at him all day, could brush his cheeks with his thumb and kiss down the tight tendon of his neck. Could feel the flat of his palms against his hard chest. He could spend his lifetime worshipping this man’s body. “Stay,” Ilya whispered into the crease of Shane’s elbow.

“I can’t,” he said, keeping his eyes steady on the ceiling, steeped in blue darkness. "I’m meeting Rose.”

--

What if Shane stayed with Rose?

A character study of Shane Hollander, a man with a strict moral compass who would never cheat, except for when he does.

And when, years later, Ilya Rozanov suspects his husband of cheating, how does he grapple with the guilt of being the other man, all those years ago.

cw: cheating, internalized homophobia

Read now

[detachedfacade]

everyone talks about i need you to know i really tried because duh thats heartbreaking but why does no one talk about i wish he could've known me ...hello