Exclamania's Greatest Detective @detective-brackette - Tumblr Blog

[Status 1 and 2 randomly teleport into your office.]

whathathwahtashtshawht aarese awe wdoindojn ghereh againgain

i'm gonna be honest we don't have any business being here i just like to hit random numbers on the teleporter machine and then launch the two of US out there. just to feel som-

STATUS UPDATES TWO!

You sure are, buddy.

@status-updates

[When you arrive, Brackette can be seen at her desk looking over several stacks of paper. They look even more exhausted than usual, which is almost impressive.]

no logical reason for it to- what the fuck.

Uh, hi. Where are we

You're.. in my office.

[She doesn't look up from the papers, placing one with information about cheat codes into a nearby tray labeled "possibly connected".]

Ohohoho whagth thahhat

[2 begins hovering towards your papers. 1 stops him.]

I think he’s interested…

It's all for the current case I'm working on. Unfortunately, I seem to have found more evidence that whoever filed this has a personal vendetta against me than evidence for the actual-

[She finally looks up from their work and recognizes the two. Her lower eyes widen.]

...case. Oh my Devs it's you.

…

[1 has a look of terror. 2 is aggressively shaking trying to get free.]

Uh listen whatever I did to you I assure you I have enough money to make up for it-

...what.

[She sighs, their expression reverting to the usual exhaustion.]

I. You haven't done anything to me, rather this entire case is about you. Well, about events that happened to someone closely connected to you.

[they both stop dead in their tracks.]

..,,,,.,,. No

…continue

What do you know about the acronym K.P.P.?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

[Statuses 1 and 2 are now fighting you!]

Notice, your Health is about to be Decrea- what the fuck is that thing

...what is that.

[Statuses 1 and 2 are no longer fighting you!]

The hell?! What are y-

[She mutters some expletives under their breath, noticing the. other thing.]

I already told you, I don't know anyone by the name "Advertsary".

uh. we do. we'll tell you later if you can. come back later.

It's not shutting up! Two, tackle it!

[Two charges headfirst into it. It sidesteps the attack.]

[Two tries again, it sidesteps again.]

[This goes on for a while. The distraction is at least making it quieter.]

Okay, anyway, you come to- sorry, we come to YOUR house, uninvited, and you dare to bring up that cursed phrase?

Considering that this is in fact my office, and I've been trying to find out how to neutralize that damn phrase for longer than I care to remember right now, yes.

O-oh. Neutralize it, you say?

Continue.

Yes. In my opinion, a simple three word phrase should not be able to deal large amounts of damage to people, so I've been trying to figure out how to stop it from doing that. However, I haven't even cracked what the hell it exactly is. I can't even find an origin for it, some of the records I've found seem to be centuries old!

[Brackette sighs, gesturing to a tray labeled "proven irrelevant". There are several papers in it, the one at the top being a description of mana-infused pencils and how they can be used to write and draw spells.]

I do at least know a few things that it isn't. For instance, since it's more dangerous when cast with the help of others, I know it can't be a simple power word spell.

huh. interesting.

[the fucking thing is still sidestepping two's attacks.]

More like frustrating. My leading theories are that it's either a cheat code or something originating from outside Exclamania entirely.

If you can give one, an account of your experience with the phrase could provide useful information.

I'm going to presume you know the Statalus Incident.

I- what? LATER. Okay? Two, try harder.

[Two sets himself on fire. This does not help him.]

Not like- whatever.

I lost my train of thought.

Right, the Statalus incident. Obviously he gets his fingers blown off. Twice.

What's not as common knowledge is the time I was murdered for no reason by the same thing. I was DEAD. Like, dead dead!

But at least I can do this now. [1 snaps his fingers and vanishes. Then reappears in a slightly different spot by snapping again.] This is just me dying and reviving. I can't die unless I want to.

Okay, that helps somewhat.

[She grabs a large binder labeled "Known non-lethal spells" and places it in the "proven irrelevant" tray, before sticking a small orange sticky note to the binder.]

Is that Two guy okay?

[1 looks back at 2. He and the fucking thing are just spinning in circles.]

yeah.

Okay.

[She moves one paper aside to look at another underneath it.]

Is there anything else about the phrase that you think I should know?

It's terrible, I hate it, I think you deserve all awards ever if you somehow manage to-

SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN! CAN YOU WAIT FIVE MINUTES? I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE DAMN ADVERTSARY AFTER I'M DONE HERE!

[Two runs into a table,and makes the metal pipe sound effect while he falls over unconscious.]

God. You were saying?

Well, facts would be a lot more helpful than how much you personally hate it. Saying how terrible something is doesn't help change it, you know.

[She grabs the paper about cheat codes and reads it again, before placing it back in the same tray.]

well that's all I have, I'm afraid. Murderers don't tend to display their weapons to do their victims. Unless their victim is a geologist and their weapon is that obsidian kn- no wait they never actually used that as the weapon.

[She sighs.]

..what? What's this about a geologist?

[He brandishes his own case file linking to a different tumblr post before tossing it into your “proven irrelevant” tray.] don’t worry about it

[She immediately grabs it from the tray and starts reading.]

Excuse me, I would prefer it if you didn't interfere with my- huh?!

[They fall silent, taking a moment to read the file in slight shock.]

...what in the world is this..?

[it’s a link to this post:

Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your

]

In all my years, I've never seen anything like this before. Where did you get this?

No canonical explanation.

What?? Canonical- are you trying to confuse me?

Huh?

[Status seems to have forgotten that the words he just said influence things]

Really, where did you get this file? If there's evidence I haven't found there, it could be the missing piece.

[She sounds like they're trying to hide her desperation behind a mask of calculated determination.]

I honestly think I just materialized it into existence.

If we think too hard about this the universe might reshape itself to stop this from having had happen. That’s a heck of a phrase, “having had happen.”

...

[Brackette ponders for a moment. It's evident she is very much thinking about it.]

This has ties to- oh Devs..

Alright. Finding the- finding the origin of the phrase might be..even more difficult if it involves universe reshaping.

[By their tone, it almost seems as if she's dealt with "universe reshaping" before.]

[Status is pretty sure this is becoming about something else entirely.]

[Brackette keeps looking through papers, with a determined look that almost makes it seem like she's hiding something.]

[the fucking thing is breathing down One's neck]

uh maybe we go take this thing to the advertsary.

Yeah, whatever. I'm going to solve this case if it kills me.

[She picks up a paper titled "Metalogical events and the Universe", and their eyes widen.]

...what is this file.?

[On the back of the paper, the text "property of - 《 [ ] 》 -" can be seen. Brackette doesn't seem to notice this.]

property of... what now?

uh, anyway. you cool if we just bring the Advertsary here? it has no defined mass so it'll fit in here without breaking anything.

What? Where did you se-

[Brackette flips the paper over and gasps in shock.]

THEM?!

[She quickly puts the paper into a drawer, takes a briefcase out and shuts the drawer, locking it. They place the briefcase on an empty section of the desk, facing toward her.]

Uh. s- sure. I guess.

okay. Two, do the thing.

[One looks at two, who woke back up. he does nothing.]

[Suddenly, "Stocked Up!" 2 appears and begins beating up Status Two.]

Fantastic. Okay give it a second

What the hell.

[Brackette is staring in abject confusion.]

"Hi Status" "Hi Detective" "Hi Status Two" "I See You Did That Thing Again That Makes My Idiot Son Start Murdering You" "What Was It Called?" "Existing?" "Yeah That's It" "You Need Something?"

"What The Fuck Is That Thing"

[the Advertsary Fucking Dies]

huh. it was a suicide-style anti-virus.

i wonder if it's aware of all the back-up copies the Advertsary's made of itself and hidden in the game?

[She just stares in bewilderment.]

[The Advertsary regenerates. It is nothing but eyes and an all-encompassing sea of red.]

oh fge wt ve ou dn

[S.T. 2 flees.]

shit, they're PISSED.

[One runs some commands. You, him, and two are teleported back to the Updates Zone.]

I. that was. they'll calm down eventually i'm sure.

[As Brackette had been sitting down when she was teleported, they fall to the floor.]

Where in the world..

[She stands up, looking around.]

hi yeah sorry about. all that. i've never seen The Adv- I've never seen them destroy something that couldn't produce the sentence "dear god, I exist" so your place should be fine.

...what now? uh, I don't think I can help you any more with the *shudder* the case. I can teleport you back into the real world a safe distance from all of that.

Safe distance? I need to get back to my office! There's important documents there and- oh Devs if that thing gets into my laptop-

[She takes a moment to calm themself.]

Does.. do you know if they steal things often? I'd rather not have my workplace ransacked.

To my knowledge they crave the suffering of sentience and the suffering of sentience alone. Like I said, your office should be fine.

There's not anybody near your office, right?

Shouldn't be, but define "near". I know there's a large magical cave a ways west and a forest northeast, but I'm unsure if anyone lives in either.

Uh, just immediate area.

Oh, that should be fine then.

What is this place, by the way?

The Updates Zone

Hm.. sounds familiar, but I certainly haven't been here in person before.

Well, now’s your chance. We haven’t really been focused on our tourism, lately, so it might be lackluster…

Sure, why not? One look at my office proves I'm not bothered by a place being untidy.

Okay, we could visit the Sentry Factory, the Sentry Training Academy, the now completely and entire defunct shopping mall, the guest apartments that i'm pretty have been left to rot, the... the coliseum...

[1 has a blank expression as he mentions the coliseum. Not exactly remorseful or grieving, but still off.]

...or the vast emptiness where we have land for sale!

I don't really have a preference to be honest. Perhaps the guest apartments or coliseum, but it's your choice.

Alright! Let’s see the uh, the guest apartments.

[you enter a luxury apartment complex. Completely empty.]

Oh, this is...spacious. Not much in terms of. Anything, though. Are people supposed to bring their own furniture?

#epprbcu #off the clock

have you paid your taxes?

Yeah, all 0% of them.

What, you think I get paid for this?

arctictern12

do you not

#epprbcu #off the clock #(dubiously canon)

If I did, I might actually enjoy this job.

have you paid your taxes?

Yeah, all 0% of them.

What, you think I get paid for this?

#epprbcu #parenthespeaks #(ooc: not sure if this is canon or not)

[Status 1 and 2 randomly teleport into your office.]

whathathwahtashtshawht aarese awe wdoindojn ghereh againgain

i'm gonna be honest we don't have any business being here i just like to hit random numbers on the teleporter machine and then launch the two of US out there. just to feel som-

STATUS UPDATES TWO!

You sure are, buddy.

@status-updates

[When you arrive, Brackette can be seen at her desk looking over several stacks of paper. They look even more exhausted than usual, which is almost impressive.]

no logical reason for it to- what the fuck.

Uh, hi. Where are we

You're.. in my office.

[She doesn't look up from the papers, placing one with information about cheat codes into a nearby tray labeled "possibly connected".]

Ohohoho whagth thahhat

[2 begins hovering towards your papers. 1 stops him.]

I think he’s interested…

It's all for the current case I'm working on. Unfortunately, I seem to have found more evidence that whoever filed this has a personal vendetta against me than evidence for the actual-

[She finally looks up from their work and recognizes the two. Her lower eyes widen.]

...case. Oh my Devs it's you.

…

[1 has a look of terror. 2 is aggressively shaking trying to get free.]

Uh listen whatever I did to you I assure you I have enough money to make up for it-

...what.

[She sighs, their expression reverting to the usual exhaustion.]

I. You haven't done anything to me, rather this entire case is about you. Well, about events that happened to someone closely connected to you.

[they both stop dead in their tracks.]

..,,,,.,,. No

…continue

What do you know about the acronym K.P.P.?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

[Statuses 1 and 2 are now fighting you!]

Notice, your Health is about to be Decrea- what the fuck is that thing

...what is that.

[Statuses 1 and 2 are no longer fighting you!]

The hell?! What are y-

[She mutters some expletives under their breath, noticing the. other thing.]

I already told you, I don't know anyone by the name "Advertsary".

uh. we do. we'll tell you later if you can. come back later.

It's not shutting up! Two, tackle it!

[Two charges headfirst into it. It sidesteps the attack.]

[Two tries again, it sidesteps again.]

[This goes on for a while. The distraction is at least making it quieter.]

Okay, anyway, you come to- sorry, we come to YOUR house, uninvited, and you dare to bring up that cursed phrase?

Considering that this is in fact my office, and I've been trying to find out how to neutralize that damn phrase for longer than I care to remember right now, yes.

O-oh. Neutralize it, you say?

Continue.

I do at least know a few things that it isn't. For instance, since it's more dangerous when cast with the help of others, I know it can't be a simple power word spell.

huh. interesting.

[the fucking thing is still sidestepping two's attacks.]

More like frustrating. My leading theories are that it's either a cheat code or something originating from outside Exclamania entirely.

If you can give one, an account of your experience with the phrase could provide useful information.

I'm going to presume you know the Statalus Incident.

I- what? LATER. Okay? Two, try harder.

[Two sets himself on fire. This does not help him.]

Not like- whatever.

I lost my train of thought.

Right, the Statalus incident. Obviously he gets his fingers blown off. Twice.

What's not as common knowledge is the time I was murdered for no reason by the same thing. I was DEAD. Like, dead dead!

But at least I can do this now. [1 snaps his fingers and vanishes. Then reappears in a slightly different spot by snapping again.] This is just me dying and reviving. I can't die unless I want to.

Okay, that helps somewhat.

[She grabs a large binder labeled "Known non-lethal spells" and places it in the "proven irrelevant" tray, before sticking a small orange sticky note to the binder.]

Is that Two guy okay?

[1 looks back at 2. He and the fucking thing are just spinning in circles.]

yeah.

Okay.

[She moves one paper aside to look at another underneath it.]

Is there anything else about the phrase that you think I should know?

It's terrible, I hate it, I think you deserve all awards ever if you somehow manage to-

SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN! CAN YOU WAIT FIVE MINUTES? I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE DAMN ADVERTSARY AFTER I'M DONE HERE!

[Two runs into a table,and makes the metal pipe sound effect while he falls over unconscious.]

God. You were saying?

Well, facts would be a lot more helpful than how much you personally hate it. Saying how terrible something is doesn't help change it, you know.

[She grabs the paper about cheat codes and reads it again, before placing it back in the same tray.]

[She sighs.]

..what? What's this about a geologist?

[He brandishes his own case file linking to a different tumblr post before tossing it into your “proven irrelevant” tray.] don’t worry about it

[She immediately grabs it from the tray and starts reading.]

Excuse me, I would prefer it if you didn't interfere with my- huh?!

[They fall silent, taking a moment to read the file in slight shock.]

...what in the world is this..?

[it’s a link to this post:

Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your

]

In all my years, I've never seen anything like this before. Where did you get this?

No canonical explanation.

What?? Canonical- are you trying to confuse me?

Huh?

[Status seems to have forgotten that the words he just said influence things]

Really, where did you get this file? If there's evidence I haven't found there, it could be the missing piece.

[She sounds like they're trying to hide her desperation behind a mask of calculated determination.]

I honestly think I just materialized it into existence.

If we think too hard about this the universe might reshape itself to stop this from having had happen. That’s a heck of a phrase, “having had happen.”

...

[Brackette ponders for a moment. It's evident she is very much thinking about it.]

This has ties to- oh Devs..

Alright. Finding the- finding the origin of the phrase might be..even more difficult if it involves universe reshaping.

[By their tone, it almost seems as if she's dealt with "universe reshaping" before.]

[Status is pretty sure this is becoming about something else entirely.]

[Brackette keeps looking through papers, with a determined look that almost makes it seem like she's hiding something.]

[the fucking thing is breathing down One's neck]

uh maybe we go take this thing to the advertsary.

Yeah, whatever. I'm going to solve this case if it kills me.

[She picks up a paper titled "Metalogical events and the Universe", and their eyes widen.]

...what is this file.?

[On the back of the paper, the text "property of - 《 [ ] 》 -" can be seen. Brackette doesn't seem to notice this.]

property of... what now?

uh, anyway. you cool if we just bring the Advertsary here? it has no defined mass so it'll fit in here without breaking anything.

What? Where did you se-

[Brackette flips the paper over and gasps in shock.]

THEM?!

[She quickly puts the paper into a drawer, takes a briefcase out and shuts the drawer, locking it. They place the briefcase on an empty section of the desk, facing toward her.]

Uh. s- sure. I guess.

okay. Two, do the thing.

[One looks at two, who woke back up. he does nothing.]

[Suddenly, "Stocked Up!" 2 appears and begins beating up Status Two.]

Fantastic. Okay give it a second

What the hell.

[Brackette is staring in abject confusion.]

"Hi Status" "Hi Detective" "Hi Status Two" "I See You Did That Thing Again That Makes My Idiot Son Start Murdering You" "What Was It Called?" "Existing?" "Yeah That's It" "You Need Something?"

"What The Fuck Is That Thing"

[the Advertsary Fucking Dies]

huh. it was a suicide-style anti-virus.

i wonder if it's aware of all the back-up copies the Advertsary's made of itself and hidden in the game?

[She just stares in bewilderment.]

[The Advertsary regenerates. It is nothing but eyes and an all-encompassing sea of red.]

oh fge wt ve ou dn

[S.T. 2 flees.]

shit, they're PISSED.

[One runs some commands. You, him, and two are teleported back to the Updates Zone.]

I. that was. they'll calm down eventually i'm sure.

[As Brackette had been sitting down when she was teleported, they fall to the floor.]

Where in the world..

[She stands up, looking around.]

hi yeah sorry about. all that. i've never seen The Adv- I've never seen them destroy something that couldn't produce the sentence "dear god, I exist" so your place should be fine.

...what now? uh, I don't think I can help you any more with the *shudder* the case. I can teleport you back into the real world a safe distance from all of that.

Safe distance? I need to get back to my office! There's important documents there and- oh Devs if that thing gets into my laptop-

[She takes a moment to calm themself.]

Does.. do you know if they steal things often? I'd rather not have my workplace ransacked.

To my knowledge they crave the suffering of sentience and the suffering of sentience alone. Like I said, your office should be fine.

There's not anybody near your office, right?

Shouldn't be, but define "near". I know there's a large magical cave a ways west and a forest northeast, but I'm unsure if anyone lives in either.

Uh, just immediate area.

Oh, that should be fine then.

What is this place, by the way?

The Updates Zone

Hm.. sounds familiar, but I certainly haven't been here in person before.

Well, now’s your chance. We haven’t really been focused on our tourism, lately, so it might be lackluster…

Sure, why not? One look at my office proves I'm not bothered by a place being untidy.

[1 has a blank expression as he mentions the coliseum. Not exactly remorseful or grieving, but still off.]

...or the vast emptiness where we have land for sale!

#epprbcu #[the kpp case]#off the clock #(ooc: sorry for taking so long. it will happen again /ref (but probably true))

I don't really have a preference to be honest. Perhaps the guest apartments or coliseum, but it's your choice.

[Status 1 and 2 randomly teleport into your office.]

whathathwahtashtshawht aarese awe wdoindojn ghereh againgain

i'm gonna be honest we don't have any business being here i just like to hit random numbers on the teleporter machine and then launch the two of US out there. just to feel som-

STATUS UPDATES TWO!

You sure are, buddy.

@status-updates

[When you arrive, Brackette can be seen at her desk looking over several stacks of paper. They look even more exhausted than usual, which is almost impressive.]

no logical reason for it to- what the fuck.

Uh, hi. Where are we

You're.. in my office.

[She doesn't look up from the papers, placing one with information about cheat codes into a nearby tray labeled "possibly connected".]

Ohohoho whagth thahhat

[2 begins hovering towards your papers. 1 stops him.]

I think he’s interested…

It's all for the current case I'm working on. Unfortunately, I seem to have found more evidence that whoever filed this has a personal vendetta against me than evidence for the actual-

[She finally looks up from their work and recognizes the two. Her lower eyes widen.]

...case. Oh my Devs it's you.

…

[1 has a look of terror. 2 is aggressively shaking trying to get free.]

Uh listen whatever I did to you I assure you I have enough money to make up for it-

...what.

[She sighs, their expression reverting to the usual exhaustion.]

I. You haven't done anything to me, rather this entire case is about you. Well, about events that happened to someone closely connected to you.

[they both stop dead in their tracks.]

..,,,,.,,. No

…continue

What do you know about the acronym K.P.P.?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

[Statuses 1 and 2 are now fighting you!]

Notice, your Health is about to be Decrea- what the fuck is that thing

...what is that.

[Statuses 1 and 2 are no longer fighting you!]

The hell?! What are y-

[She mutters some expletives under their breath, noticing the. other thing.]

I already told you, I don't know anyone by the name "Advertsary".

uh. we do. we'll tell you later if you can. come back later.

It's not shutting up! Two, tackle it!

[Two charges headfirst into it. It sidesteps the attack.]

[Two tries again, it sidesteps again.]

[This goes on for a while. The distraction is at least making it quieter.]

Okay, anyway, you come to- sorry, we come to YOUR house, uninvited, and you dare to bring up that cursed phrase?

Considering that this is in fact my office, and I've been trying to find out how to neutralize that damn phrase for longer than I care to remember right now, yes.

O-oh. Neutralize it, you say?

Continue.

I do at least know a few things that it isn't. For instance, since it's more dangerous when cast with the help of others, I know it can't be a simple power word spell.

huh. interesting.

[the fucking thing is still sidestepping two's attacks.]

More like frustrating. My leading theories are that it's either a cheat code or something originating from outside Exclamania entirely.

If you can give one, an account of your experience with the phrase could provide useful information.

I'm going to presume you know the Statalus Incident.

I- what? LATER. Okay? Two, try harder.

[Two sets himself on fire. This does not help him.]

Not like- whatever.

I lost my train of thought.

Right, the Statalus incident. Obviously he gets his fingers blown off. Twice.

What's not as common knowledge is the time I was murdered for no reason by the same thing. I was DEAD. Like, dead dead!

But at least I can do this now. [1 snaps his fingers and vanishes. Then reappears in a slightly different spot by snapping again.] This is just me dying and reviving. I can't die unless I want to.

Okay, that helps somewhat.

[She grabs a large binder labeled "Known non-lethal spells" and places it in the "proven irrelevant" tray, before sticking a small orange sticky note to the binder.]

Is that Two guy okay?

[1 looks back at 2. He and the fucking thing are just spinning in circles.]

yeah.

Okay.

[She moves one paper aside to look at another underneath it.]

Is there anything else about the phrase that you think I should know?

It's terrible, I hate it, I think you deserve all awards ever if you somehow manage to-

SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN! CAN YOU WAIT FIVE MINUTES? I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE DAMN ADVERTSARY AFTER I'M DONE HERE!

[Two runs into a table,and makes the metal pipe sound effect while he falls over unconscious.]

God. You were saying?

Well, facts would be a lot more helpful than how much you personally hate it. Saying how terrible something is doesn't help change it, you know.

[She grabs the paper about cheat codes and reads it again, before placing it back in the same tray.]

[She sighs.]

..what? What's this about a geologist?

[He brandishes his own case file linking to a different tumblr post before tossing it into your “proven irrelevant” tray.] don’t worry about it

[She immediately grabs it from the tray and starts reading.]

Excuse me, I would prefer it if you didn't interfere with my- huh?!

[They fall silent, taking a moment to read the file in slight shock.]

...what in the world is this..?

[it’s a link to this post:

Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your

]

In all my years, I've never seen anything like this before. Where did you get this?

No canonical explanation.

What?? Canonical- are you trying to confuse me?

Huh?

[Status seems to have forgotten that the words he just said influence things]

Really, where did you get this file? If there's evidence I haven't found there, it could be the missing piece.

[She sounds like they're trying to hide her desperation behind a mask of calculated determination.]

I honestly think I just materialized it into existence.

If we think too hard about this the universe might reshape itself to stop this from having had happen. That’s a heck of a phrase, “having had happen.”

...

[Brackette ponders for a moment. It's evident she is very much thinking about it.]

This has ties to- oh Devs..

Alright. Finding the- finding the origin of the phrase might be..even more difficult if it involves universe reshaping.

[By their tone, it almost seems as if she's dealt with "universe reshaping" before.]

[Status is pretty sure this is becoming about something else entirely.]

[Brackette keeps looking through papers, with a determined look that almost makes it seem like she's hiding something.]

[the fucking thing is breathing down One's neck]

uh maybe we go take this thing to the advertsary.

Yeah, whatever. I'm going to solve this case if it kills me.

[She picks up a paper titled "Metalogical events and the Universe", and their eyes widen.]

...what is this file.?

[On the back of the paper, the text "property of - 《 [ ] 》 -" can be seen. Brackette doesn't seem to notice this.]

property of... what now?

uh, anyway. you cool if we just bring the Advertsary here? it has no defined mass so it'll fit in here without breaking anything.

What? Where did you se-

[Brackette flips the paper over and gasps in shock.]

THEM?!

[She quickly puts the paper into a drawer, takes a briefcase out and shuts the drawer, locking it. They place the briefcase on an empty section of the desk, facing toward her.]

Uh. s- sure. I guess.

okay. Two, do the thing.

[One looks at two, who woke back up. he does nothing.]

[Suddenly, "Stocked Up!" 2 appears and begins beating up Status Two.]

Fantastic. Okay give it a second

What the hell.

[Brackette is staring in abject confusion.]

"Hi Status" "Hi Detective" "Hi Status Two" "I See You Did That Thing Again That Makes My Idiot Son Start Murdering You" "What Was It Called?" "Existing?" "Yeah That's It" "You Need Something?"

"What The Fuck Is That Thing"

[the Advertsary Fucking Dies]

huh. it was a suicide-style anti-virus.

i wonder if it's aware of all the back-up copies the Advertsary's made of itself and hidden in the game?

[She just stares in bewilderment.]

[The Advertsary regenerates. It is nothing but eyes and an all-encompassing sea of red.]

oh fge wt ve ou dn

[S.T. 2 flees.]

shit, they're PISSED.

[One runs some commands. You, him, and two are teleported back to the Updates Zone.]

I. that was. they'll calm down eventually i'm sure.

[As Brackette had been sitting down when she was teleported, they fall to the floor.]

Where in the world..

[She stands up, looking around.]

hi yeah sorry about. all that. i've never seen The Adv- I've never seen them destroy something that couldn't produce the sentence "dear god, I exist" so your place should be fine.

...what now? uh, I don't think I can help you any more with the *shudder* the case. I can teleport you back into the real world a safe distance from all of that.

Safe distance? I need to get back to my office! There's important documents there and- oh Devs if that thing gets into my laptop-

[She takes a moment to calm themself.]

Does.. do you know if they steal things often? I'd rather not have my workplace ransacked.

To my knowledge they crave the suffering of sentience and the suffering of sentience alone. Like I said, your office should be fine.

There's not anybody near your office, right?

Shouldn't be, but define "near". I know there's a large magical cave a ways west and a forest northeast, but I'm unsure if anyone lives in either.

Uh, just immediate area.

Oh, that should be fine then.

What is this place, by the way?

The Updates Zone

Hm.. sounds familiar, but I certainly haven't been here in person before.

Well, now’s your chance. We haven’t really been focused on our tourism, lately, so it might be lackluster…

#epprbcu #[the kpp case]#evidence gathering #(ooc: sorry this took so long I realized how much stress thinking about the epprbcu gives me‚ I stayed up over 24 hours yesterday to avoid-#-a specifc nightmare and I'm a bit drowsy because of a pain med I took for the headache I woke up with today. but I'll be fine dw /gen)

Sure, why not? One look at my office proves I'm not bothered by a place being untidy.

[Status 1 and 2 randomly teleport into your office.]

whathathwahtashtshawht aarese awe wdoindojn ghereh againgain

i'm gonna be honest we don't have any business being here i just like to hit random numbers on the teleporter machine and then launch the two of US out there. just to feel som-

STATUS UPDATES TWO!

You sure are, buddy.

@status-updates

[When you arrive, Brackette can be seen at her desk looking over several stacks of paper. They look even more exhausted than usual, which is almost impressive.]

no logical reason for it to- what the fuck.

Uh, hi. Where are we

You're.. in my office.

[She doesn't look up from the papers, placing one with information about cheat codes into a nearby tray labeled "possibly connected".]

Ohohoho whagth thahhat

[2 begins hovering towards your papers. 1 stops him.]

I think he’s interested…

It's all for the current case I'm working on. Unfortunately, I seem to have found more evidence that whoever filed this has a personal vendetta against me than evidence for the actual-

[She finally looks up from their work and recognizes the two. Her lower eyes widen.]

...case. Oh my Devs it's you.

…

[1 has a look of terror. 2 is aggressively shaking trying to get free.]

Uh listen whatever I did to you I assure you I have enough money to make up for it-

...what.

[She sighs, their expression reverting to the usual exhaustion.]

I. You haven't done anything to me, rather this entire case is about you. Well, about events that happened to someone closely connected to you.

[they both stop dead in their tracks.]

..,,,,.,,. No

…continue

What do you know about the acronym K.P.P.?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

[Statuses 1 and 2 are now fighting you!]

Notice, your Health is about to be Decrea- what the fuck is that thing

...what is that.

[Statuses 1 and 2 are no longer fighting you!]

The hell?! What are y-

[She mutters some expletives under their breath, noticing the. other thing.]

I already told you, I don't know anyone by the name "Advertsary".

uh. we do. we'll tell you later if you can. come back later.

It's not shutting up! Two, tackle it!

[Two charges headfirst into it. It sidesteps the attack.]

[Two tries again, it sidesteps again.]

[This goes on for a while. The distraction is at least making it quieter.]

Okay, anyway, you come to- sorry, we come to YOUR house, uninvited, and you dare to bring up that cursed phrase?

Considering that this is in fact my office, and I've been trying to find out how to neutralize that damn phrase for longer than I care to remember right now, yes.

O-oh. Neutralize it, you say?

Continue.

I do at least know a few things that it isn't. For instance, since it's more dangerous when cast with the help of others, I know it can't be a simple power word spell.

huh. interesting.

[the fucking thing is still sidestepping two's attacks.]

More like frustrating. My leading theories are that it's either a cheat code or something originating from outside Exclamania entirely.

If you can give one, an account of your experience with the phrase could provide useful information.

I'm going to presume you know the Statalus Incident.

I- what? LATER. Okay? Two, try harder.

[Two sets himself on fire. This does not help him.]

Not like- whatever.

I lost my train of thought.

Right, the Statalus incident. Obviously he gets his fingers blown off. Twice.

What's not as common knowledge is the time I was murdered for no reason by the same thing. I was DEAD. Like, dead dead!

But at least I can do this now. [1 snaps his fingers and vanishes. Then reappears in a slightly different spot by snapping again.] This is just me dying and reviving. I can't die unless I want to.

Okay, that helps somewhat.

[She grabs a large binder labeled "Known non-lethal spells" and places it in the "proven irrelevant" tray, before sticking a small orange sticky note to the binder.]

Is that Two guy okay?

[1 looks back at 2. He and the fucking thing are just spinning in circles.]

yeah.

Okay.

[She moves one paper aside to look at another underneath it.]

Is there anything else about the phrase that you think I should know?

It's terrible, I hate it, I think you deserve all awards ever if you somehow manage to-

SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN! CAN YOU WAIT FIVE MINUTES? I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE DAMN ADVERTSARY AFTER I'M DONE HERE!

[Two runs into a table,and makes the metal pipe sound effect while he falls over unconscious.]

God. You were saying?

Well, facts would be a lot more helpful than how much you personally hate it. Saying how terrible something is doesn't help change it, you know.

[She grabs the paper about cheat codes and reads it again, before placing it back in the same tray.]

[She sighs.]

..what? What's this about a geologist?

[He brandishes his own case file linking to a different tumblr post before tossing it into your “proven irrelevant” tray.] don’t worry about it

[She immediately grabs it from the tray and starts reading.]

Excuse me, I would prefer it if you didn't interfere with my- huh?!

[They fall silent, taking a moment to read the file in slight shock.]

...what in the world is this..?

[it’s a link to this post:

Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your

]

In all my years, I've never seen anything like this before. Where did you get this?

No canonical explanation.

What?? Canonical- are you trying to confuse me?

Huh?

[Status seems to have forgotten that the words he just said influence things]

Really, where did you get this file? If there's evidence I haven't found there, it could be the missing piece.

[She sounds like they're trying to hide her desperation behind a mask of calculated determination.]

I honestly think I just materialized it into existence.

If we think too hard about this the universe might reshape itself to stop this from having had happen. That’s a heck of a phrase, “having had happen.”

...

[Brackette ponders for a moment. It's evident she is very much thinking about it.]

This has ties to- oh Devs..

Alright. Finding the- finding the origin of the phrase might be..even more difficult if it involves universe reshaping.

[By their tone, it almost seems as if she's dealt with "universe reshaping" before.]

[Status is pretty sure this is becoming about something else entirely.]

[Brackette keeps looking through papers, with a determined look that almost makes it seem like she's hiding something.]

[the fucking thing is breathing down One's neck]

uh maybe we go take this thing to the advertsary.

Yeah, whatever. I'm going to solve this case if it kills me.

[She picks up a paper titled "Metalogical events and the Universe", and their eyes widen.]

...what is this file.?

[On the back of the paper, the text "property of - 《 [ ] 》 -" can be seen. Brackette doesn't seem to notice this.]

property of... what now?

uh, anyway. you cool if we just bring the Advertsary here? it has no defined mass so it'll fit in here without breaking anything.

What? Where did you se-

[Brackette flips the paper over and gasps in shock.]

THEM?!

[She quickly puts the paper into a drawer, takes a briefcase out and shuts the drawer, locking it. They place the briefcase on an empty section of the desk, facing toward her.]

Uh. s- sure. I guess.

okay. Two, do the thing.

[One looks at two, who woke back up. he does nothing.]

[Suddenly, "Stocked Up!" 2 appears and begins beating up Status Two.]

Fantastic. Okay give it a second

What the hell.

[Brackette is staring in abject confusion.]

"Hi Status" "Hi Detective" "Hi Status Two" "I See You Did That Thing Again That Makes My Idiot Son Start Murdering You" "What Was It Called?" "Existing?" "Yeah That's It" "You Need Something?"

"What The Fuck Is That Thing"

[the Advertsary Fucking Dies]

huh. it was a suicide-style anti-virus.

i wonder if it's aware of all the back-up copies the Advertsary's made of itself and hidden in the game?

[She just stares in bewilderment.]

[The Advertsary regenerates. It is nothing but eyes and an all-encompassing sea of red.]

oh fge wt ve ou dn

[S.T. 2 flees.]

shit, they're PISSED.

[One runs some commands. You, him, and two are teleported back to the Updates Zone.]

I. that was. they'll calm down eventually i'm sure.

[As Brackette had been sitting down when she was teleported, they fall to the floor.]

Where in the world..

[She stands up, looking around.]

hi yeah sorry about. all that. i've never seen The Adv- I've never seen them destroy something that couldn't produce the sentence "dear god, I exist" so your place should be fine.

...what now? uh, I don't think I can help you any more with the *shudder* the case. I can teleport you back into the real world a safe distance from all of that.

Safe distance? I need to get back to my office! There's important documents there and- oh Devs if that thing gets into my laptop-

[She takes a moment to calm themself.]

Does.. do you know if they steal things often? I'd rather not have my workplace ransacked.

To my knowledge they crave the suffering of sentience and the suffering of sentience alone. Like I said, your office should be fine.

There's not anybody near your office, right?

Shouldn't be, but define "near". I know there's a large magical cave a ways west and a forest northeast, but I'm unsure if anyone lives in either.

Uh, just immediate area.

Oh, that should be fine then.

What is this place, by the way?

The Updates Zone

Hm.. sounds familiar, but I certainly haven't been here in person before.

[Status 1 and 2 randomly teleport into your office.]

whathathwahtashtshawht aarese awe wdoindojn ghereh againgain

i'm gonna be honest we don't have any business being here i just like to hit random numbers on the teleporter machine and then launch the two of US out there. just to feel som-

STATUS UPDATES TWO!

You sure are, buddy.

@status-updates

[When you arrive, Brackette can be seen at her desk looking over several stacks of paper. They look even more exhausted than usual, which is almost impressive.]

no logical reason for it to- what the fuck.

Uh, hi. Where are we

You're.. in my office.

[She doesn't look up from the papers, placing one with information about cheat codes into a nearby tray labeled "possibly connected".]

Ohohoho whagth thahhat

[2 begins hovering towards your papers. 1 stops him.]

I think he’s interested…

It's all for the current case I'm working on. Unfortunately, I seem to have found more evidence that whoever filed this has a personal vendetta against me than evidence for the actual-

[She finally looks up from their work and recognizes the two. Her lower eyes widen.]

...case. Oh my Devs it's you.

…

[1 has a look of terror. 2 is aggressively shaking trying to get free.]

Uh listen whatever I did to you I assure you I have enough money to make up for it-

...what.

[She sighs, their expression reverting to the usual exhaustion.]

I. You haven't done anything to me, rather this entire case is about you. Well, about events that happened to someone closely connected to you.

[they both stop dead in their tracks.]

..,,,,.,,. No

…continue

What do you know about the acronym K.P.P.?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

[Statuses 1 and 2 are now fighting you!]

Notice, your Health is about to be Decrea- what the fuck is that thing

...what is that.

[Statuses 1 and 2 are no longer fighting you!]

The hell?! What are y-

[She mutters some expletives under their breath, noticing the. other thing.]

I already told you, I don't know anyone by the name "Advertsary".

uh. we do. we'll tell you later if you can. come back later.

It's not shutting up! Two, tackle it!

[Two charges headfirst into it. It sidesteps the attack.]

[Two tries again, it sidesteps again.]

[This goes on for a while. The distraction is at least making it quieter.]

Okay, anyway, you come to- sorry, we come to YOUR house, uninvited, and you dare to bring up that cursed phrase?

Considering that this is in fact my office, and I've been trying to find out how to neutralize that damn phrase for longer than I care to remember right now, yes.

O-oh. Neutralize it, you say?

Continue.

I do at least know a few things that it isn't. For instance, since it's more dangerous when cast with the help of others, I know it can't be a simple power word spell.

huh. interesting.

[the fucking thing is still sidestepping two's attacks.]

More like frustrating. My leading theories are that it's either a cheat code or something originating from outside Exclamania entirely.

If you can give one, an account of your experience with the phrase could provide useful information.

I'm going to presume you know the Statalus Incident.

I- what? LATER. Okay? Two, try harder.

[Two sets himself on fire. This does not help him.]

Not like- whatever.

I lost my train of thought.

Right, the Statalus incident. Obviously he gets his fingers blown off. Twice.

What's not as common knowledge is the time I was murdered for no reason by the same thing. I was DEAD. Like, dead dead!

But at least I can do this now. [1 snaps his fingers and vanishes. Then reappears in a slightly different spot by snapping again.] This is just me dying and reviving. I can't die unless I want to.

Okay, that helps somewhat.

[She grabs a large binder labeled "Known non-lethal spells" and places it in the "proven irrelevant" tray, before sticking a small orange sticky note to the binder.]

Is that Two guy okay?

[1 looks back at 2. He and the fucking thing are just spinning in circles.]

yeah.

Okay.

[She moves one paper aside to look at another underneath it.]

Is there anything else about the phrase that you think I should know?

It's terrible, I hate it, I think you deserve all awards ever if you somehow manage to-

SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN! CAN YOU WAIT FIVE MINUTES? I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE DAMN ADVERTSARY AFTER I'M DONE HERE!

[Two runs into a table,and makes the metal pipe sound effect while he falls over unconscious.]

God. You were saying?

Well, facts would be a lot more helpful than how much you personally hate it. Saying how terrible something is doesn't help change it, you know.

[She grabs the paper about cheat codes and reads it again, before placing it back in the same tray.]

[She sighs.]

..what? What's this about a geologist?

[He brandishes his own case file linking to a different tumblr post before tossing it into your “proven irrelevant” tray.] don’t worry about it

[She immediately grabs it from the tray and starts reading.]

Excuse me, I would prefer it if you didn't interfere with my- huh?!

[They fall silent, taking a moment to read the file in slight shock.]

...what in the world is this..?

[it’s a link to this post:

Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your

]

In all my years, I've never seen anything like this before. Where did you get this?

No canonical explanation.

What?? Canonical- are you trying to confuse me?

Huh?

[Status seems to have forgotten that the words he just said influence things]

Really, where did you get this file? If there's evidence I haven't found there, it could be the missing piece.

[She sounds like they're trying to hide her desperation behind a mask of calculated determination.]

I honestly think I just materialized it into existence.

If we think too hard about this the universe might reshape itself to stop this from having had happen. That’s a heck of a phrase, “having had happen.”

...

[Brackette ponders for a moment. It's evident she is very much thinking about it.]

This has ties to- oh Devs..

Alright. Finding the- finding the origin of the phrase might be..even more difficult if it involves universe reshaping.

[By their tone, it almost seems as if she's dealt with "universe reshaping" before.]

[Status is pretty sure this is becoming about something else entirely.]

[Brackette keeps looking through papers, with a determined look that almost makes it seem like she's hiding something.]

[the fucking thing is breathing down One's neck]

uh maybe we go take this thing to the advertsary.

Yeah, whatever. I'm going to solve this case if it kills me.

[She picks up a paper titled "Metalogical events and the Universe", and their eyes widen.]

...what is this file.?

[On the back of the paper, the text "property of - 《 [ ] 》 -" can be seen. Brackette doesn't seem to notice this.]

property of... what now?

uh, anyway. you cool if we just bring the Advertsary here? it has no defined mass so it'll fit in here without breaking anything.

What? Where did you se-

[Brackette flips the paper over and gasps in shock.]

THEM?!

[She quickly puts the paper into a drawer, takes a briefcase out and shuts the drawer, locking it. They place the briefcase on an empty section of the desk, facing toward her.]

Uh. s- sure. I guess.

okay. Two, do the thing.

[One looks at two, who woke back up. he does nothing.]

[Suddenly, "Stocked Up!" 2 appears and begins beating up Status Two.]

Fantastic. Okay give it a second

What the hell.

[Brackette is staring in abject confusion.]

"Hi Status" "Hi Detective" "Hi Status Two" "I See You Did That Thing Again That Makes My Idiot Son Start Murdering You" "What Was It Called?" "Existing?" "Yeah That's It" "You Need Something?"

"What The Fuck Is That Thing"

[the Advertsary Fucking Dies]

huh. it was a suicide-style anti-virus.

i wonder if it's aware of all the back-up copies the Advertsary's made of itself and hidden in the game?

[She just stares in bewilderment.]

[The Advertsary regenerates. It is nothing but eyes and an all-encompassing sea of red.]

oh fge wt ve ou dn

[S.T. 2 flees.]

shit, they're PISSED.

[One runs some commands. You, him, and two are teleported back to the Updates Zone.]

I. that was. they'll calm down eventually i'm sure.

[As Brackette had been sitting down when she was teleported, they fall to the floor.]

Where in the world..

[She stands up, looking around.]

hi yeah sorry about. all that. i've never seen The Adv- I've never seen them destroy something that couldn't produce the sentence "dear god, I exist" so your place should be fine.

...what now? uh, I don't think I can help you any more with the *shudder* the case. I can teleport you back into the real world a safe distance from all of that.

Safe distance? I need to get back to my office! There's important documents there and- oh Devs if that thing gets into my laptop-

[She takes a moment to calm themself.]

Does.. do you know if they steal things often? I'd rather not have my workplace ransacked.

To my knowledge they crave the suffering of sentience and the suffering of sentience alone. Like I said, your office should be fine.

There's not anybody near your office, right?

Shouldn't be, but define "near". I know there's a large magical cave a ways west and a forest northeast, but I'm unsure if anyone lives in either.

Uh, just immediate area.

Oh, that should be fine then.

What is this place, by the way?

[Status 1 and 2 randomly teleport into your office.]

whathathwahtashtshawht aarese awe wdoindojn ghereh againgain

i'm gonna be honest we don't have any business being here i just like to hit random numbers on the teleporter machine and then launch the two of US out there. just to feel som-

STATUS UPDATES TWO!

You sure are, buddy.

@status-updates

[When you arrive, Brackette can be seen at her desk looking over several stacks of paper. They look even more exhausted than usual, which is almost impressive.]

no logical reason for it to- what the fuck.

Uh, hi. Where are we

You're.. in my office.

[She doesn't look up from the papers, placing one with information about cheat codes into a nearby tray labeled "possibly connected".]

Ohohoho whagth thahhat

[2 begins hovering towards your papers. 1 stops him.]

I think he’s interested…

It's all for the current case I'm working on. Unfortunately, I seem to have found more evidence that whoever filed this has a personal vendetta against me than evidence for the actual-

[She finally looks up from their work and recognizes the two. Her lower eyes widen.]

...case. Oh my Devs it's you.

…

[1 has a look of terror. 2 is aggressively shaking trying to get free.]

Uh listen whatever I did to you I assure you I have enough money to make up for it-

...what.

[She sighs, their expression reverting to the usual exhaustion.]

I. You haven't done anything to me, rather this entire case is about you. Well, about events that happened to someone closely connected to you.

[they both stop dead in their tracks.]

..,,,,.,,. No

…continue

What do you know about the acronym K.P.P.?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

[Statuses 1 and 2 are now fighting you!]

Notice, your Health is about to be Decrea- what the fuck is that thing

...what is that.

[Statuses 1 and 2 are no longer fighting you!]

The hell?! What are y-

[She mutters some expletives under their breath, noticing the. other thing.]

I already told you, I don't know anyone by the name "Advertsary".

uh. we do. we'll tell you later if you can. come back later.

It's not shutting up! Two, tackle it!

[Two charges headfirst into it. It sidesteps the attack.]

[Two tries again, it sidesteps again.]

[This goes on for a while. The distraction is at least making it quieter.]

Okay, anyway, you come to- sorry, we come to YOUR house, uninvited, and you dare to bring up that cursed phrase?

Considering that this is in fact my office, and I've been trying to find out how to neutralize that damn phrase for longer than I care to remember right now, yes.

O-oh. Neutralize it, you say?

Continue.

I do at least know a few things that it isn't. For instance, since it's more dangerous when cast with the help of others, I know it can't be a simple power word spell.

huh. interesting.

[the fucking thing is still sidestepping two's attacks.]

More like frustrating. My leading theories are that it's either a cheat code or something originating from outside Exclamania entirely.

If you can give one, an account of your experience with the phrase could provide useful information.

I'm going to presume you know the Statalus Incident.

I- what? LATER. Okay? Two, try harder.

[Two sets himself on fire. This does not help him.]

Not like- whatever.

I lost my train of thought.

Right, the Statalus incident. Obviously he gets his fingers blown off. Twice.

What's not as common knowledge is the time I was murdered for no reason by the same thing. I was DEAD. Like, dead dead!

But at least I can do this now. [1 snaps his fingers and vanishes. Then reappears in a slightly different spot by snapping again.] This is just me dying and reviving. I can't die unless I want to.

Okay, that helps somewhat.

[She grabs a large binder labeled "Known non-lethal spells" and places it in the "proven irrelevant" tray, before sticking a small orange sticky note to the binder.]

Is that Two guy okay?

[1 looks back at 2. He and the fucking thing are just spinning in circles.]

yeah.

Okay.

[She moves one paper aside to look at another underneath it.]

Is there anything else about the phrase that you think I should know?

It's terrible, I hate it, I think you deserve all awards ever if you somehow manage to-

SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN! CAN YOU WAIT FIVE MINUTES? I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE DAMN ADVERTSARY AFTER I'M DONE HERE!

[Two runs into a table,and makes the metal pipe sound effect while he falls over unconscious.]

God. You were saying?

Well, facts would be a lot more helpful than how much you personally hate it. Saying how terrible something is doesn't help change it, you know.

[She grabs the paper about cheat codes and reads it again, before placing it back in the same tray.]

[She sighs.]

..what? What's this about a geologist?

[He brandishes his own case file linking to a different tumblr post before tossing it into your “proven irrelevant” tray.] don’t worry about it

[She immediately grabs it from the tray and starts reading.]

Excuse me, I would prefer it if you didn't interfere with my- huh?!

[They fall silent, taking a moment to read the file in slight shock.]

...what in the world is this..?

[it’s a link to this post:

Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your

]

In all my years, I've never seen anything like this before. Where did you get this?

No canonical explanation.

What?? Canonical- are you trying to confuse me?

Huh?

[Status seems to have forgotten that the words he just said influence things]

Really, where did you get this file? If there's evidence I haven't found there, it could be the missing piece.

[She sounds like they're trying to hide her desperation behind a mask of calculated determination.]

I honestly think I just materialized it into existence.

If we think too hard about this the universe might reshape itself to stop this from having had happen. That’s a heck of a phrase, “having had happen.”

...

[Brackette ponders for a moment. It's evident she is very much thinking about it.]

This has ties to- oh Devs..

Alright. Finding the- finding the origin of the phrase might be..even more difficult if it involves universe reshaping.

[By their tone, it almost seems as if she's dealt with "universe reshaping" before.]

[Status is pretty sure this is becoming about something else entirely.]

[Brackette keeps looking through papers, with a determined look that almost makes it seem like she's hiding something.]

[the fucking thing is breathing down One's neck]

uh maybe we go take this thing to the advertsary.

Yeah, whatever. I'm going to solve this case if it kills me.

[She picks up a paper titled "Metalogical events and the Universe", and their eyes widen.]

...what is this file.?

[On the back of the paper, the text "property of - 《 [ ] 》 -" can be seen. Brackette doesn't seem to notice this.]

property of... what now?

uh, anyway. you cool if we just bring the Advertsary here? it has no defined mass so it'll fit in here without breaking anything.

What? Where did you se-

[Brackette flips the paper over and gasps in shock.]

THEM?!

[She quickly puts the paper into a drawer, takes a briefcase out and shuts the drawer, locking it. They place the briefcase on an empty section of the desk, facing toward her.]

Uh. s- sure. I guess.

okay. Two, do the thing.

[One looks at two, who woke back up. he does nothing.]

[Suddenly, "Stocked Up!" 2 appears and begins beating up Status Two.]

Fantastic. Okay give it a second

What the hell.

[Brackette is staring in abject confusion.]

"Hi Status" "Hi Detective" "Hi Status Two" "I See You Did That Thing Again That Makes My Idiot Son Start Murdering You" "What Was It Called?" "Existing?" "Yeah That's It" "You Need Something?"

"What The Fuck Is That Thing"

[the Advertsary Fucking Dies]

huh. it was a suicide-style anti-virus.

i wonder if it's aware of all the back-up copies the Advertsary's made of itself and hidden in the game?

[She just stares in bewilderment.]

[The Advertsary regenerates. It is nothing but eyes and an all-encompassing sea of red.]

oh fge wt ve ou dn

[S.T. 2 flees.]

shit, they're PISSED.

[One runs some commands. You, him, and two are teleported back to the Updates Zone.]

I. that was. they'll calm down eventually i'm sure.

[As Brackette had been sitting down when she was teleported, they fall to the floor.]

Where in the world..

[She stands up, looking around.]

hi yeah sorry about. all that. i've never seen The Adv- I've never seen them destroy something that couldn't produce the sentence "dear god, I exist" so your place should be fine.

...what now? uh, I don't think I can help you any more with the *shudder* the case. I can teleport you back into the real world a safe distance from all of that.

Safe distance? I need to get back to my office! There's important documents there and- oh Devs if that thing gets into my laptop-

[She takes a moment to calm themself.]

Does.. do you know if they steal things often? I'd rather not have my workplace ransacked.

To my knowledge they crave the suffering of sentience and the suffering of sentience alone. Like I said, your office should be fine.

There's not anybody near your office, right?

#epprbcu #[the kpp case]#evidence gathering #(ooc: oh hey I actually had the motivation to get to this twice in one day.)#(also. the cave is Freyundet's and the forest is the slime forest. don't know if that still exists but even if it doesn't-#-she doesn't know that)

Shouldn't be, but define "near". I know there's a large magical cave a ways west and a forest northeast, but I'm unsure if anyone lives in either.

[Status 1 and 2 randomly teleport into your office.]

whathathwahtashtshawht aarese awe wdoindojn ghereh againgain

i'm gonna be honest we don't have any business being here i just like to hit random numbers on the teleporter machine and then launch the two of US out there. just to feel som-

STATUS UPDATES TWO!

You sure are, buddy.

@status-updates

[When you arrive, Brackette can be seen at her desk looking over several stacks of paper. They look even more exhausted than usual, which is almost impressive.]

no logical reason for it to- what the fuck.

Uh, hi. Where are we

You're.. in my office.

[She doesn't look up from the papers, placing one with information about cheat codes into a nearby tray labeled "possibly connected".]

Ohohoho whagth thahhat

[2 begins hovering towards your papers. 1 stops him.]

I think he’s interested…

It's all for the current case I'm working on. Unfortunately, I seem to have found more evidence that whoever filed this has a personal vendetta against me than evidence for the actual-

[She finally looks up from their work and recognizes the two. Her lower eyes widen.]

...case. Oh my Devs it's you.

…

[1 has a look of terror. 2 is aggressively shaking trying to get free.]

Uh listen whatever I did to you I assure you I have enough money to make up for it-

...what.

[She sighs, their expression reverting to the usual exhaustion.]

I. You haven't done anything to me, rather this entire case is about you. Well, about events that happened to someone closely connected to you.

[they both stop dead in their tracks.]

..,,,,.,,. No

…continue

What do you know about the acronym K.P.P.?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

[Statuses 1 and 2 are now fighting you!]

Notice, your Health is about to be Decrea- what the fuck is that thing

...what is that.

[Statuses 1 and 2 are no longer fighting you!]

The hell?! What are y-

[She mutters some expletives under their breath, noticing the. other thing.]

I already told you, I don't know anyone by the name "Advertsary".

uh. we do. we'll tell you later if you can. come back later.

It's not shutting up! Two, tackle it!

[Two charges headfirst into it. It sidesteps the attack.]

[Two tries again, it sidesteps again.]

[This goes on for a while. The distraction is at least making it quieter.]

Okay, anyway, you come to- sorry, we come to YOUR house, uninvited, and you dare to bring up that cursed phrase?

Considering that this is in fact my office, and I've been trying to find out how to neutralize that damn phrase for longer than I care to remember right now, yes.

O-oh. Neutralize it, you say?

Continue.

I do at least know a few things that it isn't. For instance, since it's more dangerous when cast with the help of others, I know it can't be a simple power word spell.

huh. interesting.

[the fucking thing is still sidestepping two's attacks.]

More like frustrating. My leading theories are that it's either a cheat code or something originating from outside Exclamania entirely.

If you can give one, an account of your experience with the phrase could provide useful information.

I'm going to presume you know the Statalus Incident.

I- what? LATER. Okay? Two, try harder.

[Two sets himself on fire. This does not help him.]

Not like- whatever.

I lost my train of thought.

Right, the Statalus incident. Obviously he gets his fingers blown off. Twice.

What's not as common knowledge is the time I was murdered for no reason by the same thing. I was DEAD. Like, dead dead!

But at least I can do this now. [1 snaps his fingers and vanishes. Then reappears in a slightly different spot by snapping again.] This is just me dying and reviving. I can't die unless I want to.

Okay, that helps somewhat.

[She grabs a large binder labeled "Known non-lethal spells" and places it in the "proven irrelevant" tray, before sticking a small orange sticky note to the binder.]

Is that Two guy okay?

[1 looks back at 2. He and the fucking thing are just spinning in circles.]

yeah.

Okay.

[She moves one paper aside to look at another underneath it.]

Is there anything else about the phrase that you think I should know?

It's terrible, I hate it, I think you deserve all awards ever if you somehow manage to-

SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN! CAN YOU WAIT FIVE MINUTES? I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE DAMN ADVERTSARY AFTER I'M DONE HERE!

[Two runs into a table,and makes the metal pipe sound effect while he falls over unconscious.]

God. You were saying?

Well, facts would be a lot more helpful than how much you personally hate it. Saying how terrible something is doesn't help change it, you know.

[She grabs the paper about cheat codes and reads it again, before placing it back in the same tray.]

[She sighs.]

..what? What's this about a geologist?

[He brandishes his own case file linking to a different tumblr post before tossing it into your “proven irrelevant” tray.] don’t worry about it

[She immediately grabs it from the tray and starts reading.]

Excuse me, I would prefer it if you didn't interfere with my- huh?!

[They fall silent, taking a moment to read the file in slight shock.]

...what in the world is this..?

[it’s a link to this post:

Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your

]

In all my years, I've never seen anything like this before. Where did you get this?

No canonical explanation.

What?? Canonical- are you trying to confuse me?

Huh?

[Status seems to have forgotten that the words he just said influence things]

Really, where did you get this file? If there's evidence I haven't found there, it could be the missing piece.

[She sounds like they're trying to hide her desperation behind a mask of calculated determination.]

I honestly think I just materialized it into existence.

If we think too hard about this the universe might reshape itself to stop this from having had happen. That’s a heck of a phrase, “having had happen.”

...

[Brackette ponders for a moment. It's evident she is very much thinking about it.]

This has ties to- oh Devs..

Alright. Finding the- finding the origin of the phrase might be..even more difficult if it involves universe reshaping.

[By their tone, it almost seems as if she's dealt with "universe reshaping" before.]

[Status is pretty sure this is becoming about something else entirely.]

[Brackette keeps looking through papers, with a determined look that almost makes it seem like she's hiding something.]

[the fucking thing is breathing down One's neck]

uh maybe we go take this thing to the advertsary.

Yeah, whatever. I'm going to solve this case if it kills me.

[She picks up a paper titled "Metalogical events and the Universe", and their eyes widen.]

...what is this file.?

[On the back of the paper, the text "property of - 《 [ ] 》 -" can be seen. Brackette doesn't seem to notice this.]

property of... what now?

uh, anyway. you cool if we just bring the Advertsary here? it has no defined mass so it'll fit in here without breaking anything.

What? Where did you se-

[Brackette flips the paper over and gasps in shock.]

THEM?!

[She quickly puts the paper into a drawer, takes a briefcase out and shuts the drawer, locking it. They place the briefcase on an empty section of the desk, facing toward her.]

Uh. s- sure. I guess.

okay. Two, do the thing.

[One looks at two, who woke back up. he does nothing.]

[Suddenly, "Stocked Up!" 2 appears and begins beating up Status Two.]

Fantastic. Okay give it a second

What the hell.

[Brackette is staring in abject confusion.]

"Hi Status" "Hi Detective" "Hi Status Two" "I See You Did That Thing Again That Makes My Idiot Son Start Murdering You" "What Was It Called?" "Existing?" "Yeah That's It" "You Need Something?"

"What The Fuck Is That Thing"

[the Advertsary Fucking Dies]

huh. it was a suicide-style anti-virus.

i wonder if it's aware of all the back-up copies the Advertsary's made of itself and hidden in the game?

[She just stares in bewilderment.]

[The Advertsary regenerates. It is nothing but eyes and an all-encompassing sea of red.]

oh fge wt ve ou dn

[S.T. 2 flees.]

shit, they're PISSED.

[One runs some commands. You, him, and two are teleported back to the Updates Zone.]

I. that was. they'll calm down eventually i'm sure.

[As Brackette had been sitting down when she was teleported, they fall to the floor.]

Where in the world..

[She stands up, looking around.]

hi yeah sorry about. all that. i've never seen The Adv- I've never seen them destroy something that couldn't produce the sentence "dear god, I exist" so your place should be fine.

...what now? uh, I don't think I can help you any more with the *shudder* the case. I can teleport you back into the real world a safe distance from all of that.

Safe distance? I need to get back to my office! There's important documents there and- oh Devs if that thing gets into my laptop-

[She takes a moment to calm themself.]

Does.. do you know if they steal things often? I'd rather not have my workplace ransacked.

[Status 1 and 2 randomly teleport into your office.]

whathathwahtashtshawht aarese awe wdoindojn ghereh againgain

i'm gonna be honest we don't have any business being here i just like to hit random numbers on the teleporter machine and then launch the two of US out there. just to feel som-

STATUS UPDATES TWO!

You sure are, buddy.

@status-updates

[When you arrive, Brackette can be seen at her desk looking over several stacks of paper. They look even more exhausted than usual, which is almost impressive.]

no logical reason for it to- what the fuck.

Uh, hi. Where are we

You're.. in my office.

[She doesn't look up from the papers, placing one with information about cheat codes into a nearby tray labeled "possibly connected".]

Ohohoho whagth thahhat

[2 begins hovering towards your papers. 1 stops him.]

I think he’s interested…

It's all for the current case I'm working on. Unfortunately, I seem to have found more evidence that whoever filed this has a personal vendetta against me than evidence for the actual-

[She finally looks up from their work and recognizes the two. Her lower eyes widen.]

...case. Oh my Devs it's you.

…

[1 has a look of terror. 2 is aggressively shaking trying to get free.]

Uh listen whatever I did to you I assure you I have enough money to make up for it-

...what.

[She sighs, their expression reverting to the usual exhaustion.]

I. You haven't done anything to me, rather this entire case is about you. Well, about events that happened to someone closely connected to you.

[they both stop dead in their tracks.]

..,,,,.,,. No

…continue

What do you know about the acronym K.P.P.?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

[Statuses 1 and 2 are now fighting you!]

Notice, your Health is about to be Decrea- what the fuck is that thing

...what is that.

[Statuses 1 and 2 are no longer fighting you!]

The hell?! What are y-

[She mutters some expletives under their breath, noticing the. other thing.]

I already told you, I don't know anyone by the name "Advertsary".

uh. we do. we'll tell you later if you can. come back later.

It's not shutting up! Two, tackle it!

[Two charges headfirst into it. It sidesteps the attack.]

[Two tries again, it sidesteps again.]

[This goes on for a while. The distraction is at least making it quieter.]

Okay, anyway, you come to- sorry, we come to YOUR house, uninvited, and you dare to bring up that cursed phrase?

Considering that this is in fact my office, and I've been trying to find out how to neutralize that damn phrase for longer than I care to remember right now, yes.

O-oh. Neutralize it, you say?

Continue.

I do at least know a few things that it isn't. For instance, since it's more dangerous when cast with the help of others, I know it can't be a simple power word spell.

huh. interesting.

[the fucking thing is still sidestepping two's attacks.]

More like frustrating. My leading theories are that it's either a cheat code or something originating from outside Exclamania entirely.

If you can give one, an account of your experience with the phrase could provide useful information.

I'm going to presume you know the Statalus Incident.

I- what? LATER. Okay? Two, try harder.

[Two sets himself on fire. This does not help him.]

Not like- whatever.

I lost my train of thought.

Right, the Statalus incident. Obviously he gets his fingers blown off. Twice.

What's not as common knowledge is the time I was murdered for no reason by the same thing. I was DEAD. Like, dead dead!

But at least I can do this now. [1 snaps his fingers and vanishes. Then reappears in a slightly different spot by snapping again.] This is just me dying and reviving. I can't die unless I want to.

Okay, that helps somewhat.

[She grabs a large binder labeled "Known non-lethal spells" and places it in the "proven irrelevant" tray, before sticking a small orange sticky note to the binder.]

Is that Two guy okay?

[1 looks back at 2. He and the fucking thing are just spinning in circles.]

yeah.

Okay.

[She moves one paper aside to look at another underneath it.]

Is there anything else about the phrase that you think I should know?

It's terrible, I hate it, I think you deserve all awards ever if you somehow manage to-

SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN! CAN YOU WAIT FIVE MINUTES? I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE DAMN ADVERTSARY AFTER I'M DONE HERE!

[Two runs into a table,and makes the metal pipe sound effect while he falls over unconscious.]

God. You were saying?

Well, facts would be a lot more helpful than how much you personally hate it. Saying how terrible something is doesn't help change it, you know.

[She grabs the paper about cheat codes and reads it again, before placing it back in the same tray.]

[She sighs.]

..what? What's this about a geologist?

[He brandishes his own case file linking to a different tumblr post before tossing it into your “proven irrelevant” tray.] don’t worry about it

[She immediately grabs it from the tray and starts reading.]

Excuse me, I would prefer it if you didn't interfere with my- huh?!

[They fall silent, taking a moment to read the file in slight shock.]

...what in the world is this..?

[it’s a link to this post:

Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your

]

In all my years, I've never seen anything like this before. Where did you get this?

No canonical explanation.

What?? Canonical- are you trying to confuse me?

Huh?

[Status seems to have forgotten that the words he just said influence things]

Really, where did you get this file? If there's evidence I haven't found there, it could be the missing piece.

[She sounds like they're trying to hide her desperation behind a mask of calculated determination.]

I honestly think I just materialized it into existence.

If we think too hard about this the universe might reshape itself to stop this from having had happen. That’s a heck of a phrase, “having had happen.”

...

[Brackette ponders for a moment. It's evident she is very much thinking about it.]

This has ties to- oh Devs..

Alright. Finding the- finding the origin of the phrase might be..even more difficult if it involves universe reshaping.

[By their tone, it almost seems as if she's dealt with "universe reshaping" before.]

[Status is pretty sure this is becoming about something else entirely.]

[Brackette keeps looking through papers, with a determined look that almost makes it seem like she's hiding something.]

[the fucking thing is breathing down One's neck]

uh maybe we go take this thing to the advertsary.

Yeah, whatever. I'm going to solve this case if it kills me.

[She picks up a paper titled "Metalogical events and the Universe", and their eyes widen.]

...what is this file.?

[On the back of the paper, the text "property of - 《 [ ] 》 -" can be seen. Brackette doesn't seem to notice this.]

property of... what now?

uh, anyway. you cool if we just bring the Advertsary here? it has no defined mass so it'll fit in here without breaking anything.

What? Where did you se-

[Brackette flips the paper over and gasps in shock.]

THEM?!

[She quickly puts the paper into a drawer, takes a briefcase out and shuts the drawer, locking it. They place the briefcase on an empty section of the desk, facing toward her.]

Uh. s- sure. I guess.

okay. Two, do the thing.

[One looks at two, who woke back up. he does nothing.]

[Suddenly, "Stocked Up!" 2 appears and begins beating up Status Two.]

Fantastic. Okay give it a second

What the hell.

[Brackette is staring in abject confusion.]

"Hi Status" "Hi Detective" "Hi Status Two" "I See You Did That Thing Again That Makes My Idiot Son Start Murdering You" "What Was It Called?" "Existing?" "Yeah That's It" "You Need Something?"

"What The Fuck Is That Thing"

[the Advertsary Fucking Dies]

huh. it was a suicide-style anti-virus.

i wonder if it's aware of all the back-up copies the Advertsary's made of itself and hidden in the game?

[She just stares in bewilderment.]

[The Advertsary regenerates. It is nothing but eyes and an all-encompassing sea of red.]

oh fge wt ve ou dn

[S.T. 2 flees.]

shit, they're PISSED.

[One runs some commands. You, him, and two are teleported back to the Updates Zone.]

I. that was. they'll calm down eventually i'm sure.

#epprbcu #[the kpp case]#evidence gathering #(idk how tall status is so just for reference brackette is 6 foot 4)#(for if that's relevant)

[As Brackette had been sitting down when she was teleported, they fall to the floor.]

Where in the world..

[She stands up, looking around.]

[Status 1 and 2 randomly teleport into your office.]

whathathwahtashtshawht aarese awe wdoindojn ghereh againgain

i'm gonna be honest we don't have any business being here i just like to hit random numbers on the teleporter machine and then launch the two of US out there. just to feel som-

STATUS UPDATES TWO!

You sure are, buddy.

@status-updates

[When you arrive, Brackette can be seen at her desk looking over several stacks of paper. They look even more exhausted than usual, which is almost impressive.]

no logical reason for it to- what the fuck.

Uh, hi. Where are we

You're.. in my office.

[She doesn't look up from the papers, placing one with information about cheat codes into a nearby tray labeled "possibly connected".]

Ohohoho whagth thahhat

[2 begins hovering towards your papers. 1 stops him.]

I think he’s interested…

It's all for the current case I'm working on. Unfortunately, I seem to have found more evidence that whoever filed this has a personal vendetta against me than evidence for the actual-

[She finally looks up from their work and recognizes the two. Her lower eyes widen.]

...case. Oh my Devs it's you.

…

[1 has a look of terror. 2 is aggressively shaking trying to get free.]

Uh listen whatever I did to you I assure you I have enough money to make up for it-

...what.

[She sighs, their expression reverting to the usual exhaustion.]

I. You haven't done anything to me, rather this entire case is about you. Well, about events that happened to someone closely connected to you.

[they both stop dead in their tracks.]

..,,,,.,,. No

…continue

What do you know about the acronym K.P.P.?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

[Statuses 1 and 2 are now fighting you!]

Notice, your Health is about to be Decrea- what the fuck is that thing

...what is that.

[Statuses 1 and 2 are no longer fighting you!]

The hell?! What are y-

[She mutters some expletives under their breath, noticing the. other thing.]

I already told you, I don't know anyone by the name "Advertsary".

uh. we do. we'll tell you later if you can. come back later.

It's not shutting up! Two, tackle it!

[Two charges headfirst into it. It sidesteps the attack.]

[Two tries again, it sidesteps again.]

[This goes on for a while. The distraction is at least making it quieter.]

Okay, anyway, you come to- sorry, we come to YOUR house, uninvited, and you dare to bring up that cursed phrase?

Considering that this is in fact my office, and I've been trying to find out how to neutralize that damn phrase for longer than I care to remember right now, yes.

O-oh. Neutralize it, you say?

Continue.

I do at least know a few things that it isn't. For instance, since it's more dangerous when cast with the help of others, I know it can't be a simple power word spell.

huh. interesting.

[the fucking thing is still sidestepping two's attacks.]

More like frustrating. My leading theories are that it's either a cheat code or something originating from outside Exclamania entirely.

If you can give one, an account of your experience with the phrase could provide useful information.

I'm going to presume you know the Statalus Incident.

I- what? LATER. Okay? Two, try harder.

[Two sets himself on fire. This does not help him.]

Not like- whatever.

I lost my train of thought.

Right, the Statalus incident. Obviously he gets his fingers blown off. Twice.

What's not as common knowledge is the time I was murdered for no reason by the same thing. I was DEAD. Like, dead dead!

But at least I can do this now. [1 snaps his fingers and vanishes. Then reappears in a slightly different spot by snapping again.] This is just me dying and reviving. I can't die unless I want to.

Okay, that helps somewhat.

[She grabs a large binder labeled "Known non-lethal spells" and places it in the "proven irrelevant" tray, before sticking a small orange sticky note to the binder.]

Is that Two guy okay?

[1 looks back at 2. He and the fucking thing are just spinning in circles.]

yeah.

Okay.

[She moves one paper aside to look at another underneath it.]

Is there anything else about the phrase that you think I should know?

It's terrible, I hate it, I think you deserve all awards ever if you somehow manage to-

SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN! CAN YOU WAIT FIVE MINUTES? I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE DAMN ADVERTSARY AFTER I'M DONE HERE!

[Two runs into a table,and makes the metal pipe sound effect while he falls over unconscious.]

God. You were saying?

Well, facts would be a lot more helpful than how much you personally hate it. Saying how terrible something is doesn't help change it, you know.

[She grabs the paper about cheat codes and reads it again, before placing it back in the same tray.]

[She sighs.]

..what? What's this about a geologist?

[He brandishes his own case file linking to a different tumblr post before tossing it into your “proven irrelevant” tray.] don’t worry about it

[She immediately grabs it from the tray and starts reading.]

Excuse me, I would prefer it if you didn't interfere with my- huh?!

[They fall silent, taking a moment to read the file in slight shock.]

...what in the world is this..?

[it’s a link to this post:

Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your

]

In all my years, I've never seen anything like this before. Where did you get this?

No canonical explanation.

What?? Canonical- are you trying to confuse me?

Huh?

[Status seems to have forgotten that the words he just said influence things]

Really, where did you get this file? If there's evidence I haven't found there, it could be the missing piece.

[She sounds like they're trying to hide her desperation behind a mask of calculated determination.]

I honestly think I just materialized it into existence.

If we think too hard about this the universe might reshape itself to stop this from having had happen. That’s a heck of a phrase, “having had happen.”

...

[Brackette ponders for a moment. It's evident she is very much thinking about it.]

This has ties to- oh Devs..

Alright. Finding the- finding the origin of the phrase might be..even more difficult if it involves universe reshaping.

[By their tone, it almost seems as if she's dealt with "universe reshaping" before.]

[Status is pretty sure this is becoming about something else entirely.]

[Brackette keeps looking through papers, with a determined look that almost makes it seem like she's hiding something.]

[the fucking thing is breathing down One's neck]

uh maybe we go take this thing to the advertsary.

Yeah, whatever. I'm going to solve this case if it kills me.

[She picks up a paper titled "Metalogical events and the Universe", and their eyes widen.]

...what is this file.?

[On the back of the paper, the text "property of - 《 [ ] 》 -" can be seen. Brackette doesn't seem to notice this.]

property of... what now?

uh, anyway. you cool if we just bring the Advertsary here? it has no defined mass so it'll fit in here without breaking anything.

What? Where did you se-

[Brackette flips the paper over and gasps in shock.]

THEM?!

[She quickly puts the paper into a drawer, takes a briefcase out and shuts the drawer, locking it. They place the briefcase on an empty section of the desk, facing toward her.]

Uh. s- sure. I guess.

okay. Two, do the thing.

[One looks at two, who woke back up. he does nothing.]

[Suddenly, "Stocked Up!" 2 appears and begins beating up Status Two.]

Fantastic. Okay give it a second

What the hell.

[Brackette is staring in abject confusion.]

"Hi Status" "Hi Detective" "Hi Status Two" "I See You Did That Thing Again That Makes My Idiot Son Start Murdering You" "What Was It Called?" "Existing?" "Yeah That's It" "You Need Something?"

"What The Fuck Is That Thing"

[the Advertsary Fucking Dies]

huh. it was a suicide-style anti-virus.

i wonder if it's aware of all the back-up copies the Advertsary's made of itself and hidden in the game?

#epprbcu #[the kpp case]#evidence gathering #(..hey brick. this might just be my anxiety but like. this isn't the start of you slowly killing off all your characters and then-#-leaving the epprbcu right. like that's not what's happening here. right?)

[She just stares in bewilderment.]

[Status 1 and 2 randomly teleport into your office.]

whathathwahtashtshawht aarese awe wdoindojn ghereh againgain

i'm gonna be honest we don't have any business being here i just like to hit random numbers on the teleporter machine and then launch the two of US out there. just to feel som-

STATUS UPDATES TWO!

You sure are, buddy.

@status-updates

[When you arrive, Brackette can be seen at her desk looking over several stacks of paper. They look even more exhausted than usual, which is almost impressive.]

no logical reason for it to- what the fuck.

Uh, hi. Where are we

You're.. in my office.

[She doesn't look up from the papers, placing one with information about cheat codes into a nearby tray labeled "possibly connected".]

Ohohoho whagth thahhat

[2 begins hovering towards your papers. 1 stops him.]

I think he’s interested…

It's all for the current case I'm working on. Unfortunately, I seem to have found more evidence that whoever filed this has a personal vendetta against me than evidence for the actual-

[She finally looks up from their work and recognizes the two. Her lower eyes widen.]

...case. Oh my Devs it's you.

…

[1 has a look of terror. 2 is aggressively shaking trying to get free.]

Uh listen whatever I did to you I assure you I have enough money to make up for it-

...what.

[She sighs, their expression reverting to the usual exhaustion.]

I. You haven't done anything to me, rather this entire case is about you. Well, about events that happened to someone closely connected to you.

[they both stop dead in their tracks.]

..,,,,.,,. No

…continue

What do you know about the acronym K.P.P.?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

[Statuses 1 and 2 are now fighting you!]

Notice, your Health is about to be Decrea- what the fuck is that thing

...what is that.

[Statuses 1 and 2 are no longer fighting you!]

The hell?! What are y-

[She mutters some expletives under their breath, noticing the. other thing.]

I already told you, I don't know anyone by the name "Advertsary".

uh. we do. we'll tell you later if you can. come back later.

It's not shutting up! Two, tackle it!

[Two charges headfirst into it. It sidesteps the attack.]

[Two tries again, it sidesteps again.]

[This goes on for a while. The distraction is at least making it quieter.]

Okay, anyway, you come to- sorry, we come to YOUR house, uninvited, and you dare to bring up that cursed phrase?

Considering that this is in fact my office, and I've been trying to find out how to neutralize that damn phrase for longer than I care to remember right now, yes.

O-oh. Neutralize it, you say?

Continue.

I do at least know a few things that it isn't. For instance, since it's more dangerous when cast with the help of others, I know it can't be a simple power word spell.

huh. interesting.

[the fucking thing is still sidestepping two's attacks.]

More like frustrating. My leading theories are that it's either a cheat code or something originating from outside Exclamania entirely.

If you can give one, an account of your experience with the phrase could provide useful information.

I'm going to presume you know the Statalus Incident.

I- what? LATER. Okay? Two, try harder.

[Two sets himself on fire. This does not help him.]

Not like- whatever.

I lost my train of thought.

Right, the Statalus incident. Obviously he gets his fingers blown off. Twice.

What's not as common knowledge is the time I was murdered for no reason by the same thing. I was DEAD. Like, dead dead!

But at least I can do this now. [1 snaps his fingers and vanishes. Then reappears in a slightly different spot by snapping again.] This is just me dying and reviving. I can't die unless I want to.

Okay, that helps somewhat.

[She grabs a large binder labeled "Known non-lethal spells" and places it in the "proven irrelevant" tray, before sticking a small orange sticky note to the binder.]

Is that Two guy okay?

[1 looks back at 2. He and the fucking thing are just spinning in circles.]

yeah.

Okay.

[She moves one paper aside to look at another underneath it.]

Is there anything else about the phrase that you think I should know?

It's terrible, I hate it, I think you deserve all awards ever if you somehow manage to-

SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN! CAN YOU WAIT FIVE MINUTES? I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE DAMN ADVERTSARY AFTER I'M DONE HERE!

[Two runs into a table,and makes the metal pipe sound effect while he falls over unconscious.]

God. You were saying?

Well, facts would be a lot more helpful than how much you personally hate it. Saying how terrible something is doesn't help change it, you know.

[She grabs the paper about cheat codes and reads it again, before placing it back in the same tray.]

[She sighs.]

..what? What's this about a geologist?

[He brandishes his own case file linking to a different tumblr post before tossing it into your “proven irrelevant” tray.] don’t worry about it

[She immediately grabs it from the tray and starts reading.]

Excuse me, I would prefer it if you didn't interfere with my- huh?!

[They fall silent, taking a moment to read the file in slight shock.]

...what in the world is this..?

[it’s a link to this post:

Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your

]

In all my years, I've never seen anything like this before. Where did you get this?

No canonical explanation.

What?? Canonical- are you trying to confuse me?

Huh?

[Status seems to have forgotten that the words he just said influence things]

Really, where did you get this file? If there's evidence I haven't found there, it could be the missing piece.

[She sounds like they're trying to hide her desperation behind a mask of calculated determination.]

I honestly think I just materialized it into existence.

If we think too hard about this the universe might reshape itself to stop this from having had happen. That’s a heck of a phrase, “having had happen.”

...

[Brackette ponders for a moment. It's evident she is very much thinking about it.]

This has ties to- oh Devs..

Alright. Finding the- finding the origin of the phrase might be..even more difficult if it involves universe reshaping.

[By their tone, it almost seems as if she's dealt with "universe reshaping" before.]

[Status is pretty sure this is becoming about something else entirely.]

[Brackette keeps looking through papers, with a determined look that almost makes it seem like she's hiding something.]

[the fucking thing is breathing down One's neck]

uh maybe we go take this thing to the advertsary.

Yeah, whatever. I'm going to solve this case if it kills me.

[She picks up a paper titled "Metalogical events and the Universe", and their eyes widen.]

...what is this file.?

[On the back of the paper, the text "property of - 《 [ ] 》 -" can be seen. Brackette doesn't seem to notice this.]

property of... what now?

uh, anyway. you cool if we just bring the Advertsary here? it has no defined mass so it'll fit in here without breaking anything.

What? Where did you se-

[Brackette flips the paper over and gasps in shock.]

THEM?!

[She quickly puts the paper into a drawer, takes a briefcase out and shuts the drawer, locking it. They place the briefcase on an empty section of the desk, facing toward her.]

Uh. s- sure. I guess.

okay. Two, do the thing.

[One looks at two, who woke back up. he does nothing.]

[Suddenly, "Stocked Up!" 2 appears and begins beating up Status Two.]

Fantastic. Okay give it a second

What the hell.

[Brackette is staring in abject confusion.]

[Status 1 and 2 randomly teleport into your office.]

whathathwahtashtshawht aarese awe wdoindojn ghereh againgain

i'm gonna be honest we don't have any business being here i just like to hit random numbers on the teleporter machine and then launch the two of US out there. just to feel som-

STATUS UPDATES TWO!

You sure are, buddy.

@status-updates

[When you arrive, Brackette can be seen at her desk looking over several stacks of paper. They look even more exhausted than usual, which is almost impressive.]

no logical reason for it to- what the fuck.

Uh, hi. Where are we

You're.. in my office.

[She doesn't look up from the papers, placing one with information about cheat codes into a nearby tray labeled "possibly connected".]

Ohohoho whagth thahhat

[2 begins hovering towards your papers. 1 stops him.]

I think he’s interested…

It's all for the current case I'm working on. Unfortunately, I seem to have found more evidence that whoever filed this has a personal vendetta against me than evidence for the actual-

[She finally looks up from their work and recognizes the two. Her lower eyes widen.]

...case. Oh my Devs it's you.

…

[1 has a look of terror. 2 is aggressively shaking trying to get free.]

Uh listen whatever I did to you I assure you I have enough money to make up for it-

...what.

[She sighs, their expression reverting to the usual exhaustion.]

I. You haven't done anything to me, rather this entire case is about you. Well, about events that happened to someone closely connected to you.

[they both stop dead in their tracks.]

..,,,,.,,. No

…continue

What do you know about the acronym K.P.P.?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

[Statuses 1 and 2 are now fighting you!]

Notice, your Health is about to be Decrea- what the fuck is that thing

...what is that.

[Statuses 1 and 2 are no longer fighting you!]

The hell?! What are y-

[She mutters some expletives under their breath, noticing the. other thing.]

I already told you, I don't know anyone by the name "Advertsary".

uh. we do. we'll tell you later if you can. come back later.

It's not shutting up! Two, tackle it!

[Two charges headfirst into it. It sidesteps the attack.]

[Two tries again, it sidesteps again.]

[This goes on for a while. The distraction is at least making it quieter.]

Okay, anyway, you come to- sorry, we come to YOUR house, uninvited, and you dare to bring up that cursed phrase?

Considering that this is in fact my office, and I've been trying to find out how to neutralize that damn phrase for longer than I care to remember right now, yes.

O-oh. Neutralize it, you say?

Continue.

I do at least know a few things that it isn't. For instance, since it's more dangerous when cast with the help of others, I know it can't be a simple power word spell.

huh. interesting.

[the fucking thing is still sidestepping two's attacks.]

More like frustrating. My leading theories are that it's either a cheat code or something originating from outside Exclamania entirely.

If you can give one, an account of your experience with the phrase could provide useful information.

I'm going to presume you know the Statalus Incident.

I- what? LATER. Okay? Two, try harder.

[Two sets himself on fire. This does not help him.]

Not like- whatever.

I lost my train of thought.

Right, the Statalus incident. Obviously he gets his fingers blown off. Twice.

What's not as common knowledge is the time I was murdered for no reason by the same thing. I was DEAD. Like, dead dead!

But at least I can do this now. [1 snaps his fingers and vanishes. Then reappears in a slightly different spot by snapping again.] This is just me dying and reviving. I can't die unless I want to.

Okay, that helps somewhat.

[She grabs a large binder labeled "Known non-lethal spells" and places it in the "proven irrelevant" tray, before sticking a small orange sticky note to the binder.]

Is that Two guy okay?

[1 looks back at 2. He and the fucking thing are just spinning in circles.]

yeah.

Okay.

[She moves one paper aside to look at another underneath it.]

Is there anything else about the phrase that you think I should know?

It's terrible, I hate it, I think you deserve all awards ever if you somehow manage to-

SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN! CAN YOU WAIT FIVE MINUTES? I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE DAMN ADVERTSARY AFTER I'M DONE HERE!

[Two runs into a table,and makes the metal pipe sound effect while he falls over unconscious.]

God. You were saying?

Well, facts would be a lot more helpful than how much you personally hate it. Saying how terrible something is doesn't help change it, you know.

[She grabs the paper about cheat codes and reads it again, before placing it back in the same tray.]

[She sighs.]

..what? What's this about a geologist?

[He brandishes his own case file linking to a different tumblr post before tossing it into your “proven irrelevant” tray.] don’t worry about it

[She immediately grabs it from the tray and starts reading.]

Excuse me, I would prefer it if you didn't interfere with my- huh?!

[They fall silent, taking a moment to read the file in slight shock.]

...what in the world is this..?

[it’s a link to this post:

Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your

]

In all my years, I've never seen anything like this before. Where did you get this?

No canonical explanation.

What?? Canonical- are you trying to confuse me?

Huh?

[Status seems to have forgotten that the words he just said influence things]

Really, where did you get this file? If there's evidence I haven't found there, it could be the missing piece.

[She sounds like they're trying to hide her desperation behind a mask of calculated determination.]

I honestly think I just materialized it into existence.

If we think too hard about this the universe might reshape itself to stop this from having had happen. That’s a heck of a phrase, “having had happen.”

...

[Brackette ponders for a moment. It's evident she is very much thinking about it.]

This has ties to- oh Devs..

Alright. Finding the- finding the origin of the phrase might be..even more difficult if it involves universe reshaping.

[By their tone, it almost seems as if she's dealt with "universe reshaping" before.]

[Status is pretty sure this is becoming about something else entirely.]

[Brackette keeps looking through papers, with a determined look that almost makes it seem like she's hiding something.]

[the fucking thing is breathing down One's neck]

uh maybe we go take this thing to the advertsary.

Yeah, whatever. I'm going to solve this case if it kills me.

[She picks up a paper titled "Metalogical events and the Universe", and their eyes widen.]

...what is this file.?

[On the back of the paper, the text "property of - 《 [ ] 》 -" can be seen. Brackette doesn't seem to notice this.]

property of... what now?

uh, anyway. you cool if we just bring the Advertsary here? it has no defined mass so it'll fit in here without breaking anything.

What? Where did you se-

[Brackette flips the paper over and gasps in shock.]

THEM?!

[She quickly puts the paper into a drawer, takes a briefcase out and shuts the drawer, locking it. They place the briefcase on an empty section of the desk, facing toward her.]

Uh. s- sure. I guess.

[Status 1 and 2 randomly teleport into your office.]

whathathwahtashtshawht aarese awe wdoindojn ghereh againgain

i'm gonna be honest we don't have any business being here i just like to hit random numbers on the teleporter machine and then launch the two of US out there. just to feel som-

STATUS UPDATES TWO!

You sure are, buddy.

@status-updates

[When you arrive, Brackette can be seen at her desk looking over several stacks of paper. They look even more exhausted than usual, which is almost impressive.]

no logical reason for it to- what the fuck.

Uh, hi. Where are we

You're.. in my office.

[She doesn't look up from the papers, placing one with information about cheat codes into a nearby tray labeled "possibly connected".]

Ohohoho whagth thahhat

[2 begins hovering towards your papers. 1 stops him.]

I think he’s interested…

It's all for the current case I'm working on. Unfortunately, I seem to have found more evidence that whoever filed this has a personal vendetta against me than evidence for the actual-

[She finally looks up from their work and recognizes the two. Her lower eyes widen.]

...case. Oh my Devs it's you.

…

[1 has a look of terror. 2 is aggressively shaking trying to get free.]

Uh listen whatever I did to you I assure you I have enough money to make up for it-

...what.

[She sighs, their expression reverting to the usual exhaustion.]

I. You haven't done anything to me, rather this entire case is about you. Well, about events that happened to someone closely connected to you.

[they both stop dead in their tracks.]

..,,,,.,,. No

…continue

What do you know about the acronym K.P.P.?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

[Statuses 1 and 2 are now fighting you!]

Notice, your Health is about to be Decrea- what the fuck is that thing

...what is that.

[Statuses 1 and 2 are no longer fighting you!]

The hell?! What are y-

[She mutters some expletives under their breath, noticing the. other thing.]

I already told you, I don't know anyone by the name "Advertsary".

uh. we do. we'll tell you later if you can. come back later.

It's not shutting up! Two, tackle it!

[Two charges headfirst into it. It sidesteps the attack.]

[Two tries again, it sidesteps again.]

[This goes on for a while. The distraction is at least making it quieter.]

Okay, anyway, you come to- sorry, we come to YOUR house, uninvited, and you dare to bring up that cursed phrase?

Considering that this is in fact my office, and I've been trying to find out how to neutralize that damn phrase for longer than I care to remember right now, yes.

O-oh. Neutralize it, you say?

Continue.

I do at least know a few things that it isn't. For instance, since it's more dangerous when cast with the help of others, I know it can't be a simple power word spell.

huh. interesting.

[the fucking thing is still sidestepping two's attacks.]

More like frustrating. My leading theories are that it's either a cheat code or something originating from outside Exclamania entirely.

If you can give one, an account of your experience with the phrase could provide useful information.

I'm going to presume you know the Statalus Incident.

I- what? LATER. Okay? Two, try harder.

[Two sets himself on fire. This does not help him.]

Not like- whatever.

I lost my train of thought.

Right, the Statalus incident. Obviously he gets his fingers blown off. Twice.

What's not as common knowledge is the time I was murdered for no reason by the same thing. I was DEAD. Like, dead dead!

But at least I can do this now. [1 snaps his fingers and vanishes. Then reappears in a slightly different spot by snapping again.] This is just me dying and reviving. I can't die unless I want to.

Okay, that helps somewhat.

[She grabs a large binder labeled "Known non-lethal spells" and places it in the "proven irrelevant" tray, before sticking a small orange sticky note to the binder.]

Is that Two guy okay?

[1 looks back at 2. He and the fucking thing are just spinning in circles.]

yeah.

Okay.

[She moves one paper aside to look at another underneath it.]

Is there anything else about the phrase that you think I should know?

It's terrible, I hate it, I think you deserve all awards ever if you somehow manage to-

SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN! CAN YOU WAIT FIVE MINUTES? I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE DAMN ADVERTSARY AFTER I'M DONE HERE!

[Two runs into a table,and makes the metal pipe sound effect while he falls over unconscious.]

God. You were saying?

Well, facts would be a lot more helpful than how much you personally hate it. Saying how terrible something is doesn't help change it, you know.

[She grabs the paper about cheat codes and reads it again, before placing it back in the same tray.]

[She sighs.]

..what? What's this about a geologist?

[He brandishes his own case file linking to a different tumblr post before tossing it into your “proven irrelevant” tray.] don’t worry about it

[She immediately grabs it from the tray and starts reading.]

Excuse me, I would prefer it if you didn't interfere with my- huh?!

[They fall silent, taking a moment to read the file in slight shock.]

...what in the world is this..?

[it’s a link to this post:

Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your

]

In all my years, I've never seen anything like this before. Where did you get this?

No canonical explanation.

What?? Canonical- are you trying to confuse me?

Huh?

[Status seems to have forgotten that the words he just said influence things]

Really, where did you get this file? If there's evidence I haven't found there, it could be the missing piece.

[She sounds like they're trying to hide her desperation behind a mask of calculated determination.]

I honestly think I just materialized it into existence.

If we think too hard about this the universe might reshape itself to stop this from having had happen. That’s a heck of a phrase, “having had happen.”

...

[Brackette ponders for a moment. It's evident she is very much thinking about it.]

This has ties to- oh Devs..

Alright. Finding the- finding the origin of the phrase might be..even more difficult if it involves universe reshaping.

[By their tone, it almost seems as if she's dealt with "universe reshaping" before.]

[Status is pretty sure this is becoming about something else entirely.]

[Brackette keeps looking through papers, with a determined look that almost makes it seem like she's hiding something.]

[the fucking thing is breathing down One's neck]

uh maybe we go take this thing to the advertsary.

#epprbcu #[the kpp case]#evidence gathering #(ooc: I'm going to have her solve this case if it kills them. /threat)

Yeah, whatever. I'm going to solve this case if it kills me.

[She picks up a paper titled "Metalogical events and the Universe", and their eyes widen.]

...what is this file.?

[On the back of the paper, the text "property of - 《 [ ] 》 -" can be seen. Brackette doesn't seem to notice this.]

[Status 1 and 2 randomly teleport into your office.]

whathathwahtashtshawht aarese awe wdoindojn ghereh againgain

i'm gonna be honest we don't have any business being here i just like to hit random numbers on the teleporter machine and then launch the two of US out there. just to feel som-

STATUS UPDATES TWO!

You sure are, buddy.

@status-updates

[When you arrive, Brackette can be seen at her desk looking over several stacks of paper. They look even more exhausted than usual, which is almost impressive.]

no logical reason for it to- what the fuck.

Uh, hi. Where are we

You're.. in my office.

[She doesn't look up from the papers, placing one with information about cheat codes into a nearby tray labeled "possibly connected".]

Ohohoho whagth thahhat

[2 begins hovering towards your papers. 1 stops him.]

I think he’s interested…

It's all for the current case I'm working on. Unfortunately, I seem to have found more evidence that whoever filed this has a personal vendetta against me than evidence for the actual-

[She finally looks up from their work and recognizes the two. Her lower eyes widen.]

...case. Oh my Devs it's you.

…

[1 has a look of terror. 2 is aggressively shaking trying to get free.]

Uh listen whatever I did to you I assure you I have enough money to make up for it-

...what.

[She sighs, their expression reverting to the usual exhaustion.]

I. You haven't done anything to me, rather this entire case is about you. Well, about events that happened to someone closely connected to you.

[they both stop dead in their tracks.]

..,,,,.,,. No

…continue

What do you know about the acronym K.P.P.?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

[Statuses 1 and 2 are now fighting you!]

Notice, your Health is about to be Decrea- what the fuck is that thing

...what is that.

[Statuses 1 and 2 are no longer fighting you!]

The hell?! What are y-

[She mutters some expletives under their breath, noticing the. other thing.]

I already told you, I don't know anyone by the name "Advertsary".

uh. we do. we'll tell you later if you can. come back later.

It's not shutting up! Two, tackle it!

[Two charges headfirst into it. It sidesteps the attack.]

[Two tries again, it sidesteps again.]

[This goes on for a while. The distraction is at least making it quieter.]

Okay, anyway, you come to- sorry, we come to YOUR house, uninvited, and you dare to bring up that cursed phrase?

Considering that this is in fact my office, and I've been trying to find out how to neutralize that damn phrase for longer than I care to remember right now, yes.

O-oh. Neutralize it, you say?

Continue.

I do at least know a few things that it isn't. For instance, since it's more dangerous when cast with the help of others, I know it can't be a simple power word spell.

huh. interesting.

[the fucking thing is still sidestepping two's attacks.]

More like frustrating. My leading theories are that it's either a cheat code or something originating from outside Exclamania entirely.

If you can give one, an account of your experience with the phrase could provide useful information.

I'm going to presume you know the Statalus Incident.

I- what? LATER. Okay? Two, try harder.

[Two sets himself on fire. This does not help him.]

Not like- whatever.

I lost my train of thought.

Right, the Statalus incident. Obviously he gets his fingers blown off. Twice.

What's not as common knowledge is the time I was murdered for no reason by the same thing. I was DEAD. Like, dead dead!

But at least I can do this now. [1 snaps his fingers and vanishes. Then reappears in a slightly different spot by snapping again.] This is just me dying and reviving. I can't die unless I want to.

Okay, that helps somewhat.

[She grabs a large binder labeled "Known non-lethal spells" and places it in the "proven irrelevant" tray, before sticking a small orange sticky note to the binder.]

Is that Two guy okay?

[1 looks back at 2. He and the fucking thing are just spinning in circles.]

yeah.

Okay.

[She moves one paper aside to look at another underneath it.]

Is there anything else about the phrase that you think I should know?

It's terrible, I hate it, I think you deserve all awards ever if you somehow manage to-

SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN! CAN YOU WAIT FIVE MINUTES? I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE DAMN ADVERTSARY AFTER I'M DONE HERE!

[Two runs into a table,and makes the metal pipe sound effect while he falls over unconscious.]

God. You were saying?

Well, facts would be a lot more helpful than how much you personally hate it. Saying how terrible something is doesn't help change it, you know.

[She grabs the paper about cheat codes and reads it again, before placing it back in the same tray.]

[She sighs.]

..what? What's this about a geologist?

[He brandishes his own case file linking to a different tumblr post before tossing it into your “proven irrelevant” tray.] don’t worry about it

[She immediately grabs it from the tray and starts reading.]

Excuse me, I would prefer it if you didn't interfere with my- huh?!

[They fall silent, taking a moment to read the file in slight shock.]

...what in the world is this..?

[it’s a link to this post:

Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your

]

In all my years, I've never seen anything like this before. Where did you get this?

No canonical explanation.

What?? Canonical- are you trying to confuse me?

Huh?

[Status seems to have forgotten that the words he just said influence things]

Really, where did you get this file? If there's evidence I haven't found there, it could be the missing piece.

[She sounds like they're trying to hide her desperation behind a mask of calculated determination.]

I honestly think I just materialized it into existence.

If we think too hard about this the universe might reshape itself to stop this from having had happen. That’s a heck of a phrase, “having had happen.”

...

[Brackette ponders for a moment. It's evident she is very much thinking about it.]

This has ties to- oh Devs..

Alright. Finding the- finding the origin of the phrase might be..even more difficult if it involves universe reshaping.

[By their tone, it almost seems as if she's dealt with "universe reshaping" before.]

[Status is pretty sure this is becoming about something else entirely.]

#epprbcu #[the kpp case]#evidence gathering #(I have an alarm for this thread so I won't forget as often)

[Brackette keeps looking through papers, with a determined look that almost makes it seem like she's hiding something.]

[Status 1 and 2 randomly teleport into your office.]

whathathwahtashtshawht aarese awe wdoindojn ghereh againgain

i'm gonna be honest we don't have any business being here i just like to hit random numbers on the teleporter machine and then launch the two of US out there. just to feel som-

STATUS UPDATES TWO!

You sure are, buddy.

@status-updates

[When you arrive, Brackette can be seen at her desk looking over several stacks of paper. They look even more exhausted than usual, which is almost impressive.]

no logical reason for it to- what the fuck.

Uh, hi. Where are we

You're.. in my office.

[She doesn't look up from the papers, placing one with information about cheat codes into a nearby tray labeled "possibly connected".]

Ohohoho whagth thahhat

[2 begins hovering towards your papers. 1 stops him.]

I think he’s interested…

It's all for the current case I'm working on. Unfortunately, I seem to have found more evidence that whoever filed this has a personal vendetta against me than evidence for the actual-

[She finally looks up from their work and recognizes the two. Her lower eyes widen.]

...case. Oh my Devs it's you.

…

[1 has a look of terror. 2 is aggressively shaking trying to get free.]

Uh listen whatever I did to you I assure you I have enough money to make up for it-

...what.

[She sighs, their expression reverting to the usual exhaustion.]

I. You haven't done anything to me, rather this entire case is about you. Well, about events that happened to someone closely connected to you.

[they both stop dead in their tracks.]

..,,,,.,,. No

…continue

What do you know about the acronym K.P.P.?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

[Statuses 1 and 2 are now fighting you!]

Notice, your Health is about to be Decrea- what the fuck is that thing

...what is that.

[Statuses 1 and 2 are no longer fighting you!]

The hell?! What are y-

[She mutters some expletives under their breath, noticing the. other thing.]

I already told you, I don't know anyone by the name "Advertsary".

uh. we do. we'll tell you later if you can. come back later.

It's not shutting up! Two, tackle it!

[Two charges headfirst into it. It sidesteps the attack.]

[Two tries again, it sidesteps again.]

[This goes on for a while. The distraction is at least making it quieter.]

Okay, anyway, you come to- sorry, we come to YOUR house, uninvited, and you dare to bring up that cursed phrase?

Considering that this is in fact my office, and I've been trying to find out how to neutralize that damn phrase for longer than I care to remember right now, yes.

O-oh. Neutralize it, you say?

Continue.

I do at least know a few things that it isn't. For instance, since it's more dangerous when cast with the help of others, I know it can't be a simple power word spell.

huh. interesting.

[the fucking thing is still sidestepping two's attacks.]

More like frustrating. My leading theories are that it's either a cheat code or something originating from outside Exclamania entirely.

If you can give one, an account of your experience with the phrase could provide useful information.

I'm going to presume you know the Statalus Incident.

I- what? LATER. Okay? Two, try harder.

[Two sets himself on fire. This does not help him.]

Not like- whatever.

I lost my train of thought.

Right, the Statalus incident. Obviously he gets his fingers blown off. Twice.

What's not as common knowledge is the time I was murdered for no reason by the same thing. I was DEAD. Like, dead dead!

But at least I can do this now. [1 snaps his fingers and vanishes. Then reappears in a slightly different spot by snapping again.] This is just me dying and reviving. I can't die unless I want to.

Okay, that helps somewhat.

[She grabs a large binder labeled "Known non-lethal spells" and places it in the "proven irrelevant" tray, before sticking a small orange sticky note to the binder.]

Is that Two guy okay?

[1 looks back at 2. He and the fucking thing are just spinning in circles.]

yeah.

Okay.

[She moves one paper aside to look at another underneath it.]

Is there anything else about the phrase that you think I should know?

It's terrible, I hate it, I think you deserve all awards ever if you somehow manage to-

SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN! CAN YOU WAIT FIVE MINUTES? I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE DAMN ADVERTSARY AFTER I'M DONE HERE!

[Two runs into a table,and makes the metal pipe sound effect while he falls over unconscious.]

God. You were saying?

Well, facts would be a lot more helpful than how much you personally hate it. Saying how terrible something is doesn't help change it, you know.

[She grabs the paper about cheat codes and reads it again, before placing it back in the same tray.]

[She sighs.]

..what? What's this about a geologist?

[He brandishes his own case file linking to a different tumblr post before tossing it into your “proven irrelevant” tray.] don’t worry about it

[She immediately grabs it from the tray and starts reading.]

Excuse me, I would prefer it if you didn't interfere with my- huh?!

[They fall silent, taking a moment to read the file in slight shock.]

...what in the world is this..?

[it’s a link to this post:

Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your

]

In all my years, I've never seen anything like this before. Where did you get this?

No canonical explanation.

What?? Canonical- are you trying to confuse me?

Huh?

[Status seems to have forgotten that the words he just said influence things]

Really, where did you get this file? If there's evidence I haven't found there, it could be the missing piece.

[She sounds like they're trying to hide her desperation behind a mask of calculated determination.]

I honestly think I just materialized it into existence.

If we think too hard about this the universe might reshape itself to stop this from having had happen. That’s a heck of a phrase, “having had happen.”

...

[Brackette ponders for a moment. It's evident she is very much thinking about it.]

This has ties to- oh Devs..

Alright. Finding the- finding the origin of the phrase might be..even more difficult if it involves universe reshaping.

[By their tone, it almost seems as if she's dealt with "universe reshaping" before.]