Skip Ad In 3000 Seconds. Or pay me!

[evil-advertsary]

[a rift opens.]

[a single entity is thrown out, before closing.]

[the entity vanishes in the blink of an eye.]

[That's... ominous, honestly. Not even the devs themselves could explain this.]

[evil-advertsary]

IS STOCKED UP TWO OKAY?

"Yeah Question Mark" "Why What Happened"

[evil-advertsary]

"He Did What Now"

[evil-advertsary]

IS STOCKED UP TWO OKAY?

"Yeah Question Mark" "Why What Happened"

[detective-brackette]

[Status 1 and 2 randomly teleport into your office.]

whathathwahtashtshawht aarese awe wdoindojn ghereh againgain

i'm gonna be honest we don't have any business being here i just like to hit random numbers on the teleporter machine and then launch the two of US out there. just to feel som-

STATUS UPDATES TWO!

You sure are, buddy.

@status-updates

[When you arrive, Brackette can be seen at her desk looking over several stacks of paper. They look even more exhausted than usual, which is almost impressive.]

no logical reason for it to- what the fuck.

[status-updates]

Uh, hi. Where are we

[detective-brackette]

You're.. in my office.

[She doesn't look up from the papers, placing one with information about cheat codes into a nearby tray labeled "possibly connected".]

[status-updates]

Ohohoho whagth thahhat

[2 begins hovering towards your papers. 1 stops him.]

I think he’s interested…

[detective-brackette]

It's all for the current case I'm working on. Unfortunately, I seem to have found more evidence that whoever filed this has a personal vendetta against me than evidence for the actual-

[She finally looks up from their work and recognizes the two. Her lower eyes widen.]

...case. Oh my Devs it's you.

[status-updates]

…

[1 has a look of terror. 2 is aggressively shaking trying to get free.]

Uh listen whatever I did to you I assure you I have enough money to make up for it-

[detective-brackette]

...what.

[She sighs, their expression reverting to the usual exhaustion.]

I. You haven't done anything to me, rather this entire case is about you. Well, about events that happened to someone closely connected to you.

[status-updates]

[they both stop dead in their tracks.]

..,,,,.,,. No

…continue

[detective-brackette]

What do you know about the acronym K.P.P.?

[status-updates]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

[Statuses 1 and 2 are now fighting you!]

Notice, your Health is about to be Decrea- what the fuck is that thing

...what is that.

[Statuses 1 and 2 are no longer fighting you!]

[detective-brackette]

The hell?! What are y-

[She mutters some expletives under their breath, noticing the. other thing.]

I already told you, I don't know anyone by the name "Advertsary".

[status-updates]

uh. we do. we'll tell you later if you can. come back later.

It's not shutting up! Two, tackle it!

[Two charges headfirst into it. It sidesteps the attack.]

[Two tries again, it sidesteps again.]

[This goes on for a while. The distraction is at least making it quieter.]

Okay, anyway, you come to- sorry, we come to YOUR house, uninvited, and you dare to bring up that cursed phrase?

[detective-brackette]

Considering that this is in fact my office, and I've been trying to find out how to neutralize that damn phrase for longer than I care to remember right now, yes.

[status-updates]

O-oh. Neutralize it, you say?

Continue.

[detective-brackette]

Yes. In my opinion, a simple three word phrase should not be able to deal large amounts of damage to people, so I've been trying to figure out how to stop it from doing that. However, I haven't even cracked what the hell it exactly is. I can't even find an origin for it, some of the records I've found seem to be centuries old!

[Brackette sighs, gesturing to a tray labeled "proven irrelevant". There are several papers in it, the one at the top being a description of mana-infused pencils and how they can be used to write and draw spells.]

I do at least know a few things that it isn't. For instance, since it's more dangerous when cast with the help of others, I know it can't be a simple power word spell.

[status-updates]

huh. interesting.

[the fucking thing is still sidestepping two's attacks.]

[detective-brackette]

More like frustrating. My leading theories are that it's either a cheat code or something originating from outside Exclamania entirely.

If you can give one, an account of your experience with the phrase could provide useful information.

[status-updates]

I'm going to presume you know the Statalus Incident.

I- what? LATER. Okay? Two, try harder.

[Two sets himself on fire. This does not help him.]

Not like- whatever.

I lost my train of thought.

Right, the Statalus incident. Obviously he gets his fingers blown off. Twice.

What's not as common knowledge is the time I was murdered for no reason by the same thing. I was DEAD. Like, dead dead!

But at least I can do this now. [1 snaps his fingers and vanishes. Then reappears in a slightly different spot by snapping again.] This is just me dying and reviving. I can't die unless I want to.

[detective-brackette]

Okay, that helps somewhat.

[She grabs a large binder labeled "Known non-lethal spells" and places it in the "proven irrelevant" tray, before sticking a small orange sticky note to the binder.]

Is that Two guy okay?

[status-updates]

[1 looks back at 2. He and the fucking thing are just spinning in circles.]

yeah.

[detective-brackette]

Okay.

[She moves one paper aside to look at another underneath it.]

Is there anything else about the phrase that you think I should know?

[status-updates]

It's terrible, I hate it, I think you deserve all awards ever if you somehow manage to-

SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN! CAN YOU WAIT FIVE MINUTES? I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE DAMN ADVERTSARY AFTER I'M DONE HERE!

[Two runs into a table,and makes the metal pipe sound effect while he falls over unconscious.]

God. You were saying?

[detective-brackette]

Well, facts would be a lot more helpful than how much you personally hate it. Saying how terrible something is doesn't help change it, you know.

[She grabs the paper about cheat codes and reads it again, before placing it back in the same tray.]

[status-updates]

well that's all I have, I'm afraid. Murderers don't tend to display their weapons to do their victims. Unless their victim is a geologist and their weapon is that obsidian kn- no wait they never actually used that as the weapon.

[detective-brackette]

[She sighs.]

..what? What's this about a geologist?

[status-updates]

[He brandishes his own case file linking to a different tumblr post before tossing it into your “proven irrelevant” tray.] don’t worry about it

[detective-brackette]

[She immediately grabs it from the tray and starts reading.]

Excuse me, I would prefer it if you didn't interfere with my- huh?!

[They fall silent, taking a moment to read the file in slight shock.]

...what in the world is this..?

[status-updates]

[it’s a link to this post:

Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your

]

[detective-brackette]

In all my years, I've never seen anything like this before. Where did you get this?

[status-updates]

No canonical explanation.

[detective-brackette]

What?? Canonical- are you trying to confuse me?

[status-updates]

Huh?

[Status seems to have forgotten that the words he just said influence things]

[detective-brackette]

Really, where did you get this file? If there's evidence I haven't found there, it could be the missing piece.

[She sounds like they're trying to hide her desperation behind a mask of calculated determination.]

[status-updates]

I honestly think I just materialized it into existence.

If we think too hard about this the universe might reshape itself to stop this from having had happen. That’s a heck of a phrase, “having had happen.”

[detective-brackette]

...

[Brackette ponders for a moment. It's evident she is very much thinking about it.]

This has ties to- oh Devs..

Alright. Finding the- finding the origin of the phrase might be..even more difficult if it involves universe reshaping.

[By their tone, it almost seems as if she's dealt with "universe reshaping" before.]

[status-updates]

[Status is pretty sure this is becoming about something else entirely.]

[detective-brackette]

[Brackette keeps looking through papers, with a determined look that almost makes it seem like she's hiding something.]

[status-updates]

[the fucking thing is breathing down One's neck]

uh maybe we go take this thing to the advertsary.

[detective-brackette]

Yeah, whatever. I'm going to solve this case if it kills me.

[She picks up a paper titled "Metalogical events and the Universe", and their eyes widen.]

...what is this file.?

[On the back of the paper, the text "property of - 《 [ ] 》 -" can be seen. Brackette doesn't seem to notice this.]

[status-updates]

property of... what now?

uh, anyway. you cool if we just bring the Advertsary here? it has no defined mass so it'll fit in here without breaking anything.

[detective-brackette]

What? Where did you se-

[Brackette flips the paper over and gasps in shock.]

THEM?!

[She quickly puts the paper into a drawer, takes a briefcase out and shuts the drawer, locking it. They place the briefcase on an empty section of the desk, facing toward her.]

Uh. s- sure. I guess.

[status-updates]

okay. Two, do the thing.

[One looks at two, who woke back up. he does nothing.]

[evil-advertsary]

[Suddenly, "Stocked Up!" 2 appears and begins beating up Status Two.]

[status-updates]

Fantastic. Okay give it a second

[detective-brackette]

What the hell.

[Brackette is staring in abject confusion.]

[evil-advertsary]

"Hi Status" "Hi Detective" "Hi Status Two" "I See You Did That Thing Again That Makes My Idiot Son Start Murdering You" "What Was It Called?" "Existing?" "Yeah That's It" "You Need Something?"

"What The Fuck Is That Thing"

[the Advertsary Fucking Dies]

[status-updates]

huh. it was a suicide-style anti-virus.

i wonder if it's aware of all the back-up copies the Advertsary's made of itself and hidden in the game?

[detective-brackette]

[She just stares in bewilderment.]

[evil-advertsary]

[The Advertsary regenerates. It is nothing but eyes and an all-encompassing sea of red.]

oh fge wt ve ou dn

[S.T. 2 flees.]

[detective-brackette]

[Status 1 and 2 randomly teleport into your office.]

whathathwahtashtshawht aarese awe wdoindojn ghereh againgain

i'm gonna be honest we don't have any business being here i just like to hit random numbers on the teleporter machine and then launch the two of US out there. just to feel som-

STATUS UPDATES TWO!

You sure are, buddy.

@status-updates

[When you arrive, Brackette can be seen at her desk looking over several stacks of paper. They look even more exhausted than usual, which is almost impressive.]

no logical reason for it to- what the fuck.

[status-updates]

Uh, hi. Where are we

[detective-brackette]

You're.. in my office.

[She doesn't look up from the papers, placing one with information about cheat codes into a nearby tray labeled "possibly connected".]

[status-updates]

Ohohoho whagth thahhat

[2 begins hovering towards your papers. 1 stops him.]

I think he’s interested…

[detective-brackette]

It's all for the current case I'm working on. Unfortunately, I seem to have found more evidence that whoever filed this has a personal vendetta against me than evidence for the actual-

[She finally looks up from their work and recognizes the two. Her lower eyes widen.]

...case. Oh my Devs it's you.

[status-updates]

…

[1 has a look of terror. 2 is aggressively shaking trying to get free.]

Uh listen whatever I did to you I assure you I have enough money to make up for it-

[detective-brackette]

...what.

[She sighs, their expression reverting to the usual exhaustion.]

I. You haven't done anything to me, rather this entire case is about you. Well, about events that happened to someone closely connected to you.

[status-updates]

[they both stop dead in their tracks.]

..,,,,.,,. No

…continue

[detective-brackette]

What do you know about the acronym K.P.P.?

[status-updates]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

[Statuses 1 and 2 are now fighting you!]

Notice, your Health is about to be Decrea- what the fuck is that thing

...what is that.

[Statuses 1 and 2 are no longer fighting you!]

[detective-brackette]

The hell?! What are y-

[She mutters some expletives under their breath, noticing the. other thing.]

I already told you, I don't know anyone by the name "Advertsary".

[status-updates]

uh. we do. we'll tell you later if you can. come back later.

It's not shutting up! Two, tackle it!

[Two charges headfirst into it. It sidesteps the attack.]

[Two tries again, it sidesteps again.]

[This goes on for a while. The distraction is at least making it quieter.]

Okay, anyway, you come to- sorry, we come to YOUR house, uninvited, and you dare to bring up that cursed phrase?

[detective-brackette]

Considering that this is in fact my office, and I've been trying to find out how to neutralize that damn phrase for longer than I care to remember right now, yes.

[status-updates]

O-oh. Neutralize it, you say?

Continue.

[detective-brackette]

Yes. In my opinion, a simple three word phrase should not be able to deal large amounts of damage to people, so I've been trying to figure out how to stop it from doing that. However, I haven't even cracked what the hell it exactly is. I can't even find an origin for it, some of the records I've found seem to be centuries old!

[Brackette sighs, gesturing to a tray labeled "proven irrelevant". There are several papers in it, the one at the top being a description of mana-infused pencils and how they can be used to write and draw spells.]

I do at least know a few things that it isn't. For instance, since it's more dangerous when cast with the help of others, I know it can't be a simple power word spell.

[status-updates]

huh. interesting.

[the fucking thing is still sidestepping two's attacks.]

[detective-brackette]

More like frustrating. My leading theories are that it's either a cheat code or something originating from outside Exclamania entirely.

If you can give one, an account of your experience with the phrase could provide useful information.

[status-updates]

I'm going to presume you know the Statalus Incident.

I- what? LATER. Okay? Two, try harder.

[Two sets himself on fire. This does not help him.]

Not like- whatever.

I lost my train of thought.

Right, the Statalus incident. Obviously he gets his fingers blown off. Twice.

What's not as common knowledge is the time I was murdered for no reason by the same thing. I was DEAD. Like, dead dead!

But at least I can do this now. [1 snaps his fingers and vanishes. Then reappears in a slightly different spot by snapping again.] This is just me dying and reviving. I can't die unless I want to.

[detective-brackette]

Okay, that helps somewhat.

[She grabs a large binder labeled "Known non-lethal spells" and places it in the "proven irrelevant" tray, before sticking a small orange sticky note to the binder.]

Is that Two guy okay?

[status-updates]

[1 looks back at 2. He and the fucking thing are just spinning in circles.]

yeah.

[detective-brackette]

Okay.

[She moves one paper aside to look at another underneath it.]

Is there anything else about the phrase that you think I should know?

[status-updates]

It's terrible, I hate it, I think you deserve all awards ever if you somehow manage to-

SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN! CAN YOU WAIT FIVE MINUTES? I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE DAMN ADVERTSARY AFTER I'M DONE HERE!

[Two runs into a table,and makes the metal pipe sound effect while he falls over unconscious.]

God. You were saying?

[detective-brackette]

Well, facts would be a lot more helpful than how much you personally hate it. Saying how terrible something is doesn't help change it, you know.

[She grabs the paper about cheat codes and reads it again, before placing it back in the same tray.]

[status-updates]

well that's all I have, I'm afraid. Murderers don't tend to display their weapons to do their victims. Unless their victim is a geologist and their weapon is that obsidian kn- no wait they never actually used that as the weapon.

[detective-brackette]

[She sighs.]

..what? What's this about a geologist?

[status-updates]

[He brandishes his own case file linking to a different tumblr post before tossing it into your “proven irrelevant” tray.] don’t worry about it

[detective-brackette]

[She immediately grabs it from the tray and starts reading.]

Excuse me, I would prefer it if you didn't interfere with my- huh?!

[They fall silent, taking a moment to read the file in slight shock.]

...what in the world is this..?

[status-updates]

[it’s a link to this post:

Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your

]

[detective-brackette]

In all my years, I've never seen anything like this before. Where did you get this?

[status-updates]

No canonical explanation.

[detective-brackette]

What?? Canonical- are you trying to confuse me?

[status-updates]

Huh?

[Status seems to have forgotten that the words he just said influence things]

[detective-brackette]

Really, where did you get this file? If there's evidence I haven't found there, it could be the missing piece.

[She sounds like they're trying to hide her desperation behind a mask of calculated determination.]

[status-updates]

I honestly think I just materialized it into existence.

If we think too hard about this the universe might reshape itself to stop this from having had happen. That’s a heck of a phrase, “having had happen.”

[detective-brackette]

...

[Brackette ponders for a moment. It's evident she is very much thinking about it.]

This has ties to- oh Devs..

Alright. Finding the- finding the origin of the phrase might be..even more difficult if it involves universe reshaping.

[By their tone, it almost seems as if she's dealt with "universe reshaping" before.]

[status-updates]

[Status is pretty sure this is becoming about something else entirely.]

[detective-brackette]

[Brackette keeps looking through papers, with a determined look that almost makes it seem like she's hiding something.]

[status-updates]

[the fucking thing is breathing down One's neck]

uh maybe we go take this thing to the advertsary.

[detective-brackette]

Yeah, whatever. I'm going to solve this case if it kills me.

[She picks up a paper titled "Metalogical events and the Universe", and their eyes widen.]

...what is this file.?

[On the back of the paper, the text "property of - 《 [ ] 》 -" can be seen. Brackette doesn't seem to notice this.]

[status-updates]

property of... what now?

uh, anyway. you cool if we just bring the Advertsary here? it has no defined mass so it'll fit in here without breaking anything.

[detective-brackette]

What? Where did you se-

[Brackette flips the paper over and gasps in shock.]

THEM?!

[She quickly puts the paper into a drawer, takes a briefcase out and shuts the drawer, locking it. They place the briefcase on an empty section of the desk, facing toward her.]

Uh. s- sure. I guess.

[status-updates]

okay. Two, do the thing.

[One looks at two, who woke back up. he does nothing.]

[evil-advertsary]

[Suddenly, "Stocked Up!" 2 appears and begins beating up Status Two.]

[status-updates]

Fantastic. Okay give it a second

[detective-brackette]

What the hell.

[Brackette is staring in abject confusion.]

[evil-advertsary]

"Hi Status" "Hi Detective" "Hi Status Two" "I See You Did That Thing Again That Makes My Idiot Son Start Murdering You" "What Was It Called?" "Existing?" "Yeah That's It" "You Need Something?"

"What The Fuck Is That Thing"

[the Advertsary Fucking Dies]

[detective-brackette]

[Status 1 and 2 randomly teleport into your office.]

whathathwahtashtshawht aarese awe wdoindojn ghereh againgain

i'm gonna be honest we don't have any business being here i just like to hit random numbers on the teleporter machine and then launch the two of US out there. just to feel som-

STATUS UPDATES TWO!

You sure are, buddy.

@status-updates

[When you arrive, Brackette can be seen at her desk looking over several stacks of paper. They look even more exhausted than usual, which is almost impressive.]

no logical reason for it to- what the fuck.

[status-updates]

Uh, hi. Where are we

[detective-brackette]

You're.. in my office.

[She doesn't look up from the papers, placing one with information about cheat codes into a nearby tray labeled "possibly connected".]

[status-updates]

Ohohoho whagth thahhat

[2 begins hovering towards your papers. 1 stops him.]

I think he’s interested…

[detective-brackette]

It's all for the current case I'm working on. Unfortunately, I seem to have found more evidence that whoever filed this has a personal vendetta against me than evidence for the actual-

[She finally looks up from their work and recognizes the two. Her lower eyes widen.]

...case. Oh my Devs it's you.

[status-updates]

…

[1 has a look of terror. 2 is aggressively shaking trying to get free.]

Uh listen whatever I did to you I assure you I have enough money to make up for it-

[detective-brackette]

...what.

[She sighs, their expression reverting to the usual exhaustion.]

I. You haven't done anything to me, rather this entire case is about you. Well, about events that happened to someone closely connected to you.

[status-updates]

[they both stop dead in their tracks.]

..,,,,.,,. No

…continue

[detective-brackette]

What do you know about the acronym K.P.P.?

[status-updates]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

[Statuses 1 and 2 are now fighting you!]

Notice, your Health is about to be Decrea- what the fuck is that thing

...what is that.

[Statuses 1 and 2 are no longer fighting you!]

[detective-brackette]

The hell?! What are y-

[She mutters some expletives under their breath, noticing the. other thing.]

I already told you, I don't know anyone by the name "Advertsary".

[status-updates]

uh. we do. we'll tell you later if you can. come back later.

It's not shutting up! Two, tackle it!

[Two charges headfirst into it. It sidesteps the attack.]

[Two tries again, it sidesteps again.]

[This goes on for a while. The distraction is at least making it quieter.]

Okay, anyway, you come to- sorry, we come to YOUR house, uninvited, and you dare to bring up that cursed phrase?

[detective-brackette]

Considering that this is in fact my office, and I've been trying to find out how to neutralize that damn phrase for longer than I care to remember right now, yes.

[status-updates]

O-oh. Neutralize it, you say?

Continue.

[detective-brackette]

Yes. In my opinion, a simple three word phrase should not be able to deal large amounts of damage to people, so I've been trying to figure out how to stop it from doing that. However, I haven't even cracked what the hell it exactly is. I can't even find an origin for it, some of the records I've found seem to be centuries old!

[Brackette sighs, gesturing to a tray labeled "proven irrelevant". There are several papers in it, the one at the top being a description of mana-infused pencils and how they can be used to write and draw spells.]

I do at least know a few things that it isn't. For instance, since it's more dangerous when cast with the help of others, I know it can't be a simple power word spell.

[status-updates]

huh. interesting.

[the fucking thing is still sidestepping two's attacks.]

[detective-brackette]

More like frustrating. My leading theories are that it's either a cheat code or something originating from outside Exclamania entirely.

If you can give one, an account of your experience with the phrase could provide useful information.

[status-updates]

I'm going to presume you know the Statalus Incident.

I- what? LATER. Okay? Two, try harder.

[Two sets himself on fire. This does not help him.]

Not like- whatever.

I lost my train of thought.

Right, the Statalus incident. Obviously he gets his fingers blown off. Twice.

What's not as common knowledge is the time I was murdered for no reason by the same thing. I was DEAD. Like, dead dead!

But at least I can do this now. [1 snaps his fingers and vanishes. Then reappears in a slightly different spot by snapping again.] This is just me dying and reviving. I can't die unless I want to.

[detective-brackette]

Okay, that helps somewhat.

[She grabs a large binder labeled "Known non-lethal spells" and places it in the "proven irrelevant" tray, before sticking a small orange sticky note to the binder.]

Is that Two guy okay?

[status-updates]

[1 looks back at 2. He and the fucking thing are just spinning in circles.]

yeah.

[detective-brackette]

Okay.

[She moves one paper aside to look at another underneath it.]

Is there anything else about the phrase that you think I should know?

[status-updates]

It's terrible, I hate it, I think you deserve all awards ever if you somehow manage to-

SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN! CAN YOU WAIT FIVE MINUTES? I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE DAMN ADVERTSARY AFTER I'M DONE HERE!

[Two runs into a table,and makes the metal pipe sound effect while he falls over unconscious.]

God. You were saying?

[detective-brackette]

Well, facts would be a lot more helpful than how much you personally hate it. Saying how terrible something is doesn't help change it, you know.

[She grabs the paper about cheat codes and reads it again, before placing it back in the same tray.]

[status-updates]

well that's all I have, I'm afraid. Murderers don't tend to display their weapons to do their victims. Unless their victim is a geologist and their weapon is that obsidian kn- no wait they never actually used that as the weapon.

[detective-brackette]

[She sighs.]

..what? What's this about a geologist?

[status-updates]

[He brandishes his own case file linking to a different tumblr post before tossing it into your “proven irrelevant” tray.] don’t worry about it

[detective-brackette]

[She immediately grabs it from the tray and starts reading.]

Excuse me, I would prefer it if you didn't interfere with my- huh?!

[They fall silent, taking a moment to read the file in slight shock.]

...what in the world is this..?

[status-updates]

[it’s a link to this post:

Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your

]

[detective-brackette]

In all my years, I've never seen anything like this before. Where did you get this?

[status-updates]

No canonical explanation.

[detective-brackette]

What?? Canonical- are you trying to confuse me?

[status-updates]

Huh?

[Status seems to have forgotten that the words he just said influence things]

[detective-brackette]

Really, where did you get this file? If there's evidence I haven't found there, it could be the missing piece.

[She sounds like they're trying to hide her desperation behind a mask of calculated determination.]

[status-updates]

I honestly think I just materialized it into existence.

If we think too hard about this the universe might reshape itself to stop this from having had happen. That’s a heck of a phrase, “having had happen.”

[detective-brackette]

...

[Brackette ponders for a moment. It's evident she is very much thinking about it.]

This has ties to- oh Devs..

Alright. Finding the- finding the origin of the phrase might be..even more difficult if it involves universe reshaping.

[By their tone, it almost seems as if she's dealt with "universe reshaping" before.]

[status-updates]

[Status is pretty sure this is becoming about something else entirely.]

[detective-brackette]

[Brackette keeps looking through papers, with a determined look that almost makes it seem like she's hiding something.]

[status-updates]

[the fucking thing is breathing down One's neck]

uh maybe we go take this thing to the advertsary.

[detective-brackette]

Yeah, whatever. I'm going to solve this case if it kills me.

[She picks up a paper titled "Metalogical events and the Universe", and their eyes widen.]

...what is this file.?

[On the back of the paper, the text "property of - 《 [ ] 》 -" can be seen. Brackette doesn't seem to notice this.]

[status-updates]

property of... what now?

uh, anyway. you cool if we just bring the Advertsary here? it has no defined mass so it'll fit in here without breaking anything.

[detective-brackette]

What? Where did you se-

[Brackette flips the paper over and gasps in shock.]

THEM?!

[She quickly puts the paper into a drawer, takes a briefcase out and shuts the drawer, locking it. They place the briefcase on an empty section of the desk, facing toward her.]

Uh. s- sure. I guess.

[status-updates]

okay. Two, do the thing.

[One looks at two, who woke back up. he does nothing.]

[evil-advertsary]

[Suddenly, "Stocked Up!" 2 appears and begins beating up Status Two.]

[evil-advertsary]

interesting. how are you

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

"Pretty Good Thanks"

[evil-advertsary]

ahh that makes sense. why are you

"Evil"

[evil-advertsary]

what are you

"Advertsary"

[evil-advertsary]

Give that briefcase back!

@patches-and-notes

"Hi Tom!" "No" "Hey Check Out What I Found While Perusing This Record Of The Elysium Forums"

"Oh And There's More Actually"

"Oh And One More"

"Anyway What Did You Come Here For" "Oh Yeah The Briefcase" "My Idiot Son Ate It" "I Don't Know Why" "He Has No Need For Sustenance" "He Just Felt Like It"

[patches-and-notes]

...huh?

[evil-advertsary]

"Oh Wait I Forgot" "One More For Real This Time"

"Yeah We Sure Would Mister Whoever The Fuck" "This Is Hilarious To Me" "Anyway Have Fun With That Bye"

[Advertsary vanishes. Notes only sees S.T.2 trying to eat a tree.]

[evil-advertsary]

Give that briefcase back!

@patches-and-notes

"Hi Tom!" "No" "Hey Check Out What I Found While Perusing This Record Of The Elysium Forums"

"Oh And There's More Actually"

"Oh And One More"

"Anyway What Did You Come Here For" "Oh Yeah The Briefcase" "My Idiot Son Ate It" "I Don't Know Why" "He Has No Need For Sustenance" "He Just Felt Like It"

[evil-advertsary]

"I Hope They Make Another One Of Those Games" "A Murder Mystery Would Be Cool" "Ooh What's That"

[Stocked Up 2 is holding a Crystallized Memory of Crystallized Memory of Forums. It's signed as being from Battle Pass Guy]

"Ooh That Murdering Asshole Got Me A Gift" "How Nice"

[status-updates]

Hey! You! I need that briefcase back!

@patches-and-notes

...the empty one that Two dug up? Yeah. sure. It's... somewhere on the ground. I don't remember where- oh yeah, over there.

[he points to the briefcase just on the ground, open.]

[patches-and-notes]

Oh. that was easy.

[evil-advertsary]

"I Know Right" "Let's Change That"

[The briefcase vanishes]

"Hi Status" "Hi Tom" "Or Notes" "Or Whatever The Fuck"

[the advertsary is here. you can't see where, but their voice is clearly here.]

[patches-and-notes]

NO! I NEED THAT!

[Notes looks stressed for once. a very rare occurrence.]

[status-updates]

Why are you doing this?

[evil-advertsary]

"Bored" "K Bye"

[The voice vanishes. The briefcase remains gone.]

[status-updates]

Hey! You! I need that briefcase back!

@patches-and-notes

...the empty one that Two dug up? Yeah. sure. It's... somewhere on the ground. I don't remember where- oh yeah, over there.

[he points to the briefcase just on the ground, open.]

[patches-and-notes]

Oh. that was easy.

[evil-advertsary]

"I Know Right" "Let's Change That"

[The briefcase vanishes]

"Hi Status" "Hi Tom" "Or Notes" "Or Whatever The Fuck"

[the advertsary is here. you can't see where, but their voice is clearly here.]

[character-documents]

[evil-advertsary]

"So" "Nice To Meet You" "Care To Justify Every Decision You've Made In Your Entire Life" "Comma Or Else?"

[battle-pass-guy]

"I'm just an honest-about-their-murderyness man trying to make a living in a place they objectively do NOT belong in. You know, like you." "We have a lot in common." "I killed the Statuses and then brought back Status Two due to popular demand."

[evil-advertsary]

"Unfortunately For You" "I Was Starting To Like Them"

[The Advertsary throws out Status One. He's back!]

[status-updates]

*gaaaaaaaaaaaaasp* oh god. Damn. I'm gonna have to make another badge. Badges are how I process this shit.

[One turns to Advertsary.]

sooo, the others, or?

[evil-advertsary]

"I Would've Sent You Out Last But You're Like The Main One"

[Statuses Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Hash, and Questi are generated. Statalus and Eight are still absent.]

[battle-pass-guy]

"Ah yes that's all..." "Fantastic." "Well Good Thing I Stole More Than The Statuses's Statuses Of Being Alive" "Try Saying Fast That Without Stumbatating or Hesiling

[A gunshot is heard.]

[He's vanished.] [He probably had a back-up plan.]

[evil-advertsary]

"Damn It" "Really Wanted To Give Him A Piece Of My Mind" "A Piece That Said I'm Going To Fucking Kill You" "That Would Of Course Be Any Of Them" "Oh Well" "Let's Never Interact Again" "Goodbye."

[evil-advertsary]

"So" "Nice To Meet You" "Care To Justify Every Decision You've Made In Your Entire Life" "Comma Or Else?"

[battle-pass-guy]

"I'm just an honest-about-their-murderyness man trying to make a living in a place they objectively do NOT belong in. You know, like you." "We have a lot in common." "I killed the Statuses and then brought back Status Two due to popular demand."

[evil-advertsary]

"Unfortunately For You" "I Was Starting To Like Them"

[The Advertsary throws out Status One. He's back!]

[status-updates]

*gaaaaaaaaaaaaasp* oh god. Damn. I'm gonna have to make another badge. Badges are how I process this shit.

[One turns to Advertsary.]

sooo, the others, or?

[evil-advertsary]

"I Would've Sent You Out Last But You're Like The Main One"

[Statuses Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Hash, and Questi are generated. Statalus and Eight are still absent.]