Devious Fruitcakes

I don't dance. I balter.

[pollen-over-ponds]

You’re going to a mystery/detective themed costume party. Who are you dressing up as?

Sherlock Holmes, baby

Frank Columbo (Columbo)

Benoit Blanc (knives out)

Marge Gunderson (fargo)

Phryne Fisher (miss Fisher’s murder mysteries)

Adrian Monk (Monk)

Dana Scully (x-files)

Mabel Mora (only murders in the building)

Will Graham (hannibal)

Dale Cooper (twin peaks)

Shawn Spencer (psych)

Velma (Scooby doo)

Voting ended onMar 12, 2024

I’d really like to add Jessica Fletcher, Data, Sonny Crockett, Veronica Mars, Fox Mulder, John Luther, the Brooklyn nine-nine cast and more… Tumblr so needs to expand polls.

[deviousfruitcakes]

Jane Marple

[thepromiscuousfinger]

[strangelittlestories]

After shoving Hansel in the oven, the witch turns to Gretel - who is currently fending the witch off with a gingerbread chair - and says:

“I can’t believe you thought a trail of breadcrumbs would save you. I mean, honestly, this is a forest! It’s full of animals. Honestly, the very idea that a dumb shit like you thought you could get the better of me is absurd.”

Gretel hits her in the face with said chair. To be fair to the witch, she takes the chairshot like a champ.

“Ow!”

“Did you know,” says Gretel, “that crows are capable of facial recognition?”

“Eh?” Says the witch, clambering to her feet and pulling a candy cane sledgehammer off the wall. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Not only that,” Gretel continues, “but they can remember both friends and enemies. And they’ll often follow people they remember as friends.”

The two fence with their sugared weapons for a moment, before the witch knocks the chair out of Gretel’s hands.

“Enough with the bird facts! Honestly, this whole attempted escape has been utter clownshoes. Get in the fucking oven!”

She seizes Gretel by the collar. Gretel immediately sandbags, letting her whole body go limp. This eminently practical defense forces the witch to try and deadlift her. Which is hard, as the witch often skips leg day.

“For example,” Gretel says, as the witch struggles and grunts, “if you feed crows a lot of breadcrumbs, they’ll probably start to see you as a friend and follow you in the hope of more food.”

The witch stops. Outside, she hears the thunder of wings.

“They’ll even bring you shiny things they find as presents!” Says Gretel, as a corner of the gingerbread ceiling is suddenly cut away by a large crow with a knife in its mouth.

“Oh shitballs.” Says the witch, as the crows descend. “I hope you know this is a great unkindness.”

“Technically,” Says Gretel, “It’s a murder.”

[partywithponies]

"EDGAR" APPRECIATORS RISE UP

[deviousfruitcakes]

Edgar is perfection! Slightly uncomfortable and too formal in its full form, but way too chill for him in nickname mode. Just like his awkward, excellent self.

[femmefaramir]

older lotr illustrations sometimes depict éowyn wearing ridiculously small armour. apart from the problem general sexualisation of the only female character (who really does anything), there’s another hilarious thought:

éowyn pretended to be dernhelm, a man. to fit in, she must have worn men’s armor. so the armor in the illustrations is normal for rohirrim.

therefore, all the rohirrim rode to war just like that:

[hobbit-hole]

there’s a thundering sound in the distance as the rohirrim ride into war but rather than hoofbeats it’s the collective sound of all their cheeks clapping

[delicatelytoobear]

the artist for this particular piece is Frank Frazetta and to be fair to him this is how he drew the orcs armor 

so the rohirrim comment is probably not that far off

[adhd-trash-mammal]

That’s a man who just straight up had a problem with the concept of wearing pants into battle, and I respect that

[cumaeansibyl]

male or female

hero or villain

sea or land

even in the snow

I guarantee you Frazetta’s Rohirrim were 100% pants-free

[missmollyetc]

Good Old Frank. That man loved bodies and hated clothes so much

[thebyrchentwigges]

[trist-pkmngal]

Frank Frazetta was the reason He-Man was designed like that; the producers conduct a study to see what art appeal the most to children, and Frank’s work came out on top in popularity. So everyone in He-Man is dressed the way they are directly because of Frazetta.

[snugglebunchesofeyes]

That man gave us the gift of warrior thighs and tits for everyone.

[olderthannetfic]

Ah, it has been too long since I have seen the no pants post on my dash. And yes, this is a rare case where it wasn’t some sexist nonsense but an egalitarian No Pants Agenda.

[deviousfruitcakes]

it takes a child to raze a village

[partywithponies]

Hi my name is Monsieur Hercule Duroc Flambeau and I am super tall and bright (that's how I got my name) with a great moustache and soulful eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Raffles (AN: if u don't know who he is get da hell out of here!!). I'm not related to Aristide Valentin but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a thief but my morals are cool and good. I have pale white skin. I'm also a detective, and I solve crimes in London in England where I'm in love with a priest. (I'm gay). I'm French (in case you couldn't tell) and I carry mostly illegal weapons. I love Harrods and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a swanky suit with matching waistcoat and a sexy hat, silk socks, and a walking cane with a sword concealed in the handle. I was walking around London. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very grumpy about. A lot of cops stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

[deviousfruitcakes]

this is the crossover I didn't know my soul was aching for

[partywithponies]

I have never seen ANYTHING this needlessly extra ever in my life. Why is he like this.

[hamletthedane]

“There are other forces at work in this world besides the will of evil.”

[baixueagain]

People keep searching for ways to argue that JK Rowling has always been a horrible person deep down as a way of explaining her recent behaviour.

But here’s the thing: that’s probably not true at all.

Pretending it is discounts the harsher, scarier truth: that even decent, well-meaning people can be radicalised by dangerous, hateful, predatory groups, and given enough time they can become truly hideous versions of their former selves.

It can happen to me. It can happen to you. It can happen to any of us, given the right mix of circumstances. And over the past few years, we’ve seen it happen to one of the most famous children’s authors of our age.

Nobody is immune.

[agender-thanos]

So you’re saying that The Clown wasn’t always… outright evil?

[the-angry-ship-deactivated20220]

No one is born evil

[agender-thanos]

Well…

Good point, but prejudice is best installed at a young age. Why is why I assumed the said Clown was just evil since some early part of their life.

[baixueagain]

What I’m saying is that JKR, like so many average people, very likely started off in a place of well-meaning ignorance. Then she started exploring new and different ideas being shared online. Some ideas resonated deeply with her experiences as an abuse survivor, so she began exploring them deeper. Then, wham, public backlash. Her trauma is triggered - but so is her curiosity. After all, if something she did or said set people off, maybe she’s onto something. So she starts exploring more. Starts asking more questions. And when she does this in public, there is always backlash. Meanwhile, however, in private, her new friends are telling her “See? This is proof we’re right. This is proof that the world wants us silenced, because they’re scared of the truth, and they really hate women that much.” And what do you know, what they’re telling her starts sounding more and more reasonable, especially since the outside world is becoming more and more hostile.

And round and round it goes, until you have a radical.

[fierceawakening]

This is absolutely how radicalization works. I started out “I could never be a feminist, they hate kinksters” (yes, this was a massive oversimplification) and within, oh, i think two years? i was saying “well, i don’t like the overtones of ‘radical feminist’ but what’s so wrong with saying you’re a radical AND a feminist? we need to make sure there’s space for traumatized women who really do legitimately hate and fear men.” When you become an extremist, you become UNRECOGNIZABLE even to YOURSELF.

[filthyjanuary]

#also JKR is just the most famous and most heinous case#there are MANY MANY young people being indoctrinated with the same ideals within the circles they found safety and community in#i do not care that JKR has been radicalised; i am far more worried about people not recognising the radicalising process#and how it invades queer and women’s communties to deliberately and actively create harmful environments#as disappointing and gross as JKR is; it’s#it’s important to recognise that radical ideologies (be they alt-right racism or TERFdom) are spread (via @wondersmith-and-sons​)

[wondersmith-and-sons]

There is also this….revisionist tendency to say that JKR has always been a closet bigot and conservative and right-wing since she got famous, but that’s not even entirely true. One of her first major political stirrups was criticising Tory austerity measures and David Cameron, (she also once said “people who send their children to boarding schools seem to feel that I’m on their side. I’m not.”), donating to Labour and being openly supportive of the British welfare state. She has, in at least one interview (from 2000) self-proclaimed to be left-wing. As early as 2003, she claimed that one of her biggest writing influences was a Jessica Mitford, who Rowling described as a “self-taught socialist”. 

This isn’t to apologise for her behaviour or rehabilitate her into some former activist who is still worthy of saving; it’s to contextualise her recent descent into TERFdom compared to her previous political stances she’s openly held. She was probably never going to be a staunch ally for equality and diversity, and yes, a lot of the HP series were very problematic in retrospect, but she could very easily have gone the other way and at the very least turned out to be less of a bigoted shitbag she is now. The fact that her politics in late 2000′s/early 2010′s were similar to so many people who are now activists and organisers for queer, BIPOC and vulnerable communities should tell us to be all the more careful about radfem ideology and transphobia in progressive spaces. 

It’s comforting to say “we should have known in hindsight that she was always going to become a TERF, the early signs were all there!” but that’s also not true. We have to recognise that the toxic ideology, the active harm she chooses to participate in, was a deliberate choice; this was a path she chose to go down, not one that was pre-determined for her. It’s also an easy way to separate ourselves from being critical of radfem influence; “JKR was always a right-wing bigot and that’s why she became indoctrinated with radfem bullshit. I’m not a right-wing bigot, therefore unlike her, I will never fall for radfem bullshit.” 

People who become radicalised, including those to become radfems, were not always irredeemable right-winger proto-Conservatives doomed for extremism and hatred, and that’s the point. The revisionist idea that she was always beyond salvaging erases how TERFs recruit people (especially vulnerable, impressionable people) in queer, progressive and liberal circles and how easily their dogwhistles can go undetected. The idea that JKR was already a closet right-winger from the get-go and therefore could never have been a good person is ultimately unhelpful because all it does it separate from the reality of how radfem doctrine spreads. TERFs sell their own toxic, harmful views packaged as progressive ideas as part of their strategy and that’s why their ideology is dangerous and requires constant vigilance to drive out. 

[kendallroy-deactivated20210425]

idk who needs to hear this but when your english teacher asks you to explain why an author chose to use a specific metaphor or literary device, it’s not because you won’t be able to function in real-world society without the essential knowledge of gatsby’s green light or whatever, it’s because that process develops your abilities to parse a text for meaning and fill in gaps in information by yourself, and if you’re wondering what happens when you DON’T develop an adult level of reading comprehension, look no further than the dizzying array of examples right here on tumblr dot com

[kendallroy-deactivated20210425]

this post went from 600 to 2400 notes in the time it took me to write 3 emails. i’m already terrified for what’s going to happen in there

[kendallroy-deactivated20210425]

k but also, as an addendum, the reason we study literary analysis is because everything an author writes has meaning, whether it was intentional or not, and their biases and agendas are often reflected in their choice of language and literary devices and so forth! and that ties directly into being able to identify, for example, the racist and antisemitic dogwhistles often employed by the right wing, or the subconscious word choices that can unintentionally illustrate someone’s bias or blind spot. LANGUAGE HAS WEIGHT AND MEANING! the way we communicate is a reflection of our inner selves, and that’s true regardless of whether it’s a short story or a novel or a blog post or a tweet. instead of taking a piece of writing at face value and stopping there, assuming that there is no deeper meaning or thought behind the words on the page, ask yourself these two questions instead:

1. what is the author trying to say? 2. what does the author maybe not realize they’re saying?

because the most interesting reading of any piece of literature, imho, usually occupies the space in between those questions.

[melgillman]

Here’s HSTHETE, the 24 hour comic I drew this year!  Thanks to everybody who followed along on twitter this weekend as I posted these pages <3

[tsuki-chibi]

I love this.

[fanonical]

i won’t accept your harry potter postcanon ideas unless arthur weasley went off to study muggles properly

[deviousfruitcakes]

I just want to give him like a middle school science textbook and watch it blow his mind

[jessmalia]

Reblog if you are or know of an adult fan fiction writer

I’m trying to prove a point

[habitatforhufflepuffs]

everybody is pointing out that voldemort was born in 1926 therefore we could see a young tom riddle during the fantastic beasts franchise at hogwarts. but no one is pointing out that hagrid was born in 1928 and attended hogwarts at the same time so it’s also possible for us to get a scene where newt scamander, magizoologist, meets rubeus hagrid, creature enthusiast extraordinare.

[deviousfruitcakes]

Please I have never wanted anything like I've wanted this

[fanonical]

regarding the timeline issues in crimes of grindelwald…like the hp wiki’s been around for years, joanne, you couldn’t even give it a quick glance? it’s absurdly detailed

[kotaku]

The End, by Alister Lockhart.

[walkinchicken]

Bruh, if you don’t think that having historically significant events well documented from multiple perspectives is a good thing, then idk what the hell u doin.

[purplebloodedmajesty]

Besides, like, that is literally a Giant Monster Rampaging Through The Town. What the fuck is the everyday person gonna do other than Tweet/Instagram/Post about it going “It’s the apocalypse you guys! Eyyyy lmao #apocalypse #deathrising #nofilter”?

[nbkatara]

#like come on your cellphone may not defeat the beast#but it can gain you like 50000 followers before the skies start raining blood so#who’s the REAL winner here? (via @purplebloodedmajesty)

[songofsunset]

And heck, even if your own death is inevitable getting information out could help save other people, even if it can’t save you. ‘Here are 20 livestreams of the giant tentacle monster including how it moves and attacks, how can we beat it?’ is way more useful than ‘an entire city got wiped off the map and things smell vaguely of calimari idk man’

[steppsful]

reblogging for this perfection: ‘an entire city got wiped off the map and things smell vaguely of calimari idk man’ 

[safetytank]

Point #1 on this here article talks about Robert Landsburg, a photographer who realized he wouldn’t survive the eruption of Mt St. Helens (too close to outrun the ash cloud) and used his own body to shield & preserve the photos and recordings he’d been taking during the explosion

these surviving photographs are still CRAZY VALUABLE to this day for the rest of the volcanologist community, since actual recordings of an in-process eruption are so dang rare

on-site documentation of any major disaster is gonna be VITALLY IMPORTANT to the people who are tryna figure out how to prevent that shit

tl;dr have your phone out, make your death-by-kaiju worthwhile to the scientific community