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@devouredbybooks
WHAT'S UP YOU-TUB-TUB-TUB-TUBBB...
Would anyone be interested in being a beta reader for my first fanfic? I would honestly appreciate any feedback. It’s about Ilya Rozanov who's an exchange student from Russia and transferred to a hockey school in Canada where he meets the captain of his team, Shane Hollander, Ilya knows he's doomed instantly. Shane is a year older and is probably the most attractive person Ilya has ever seen, and he wants him so bad.
They're BFF, you can't change my mind
imagining ilya shane hayden movie night for bonding purposes because it’s something they can (nominally) do without speaking and they rotate who picks
hayden likes 90s/early 2000s romcoms a la will smith hockey. he also loves the devil wears prada because he thinks jackie looks like emily blunt (a debatable, if sweet sentiment). he does at some point make them watch the proposal (2009) with sandra bullock so he he can point and say “is that you?”
every single time shane gets to pick he chooses like the mighty ducks or miracle or the russian 5 documentary or something suitably stereotypical hockey dude (please trust me when i tell you that i have seen multiple nhl teams do tiktoks about players’ favorite movies and it is pretty much ALWAYS miracle or mighty ducks)
when it’s ilya’s turn to pick the movie he just lets shane pick until it’s mighty ducks again for the 1000th time and neither hayden nor ilya can take it anymore and this is what it takes to force them to unionize (shane did this on purpose lol)
Guys I fear y’all don’t understand how much - not only Ottawa or the team or management but the entire city- fucking LOVE Ilya.
Ilya rozanov not only chose their shitty little team and helped whip them into shape enough to have potential but ALSO
To the people of Ottawa he must be like heaven sent because with Ilya they finally got the prodigal son to return, like guys this bitch of a Russian started to save their team AND HE BRINGS SHANE HOLLANDER HOME‼️‼️
I just someone has petitioned for Ilya to have like a statue or something (it was Ilya and only luca signed
Luca Haas maybe 👀👀👀
So Ilya and Shane's first game against the Bears post-outing is a surprising delight. It starts with a jumbotron video of street interviews of Boston fans being like "Yeah we thought Rozy was a total fucking idiot going to Ottawa but DAMN, moving for sexiest hockey player of the year Shane Hollander makes a lot more sense" which then fades into an Ilya Rozanov tribute video interspersed with various thirst-trappy videos of Shane to the song "Where is my Husband?" by Raye.
Ilya is delighted and even does the whole hand-waving choreography for "I would like a ring, a diamond ring" part in Shane's face as he blushes. He does this with his non-dominant hand of course, because they have been holding hands the whole video. (Shane will buy Ilya 7 different high-end diamond rings on Newbury Street the next day for him to pick from. Ilya like a good Slavic trophy spouse will pick all of them.)
And at the end, at the "Grandma said it," part cameras cut to Cliff Marlow in a curly gray wig and fake glasses shouting "Your husband is coming, Roz, don't fuck it up!
top 10 days of ilya’s life were definitely getting to see shane’s childhood bedroom and touching everything, he probably asked a hundred questions without breathing once - “nice room…” “what’s this” “what’s that” “yearbooks!?!” “so cute and boring” “YOU BLEACHED YOUR HAIR?” “awww you look so cute here” “most likely to play for the NHL wow” “who are these girls signing with hearts?! are you cheating on me?” “what’s that” “so many trophys mr superstar” “wearing a jersey for halloween is so boring” “can i have this picture” “you still have all your jerseys?” “who are those children” “PROM PICTURES” “aw all your ottawa friends” “what’re those?” “why are you wearing goalie gear” “you look so cute” “you read books that aren’t about hockey?” “where is the poster of me?” “you had to play with number 42?” “what is timbits hockey” “of course you were 10 year old captain” “what’s that” “hockey bedsheets im not surprised” “is that a puck shaped pillow” “wow hollander you are obsessed with hockey”
The Centaurs, whenever someone from the press asks one of them to describe Ilya Rozanov.
does his fine plumage impress you?
In love with the concept of Ilya pretending he doesn’t understand English when someone asks him some fuckass question that he doesn’t want to answer. Especially post-TLG.
Ilya gets pulled for a live post-game media scrum, and instead of being asked about the two goals he scored or how cohesively their team played that day, he gets asked the umpteenth question by some smarmy sports reporter about his and Shane’s relationship, with thinly-veiled jabs about how having two married queer players on their team must be bad for their locker room.
And Ilya loves being able to openly talk about Shane and their relationship, but he’s so sick of this offensive line of questioning. So instead he just makes his innocent-confused-puppydog face and replies in rapid-fire Russian. The reporter is thrown off and repeats his question, but Ilya just replies in Russian again, going on and on until the reporter gets flustered and gives up.
Later when the internet translates what he said, it’s something along the lines of, “I don’t understand such idiotic English questions, but if the sports reporter wants to ask questions about the sport he’s paid to report, I can answer those,” and then it’s just him praising his teammates on how well they’ve been playing.
Harris is also sick of the invasive questions, so he doesn’t throttle Ilya over it. Shane thinks it’s absolutely hilarious. He’s later asked about his husband’s “behavior” by some reporter in the states. He also plays dumb and does the same thing as Ilya, but in French.
shane and ilya have two very different sleep schedules. shane goes to bed at 10pm sharp despite all the travelling and jet lag. ilya can easily stay up till 3am but his schedule isn’t as rigid as shane’s. so when they move in they learn to navigate this. laying together while shane drifts off and then ilya plays video games for a few hours until it’s his turn. One night ilya crawls into bed a bit later than shane, around 11pm, and shane turns his head slightly in his direction. ilya whispers “are you trying to go to sleep?” and shane, without thinking, snaps back “what do you think?” turning back over and tucking himself in.
turns out if shane goes without sleep he gets very snappy very quickly
personal hc that one of the hollanov kids loves hockey but it's just not clicking even though they practice all the time and shane and ilya both try different coaching methods with them and it only makes everyone more frustrated and then one day wyatt comes to the rink with them and after 1.5 seconds on-ice he's like "hey i think they're a goalie" and shane and ilya nearly black out because oh. ohhh my god. they're kid is totally, completely, a goalie. and that's why it wasn't fucking working. they have a fucking goalie.
I love the everyone wants to fuck Shane Hollander agenda so picture like, Ilya at a team member's bachelor party and the whole Raiders team is there and everyone is drunk and they're playing games and just yelling out answers at the same time to questions like what's your favourite position and age you lost your virginity and giving each other shit for the answers but then there's what player you would go gay for and suddenly the whole team yells Shane Hollander at once to stunned silence afterwards and Ilya has the worst fucking night of his life
Here's what kills me absolutely dead: Shane having a full freakout when David sees him and Ilya together at the cottage, and then driving over there, and then just within the first 2 minutes of being there, just straight up tells his parents that he loves Ilya. I just imagine being Ilya standing in the cottage watching Shane's father drive away, watching Shane stare after the car and then come back in and panic. Imagine him wondering if this is going to change things? Then standing there in the doorway being scolded for using the word "lovers" not knowing why it's wrong, and wondering what Shane will do. Being ready to defer to him in his parents' house and then hearing Shane JUST SAY IT.
"Actually, I LOVE HIM."
Imagine being ilya in that moment. I love the way his eyes keep sliding over to Shane. How quiet and meek he is. He's standing in front of Shane's family, who are so unlike his, and he's unsure, and he's just been outed too, and Shane just says it. Says he loves him. Fully just owns it. To his mother and father.
I mean. MY FUCKING HEART, y'all.
If you don't love Shane, we can't be friends. If you don't love Ilya? Same. They are killing me. I've been thinking about them for months, and I can't stop, and I love them so much.
okay but Shane takes a hit late in the game and doesn't return so in the post-game presser somebody (they're new, they don't know any better, they will never make this mistake again) asks Ilya "how's Hollander's head" and Ilya experiences every emotion at once as he wrestles with the lingering terror of seeing the love of his life take five seconds too long to get up (he's fine) and also the sheer delight at being offered this perfect, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity on a silver platter
and with absolutely heroic effort, ilya says something entirely boring and appropriate about concussions, can't be too careful but thankfully nothing to worry about this time, Hollander will be back in time to crush the Pamphlets, yada yada, because he is a good husband and respects Shane's boundaries, and then they're walking to the car to finally go home and Shane is holding an icepack and there are still a couple reporters milling about and some asshole yells "hey Hollander, you sure your head's okay?"
and Shane looks directly into their phone camera and says, "I don’t know, you'll have to ask my husband"
Once upon a time a group of idiots (The Boston Raiders) decided to steal their captains phone and prank call his girl.
Shane (Home sick with a horrible cold) (Bored) (Missing his boyfriend) replies in a deep gravelly voice: Hey, how’s my baby doing?
The Boston raiders then hang up the phone and never talk about Ilya Rozanov’s secret boyfriend who they all assume must be the gruffest biker/lumberjack/bouncer in the world.
okay stay with me for this one.
When Ilya moves to the Centaurs he doesn’t get to keep his number. Some old fuck on the team already has it and refuses to trade, no matter how much Ilya bribes him.
so, in true Ilya Rozanov fashion, he picks the number 24. People think he did it to be an asshole, which is true, but he also did it to have Shane with him all the time. Shane was both infuriated and touched by it.
but then of course, years later, SHANE transfers to Ottawa. And lo and behold, the old fuck who had number 81 retired, so when Shane has to choose a number?
81 is available.
so the first day of training, Shane walks into practice in a jersey that says Hollander, 81, with an absolutely shit-eating grin on his face.
and Ilya goes insane.
i have a headcanon that it took ages to luca haas finally hold a conversation with shane. like, he’s a ilya rozanov fan, obviously, who isn’t? he’s a legend, however shane hollander is a GOD and luca haas worship him. and above of all that the THEE legend of modern hockey is prettiest NHL player? luca haas cannot talk to this man at all. until one day in one’s of Bood’s BBQ he’s so focused on his drawing he doesn’t notice the person he’s been talking with for half a hour and then he looks out of his sketch book and sees that the person is THEE shane fucking hollander and he’s so nice and he’s very interested in his drawings and oh my good shane hollander is complimenting his work and saying he’s a really good player. after the shook, luca haas finally can talk to shane
