Wunderkammer

Porcupine who loves tea. Midnight misfit on a roller coaster that only goes up.

[dewi]

Here's the catch;

I want to fall in love.

I want to fall in love and feel my heart constricted in the way it hurt because small things matter, not because I was scared to death not meeting the deadline of my case reports.

I want to fall in love and cry overnight because silly fights, knowing that no matter how angry we're going to bed at night, tomorrow we still be together.

I want to fall in love knowing our bond's resilience is not titanium, but more of a rubber-band like.

I want to fall in love with the person I'd give all of myself to, all the good and bad, the worst and best, knowing he will do exactly the same.

I want to fall in love with the idea of love itself.

And maybe that's the foremost reason why I still haven't fall in love yet.

[colorious]

kadang di ujung, kita suka berkesimpulan seperti “I deserve better” atau “you deserve better” ketika suatu hasil gak seperti yang dibayangkan atau gak sesuai penilaian-penilaian subjektif tertentu. pertanyaannya: emang definisi ‘better’ yang kamu maksud menurut siapa? apakah menurut Allah atau menurut kamu pribadi? padahal Allah udah ngasih tau kalo yang menurut kita baik belum tentu baik buat kita. pun sebaliknya; yang menurut kita gak baik belum tentu gak baik juga buat kita—bisa jadi sebaliknya. sebab menghitung dan mengukur sesuatu hanya dengan mengandalkan ukuran kita gak akan pernah ada habisnya. gak akan pernah ketemu ujungnya.

[dewi]

Maher Zain - Peace Be Upon You (lyrics)

Hal paling membahagiakan di dunia adalah nyetir pulang setelah jaga sambil dengerin musik, dan bangun tidur post jaga malam.

Nothing beats the feeling that; “Oh, I’ve gone through this day alive.”

[poemswords]

[autumninterest]

Infinite Playlist - by me❤️

Link here on spotify

[bookmania]

“Books bend space and time. One reason the owners of those aforesaid little rambling, poky secondhand bookshops always seem slightly unearthly is that many of them really are, having strayed into this world after taking a wrong turning in their own bookshops in worlds where it is considered commendable business practice to wear carpet slippers all the time and open your shop only when you feel like it.” – Terry Pratchet (ig/epipha_ny)

[dewi]

Tentang berjuang

“Jangan pergi agar dicari, 

Jangan sengaja lari agar dikejar. 

Berjuang tak sebercanda itu.”

-Sujiwo Tedjo

...

Memang tidak sebercanda itu.

Dalam hukum termodinamika 1, energi tidak dapat dibuat atau dimusnahkan. Energi hanya akan berubah bentuk.

What taken, should be given back as equal.

That’s what should’ve happen, but it wasn’t always the case. 

Rasanya marah dengan orang-orang yang usahanya setengah-setengah.

Marah, sekali.

...

Banjarnegara, 11 Maret 2020

[dewi]

Book review : Five people you meet in heaven - Mitch Albom

When you hear the name of the author, you must’ve thought of his infamous work of Tuesday with Morrie. Recently when I visited local storebook, I just knew that novel was put into Self Improvement shelf. Whoa, so a fiction novel now make it to non-fiction side. It’s either my bookstore management slipped off or his book really is qualified to be put in that section. God knows.

Personally, I had read Tuesday with Morrie and I love it. It suits my taste and I highly recommended it if you’re living a life like me where you constantly questioning your sanity at 3 am in the morning, or your insomnia decided to showed up and put you through 56 hours straight until all you can do is wishing your body to just fuckin’ give up. Tuesday with Morrie talks about how a dying teacher used his last days teaching what life is to his student. Well, it’s always good to have a deep, dark, sad story to remind you that this all will pass, that yes life is messy but no one get out of it alive anyway.

As for now, I’m gonna reviewing his other work.

.

.

Five people you meet in heaven talk exactly like what it had written in the title; the protagonist meet five people who directly (or not) affecting his life. One of the best quotes there is those people you met at the other world is there to help you answer your biggest riddles on life, to make you understand what actually going on from another point of view. The protagonist is an old, grumpy, leg dysfunctioned man who works in Theme Park as Maintenance guy and died because protecting a child from accident.

First person he met is someone who had a car accident because when he was a kid, he jumped in front of a car to get his ball. He was too young to undrestand that time, his small act causing big effect on someone else, even resulting in death. In first person, you learn that’s just how the world works; when someone saved and alive from accident, someone else died. Life is, and always is, two sides of coin.

Second person he met is his Captain in his soldier day, who was the reason of his dysfunction leg. He always blames fate and the world because he was such a good soldier but because of an accident, he left with dysfuntional leg that changed his life forever. When his Captain showed him how he died, the protagonist just realized that the Captain died protecting his squad, including unconscious him that time. Second person taught us about sacrifice; that sometimes we are too preoccupied thinking about how much we sacrifice and never accept that. Sometimes we forget, that there are people who had to sacrifice too; and maybe in much more painful than us.

Third person is the founder of his workplace. There, the madam showed the protagonist of another side of his father, who the protagonist hate and put blame on how he grew up in harsh way. The most touching words for me is “Parents always broke their child; either in a good or bad way. It’s inevitable.” It’s an emotional chapter about broken bond of a father and son, but it got you to think that although you can put blame into your closest person for shaping you into the person you are now, you can only see them in one side. They may keeps so many sides, maybe good ones, that you never knew about.

Fourth person is his late wife. A sip of romantic, yet sad, but touching love where you really love someone, so much, it hurts to see them unhappy even the slightest.

And finally, the last person.

It’s a major twist because I really, never thought it’s gonna be that person along the story. Since the second person, I had thought that the last final person supposed to be the one playing the biggest role in his life; but really, I was wrong.

You should read it yourself :)

What I learn the most about this story is that no matter how shitty you think your life is, some moments in your life is either a reason or result from other’s. You never knew what chain bound you and other together.

And someday, you gonna wait for someone too, to tell them how your life somewhat touched them in a moment you never thought about, and the impact can be life-changing.

I didn’t say everyone bound to have a good story of life, but all I can tell is; live your life. You don’t have to love your life, but you have to live it. You’re gonna find the end of the road anyway. And all the life questions that hurts you, will have an answer in the end.

[dewi]

Reblogged this because I remember how good the story is.

Right. You dont always have to love you life, but you have to live it. Every second of every fricking minutes, you gotta live it. Live it to the fullest. Even when it hurts you, break you down, bleeds you to dead;

Live it to the fullest. That’s the only way you won’t regret it when it really comes to an end.

[bookmania]

I’m a very ordinary human being; I just happen to like reading books.

Haruki Murakami, 1Q84

(via bookmania)

[dewi]

What makes a good doctor?

Maybe if one has brilliant mind, maybe one can give best solution to patient, maybe one attend to his personal and profesional life equally. 

It’s almost the same with asking what makes a good person?

Everyone have their own definition of what being ‘good’ takes. Maybe you call one person good because he/she lend you a hand when you need it the most, or you cal them good just because they want to hear all the problems in your shitty life. Whatever it is, it’s different from one another. Your kidness is not always perceive the same to other and vice versa.

So what about it? why be a good person, knowing that your ‘goodness’ may not actually good enough for another one?

Well you see, there’s this thing we called ‘standart’ in everything. In medicine, all things we do, wheter it was minimally invasive or more, has this thing called protocol. We do things based on international guidelines. We do not make our call just solely based on our judgement. We talk, we discussed, we provide ourselves with many choice and options, hoping either one will give the best result for our patients.

And that’s also what we learn to apply in our personal life.

You can never call yourself ‘good enough’ for somebody. It’s theirs to judge.

But you can follow the protocol, do the guidelines, and hoping what you do is somewhere near good enough for that person.

You see, being good is not for us. It’s for others. The other part are the ones deciding wheter we are a good person or no. You can not forcing someone to share the same way looking the world as you do. Even if you think what you did is ‘good enough’, you can not force the other party to solely agree with you.

If want to do good, then just do your good. The rest on how other perceive you is up to them.

Everyone has a story. Don’t force them to wear the same scars and masks as you do. 

...

My good is different than your good. Keep doing your good but don’t force me to change perspective.

...

Jan 27th 2018

[journeythroughmedicine]

❤️

[kurniawangunadi]

Bersyukur Atas Pilihan

Hidup ini penuh dengan pengambilan keputusan, bahkan keputusanmu sejak membuka mata di awal hari. Apakah melanjutkan tidurmu atau beranjak dan bergegas mengambil wudhu untuk ibadah malammu.

Keputusanmu untuk memakai baju yang mana hari ini, keputusanmu untuk mandi dan sarapan jam berapa, keputusanmu untuk berangkat ke tempat kerja dengan sarana transportasi apa.

Semakin dewasa, keputusan-keputusan yang diambil tiap hari, semakin kompleks. Semakin banyak pilihan yang ada dan harus diambil satu saja. Selain juga, keputusan harus diambil saat itu seketika.

Untuk itulah, berdoa. Bismillah disetiap kali akan melakukan dan mengerjakan sesuatu.

Semakin tumbuh, keputusan yang diambil semakin rumit. Sebab semakin banyak keputusan yang bersifat permanen, sekali kamu mengambilnya. Itu menggema sepanjang sisa hidupmu. Tidak hanya sehari dua hari, melainkan selamanya.

Untuk itu, sedari sekarang. Perluaslah cara pandang kita, belajarlah lebih banyak, bertemulah dengan banyak orang. Sebab, nanti. Banyak diantara keputusan-keputusan kita tersebut, terlihat lebih jelas tatkala kita memiliki pengetahuan lebih banyak, memiliki orang-orang yang bisa kita ajak berdiskusi untuk merumuskan hal-hal yang sulit.

Lebih dari itu, mari kita bersyukur sebab kita masih memiliki pilihan, dan juga kita masih bisa mengambil keputusan itu sendiri.

Di sisi lain dunia ini, di sudut-sudut yang jarang kita acuhkan, Ada orang-orang seusia kita yang tidak memiliki pilihan yang leluasa, bahkan tidak memiliki pilihan sama sekali. Keputusan-keputusan dalam hidupnya tidak mampu ia ambil sendiri, jika tidak diambilkan oleh orang lain, keputusan itu diambil oleh keadaan.

Serumit, sepusing, semeresahkan apapun pilihan yang ada dan rumitnya mengambil keputusan. Bersyukurlah, karena kita masih memilikinya.

Rumah, 26 Januari 2017 | ©kurniawangunadi

[dewi]

what I want my days to be: waking up early to study languages, reading books, taking walks, writing

what my days are: lying in bed far too long, watching YouTube, refreshing Tumblr

[egg-tofu-with-oyster-sauce]

Ini nih salah satu hal yang bikin gue suka kesel sama media jaman sekarang. Sebuah downgrade.

Kenapa kalo berita apa-apa selalu ada embel-embel “cantik” atau “ganteng”- nya? Itu tuh bikin orang salah fokus sama beritanya tau gak.

Macem mas Kevin ini kan padahal ga pake embel-embel “ganteng” juga udah positif citranya, wong prestasinya macem-macem itu. Pake embel-embel “ganteng” jadi bikin orang yang baca inget dia karena cakep, padahal letak informasinya kan bukan dia cakep/ngga, yang penting tuh prestasinya. Seolah-olah yang worth diberitain tuh yang cakep.

Dan gue yakin mas nya juga lebih mau diingat karena medali emasnya bukan gegara cakep.

[feministism]

[sterngeschichten-deactivated201]

INFJ.

Dreaming of unlimited peace. Being the quiet middle of a violent hurricane. Thinking of soft clouds flying by. Understanding human behavior too well. Stealing thoughts and personalities. Finding colorful flowers that grow in unusual places. Seeing real faces behind facades. Making friends with a cat. Noticing beauty in uniquness and normality. Loving every living creature equally.

Friendly in the most detached way possible.

[extrasad]

Listen kid, here are the rules: 1. Don’t shut down. You have to feel pain because once you turn it off, you can’t get it back. And then you’re left prying open your veins and breaking your bones, drowning in vodka, choking on pills, bleeding out, swallowing cigarettes, fucking boys who rip your heart out of your chest and slam it against the wall and then smile at you like you’re the prettiest thing in the room. It turns out that feeling nothing feels worse than anything else. 2. Cut him out of your life. It doesn’t matter how many times he called you beautiful and told you he loved you. I know he was a sweet guy but he’s not the same person anymore. He hurt you. He doesn’t deserve to occupy a thought in your head let alone drown you in your own tears. I know you loved him. Maybe you always will. But if you want to stay alive, you’ve got to let him go. Delete your old texts with him because baby I swear to god you will read over all the “I love you’s” and “baby girl’s” and you will crack your ribs with them. 3. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay slide down a wall in tears at three in the morning aching and screaming. If you want to sit on your bedroom floor with your head buried in your knees, tears spilling out of your eyes and filling the room up to your waist, do it. It doesn’t make you weak. You could never be weak. You’re alive and that’s the hardest thing to be. I’m so proud of you. Always. 4. Don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with. When you’re at a party and you’re sitting next to a boy who’s words are dripping with cheap alcohol and he’s grabbing your thigh and spitting liquor down your neck in sloppy kisses, push him off you. You don’t owe him anything. You’re not being mean or hurting his feelings. If you’re not okay, leave. 5. Don’t hurt yourself. If you think you feel shitty now, imagine how terrible you’re going to feel when you accidentally cut too deep and you feel your life spilling out of your wrists. I know you want to get rid of him and the heartbreak he left behind. I know you want to get rid of the numbness and the headaches and the shaky hands. I know you want to get rid of the pain. But when you’re lighting your skin on fire or tearing into your veins, you’ve got pain spilling out of your bones. But you’re dripping everything good too. You’ve got a tangle of outer space inside of you and you can’t lose the darkness between the stars without losing the stars too. 6. Save yourself first. I know you’re in love with a pretty boy who writes you poetry and slits your wrists. I know he falls asleep crying. But so do you. I know he’s your world. I know you’re in love. But you can’t be up at four in the morning talking him out of suicide when you’ve got six tests the next day. You can’t stop him from ripping his heart out when you’re still trying to figure out how to get yours beating again. You can’t save him. You’ve just got to love him with all you’ve got. You have to love yourself too. 7. Terminate toxic relationships. It doesn’t make you a bad person. You need to be self-preserving for once in your fucking life. When your best friend kisses the boy you would die for, stop sleeping on her floor when she calls you crying because she got her heart broken by a boy who’s name she couldn’t remember. When your father kicks you out of the house and tells you he wants you gone, stay gone. When your boyfriend comments on how much you’ve been eating and makes you feel guilty for feeling the world, delete his number. You don’t need people dragging you down. You don’t need anybody poising you. You’ve got enough pain already. 8. It gets better. I know right now you’re on the verge of killing yourself. You’re on the edge and you’re waiting for the fall. But there’s nothing good at the bottom, just a lot of broken bones and blood and sore throats. I know how much you want to die and I know how hard it is to stay but you have to. Because one day you’re going to wake up smiling. You’re going to fall in love and your heart will stay whole. You’re going to travel and swim in the ocean and you’re not going to pray that you drown. You’re going to go for a drive in the middle of the night and feel free instead of hoping you crash. You’re going to be alright.

8 things I wish my mother had taught me before I turned 16 (via soulsscrawl)