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Cause I'm your home - Changbin

plot: you get hired as a nanny to watch changbin's daughter and life suddenly turns around for you, but what he doesn't know is that you are actually broke and living in your car. a lifestyle you can't let him know about as you can't lose the one thing good in your life, him and his daughter.

pairing: single dad! changbin x fem! reader

genre: angst, single dad x nanny

word count: 5k

warnings: mentions of domestic violence in relationship, reader refuses help bc they feel like they’re not enough, or falling back into hold damaging habits

a/n: finally a changbin one!!! btw don't forget i have a request ask, sometimes I don't know what to write lmao

masterlist

You had not planned for your life to turn out this way. You had everything, you knew you had everything figured out. Your apartment, a full time job and you had a lovely boyfriend. Or at least so you had thought. It started when you fought with him once, and even if you thought it was just one argument they eventually turned into two, then three and soon it turned into an everyday thing. You thought you could handle it, that soon that nightmare would disappear and you would finally go back to the wonderful relationship you had. But then he decided to put his hands on you, and that’s when you knew you had to run.

What came next was your work, your now ex boyfriend had been looking for you and caused a scene. And somehow everything turned and you lost the job as well. You couldn’t figure out what strings he pulled to make this happen, but you knew his goal was to ruin your life now that you left him and “made him look bad”. The last part was your apartment, early in the relationship he had moved in with you which meant that his name was put on the lease. Yet when you described everything to your landlord that he had to go, even your scum landlord of a man decided to put the man in the relationship first since he paid better.

There was nothing left. You only had yourself, your savings and your car that now turned into your home. Your boxes with clothes and your stuff was in the trunk and in the backseat you had blankets and pillows laid out to create a bed. And this was it. This was your new life, all after meeting one wrong person in your life. But you wanted to believe that everything would turn around.

Your car had turned into your home for a while now, and with job hunting you were not lucky. Some jobs were too little pay, yet you told them you’d take them anyways. But the rejections kept filling your mailbox together with rejected phone calls, places not hiring or just bad first impressions if you did walk-ins. How could anyone be this unlucky?

Now you only had one chance left, you were gripping the steering wheel in the empty parking lot. Your hands are sweaty again from being nervous for an interview you got. It was the first one in a while that had gotten back to you, and with this luck you had to nail it. The car was parked and the special thing about this one was that it wasn’t in a company, café, restaurant or anything like that. It was in the man’s home, meaning you couldn’t just park your car, or more your home, outside of HIS home.

You had been able to get in contact with a man who was looking to babysit his daughter while he was at work. Which meant a mostly 9-5 job since he needed someone to watch her, feed her, make her do homework and more. He didn’t state what he was working with but the pay was way more than you would’ve thought anyone was willing to pay a babysitter, which meant that you had to make this interview flawless. So with that you took a deep breath and exited your car, ready to walk a few blocks and make sure this went all the way.

At the door you couldn’t believe your eyes, the villa was really nice and it almost felt like you shouldn’t set foot in this neighbourhood. His car was parked outside and you could already see that the reason for the high paycheck was right inside that house. He must be working with something really good.

Your hand fell on the doorbell, slowly pushing it and hearing a quick ring on the inside of the house. Trying to keep yourself calm, you try to focus on your surroundings and hear fast moving steps on the other side of the door. The doorknob turns instantly and on the inside there is… no one? Or at least until your eyes falls down and see a little girl with a teddy bear in her hand.

“Hi there” you start, trying to understand if you maybe walked to the wrong house. Or if it’s right but you came at the wrong time?

“Hiii” she says happily, giving you a big smile. “Are you here to see my daddy?” she continues.

“Uh yeah, is he home?” you ask, crouching down to get a little closer with her. “Who is this?” you continue, pointing at the bear in her hand.

“This is Dori! He is my best friend” she says, holding him out for you to look at.

While you two laughed and smiled together you had totally missed that there was someone arriving behind the little girl. More specifically the reason you came here in the first place. Your eyes went from her and over her head, where there was only a body dressed in black jeans and a grey shirt. Your eyes keep travelling up the well built body and your gaze meets with a man coming from inside the house. His hair was messy and almost covered his eyes, looking like he had been asleep before this.

“Eunyeong sweetie, I told you not to open the door for strangers. You need to wake me up first. Imagine what could’ve happened if it wasn’t this sweet lady, something could go wrong” he said calmly to the little girl.

She didn’t answer him, she just ran inside the house again, but looking past him you could still see that she was hiding by the stairs, possibly for eavesdropping. The man’s eyes were now on yours as you stood up again, you could only assume this was the man you were supposed to meet.

“I’m so sorry I must’ve dozed up before we were supposed to meet. Please come inside” he said, gesturing with his hand for you to step inside the house. And you can only follow.

The girl, who you now knew as Eunyeong, moved up the stairs as the two of you stepped inside. But her eyes were always on yours, she must be a curious girl but maybe nervous too since she was really small and you were a stranger showing up on her doorstep. Did she know you were coming or did she think you were seeing her dad in another way? Hopefully not the second.

Slowly you hang up your jacket and put your shoes to the side as you try your quickest and neatest to follow the man further into his home. Your heart was still racing but something about both the home and this man brought you a sense of calm. Which could also be dangerous but maybe your little conversation with Eunyeong could mean something to this interview. When you saw her it felt natural to talk to her, and not like you came here for a job.

“Please have a seat” he says as he takes a seat on the side of the couch.

You take your seat on the opposite couch, your eyes wandering around and being met with lots of nice things. Good tv, many family photos, a computer with two screens and also a glass table in front of you. The interior was darker but still very neat and thought out. Your eyes meet the family photos and in all of them it’s just Eunyeong and her dad. No sign of the mother from what you could guess.

“So, Y/N right?” he asks as you snap back your attention to him and nod for an answer. “My name is Changbin, thank you for coming on such short notice, I had some complications with Eunyeong’s previous nanny. But just to start it would only be me and Eunyeong here. I work as a producer so usually I end up having to work overtime on short notices. I drop her off at preschool in the morning and then it would be your job to pick her up. Iif you can cook dinner then feel free to use whatever is in the fridge, if you don’t want to then just let me know and I can probably see if I can prepare some meals to just heat up. The main part of the job would mostly be picking her up, then watching her, playing with her, maybe reading with her if you want, there is also a schedule to follow with times like her naps and more in the kitchen” he starts and so far it felt good to know the basics. “Do you drive?” he suddenly asks.

“Yeah I have my car parked a few blocks from here, I wasn’t sure if I could find any parking nearby” you explained, it was also a slight lie. Looking outside anyone could see places to park, but he didn’t have to know that you knew that too.

“Alright, would it be okay for you to drive her in your car? The preschool is a few minutes away” and you only nod in response.

The interview continues on well, you getting to ask your questions and he gets to ask his. Now and then your eyes would meet with Eunyeong up in the corner of the stairs behind Changbin. She would either wave or smile, you wanted to wave back but didn’t wanna be too distracted from Changbin’s information. But you smiled back as often as you could.

What made you nervous was your car situation. You answered automatically with a yes but you knew it would look chaos in the back, Eunyeong would see all the boxes and maybe even the blankets. Your car was slightly smaller which meant that everything was packed. You just wished Eunyeong wouldn’t pay too much attention to it if you got the job, since Changbin probably wouldn’t like a homeless woman watching his kid.

“Well Y/N let me tell you I’m very happy with this interview and you seem to already get along with Eunyeong. So if it isn’t a problem I’d like for you to start Monday if you’re still interested?” he offers and suddenly it felt like you were walking on clouds, did you finally do it? All of a sudden there was a job offer with full time and a good paycheck on your table. Was there any other answer?

“Yes definitely”

The job wasn’t difficult, and so far Eunyeong had hopefully not paid attention to all of the boxes. The first weeks had passed by easily, and Eunyeong only asked about them once.

“What’s in the boxes?” she had asked the first few times she had entered the car.

Your answer had only been that you were moving in nearby but didn’t have time to put the boxes away. She is a kid and she would never ask why the number of boxes wasn’t decreasing with time, all you knew was that she was happy to know you lived nearby. Almost like you could live right in front if you wanted. But you couldn’t have your car right outside, it wouldn’t look good for you that you weren’t leaving to go somewhere else.

Changbin too was one of the sweetest men you had ever met. Amazed that after the experience with your ex boyfriend there were actually good men in this world. You did cook for yourself yet Changbin always offered to order you food when you had put Eunyeong to bed. Changbin always came home a little after her bedtime which meant you had to watch the house, and he felt like it was asking so much of you that he offered to buy you food every single day. Sometimes you took it but most days you ate together with Eunyeong.

Spending time with Eunyeong became the highlights of your day. She was a cheerful little girl and she made you forget that you had nothing to go back to at the end of the way. Sleeping suddenly felt exciting and not like something you wished you wouldn’t survive. It felt both good and bad that she became so important to you immediately. A lot because she didn’t seem to hang around outside a lot, but bad because it was at the end of the day just your job.

“Y/N! Y/N! Look!” Eunyeong yells from the living room as she comes running with a drawing in her hands.

You were standing in the kitchen with a pot on the stove filled with boiling water and pasta, together with a pan filled with meatballs and sauce. This meal had quickly become one of Eunyeong’s favorites and she asked you for it every single day. You set the spatula to the side to take a good look at what she was handing you. It was a page from the coloring book that she really liked and it was colored very lightly with crayons but at least she was inside the lines

“I managed to keep it inside the lines this time!”

“Yes I see that Yeongie, that’s so good wow!” you praised her which made her jump up and down. “Let’s show this to your dad when he gets back yeah?”

“YES!” she yells, knowing her dad will be very happy for her. “He is gonna be happy and then I will get ice cream!” her enthusiasm made you laugh, not knowing if she was happy because he would be or if she was happy because of the ice cream.

Your hands fell back to the stove as she skipped back into the living room. Your hands moved on auto pilot at this point, putting the food on the plates, doing the dishes, making sure Eunyeong finishes the food, and at the end of the day just put her ped as usual. It was like you needed her and she needed you. Not like a mother, but just a friend who was with her every day.

You decided to put a plate out for Changbin too, whether he ate it or not wasn’t something that mattered. But just in case he was hungry there would be food, if he didn’t want it you could always heat it up for Eunyeong tomorrow. Your eyes were buried in a book that you had found in Changbin’s bookshelf, he had been very open with you to treat this home as your own but you wouldn’t dare to take it serious. In the end he convinced you to at least use the tv or the bookshelf to have yourself something to enjoy when waiting for him to come back.

This turned into you not hearing the door as he entered. The plate was put on the dinner table with a small note from you.

“Make sure you eat something too, I made Eunyeong’s favourite” - Y/N

He smiled at the message, making sure not to damage the note as it slid into his pocket. His steps took him into the living room where he saw you deep into the book. You didn’t know but it made him happy that he managed to get you to use his stuff. When he said treat it like home he truly meant it. And seeing you read a book he himself had enjoyed years ago made his heart flutter a little bit.

Suddenly you looked up from the couch, jumping a little bit at the sudden sight of him which made him snap out of his thoughts too. He couldn’t help but feel guilty that he got happy by such things. You were both the same age so it wasn’t like it was that bad, but you were employed by him and watching his daughter. It was like he was having naughty thoughts yet that wasn’t the case. But every thought about you felt like it shouldn’t be in his head.

“Geez you scared me…” you started, making yourself laugh a little bit. Which once again was bad for Changbin as he thought it was lovely to listen to.

“Oh sorry, it was so quiet so I assumed everyone had fallen asleep” he said, watching you immediately stand up as he mentioned sleeping here.

“Oh nono I wouldn’t, it’s your home. I need to watch it” you quickly said, changing your body language to a nervous one.

“Y/N I told you before please treat it like home, if it’s late for you to drive home then please feel free to stay the night” he answered you and you knew he meant it. But you couldn’t get yourself to accept his kind gestures.

It felt like you’d do something against a company guideline or anything if you decided to sleep at his house, he was basically your boss. You didn’t answer him, you could only rush to the hallway with a quick goodbye and see you tomorrow and with that you were already out the door. Leaving Changbin with a disappointed heart. Wishing you would let yourself feel more free in his home since Eunyeong was so happy to have you here every day.

But now all he could do was just to enjoy one of the best homecooked meals he had to himself in a long time.

Not staying at Changbin’s house would soon come to be a challenge. You felt like you had made a sudden mistake one day when you watched Eunyeong. You had already put her to bed and somewhere in your book you felt yourself feeling drowsy. It had been a long week and that Friday your body just gave out on the couch.

The next morning you had been awoken by Eunyeong’s footsteps and squeal as she was surprised to see you sleeping on their couch. You had risen in panic and was met with Changbin in his morning gym outfit consisting of a black compression shirt and grey sweats. The sudden realization hit you immediately, excusing yourself in embarrassment and heading out the door. When you picked up Eunyeong that same day she spoke nothing of it, but you feared talking to Changbin about it. Yet he said the same thing again,

“Please feel free to treat this as a home” but you couldn’t.

On another morning there was a storm warning on your phone, telling you that it would be in your area by the time Changbin got home. Sometimes he was home earlier and you prayed that this would be the day, but if Changbin was gonna make it home in time you didn’t know where you would put your car. You would have to find a garage to put your car in, yet those parking houses always had someone guarding them and they would tell you to move if you didn’t pay.

Looking at the clock every single second you tried counting the minutes to when the roads would be closing down, and soon you were past it. Maybe you could speed somewhere if he made it home soon? Or maybe he was fighting time as well to make it home to Eunyeong.

As if on cue the front door opened, which made your feet push you up from the couch and run towards the entrance. Changbin must’ve been shocked to see you up so fast as his eyes widened at the sight of you grabbing your shoes.

“Y/N where are you going?” he asks, worried feelings filling his voice.

“I thought I’d hit the road before they close it down” you said, barely having your shoes on before you open the door. The heavy rain falling on the porch outside.

“But they already did, don’t you see the weather? Can’t you just stay tonight?”

Your deep breath almost made your anxiety rise even higher. It was the weekend tomorrow which meant that you had days off, which wasn’t important but that meant both Changbin and Eunyeong would be home tomorrow. Which meant spending time with them yes, but also that you couldn’t escape the embarrassment of sleeping in their home and being an inconvenience.

“Please Y/N, you can even take the bedroom I’ll take the couch-”

“No! I mean no, I’ll take the couch then thank you” you quickly respond, you couldn’t make him do more gestures than he was already doing for you.

You headed back inside and tried avoiding his gaze as much as possible. Not only did it feel embarrassing, it felt heavy. Your anxiety was through the roof like it could make a hole in it. Changbin had made his way into the kitchen and you walked back into the living room, the same old couch as you always sat on. Your book was ready on the table together with your glass of water. You had accepted fate that you would have an embarrassing morning in front of you, but not much you could do with you not being able to reach your car or even driving it.

Behind you Changbin was coming up with two cups of tea, setting it down on the table and waiting for you to take a seat with him. You hesitated as this once again felt so wrong and against some kind of guideline, but in the end you had to take a seat instead of standing for 12 hours.

“Y/N” he starts, making you look at him as you take a sip of your vanilla tea. “Are you afraid of me?”

“What? No of course not” you say immediately, almost afraid that this would be your last day in this home and with Eunyeong.

“Then why do you always refuse me? I’m not bothered since you get along with Eunyeong, but I wished that you would take more advantage of everything. You’re always out the door as soon as I come inside. If I have done anything to harm you I am truly sorry” he apologises which hurts your heart, it was never your intention. You were only protecting yourself and your own feelings.

“Oh no, that’s absolutely not the case. In fact I feel even more grateful that I get to spend my days here with Eunyeong with lovely food choices, books to read and even more. It’s just that I don’t wanna be a burden to sleep here when I have somewhere to sleep” you were used to your car by now, that didn’t mean it was good but for you it felt like if you had somewhere to sleep why would you burden Changbin?

“Just… please. I really do care for you and I just wished that you would use everything around you here. Use the bookshelf, use the kitchen more, use the bed if you want. If you need pajamas then dig in the drawer. Heck use me if you need to” he confessed, making your heart race at his compassionate words. “Talk to me please. And take up space please, we need it. Do it for me. And if not for me then for Eunyeong. You’re always there for her so let us be here for you too. Stay here a lot more. Don’t run as soon as I enter please”

You didn’t end up sleeping at Changbin’s often, but you tried to not run as soon as you saw him. Maybe you ran because of the fear of being a burden to him, he had everything and you had nothing. You didn’t want him to feel like you were taking advantage of him, or Eunyeong or just his home. Bur maybe you were also running because of the way he cared for you. The way he made sure you were taken care of in any way because you were always tired when he saw you.

Him always making sure you felt at home when in fact you didn’t even have a home. But the way he cared also scared you, what if you hurt yourself in the process of letting him in? But how would you know if you didn’t try?

Something about Changbin made your heart flutter, but it felt so wrong that the idea of him seeing you in that way felt impossible. Because you were in fact just Eunyeong’s nanny. What more could you do? It was barely about the money anymore, it was only about feeling like someone cared for you again. Whether it was Changbin or Eunyeong, it felt like you belonged somewhere. And you were finally starting to let them in.

For the first time in a while now you could finally buy yourself good groceries. Tomorrow you had to go back to Changbin and Eunyeong again but it felt exciting that you could treat Eunyeong to some snacks that you also liked. It was a rainy day and the weather was rather cozy. You had put your groceries in the passenger seat and made everything ready in place for Eunyeong tomorrow. You hoped in the back with your blanket to doze off for a nap in this weather.

What you didn’t see from afar was that Changbin was out grocery shopping with Eunyeong. And the little girl who took your car every day could recognize it from a mile away.

“Daddy look! It’s Y/N! Is she here?!” she squealed like she hadn’t already seen you the days before.

“I don’t know sweetheart let’s check if it’s really her car first should we?” she nodded as

she let go of her dad’s hand to run towards the car.

She can’t reach the window to see, but Changbin could. And his heart shattered into a million pieces. Inside he saw your body sleeping underneath a thin blanket and your hoodie as a pillow. The trunk filled with brown boxes with clothes, old kitchenware, laundry essentials and everything from what possibly could’ve been from your home.

“Sweetie, does Y/N have boxes in her car?”

“Yeah! She said she was moving in nearby when she came to my house” Changbin sighed, that was nearly months ago now. You weren’t going anywhere.

Changbin took Eunyeong back to his car, his heart feeling sad that he knew he could’ve done so much more but also now knowing why you didn’t wanna accept his offer to use anything in his home or let you sleep there. That every time you went home you went back to this parking lot. It killed him to see you inside of that car probably freezing too. What could he do now?

The next evening you had put Eunyeong to bed as usual. She never mentioned seeing your car as she had probably forgotten already, but Changbin didn’t forget. He came home early that evening, but he wasn’t just coming back home, he was coming to you. And he wasn’t gonna let you go anywhere yourself. When the front door clicked open you met him by the entrance as always. But his worried gaze made you worried as well, and with that you followed him quietly to the living toom where you had already been.

“Y/N let’s talk” he starts, making you even more anxious. He leaned against the back of the couch, not knowing how to start his next sentence. “We uhm… saw your car yesterday when we went to grocery shop”

There your world had stopped, what were you gonna do know? He knows now. He knows that his nanny for his daughter is homeless. And that she probably puts a bad example for his daughter. Her job was over now, and her world was crumbling like it was meant to just like before.

“I’m so sorry…” you start, tears welling up in your eyes. “I know I probably must be setting such a bad example for Eunyeong right now-”

“What? No Y/N that’s not what I was gonna say” he said immediately running up to you and putting your face in his hands, making you look at him with tears down your cheeks. “You don’t understand, I’m so worried about you. I didn’t tell Eunyeong you were in there sleeping, but I can’t stand seeing you like that. If you need my help I want nothing more than to put a roof over your head and know you’re safe. If someone saw you there… It’s not safe for you”

His kind words made you cry even more, but it also made you panic. You can’t let him in, bad things happen when you let a man in. What if this fucks you over just like the last time? What are you gonna do then? Sleep in your car again and watch how life fails once again?

“I can’t…” you said in between sobs, his thumbs catching your tears every time. “I’m sorry I feel like such a failure for Eunyeong right now”

“Y/n stop apologizing-”

“You don’t get it… I can’t let someone in again, because he put me in that situation. I can’t let you put a roof over my head just like that. I love you and Eunyeong I really do, but I can’t just take it all just like that” your voice was breaking at the sudden confession, making Changbin tense up as well.

“Y/N I meant it when I say that we love you back, and I shouldn’t be feeling like that for you as you help my daughter every day. But please just let me-”

It was like your ears were denying everything you were hearing. You couldn’t stand here and let him bring you in like this, everything is gonna go bad again and soon you will be in your car again. So now you can only do one thing, and that is run.

So you do.

And Changbin is yelling after you, yet you can’t stop running. Everything will just be the same. And you just made a fool of yourself in front of the man you wanted to run back to and be with.

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