Dating at 31 in the 21st century.
Long has past the day I thought I was going to get married. Growing up, I always thought I was going to be married by the latest, 27. That is the age my mom had me, which for whatever reason was the last year my juvenile mind gave me to get married. While I crept up to 26, my life was nowhere near where I thought it would be. I was back living at my dad's house, back in university, casually dating guys I knew I wouldn't be spending forever with. Fast forward to 31, I am no longer living with my dad, I am in a new city ( well not really new, but new in the sense that I haven't lived here in over 6 years). I am running two businesses while completing a master’s degree.
Dating isn't my top priority, but I also know I am not getting younger and doing things with a significant other at times seems better than doing them alone. I have spent the majority of my first year in this city finding myself (for the 6 millionth time), casually dating (mostly dating app dates), and trying to make enough money to survive ( yay Victoria living). Since I dont have a lot of free time, I have pretty much scratched off the notion of running into the love of my life at a coffee shop. I am also not a huge fan of going to bars, add in the barely having any friends here situation and there really only leaves one place to find people; dating apps.
I am no stranger to these apps. I use 3 in particular. Each of these has its own reputation, after listening to what other women have said, Tinder is a great app to meet up quickly and get laid. Hinge an app to meet a potential significant other. Bumble is a mix between the two, I am still undecided on if I even like this app. I have met people from all 3 apps and feel like I am almost ready to give up on dating and really settle into my spinster cat lady status.
Up until the beginning of this month ( the month I turned 31), I was cooling down on dating apps. You might say the nerves of being 31 and alone crept up on me, but I logged on and tried my luck again. I updated my profiles and decided to start the swiping game. I matched quickly with people on each app and decided I would give 4 guys chances. Dwindling down my choices was strategic, I went with two guys that were not my usual type, one that I thought might be out of my league, and one guy that I was definitely my type. I did keep talking to some randoms, just in case.
Immediately, I found the two guys that were not my type. We matched and they were very active in talking to me. One I met up with and after our dinner, I unmatched and gave him an “I'm sorry, I'm not interested” text. The next guy was actually sweet. We went out a couple of times, but after a few hangouts, he started showing controlling vibes, which I’m not here for so I let him know my thought and have been slowly ceasing communications. I won't lie, because I myself am a bit strange and unusual, I thought maybe I would end up with someone super, not my type and maybe opposite than me. One was from Tinder and the other from Bumble.
The man that I thought was out of my league, was not, he was just pretty. This guy was actually a jerk. I knew from the moment I sat down for brunch, I was never going to be speaking to him again. This guy knew the right things to say via text, but his IRL personality sucked and he was rude to the waitresses so, hard pass. I met this guy off Hinge.
This brings us to the last guy, coincidentally the guy I decided to ask out on a last-minute date after I found out some good work news and wanted to go for a beer. This was the only guy I didn't do a hardcore CIA deep-dive into. I decided I would meet him at the brewery down the road, where I personally know a lot of the people who work there. So if anything weird happened I knew I’d be safe. This guy is a charmer. He is not only funny and good-looking but down to earth. Not sure why I didn't start with him- haha. BUT here is where the issues come, dating in the 21st century as someone with anxiety is BRUTAL. We had a great date, it went on past the brewery and into dinner and music bingo. Now two days later, I’m being that weirdo sitting by the phone wondering if our last communication ( this morning) would be our forever last messages.
Ghosting is single-handedly ( in my eyes) the most terrifying action that has happened in dating. If you’re new to dating right now, here is a quick update: Ghosting, also known as simmering or icing, is a colloquial term which describes the practice of ending all communication and contact with another person without any apparent warning or justification and subsequently ignoring any attempts to reach out or communication made by said person. Or could it be that he is also just casually dating others? Or did it not go as well as I thought… see what I mean, dating sucks. Another part of this that is brutal is that I dont have many girlfriends, so I dont really have many people to talk to about this.
There seems to be a list of no-nos/advice when it comes to dating that I’ve come to learn from girl groups on Facebook.
If you message first in the morning, let the other person message you first after any type of break in communication.
Dont message first more than two times in a row.
Dont message too fast after a long break in communication ( 1+ hours).
If they respond with a singular emoji, it could be a sign that they aren't into you.
Going over this list, I am trying to follow it, since it's something I've never followed before. SO far it has me anxious and hoping he messages me back. So anxious, that I decided I’d start blogging again.
To anyone else sitting in the same boat as me right now, I wish you luck and hope it works out.
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