Diary Of A Shit Mother

What do you get when you combine a 26 year old, bipolar, neurospicy, single mumma with an eccentric 9 year old.

[diaryofashitmother]

Just watched Tarzan with my son. As Jane emerges from the water at the end he exclaims

"How is her eyeshadow still on if she got wet?"

Great question buddy.

[diaryofashitmother]

Wow 5 years later and I've just remembered this account. Maybe I'll do a post and forget for another 5 years.

[diaryofashitmother]

My sons favourite present this year... a cardboard box and the apple and orange in his stocking. 

It’s the simple things.

[diaryofashitmother]

Each morning my son an I have a conversation about what we want to be today, a boy or a girl.

Each day he decides, sometimes boy, sometimes girl, sometimes both (a goy as he calls it) and sometimes neither. 

Today he is a goy lion.

I’m ok with that.

[diaryofashitmother]

The Mountain Goats - This Year

Everyone suddenly discovering this song and saying it sums up their 2020. 

This song is my anthem every fucking year.

[diaryofashitmother]

My car broke down again, the laptop is hanging together with tape as i try and write my dissertation, i can’t pay the rent and we only have cereal left. 

[diaryofashitmother]

Got mum-shamed again for not letting my son have sweets or chocolate. 

He thinks raisins are sweets and a carrot is a treat. Get over it Shelly. 

[diaryofashitmother]

A girl asked my son why he was wearing a girls dress. He replied it was actually a boys dress.

Since when did clothes have a gender.

[diaryofashitmother]

I was moaning about having wet feet. 

My 4 year old said he told me to wear my wellies and i didn’t listen. 

Parents need parenting.

[diaryofashitmother]

I never lied this much before I became a parent.

Where has the food gone - the fairies ate it.

Why did you say shit - because god said I could

Why can't i eat sweets - because you're allergic

What type if cloud is that - a fluffinelingo cloud

[diaryofashitmother]

I slept with someone for money so I could afford to buy my son a christmas present.

Everyone else is getting something homemade this year.

[diaryofashitmother]

son: why do people die

- shit ok lets keep this simple -

me: ok well sometimes people’s bodies stop working and they die. It’s ok though, they’ve often had good lives and they’re often ready to leave.

son: So... do they put they’re shoes on before they go.

My son now thinks people be saying bye bye, popping they’re shoes on and jumping in a box.

[diaryofashitmother]

I told my son the fairies ate the last hot cross bun. He hasn’t found my wings yet.

[diaryofashitmother]

Toilet paper all over the kitchen. My son blames the cat. they are both looking at me. They both look guilty.  I walk away and lock myself in the bathroom. Ten minutes later i realise there is no toilet paper.

[diaryofashitmother]

I let my son wear a dress to school today. He was beaming in amongst the purple and the unicorns. I pray none of the other kids say anything mean. I don’t want him to lose his sweet innocence. My neighbour still thinks he’s a girl. When i’m around to defend him i don’t worry. It’s when i can’t be there to stand up for his freedom that i panic.