Day Plus Day Plus Day

One diary entry at a time. It's my way of keeping track of all the things that keep my life muddled and unclear. Keep checking up, remain confused.

[diaryofdisoriented]

the country girl in a romance of lights

She was so entranced by the cities. She searched and searched in those lights. Her soul blinking in each gleam off the mismatched buildings. It was her inquisitive nature, and uncontainable love for the shiny and bright. As unwavering as her curiosity was it was her fear and excitement for the unknown that drew her to this other world. Lights, noise and movement was so far from her personality, albeit exactly what she could only dream for herself to emulate. She was entranced by the movement, and flow of the system. For hours her brain could dip in and out of passing lives trying just so slightly to peer into the monotony of another. She lost herself in the hustle and bustle. It was anonymity in herself finally camouflaged around her. Searching always for a place she could fit into it was far from the perfect fit. What the city did for her was an easy trade for the real thing. Finding her place would not happen here but with so many lives to lose herself into she could pretend she did fit in. Painting herself into the background of her life was as close to finding her place she could hope to end up with anymore.

[diaryofdisoriented]

I like things that are round I like to talk a lot I love it when we get to talk I'd love you even if I couldn't walk I'd never tell you It's funny I love you more than talking But talk and say I love you I will not

This is silly

[diaryofdisoriented]

You’ve got me in moments that feel like daydreams when they’re gonna become my night lights.

[blaisetravis]

[diaryofdisoriented]

Drip away Like the seconds it takes Like the lives we live

March 14th // 1:45am We're under the same stars, aren't we?

[diaryofdisoriented]

I feel like I'm back to my old ways. I feel like I'm the same person I was months ago, and if that had been the end goal this whole time, to stay the same, why did I not end it then.

[diaryofdisoriented]

You said you wanted to Know. You pleaded and Groaned. Talking past the moons bed Time. Not even the rooster could Interrupt. Here I was to Think. Did you really want me to Speak?

March 14th // 1:15am. Remember the night you wanted me to tell you everything, remember how you wanted to know me..

[diaryofdisoriented]

Sometimes I feel so surrounded, and supported. Sometimes I feel the love from hundreds of miles away. Sometimes I ache for that other place and sometimes the life I had and almost have feel closer than the one I live everyday. It is still not enough though for me to ignore the days when I can't feel any of it.

[diaryofdisoriented]

It's important to me that no one gets close to me. Gets to know me.

[diaryofdisoriented]

I didn't talk to you for 5 days. So I started talking to him. He opened my mind and pulled me in. I let him in without thinking of you. He didn't acknowledge me in public. I cheated on you with him. My hair isn't purple anymore. I'm in the middle of a love triangle.

January 24th // what's wrong?

[diaryofdisoriented]

My feelings don't matter when there's always ways to help another.

I heard from you. It was good as new, back to the old and on to the future. Me and you, for better when it's not worse. Shit happens now and then though, people go for different shows. Where does he fit in, now that you're center frame. Where are we in this? And where will my story end? I live to take the pain away from anyone who needs saved.

[wnq-writers]

No one understands me when I explain to them whatʻs wrong, I just end up sounding weak and stupid.

ex-istential-crisis  (via wnq-writers)

[diaryofdisoriented]

I started getting less sleep. And I realized it was to soak in every waking second of reality that I could Because a moment held possibilities so endless And just the chance to see you made me tense with anticipation How could I possibly let that slip

January 24th // 4:18am I told myself to end it. Then you said come over.

[diaryofdisoriented]

The sun went down and you came over. We stayed up and there was more than kissing in the air. I thought cigarettes made my head spin just the right amount but you spoke to me like your words could run a factory. You begged and pleaded in a way that wasn't anything like that. You were persistent and careful and in the end two cups lay knocked over. I never knew anything could be like that. I never knew my mind had a mirror and I never thought I would find anything like you. This world I've stumbled into blind and dark, keeps me hopeful with lights all around. A city of possibilities just waiting for me to find. You gave me clarity and comfort in just one shadow of a day. You came in and left and went on your way. The sun came up and it always does. But now I feel the rising light is too bright and in disguise sets instead on what you showed me. You said you didn't want to be my light. Couldn't you tell I was meant to stay in the dark anyway?

[diaryofdisoriented]

The stars are on the ground in the city Got me thinking bout a double life in the sky.

January 15 // 12:16am

[diaryofdisoriented]

You & You

Going back and forth and in between. From you to him and you and me. Where did he leave off and you begin. Hand in hand our stories end. Could both of you in separate ways Be the reason you are the same. You each hold both my heart My love my only Split in two. But one is left The ghost is you.

[diaryofdisoriented]

I don't wanna be weak. And I don't wanna be wrong. You make every thing a second guess and every turn a hidden chest. I don't want this confusion, or this insecurity. I don't want any thoughts over powering my light. I don't want to have to remind myself why I fight. I don't want to be the only one caring, like this. I never wanted to go this many rounds with you. I never wanted to be your secret, or your lover in disguise. I never wanted low key, with you. I just wanted you. I just wanted you and now it all feels wrong.

January 12 2015 // 11:30pm You said you'd text me.