well happy birthday bitch @diddle-that-bass - Tumblr Blog

rusya-pics

Priority: Palaven | Mass Effect 3

leafy-yezi

Forgot this one

yeahponcho

please excuse my grandpa in the background but here’s poncho enjoying her thanksgiving superworms

mineapple

i will NOT excuse your grandpa he is INTEGRAL to my enjoyment of this video

saltrat88

killin-the-machine

These people went from lifting chips to pulling off some action movie shit

summer-rose-isms

Chaotic good

spookyceeblathers

did I ever tell you guys how I lost the most overtly religious friend I’ve ever had because she insisted I was hellbound over a pair of jeans

spookyceeblathers

apparently not by your reactions SO let’s talk about emily

emily was catholic and found it really, really important that you knew that

she was discrete for the most part (sign of the cross before meals and blushing when the lord’s name was said in vain sorts of things) but she had a habit of berating people for politely declining her invitations to her church services and was sort of a pain in the ass about it at times but that’s beside the point

we were friends for about two and a half years

and then she borrowed a pair of my jeans.

now these jeans

were not just any pair of jeans

they were lucky brand jeans and the nicest jeans I owned at the time, but I was always cool with letting people borrow things when they really needed them

so this fateful day rolls around and emily is freaking out because she tore her skirt (as in straight up the back, mortifyingly torn) while we were out for coffee waiting for her other friend to pick her up because she was going on a weekend trip with this other friend’s (even more religious) family and her only other option was a pair of starchy pants that would absolutely suck to sit comfortably in for a five hour drive

so I do what any good friend would do and give her the extra pair of jeans I have in my car

which are my luckys

now I didn’t think anything of it and just assumed I’d done a great service here right

but flash forward three days

and she comes back

and doesn’t say

anything

just hands me the jeans

pivots

and walks away

so naturally I’m like??????????

so she proceeds to send me a text the next day saying that I made her look horrible to her friend’s mom because she nicely offered to wash the jeans before returning them and that’s right around the time I remember that Lucky brand jeans have a lovely little note on the fly

they look like this

and then you unzip them and

so that’s the story of how my catholic friend stopped talking to me because I accidentally tainted her social life with my subtle sexual vicious trollop jeans

admiral-world

That is both terrible, and absolutely fucking hilarious

emjineer

So my boss once robbed a museum to prove a point and honestly, I think she is my new role model.

emjineer

If this gets notes I’ll tell the full story

marry-and-mirthful

Storu

emjineer

Many years ago, my boss was working at this museum and they had these original Churchill documents on display. These documents are worth millions of dollars… The only thing separating the public from these documents was a sheet of glass secured with 4 philips head screws. Seriously. No security guards in the room, no cameras, just an easily removable piece of glass.

My boss pointed out the security concern, but she wasn’t taken seriously, so she took matters into her own hands.

She bought a ticket and pretended to be a guest. She entered through the main entrance with a huge drill clearly visible on her belt, went straight to the documents and opened the case with the drill. (While wearing gloves,) she removed the documents, put them in a folder, reattached the glass, and walked out the main exit. Literally no one even questioned her.

She immediately went around to the back of the museum, entered using the staff entrance and went straight to her boss’s office. She dropped the folder on his desk and said “I just stole these in 15 minutes“

Once he was done being mad at her, he listened and the museum increased security.