Deep Feminine Pocket

Bellevue College Student

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

It was probably nothing but it felt like the world.

Morrissey, The Smiths

Morrissey feels more than you do. 

(via approachingsignificance)

Every little thing counts.

[dinmanthoughts]

Last, but not the least. Entry 6 (ENG201)

My research topic about the rise of the female breadwinners is not something that I intended to be biased on the women’s side. It focuses on both its effects on men and women. Perhaps, Dukes was right, that there are female breadwinners because men have been slacking, there are a lot of abandoned single-mothers, or women’s husbands are either disabled or just not able to get a good job that can match the woman’s pay. However, those are just examples of the negative sides of it. I wanted to show people that there are good things about it, too. I did not agree that men are supposed to be judged when they become incapable of providing for their family, or when they are being judged, because wives have out earned them, but people should be proud and happy that women are finally able to be seen as citizens who can actually move freely, think on their own, and be able to support themselves. Women were often thought of as weak-bodied creatures who weren’t as smart as men, but even people’s IQs differ regardless of their sex. Man or woman—both are humans with equal rights and privileges. I wanted people to know that we can be open to different types of changes in life, if we just let ourselves open up to it. There’s nothing wrong with accepting that a lot of women are able to finish college, which also results to a reason to become a female breadwinner. It is a good thing: it shows perseverance, responsibility, motivation, and direction. Instead of comparing female breadwinners to the traditional wives and forms of relationships, and all of the negatives views of people, I think that we are supposed to see them as role models. A reason or hope that we can all do the same, or achieve the same or even higher, regardless if you’re a man or a woman.

[dinmanthoughts]

Why this topic? Entry 5 (ENG201)

My mom is a single parent, so I was basically raised by my grandparents in the Philippines, prior to my move to the US about a couple of years ago; they raised me according to their views, which is traditional and conservative in pretty much everything that they do. The way I was taught was in a way that life is a step-by-step pattern when entering and finishing its different stages. For instance, essentially, I will have to focus in school, because it is my primary job; I will graduate with a Bachelor’s Degree, because it will help me get a good paying job; After, I will meet a man and settle down with him, if he’s the one; we will have to start a family, and raise kids the way they did. What were the characteristics of a good man to marry? They would say that someone who is able to support me not only emotionally, but also financially. Besides the fact that a guy is treating a woman with respect and integrity, providing for her and their children is one of the most important things.

It is very conservative and traditional in the Philippines, so when I immigrated to the US, it was a bit of a bold from the blue to me. Everything was different—the weather, the way people dressed and acted, and part of it were how students work and go to school at the same time, and how a lot of people that were my age had kids already as a result of an unprotected premarital intercourse. I have observed how competitive people were, and a lot of inequalities in between genders were highlighted. It made me become defensive to myself, I thought that people don’t often expect anything from women, but I thought that I can do anything even what people think that only men could do. I thought I could handle school and work at the same time; I was so motivated that even though I was raised differently, I was always willing to learn new things and have been very adaptable to change. I noticed that couples in a relationship were also different in here. In some, the man acts superior to the woman, and in some, the woman acts superior to the man. I thought, “Well, okay. I want an equal relationship with my future man”, but then, I met an acquaintance back when I was working as a barista, who has been suffering from many different judgments, because his wife’s family and friends don’t think that she deserves a man who can’t provide more than she does to their family. Why? Because apparently, as the society dictates, the man has to be the primary breadwinner in every family.

From then on, I have become obsessed with figuring out why a lot of people see things that way; even my boyfriend is somewhat paranoid about our future, because he thinks that he should get a better paying job so he can prove to my family that he can support me, not that it really matters to my family. I personally don’t think that it matters who contributes more (financially) in a relationship, I can be a breadwinner and I personally won’t allow people to hurt my family with their subtle and loud judgments. It made me become really interested to the wage inequality between genders, because it is a big crisis that is often goes unnoticed but it’s actually something that hits a lot of people on a daily basis (through people’s judgments). To me, men and women are worth the same and nobody should be a judge on what a person deserves or should be doing. We all live our own lives, which we should be putting our focus on, instead of aiming it towards other people’s businesses; and men who are degraded first-hand do not deserve to be treated that way, I don’t think that they lose their “balls” when they make less money, as soon as they are actually “trying” to contribute anything at all for the family’s advancement, that’s what should matter the most.

[dinmanthoughts]

The Survey (Entry 4)

My survey basically focuses on the question that asks who makes more in the person’s current household—is it the man or the woman? It’s one of the most important answers that I needed for my research paper, on top of the ones that ask for their views and perspective regarding women with deeper pockets than their men.

[dinmanthoughts]

ENG201 - Entry 3

At first, I was thinking of interviewing random couples that I will be able to spot in certain places, but due to the lack of time—because I am also working a double job on top of school—I thought that sending out surveys to people will be more accessible. I was quite anxious that people might not take time to take it, but fortunately, at least 24 out of 35 people I sent the survey to delightfully responded and helped me on my survey fieldwork. 

One of the most interesting research findings that I was able to obtain was an article written by Duke Selwyn, titled “Rise in Female Breadwinners Mean that America is a Loser”. Although I do not completely agree with him, he has a lot of points on his article that were actually true to a lot of people’s current situation and way of living. This article was a perfect contrast to my paper, because it contains a lot of cons about my topic, which satisfies the other side of the fence—leaving people thinking and deciding freely on what is true to them, and what they agree on. He claims that the rise in the female breadwinners is not a good outcome, because its causes are mothers that work hard on their own, because they are single; that a lot of fathers are either jobless, disabled, or irresponsible; and etc.

[dinmanthoughts]

Roadmap to my Final Topic (ENG201-Entry 2)

At first, I essentially wanted to research on how women are treated in the society, and why it is happening, however, after doing a lot of research; I found it too broad to be able to find any specific focus in it. On my counterargument essay, I was more focused on not only the rise of the female breadwinners in America alone, but also the reactions and emotional encounters of men who experience incapability on providing for his family. The first essay was still a bit broad, and my focus was not very clear. It was also hard to find really good quotations that will be able to answer the questions that I have in mind, and credible sources that I personally trust. I started off looking at academic and peer reviewed articles using the Bellevue College library access, and was able to find a couple that I completely agree into. The first one was “Money in the Middle” by Tamala Edwards; the article focused on a story of a woman who was really ambitious and very driven to achieve more in life. She had found a man who works as a bouncer in a club, and was very satisfied at what he was doing. The way I interpreted it, it seemed like they were pulling each other to each side’s beliefs: the woman was encouraging the man to aim higher on his educational attainment, and the man was forcing the woman to quit being too ambitious and be satisfied at where they already are in life. Of course, the clashing of beliefs ended the three long years of relationship. It made me more interested on my topic, and kind of helped me find my focus. I started going for the financial contributions issues that couples experience, with a focus on married couples in America.

Another interesting research study that I found was titled “The power of money in dual-earner couples: A comparative study”: this one was a bit broad as it focuses on different countries as well, comparing the cultural differences in different areas in the globe in terms of financial contribution in a relationship. In this article, I learned that in some countries, majority of married couples see their money as something that they both possess—something that they share or are joint—however, in some specific countries, couples see their earnings separately so they can keep track of what is personally theirs and how much they have contributed in the relationship. I personally do not agree with the latter, as I see it as “keeping score” in the relationship, when people essentially vow to be one in everything that they do when they jump into marriage. I was really interested with the article, and was eager to use it on my paper, however, I thought that it could send my focus into a different direction; so at the end, I decided to take it out. It was still a good learning experience for me, though. After the many different academic researches, I decided to try out researching things that most people have access to: magazines. I found a really interesting and educating article from the Elle Magazine, written by Laurie Abraham: “Women: The New Breadwinners”. The article contained factual information and statistics regarding the previous and current percentage of women breadwinners in United States alone. Also, this article is where I had gathered that the probable reason why women are becoming the primary breadwinners is due to their higher educational attainment.

From the very general topic about the inequality of men and women, after quite a long time of reading many different articles, and weighing down the ones that I agree to the most and the ones that will help me find or be able to come up with a very focused essay, I ended up with a more detailed and precise thesis for my synthesis essay: The rise of the number of female breadwinners, due to their higher educational attainment, is a very positive outcome from great efforts of hard work; however, when the man doesn’t earn more than his wife, majority of the people in the society would see it as a reduction of his will trying to be “the man” in the family. My newly formed and developed thesis, in my opinion, satisfies both my beliefs and voice in my essay. Somehow, I feel like I was able to combine both my first draft and my final synthesis draft. On my final synthesis essay, I was able to provide evidences from the articles that I have used as resources, and the survey that I had posted online. I was able to gather a lot of interesting yet very helpful input from 24 different people, both men and women. Perhaps, a few more credible sources will help me be able to polish my Final Research Paper.

[dinmanthoughts]

Who Brings Home the Bacon

Trying to come up with a really interesting and good research topic is quite difficult; there are too many riveting things to talk about. The first three major and serious topics that I thought of were about: Sexism, the stress of a working student, and Filipino immigration--these weren't the most interesting topics to talk about, but there are a lot of serious matters that people need to learn about them.

When I finally decided which one to pick, I chose the topic about sexism. It was hard to narrow it down into something more direct and precise; it was too broad and I found every bit of its subtopics really interesting. After long hours of collecting my thoughts and trying to figure out what topic really interests me, I have decided to focus on the "Female Breadwinners".

A lot of people are not aware of the continuously growing number of female breadwinners. I, myself, wasn't aware until I met a friend who was, at that time, suffering from negative judgments and criticisms from other people and his wife's family due to the fact that his wife makes thrice as much as he does. Essentially, my working thesis became "When the man doesn't earn more than his wife, majority of the people in the society would see it as a reduction of his will trying to be the man." Most people don't realize how big this topic really is unless they are experiencing it first-hand. From what I have observed in a lot of cultures, it is typically the man's job to support his family financially; so when a man does not meet this expectation, it is often expected for some families to object with the man-woman's relationship, or the media to have a lot to say about the relationship's lack of proportion.

After a lot of coffee shop stops and research, I found out that according to the Bureau of Labor and Statistics in 2009, there were already a good 40% of women who has deeper pockets or earn a bigger salary than their husband. I couldn't believe it at first, but it was indeed shocking. Men are known to stereotypically earn more salary than women, and often seen as superior to women, so it was really fascinating to find out that those beliefs are not positively true anymore. In my opinion, it should not matter who makes more money, or who brings the food on the table, however, in the society that is not how things often work. Also, along with my other findings, I have gathered that the society's problem that I am trying to write about depends on a couple's geographical location. In some certain countries, people are firm on keeping count of their money contribution in their relationship while maintaining separate bank accounts even though they have decided to settle down as one when they got married; while in some countries, people tend to open joint accounts wherein they see their separate earnings as one or something that they both possess.

There are a lot of different findings as to how women started out-earning their husbands: one of them is educational attainment. According to a lot of researches that I have collected, and the Elle Magazine article that I have attached to this blog, a larger number of women nowadays achieve a Bachelor's and Master's degree with specific fields of focus compared to men. College degree is indeed important. A lot of opportunities do not even open to some people who have not had at least an Associates degree. For instance, my boyfriend, who recently just graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Business Management was able to qualify for a managerial position at a bank--even without any experience in the banking field or managing employees--while his friend, who did not go to any College after he finished high school but had at least a couple of years of retail sales and managing position, and half a year as a Teller at a bank did not even qualify for an interview.

I am still uncertain on what initially started the issue regarding gender wage inequality, or when it had started. However, I believe that what other people say should not matter more that someone's relationship with another person. At the end of the day, our lives will always be a choice that we make; if a couple's love is deep and unconditional enough, they should be able to choose to fall for each other everyday without worrying too much on who makes more money in the relationship, and what other people has to say about their relationship. It is their relationship, not the outsiders'.