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Today's Document
YOU ARE THE REASON
Sweet Seals For You, Always
bliss lane
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@dipschnugget-the-piss-goblin
vader: who tore the warning sign off of this wampa cage?? storm trooper: security footage shows it was removed by a golden protocol droid vader: LOL
Vader in RotJ: wait the Alderaan princess is my daughter?? donāt know how to feel about that.
Luke: she strangled Jabba the Hutt to death with a chain.
Vader: OH HELL YEAH
why would you hide this in the tags thatās hilarious
i had a fever dream about hrt gummies
[tip me im broke lol]
"Do you wish your vacheena was a peeNis or geegnis is vagengi. Want big boober or tiddied explode of [reverberating] fuck."
"Introducing H R T. Destosteroast. Estrager. Whendsforiain't forya."
i can tell iām sleep deprived bc i just made myself cry about tutankhamun and i have, like, negative interest in the kid
have now made the rest of the discord cry about this little boy who had multi-coloured ducks sewn onto a tunic that he loved so much he wore it to a Very Important Event because he was EIGHT and have you SEEN my DUCKS
sorry no iām not done iām gonna make you all cry some more iām bringing you down with me
there was once a little boy.
he is born disabled. his body hurts, and he canāt walk properly the way the other children do. he doesnāt understand why. heās a little boy. but he plays with wooden boats and pulls toys on a string.
somebody makes him a tunic. they sew ducks onto it in red and green and yellow and blue. the bright colours of a child.
the little boy is eight years old, and heās going to be king now. thereās a big ceremony about it. he doesnāt really fully understand whatās going on, because heās eight, but he wears the tunic with the brightly coloured ducks for the occasion because he loves it. look at his ducks! arenāt they great?
he is a child. the adults around him manipulate and coax him to gain more power for themselves. he still plays with toys.
as a teenager, not yet an adult, he fathers children. they do not survive. heās not even old enough to have full agency in his job and is still being manipulated, but he had babies and they died.
he does not make it to his twenties. at eighteen or nineteen years old he dies, and is buried. his babies, so tiny, are buried with him.
and so is his tunic with the little ducks that he loved so much he kept it long after it no longer fit.
there was once a little boy.
yeah i think that like. especially with historical figures in your mind people who were kings and queens or important nobles were adults. even if you know how old they were it doesnāt really click. it doesnāt seem real
but then you get something like a little tunic with brightly coloured ducks on it and it hits you like a fucking truck that this really was a little kid and no matter how far removed you are a little kid is still a little kid. their brains didnāt develop any quicker back then. he was just as developed/mature mentally as any 8 year old now. he had cartoonish animals on his clothes and he played with toy boats and probably terrorised the local cat population.
tutankhamun was a child and he didnāt make it to adulthood because he was unfortunate enough to be a very important child
his dad died when he was 8. he saw his own babies die when he was still just a boy himself.
but he had brightly coloured little ducks on his favourite shirt, and he kept it.
and he did not just keep the duckie shirt either
tutankhamun had a little pair of sandals with ducks on them. he had earrings decorated with ducks. he kept those, and other items of childhood clothing. some toys. keepsakes. things he loved, and treasured. he kept them all in a little wooden chest. the chestā¦ was carved with ducks.
and that little duck chest, filled with things he kept from his childhood, was buried with him. maybe he was keeping them for the little babies who did not make it. maybe they just reminded him of good days and fun times.
but he was a little boy who thought ducks were just the best
WITH PLEASURE
(greyscale makes it hard but the duck head is on the right above the toe strap. always takes me a while to find it too)
Ok but this is how to teach history. This is how you get people to pay attention, to care. Find something small and make it personal, then zoom out to the wider context. History is best taught as a story, with people who lived their lives in ways that came together to create something remarkable that we still talk about today, but who were still just human at the end of the day. They kissed, argued, cried, and dreamed just like we do. And sometimes they really liked ducks.
Youāre mommyās bad little jaywalker, arenāt you?go ahead, walk across the street without using a crosswalk. Wouldnāt you like to cross the street when thereās not enough time left on the walking signal? š
Itās so infuriating that teen smoking rates were at an all time low in the US and we were on track to basically eradicate smoking and nicotine addiction in teens like it was flat out uncool to smoke and then They came out with nicotine injector flash drives that light up and taste like cotton candy. And have lead in them.
On this day twenty years ago, Rose Tyler tried to find out more about the mysterious man known as the Doctor by googling "doctor". Iconic shit.
this person sitting dead center for M3gan 2.0 at 11 am tomorrow is the only true cinephile
This is so fucking funny
ranking the best things I have heard surgeons say mid-surgery:
1. "Five second rule!" while scrubbed, after dropping a sterile scalpel on the floor (no they did NOT pick it up again but I swear everyone's buttholes puckered)
2. (spoken during the closing of a particularly long and difficult case) "Nurse - my tunes." :heavy metal starts blasting:
3. Gently to a fretful patient, pre-anaesthesia: "It's going to be okay. I promise, I've dealt with worse." As soon as the patient is unconscious: "This is literally the worst thing I've ever seen."
4. [okay this one was a med student] "Wowwww, that's so gross!!" Reg: "Please remember that [patient] is awake for this procedure." Student to patient: "Oh my god. I am so sorry, that was really unprofessional - " Patient, cheerfully, also engrossed with what's happening inside them on the screen: "Nah - it's, like, super gross, right?"
5. [another procedure where the patient couldn't be put under GA] Patient: *starts singing country roads midway through the procedure* Surgeon: *shrugs and joins in with surprisingly good harmony*
okay okay there's more
6. Elderly surgeon to the anaesthetist who is gossipping with their reg: "I need you to pretend you're in church." [weirdest way to ask people to be quiet, but whatevs]
Anaethetist's new reg with big, horrified eyes: "You mean we should start praying???"
7. Panicking rad tech: "Uhhhh my machine broke. I need to jump on this part and kick it, but I am not paid enough if I break it. Can you - "
Surgeon, casual as: "Yeah, sure."
:violently beats up the C-arm until it starts pumping out those sweet, sweet x-rays:
8. ODP to theatre assistant: "Saw the new tasche earlier. Suits you."
Theatre assistant: "Thanks! it grew on me :)"
Surgeon, pleadingly, within accidental snipping distance of the patient's spinal cord: "Guys, do NOT make me laugh."
OH MY GOD I FORGOT -
9. Surgeon using the electrocauter, leaning over the incision and inhaling deeply: mmmmm, that smell always gets me hungry. I'm having barbeque tonight.
New med student: š
and the classique:
Spinal surgeon: hey, that scoli's getting bad. want me to fix it for ya?
Me: I mean. There's a pretty long wait list
Spinal surgeon: yeah but I could do it tonight
Me: that would be very illegal, Jeff
Spinal surgeon: only if they catch me
WHAT!!!!
No
They can leap 36 feet
As in leap forward 36 feet
They donāt jump 36 feet into the fucking sky do you know how terrifying that would be the human race wouldnāt have survived because weād have all had heart attacks while still in Africa
#death from above
this post makes me cry every single damn time
This is one of those legendary posts thatās been around since I first made a Tumblr. When I didnāt have access to my Tumblr for a few years I would sometimes reference this post. Iconic lol
die french
die english
the hundred years warĀ
poshmark rules
The ability to turn reblogs off has really added a new dimension to shitty posts
woke up at 6 to feed the cats and blearily made sure to jot down the "genius post" rattling around in my skull so i wouldnt forget
I... DONT... LIKE... CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [MY TELEKINESIS THROWS EVERYTHING ACROSS THE ROOM] [I SEE MY ITEMS STREWN ABOUT THE ROOM AND GET EVEN MORE UPSET]
It will get cold again eventually. The summer will not last forever. Iām not doomed to live in this unbearable heat for all eternity. <- said while gripping the countertop so hard that the tile is starting to crack
