Send My Muse a Text: TFLN and somewhat NSFW Edition Part One
[text] I can’t help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
[text] I would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
[text] I’m a gentlemen, chivalry is what I do. I’ll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, I’ll even go down first, but when it comes to Mario Kart, I draw the line. I’m sorry but i just can’t let you beat me at Mario Kart.
[text] The ticket read “Found nude in a tree”
[text] My biography would be titled ‘Haunting Truths and Dick Jokes: A Tale of Love, Loss and Masturbation’
[text] I feel like cursing someone’s firstborn child right now. Like, I wanna Maleficent some bitch.
[text] That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling ‘Oh God’ and you said: “You’re going to need him after this.”
[text] Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
[text] Frankly, since I met you I practically live in a constant state of readiness for sex.
[text] We’re the best kind of worst people.
[text] Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them.
[text] My only options right now are herpes, gay or vanilla.
[text] I may not go down in history, but I will definitely go down on your little sister.
[text] Can we please take bets on how much therapy you’ll need in the future?
[text] You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likeable bad influence I’ve ever met.
[text] My life is a requiem composed in the key of ‘fuck’.
[text] Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
[text] If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of ‘fuck you’.
turnnoffyourmind
discoholicmusic
gracieabrams
origamiaround
jimmyeatworldofficial
stormborns
