&. kedravs ·:
blood that in its insistence of reds , blackens the flesh: layer upon layer of this , which is violence , and silence , and death. it could be a chapter of bodies—————— her body and the empty body , flaccid and grey , meeting in a kiss. i see such irony in details , that violence could end at the edge of a woman's lips. a mouth upon a throat , and a vein that unbuttons itself slowly , spreading red. i see it , and i see her , and i am unmoved. these sensibilities were becoming problematic. i want to feel again. & she speaks , and my hollowed self shivers , as it remembers an unoccupied space that burns like a wound. i learn to appreciate the bareness of my own flesh under the blade of grief. i remember she used to sit on my sister’s bed in her cotton camisole. she was a child , she is rage , and i am unmoved. ❛ then walk faster , vervaat , if you want to catch a meal. or myself. ❜ this is my head turning in rigid gestures , as sharp as knives. i look at her in her dark little eyes , but i do not smile. ❛ i thought you were in america. ❜
death and the maiden , or , rather , the maiden and death : she carries it with every movement of her body , the very core of her soul carrying its endless possibilities ------ the sharpness of her teeth , the strength of her body : who would have thought , such delicate hands as her own would be eternally stained , scarlet even after washed? there is a choice , and a morality , and she holds them truthful as a mechanism of survival : they are paying for crimes they have committed. i payed for crimes that were not my own. i was punished for crimes that were no crimes at all.
she looks at ambrose and she sees herself , in the manner which apathy has taken a hold , in the manner which the void grows , and eats at you , and takes over. she looks at ambrose and she sees herself , and she does not , all at once : she considers herself living a double - life : one real -- here , among all this red ; one fake -- in america , sheltered by the warmth of ilvermony’s walls. where is ambrose’s life? where is ambrose at all , the man she once recalled from nights upon nights spent at his place? she is not one to judge , not as the void eats at the edges of itself , and grows , and grows , and grows . ❛ and here i thought you would have missed me. ❜ a beat , as the body drops , as she moves once again , as she tilts her head to the side. ❛ i was. i am. let us settle with i had business around this side. i’m certain you’d understand. ❜ let’s just settle with i have a hunger inside of me and no amount of blood will ever satiate her.
