The mindless musings of a self-saboteur.

[firawren]

Mr. Bennet: Sure, I haven't taken care of my daughters' financial security, but have I at least taken care of their education? No. But have I taken care of their emotional needs? Also no. But have I been a good protector and supervisor? I'm afraid not. However, have I been a good example for my children of being a kind and respectful spouse, parent, and all around human being? No again. But through it all, have I nailed being funny? Yes. And isn't that the most important role of a father after all?

[vethyourhalflingmother]

my biology professor has such a chaotic energy about him, last week i went to his office hours and somehow we ended up on the topic of gay marriage:

he said that when he lived in texas they changed the law to define marriage as “between a man and a woman in a house of religious worship with the intention to have children” so he filed his taxes as single and when they called him up like “you filed married last year” he was like “you changed the law, i was married by a judge in a courthouse and i have no intention of having kids” and they told him “you know who that law was for” and i guess he hung up on them and did not, in fact, pay taxes as a married man that year

[fromwolfsandgods]

Chaotic good

[swordshapedleaves]

NO! This is Lawful Good! He is following the LAW! Chaotic doesn’t just mean cheeky!

[dragkingandreweldritch]

this is like how Sweden stopped classifying homosexuality as an illness because people started a campaign of calling in gay to work

malicious compliance is one of the best tools in the arsenal of civil rights activism

[dracogotgame]

Always reblog for malicious compliance

[findingfeather]

sometimes following the letter of the law works even better than ignoring it.

[ltleflrt]

In Utah the new book banning laws apply to the bible, and there’s already someone petitioning to get it removed from schools and libraries.

[hulking-godless-child-beast]

I hope no English teacher ever puts up with “banning pronouns” for even a moment

[gehayi]

Update: The Utah book ban has, in fact, resulted in the Bible being banned in elementary and middle schools in Davis County, and high schoolers now only have limited access to the King James Version, due to “vulgarity and violence.” 

Now the Book of Mormon is under consideration for a ban as well. The parent who complained said that it was very violent.

[horse-immorality-deactivated202]

Travis really has me in a tight spot because if Chetney ever dies due to a random dice roll started as a bit I would be genuinely crushed and feel a gaping hole in the party left behind but ALSO it would be the funniest shit that's ever happened in 8 years of Critical Role. Hall of Fame goof.

[horse-immorality-deactivated202]

Like imagine the three perma-dead PCs of CR:

Vax'ildan - Disintegrated and forced to fulfill a life debt to a death god made in exchange for his sisters safety

Mollymauk - Simply in the wrong place at the wrong time (in game and above table), re-animated as an evil power hungry villain and then re-re-animated as someone almost entirely new

Chetney- honk shoo'd too hard may he rest in peace 😔

[otterlyart]

Live from London: Mighty Nien and Mighty Fine

[disembowelledbywerewolves]

I'd have fucked the lot of them. What a night. What a fucking night that was.

[laughableillusions]

Dnd movie fat fuck dragon my beloved

[hashtagloveloses]

we stan a literary icon

[hashtagloveloses]

please also remember the time Syfy whitewashed the TV adaption of her books and she ripped them to fucking SHREDS in an op-ed

[razzledazzlewaffle]

Dominique Christina - “The Period Poem”

Mother Dominique Cristina responds to a tweet her daughter sent her about a guy breaking up with his girlfriend because her period started while they had sex. (x)

[winthers]

FUCK YEAH

[suddenlackofcreativity]

drag him.

[odd-gelato]

i’m having an existential crisis

[alex-fulcrum-deactivated2018070]

I am so sorry, but this is actually probably true. Plants co evolved to reward us for cultivating and propagating them. It’s called exorphin theory, and plants are pretty much just using us as their means of reproduction. That’s why humans show nearly every sign of species domestication. Have a good night, friend.

[bidyke]

Trees are superior and I completely accept this.

[azzandra]

I, for one, welcome our arboreal overlords.

[becausebirds]

Not today, Satan.

[goblinparty]

okay i kno this is nt 100% related 2 what u were saying but like,,, every lauren i have ever met has been stunningly beautiful nd cute like i have never met a lauren who wasnt fuckin gorgeous as hell. i love laurens bc they are always so beautiful. lmao i currently have a crush on a lauren in my choir but i havent seen her in like literally over six months bc of choir summer break nd also she had a surgery mid season so she was out for a While.

s/o to the laurens of the world

[disembowelledbywerewolves]

I've always hated being a Lauren but now I don't hate it so much?

[disembowelledbywerewolves]

“I can believe that things are true and I can believe things that aren’t true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they’re true or not. I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and Marilyn Monroe and the Beatles and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen – I believe that people are perfectible, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkledy lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women. I believe that the future sucks and I believe that future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone’s ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state. I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste. I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we’ll all be wiped out by the common cold like the Martians in War of the Worlds. I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman. I believe that mankind’s destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it’s aerodynamically impossible for a bumblebee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there’s a cat in a box somewhere who’s alive and dead at the same time (although if they don’t ever open the box to feed it it’ll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself. I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn’t even know that I’m alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of casual chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck. I believe that anyone who says that sex is overrated just hasn’t done it properly. I believe that anyone claims to know what’s going on will lie about the little things too. I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman’s right to choose, a baby’s right to live, that while all human life is sacred there’s nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system. I believe life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you’re alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it.” - Samantha Black Crow American Gods.

[chris-in-a-cocoon]

My band’s first ever music video for our single ‘Shake’ off our new EP, out on the 19th August! ! I hate being on film, but I’m still really happy with how this turned out :-). 

[disembowelledbywerewolves]

My buddies made a music video and it is fucking SICK.

[dingusandsmartypants]

[queenofthesaiyans]

Literally me

[livingabovetherest-deactivated2]

They nailed it.

[softlenaluthor]

Brooklyn Nine-Nine characters as Pokémon Go teams. What team are you on?

[mslizot]

I don’t know why anyone would think of this crossover, but I am delighted by the results.

[disembowelledbywerewolves]

Me, the morning after a long day of drinking: why do my BICEPS hurt so much. Friend: dude you did like 15 pressups before bed.

[micdotcom]

[gifsboom]

3D tattoo.

[source]