Disinterested Hero

Weaponized Malfeasance

[disinterestedhero]

Saved World: IVth Part: Making The Call

Y'know how when you find free money on the ground it just puts you in a good mood? For me, it doesn't. I'm a little concerned about the person that lost the money. I mean, sure, they were careless its their own fault... but what if? What if this belonged to a small child, 8 years old, not too small and they're even big for their age but they're still a small person and maybe because they're big for their age some other kids in their class feel threatened and even though this big kid is a gentle giant, a John Ridd, these other kids gang up on this one kid and when the big kid is running home they dropped their loonie; the money they were taking to the corner store to buy some candy. And even though its a big kid its not an obese child, so its not like the run home and the loss of candy money was doing this kid any favours. And maybe it wasn't candy money at all! It was money for a stamp, a single stamp their ailing grandmother (who is raising this orphaned child on the pension left by the grandfather who was killed by a health condition he aquired while earning that very same pension) sent the child out for a stamp so the grandmother could mail a letter - a medical form to the insurance company for reimbursement of bills already paid - and lo if that letter never gets mailed! Eviction starvation destitution all hinge on this loonie, but I should pick it up before someone else does. Those bully kids will probably end up coming back for it anyway. I'll use this money for great good, to save everyone and in turn save that grandmother and her abnormally tall grandchild which all the money and goodwill on Earth could not do without this impending phone call. Or someone else will get spam emails requesting their assistance to save the world... maybe there'll be a lineup at the phone. Even if we save the lives of grandma and company they're still doomed to eviction destitution starvation. Sorry grandma, I got a call to make. I actually didn't make the call until the next day, I was still mulling over the pros and cons of this odd task/almost quest, there was also the detail of figuring out what time of day would be best to go to a pub to make a strange phone call; I decided on after lunch because I'll have eaten and the pub would probably not be too crowded. Assuming the pub was open at all, I was guessing they served lunch and would be open from then until the end of the day, but it was a weekday so maybe they only open in the evening, but if I'm there in late afternoon I could find a way to occupy a couple of hours until they opened presumably for the afterwork crowd. I wasn't overly concerned with my appearance on the best of days, and I was only making a phonecall, but my presence at a pub did leave the opening for the possibility of attractive females so I wore my vest, nor a 3-piece suit formal vest, the vest I wear over my hoodie, it has a lot of pockets and it zips up to just under my chin. On the whole I don't find vests easy to wear because they don't warm the arms and my arms would get colder than my torso and thus I'm needlessly layering my torso but it wasn't too cold out and I figured my sweater had it covered. I had changed the loonie into four quarters at my place of residence and carried a quarter in each pocket of my pants so they wouldn't jangle together while I walked. I decided on bringing two sets of 50 cents just in case something went awry with the first phonecall and I needed to make a second call. Additionally, that potentially condemned child/grandmother were footing the bill anyway. I arrive at the pub at around 3:55pm and as I enter the dimly lit building (there are large front windows but the day is grey) I notice there is no one around. No one sitting at any of the tables or at any of the booths, which isn't totally strange because I can't think of a particularly good reason to be here at 4pm on a weekday but it is strange that there is no one behind the bar, or walking around doing whatever a waitress would do if there would even be a waitress at this time - probably not, I guess. Then I realize there are no cars in the parking lot out front, but employees might park around the back. Maybe they are all hanging out of sight in the kitchen, did the door ring a bell when I entered? I can't remember. I'm usually an observant person, I pride myself on it, I dream of being a spy in a movie where they know what everyone in the room is wearing and watch all the exits off the reflections of their silverware, I don't mean that I'm like that I'd just like to be like that, that would be the ultimate, I'm more of a, "You forgot to lock the car" as we're walking away from the car you forgot to lock kind of observant, I notice some useful things. Maybe I've been so fixated on this call that I gave myself tunnel vision, or maybe I'm not as observant as I think I am. I try to get my head screwed on straight because I start to get the feeling I"m about to get jumped for $1 in change but I don't hear anyone sneaking up on me and I take a look around and confirm there is still no one. I realize that the sun is going to set in about an hour and it will get colder and it was already kind of cold to walk here so I should probably jog home to help stay warm but I should make this call first. I've been looking around for the payphone but I haven't seen it, I get the sudden feeling that this is a trap there was never a phone I try to remember if I brought the number I'm supposed to call yes its in the right breast pocket of the vest and if this is a trap its probably best if I don't let on that I know its a trap so I maintain a cool demeanor. I consider calling out to see if anyone is there, but its also kind of fun to just stand in the middle of an empty room, unless someone I didn't see is watching me and they're wondering what is the matter with me, just standing here looking around. I could go try to find the kitchen, or bang around and make some noise or try to find the washroom just as an excuse for being here. I decide maybe I'll just abort this mission, I could always come back another time, while I'm wearing a jacket, when maybe there will be some cute professional girls my age getting a drink waiting for a mysterious stranger to talk to them. I turn to leave and as I'm reaching the door, still waiting for a sneak attack, I notice the payphone. The payphone, is, of course, located near the exit, was it going to be located in a corner? Maybe, I've seen it on TV. I reflexively lift the phone's receiver and replace it, this is a habit of mine because after a second the display will read out the time: it's 3:47. So maybe it wasn't 3:55 when I walked in, I was just guessing, or maybe I've started going backwards through time, unlikely, or maybe the clock is wrong, although I personally believe payphones across the continent to be on the same clock, I have no idea if this is true. I guess I walked here faster than I thought. I retrieve the phone number from my pocket and fish out 2 of the quarters, the one's from my back pockets. I dial the number and I hang up. I try to collect myself and really focus on this call. I have NO IDEA who is going to pick up the other end of this phone, if they pick up at all, that would be anticlimactic. Maybe it is good that the pub is empty because I start psyching myself up to be ready to yell into the phone. I get my blood flowing, I jump up and down and shake my head around like a boxer before a fight. This could be a confrontation, this could be a chance to tell the person sending me spam/hacking my computer (not 100% they're related, but 83% sure). The person on the other end of this line might not even speak english, judging from the composition of their text so far they might be hard to understand and not understand me, then why am I here? To find out. Okay, let's do this. I feel like barking, or maybe howling, depending on how this goes I will howl outside afterwards, especially if I get thrown out for making too much of a fracas with the phone. Ideally, there will be no police involved, ugh I dislike the police and their guns and their bulletproof vests and me with nothing to defend myself and the assumption I'll submit and my only recourse to complain later to the very system that can treat me however they like. I'm not sure if this train of thought is calming me making me less likely to act out or boiling my blood further. I dial the number, I drop in 50 cents, I'm snarling quietly privately but I also don't want to start with agression I just want to be sharp, razor sharp or diamond sharp? Or do diamonds cut because they're the hardest? Be both, be ready. The line is ringing. One ring, two rings. Pick up, if I get an answering machine I'm going to lose my 50 cents. My clenching the receiver pretty hard and I'm holding it right up against my ear and cheek not even considering that might be unsanitary and I'm not sure why my face is getting so hot, I must be pressing the phone really hard against myself but then it starts to hurt and I'm not even trying to recoil, I'm just stunned by the heat on my face and I'm being pulled, my face is being pulled against the phone. I'm not sure if the searing was in my ear too, but my cheek was being pulled into the phone. I don't even know what it felt like, It just hurt a lot but I couldn't even make a sound, I think my head went first followed by my body, or maybe it was all at once, in an instant, in a flash it was over.

[disinterestedhero]

Saved World: Part III: Go Strange

Figuring I had already established contact with this email spammer, and they couldn't really infect my computer because I was on a public one, and they had already kind of infected my own computer anyway, I replied in the positive to this cry for help to sav [sic] earth, I casually inquired what I could do and how long it might take. The reply was soon to follow. I was to go to a particular pub and make a phone call with the pay phone inside, the number I was to dial was given in the email which failed to mention a time frame for the saving of earth. I don't know if I wrote down the number at that point or walked home and used my own computer to check the number, but I logged off and thought about if going to a pub at the behest of a complete stranger was such a good idea. Couldn't this be Natasha's plan all along? And 50 cents to save the planet? This was getting expensive! Easily, I'd do it for 25 cents, but ever since payphones doubled in price I've been leery of their use. Here are a few reasons I decided it wasn't a totally awful idea to go to a strange bar to make a phone call: 1 - There was no time given for when I had to make the call. So was someone going to be watching it 24/7? Just to jump me for 50 cents? Unlikely. 1a - I was only going to carry 50 cents so I couldn't possibly be robbed anymore than any other time of any day. 1b - I invite the opportunity to physically confront someone who sends me spam email (same to you telemarketers). I don't want to lead with physical violence, I just want to ask how it makes them feel. Is it a good feeling or does it make you feel like a bottom-feeder of the sea? And maybe you aren't even as good as bottom-feeders because I imagine bottom-feeders serve a purpose. And if you just do it for the money because you have a family to support then maybe you should... its too much effort to rant about and its complaints like this that make me not want to blog; its my fault for answering the phone. 2 - I was curious how exactly I was going to save the world by making a phonecall. 3 - I considered it too elaborate for the phone to be a bomb. 4 - It would be a new experience because I never go to pubs. 5 - It might be fun and why do I have to try to overthink everything? For safety! And yet, safety is an illusion. 6 - On the way home, sitting in the middle of the sidewalk, I found a loonie. [That's right internet, you got saved by a Canadian, a loonie is a one dollar coin, called a loonie because it features a picture of a loon {the bird, not a crazy person}] Even if I had considered 50 cents a steep price for planetary salvation, I'd just made twice that! The universe was giving me the green light│Or it was selfishly trying to save itself.

[disinterestedhero]

Saved World: Part the Second: Please to Sav

I was contacted by a group of interdimensionary beings inquiring if I would be interested in prolonging the existence of this dimension; ultimately I said yes, obviously (obvious because you're here to read this not so much obvious because of my personal enthusiasm). In my defence, I didn't really believe the request at the time. I thought the message was fake, it was actually in my email account filtered into the spam folder, but sometimes I like to read my spam emails because they intrigue me. How did Natasha-new to the country-looking for a friend-likes to party, find my email address out of all possible character combinations? How did she know that I'm single? Who is this mysterious 55 year-old spam male artist who thinks he can prey on me? And where can I find him so I can punch him in his fragile neck? Backtracking to the world saving spam, it wasn't eve that believable because there were typos and what they were asking wasn't even clear. That email has since been deleted but it read something like "CAN YOU INTEREST TO SAV EARTH?" What does that even mean? Probably some phishing scam appealing to environmentalist soft spots. THEN they hacked my computer. Which really just freaked me out. The mouse was moving on its own (the onscreen pointer, not the physical mouse itself) and that's not a good sign, as I was unplugging my internet cable it had opened a new text document and began typing (again, I did not save this document because I believed it to be malicious and I was pressing alt+F4 a lot) before I shut down the computer the text was something like "hello do you sav earth help for everyone if" and I didn't turn my computer back on for a few days. A lot was going through my mind, mostly, how was I going to get rid of this computer virus? It seemed like a bad one because even after I unplugged from the internet it was still operating, so was it embedded in my system already? And if so, is it possible that a running process could control the pointer like that? It was shades of The Matrix and "Wake up Neo" but that character was really good with computers and I'm not so skilled so a virus was going to be a hassle/reinstall. Also on my mind was the mention of earth, which had come up in that spam email. I ended up checking my email from another computer and, in my spam folder, was another 3 emails regarding "SAVING EARTH" "PLEASE TO HELP" and "Buy cheap CIALIS VIAGRA xxx meds". The cheap 'meds' was an obvious scam but I did deign to reply to the saving earth message. I worried that by replying I was consigning myself to an endless list of emails-to-spam but I already worry that by even reading the spam emails that somehow the spammer knows that someone checked it and thus the account is active and thus must be spammed moar than eva. My reply was along the lines of "What do you want? Can we be friends?" (the suggestion of friendship was an intended ruse because I didn't want them to delete all my digital information, and I figured if I was aggressive and replied with "I hate you" that would almost certainly happen). While I emailed a friend, I received, in my inbox, presumably because it was a reply to my reply, that "YES FRIENDS PLEASE TO SAV EARTH WE NEED YOUR HELP"

[disinterestedhero]

Why I stopped blogging

As always there are several reasons for anything. Anyone paying attention may have noticed that I didn't blog for about a year and a half there, and I've considered retroactively dating posts and filling in that time and I may do that yet but it seems like a lot of work and I don't care that much. [ALSO, I did put in a lot or work writing posts meant to be automatically posted while I was absent but I'd never done it before and somehow that didn't work and that alone was a headache I didn't care for) One reason I stopped was when I realized how negative I was being: I dislike banks: I dislike suffering made for entertainment/profit: I dislike celebrating the talentless/people(oft-children) talented at being manipulated et cetera. I can't help having the thoughts in my head but I don't need to propagate them right? The other less-believeable reason I stopped was I went on a journey to save the world as you know it. Mayans were right, December 2012 was a potential end point but I was called (Last Starfighter style) to put a stop to it, or rather, not stop it and keep the world going. Should I have done that? I could have let you all evaporate but I didn't. I knew there were no rewards, that I would only be thought of as crazy/delusional if I ever mentioned what happened. Maybe I'm just too competitive to take a dive. I still hate high-heels.

[disinterestedhero]

Bullying Resolved

As I was pulling out unwanted plant life growing from between some bricks I realized how to solve bullies once and for all: You give them a potted plant. Step back - Have you ever pulled out a plant by its roots? That feeling equivalates with whatever mysterious force rules our lives - god, if you like that term. Know ye what is like to be unto plantgod and spend an afternoon gardening. If bullies want to feel powerful then they can pull up weeds, its perfect. Also, when anyone has the urge to vandalize, they'll pull up weeds on other people's property. They don't even need to dispose of the weeds, plants decompose naturally. Make sure you get the roots you bullies, otherwise you're not really hurting the plant. Even if that bully you give a potted plant opts to not start a garden with it and immediately smashes the plant, they'll have developed a taste for plant slaughter and be headed down the right path anyway. BUT what if the bully uses the plant to bully the person giving it to them? You make sure you get them a cactus and when they try to attack you with it be ready to counter and use it to carve up their face. You're welcome society.

[disinterestedhero]

Blame│Assignation of Fault

If you've ever hung around human beings, you may have noticed something fascinating: Nothing is ever anyone's fault│Fault is always placed on someone else. There's an incredible cycle of blaming others for failures and people will only admit fault when they're browbeaten by others to do so. Ever wonder why No-Fault Insurance was invented? It makes sense because no one likes to feel like they've failed, and it's humiliating to have to admit to failures. Seems obvious that the shame of ever successfully being blamed for anything would drive an individual to try to shift blame to others as often as possible. I'd like to suggest that if you're reading this, and you're interested in being the most awesome person anyone knows, then you stop blaming anyone else for anything. I don't mean for the rest of the day, or until the end of the week, I mean FOREVER. For the rest of the time you possess your current consciousness you NEVER blame anyone for anything. And don't blame inanimate objects either. It's always your own fault. BTW, I know it's the Age of Lawyers. I know you're missing out on some great opportunities to cash in on someone in your neighbourhood who didn't scrape the ice off the sidewalk which made you slip and fall and bruise your tailbone. You accept the fault that you should probably learn to identify ice and how to adjust your gait accordingly. You also won't slap a lawsuit on the pharmaceutical company who's 12-page list of side-effects didn't include birth defects. It is your own fault for trusting your government to approve products for you to ingest without risk. Unavoidable car accident? Well, here's a tip. If you put enough human beings in automobiles, and accelerate those vehicles fast enough - for long enough - someone is going to get hurt. If it's you, can you honestly act surprised? Call it bad luck if you want, but your luck was good enough to keep you from getting decapitated in the process, which, when you think about it, doesn't seem so unlikely. Life is risk, life is failures and they are all your own│Unless you're a child, if you're in the process of maturing you should be afforded some protection by your parents. Maybe the problem is that no one wants to mature - which makes you Peter Pan, and if you WANT to be Peter Pan I can't stop you, but you might want to re-evaluate your choice by reading the play or even watching the kid's movie, even Disney admits that Peter Pan is a self-centered juvenile that is only liked by children who don't know any better and who will never be able to establish loving or meaningful relationships. Then again, maybe you don't want your life to have meaning or love because you've taken such an interest in what you think other people think of you. Ultimately, if you can't blame yourself, you can blame me. I'm not afraid of failure, I'm actually collecting it. Just stop blaming people around you, its toxic.

[disinterestedhero]

The novel is not the author's confession: it is an investigation of human life in the trap the world has become.

~The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera

[disinterestedhero]

Aftermath

Context - So you don't trust me! I was right to accuse you of not placing faith in me! ~ It was just a back up plan, in case you needed it. - I don't need you to save me, treat me like I'm about to fail without you. ~ I don't want to offend you, I just thought it was a nice gesture, carrying a toothbrush in case you needed it. Not mentioning it if you didn't. I feel it shows consideration. - You pretend not to mention it, and you then you write a story about it for everyone to read about it behind my back. I'm cute but impractical and forgetful; imbecilic. ~ You are cute, it's just a story, a fragment, it's not you... - Even if I had my toothbrush, you still seem so great because you have a toothbrush ready in your bag for when I fail, which is implied to be inevitable, thanks hero. In a 'fragment' you never miss a beat but I come off as unappreciative and now ungrateful. Well, if you're such a good, thoughtful, considerate person, then why don't I or someone like me actually exist outside your imagination?

[disinterestedhero]

The (Pen)Ultimate Expression of Love

We're married and we're happy together, we've only been married for 2 years but we dated for 2 years before that we knew each other 10 years before that (what took us so long, right? Diverse reasonings). We live together and we like to travel together. We're going on a trip, you pick where - a South American destination - I want to go to New Zealand but its not a good time for such a long trip (because going so far for 1 week isn't practical). We're packing our final items just before we get in our ride to the airport and I notice that you've forgotten your toothbrush; its still sitting by the sink. I hesitate to mention it because it's possible you have a travel toothbrush - I guess I don't know EVERYthing about you - but I mention it because I think it'll be better to check rather than travel without one. You do not appreciate the gesture, you feel I'm always doubting you and don't trust you enough. You hadn't forgotten it, you just hadn't packed it yet. (Which establishes that you don't have a separate travelling toothbrush.) I didn't mean to upset you, I suspect you're hungry, tired or nervous but I keep my suppositions to myself. Its a small incident and soon forgotten in the bustle of travel and we have a delightful trip. Later - We are headed on another trip, maybe New Zealand because you have 2 months off and I have a fantastic high-paying job where I do whatever I want and get paid lots of money for doing so. We are in final preparations to leave, I notice that you MAY have forgotten your toothbrush because its still sitting by the sink. When is it actually forgotten? Once we lock the front door? Sitting in the airport shuttle? Maybe you've packed a spare. I don't mention it. We take off, we land, we're halfway around the planet. It's not impossible to purchase a toothbrush here but it isn't convenient after a looooong flight and we're checked in and we're in our room and you go to brush your teeth. [sound of exasperation you make when you're tired and running low on cheerfulness] "I forgot my toothbrush..." I say nothing. "Can I use yours?" "No." I reply. I'm not sure if you're about to lose it, possibly attack me, I'll never find out because I'm beside you holding a new toothbrush in its packaging. As I open the package I say, "Because I brought a spare." For you. Which I don't say. It happens to be the exact same brand of toothbrush you prefer; goes unmentioned by either of us. I like when you're happy. Love costs $2-$3.

Result

[disinterestedhero]

The Ultimate Expression of Love

It -might- be having sex, or making love, or coitus or whatever you want to call it, however, I suspect sexual intercouse is only referred to as an ultimate expression of anything by social analysts to reduce the amount of fucking done by people who aren't ready for it. Ironically, sex is ALSO referred to as an ultimate expression of something in attempts by an overly eager participant trying to induce an impressionable participant into fucking when neither of them are ready for it. I realize I sound like I'm suggesting sex is only for procreation and that young people aren't ready for babies (which, BTW, they aren't). What I actually want to suggest is that sex isn't purely physical and has diverse implications: not only physically but also mentally, psychologically, spiritually, socially, emotionally and several other metaphysical concepts that end with -ly. Thus, if one partner is trying to coerce another then the mutual respect level is insufficient to recommend to sex. And if someone is too incapacitated to offer resistance it counts as coercion. I've gotten waaaaay off from what I actually wanted to write│I now direct you to the (Pen)Ultimate Expression of Love, which is less preachy and more Nicholas Sparks. I like the word penultimate more than ultimate anyway.

[disinterestedhero]

You'd think it'd be easier to force people into the path of least resistance.

~Lincoln Solomon willfully missing the point of Taoism

[disinterestedhero]

Achtung │ Hidden Character [Alt + 1-7-9]

Just wanted to notify everyone that I'm promoting a new piece of punctuation. I've never been a fan of grammar, turns out its all rather arbitrary, I approve of having some general precepts: Periods, Captials, Paragraphs, et cetera, but when you start deducting points for using commas wrong you need to relax, maybe I like comma splices and I'm using them for a specific effect. I've become so confident in my use of the English language that semicolons are not longer cutting it. I already disdain commas, although, I admit they can be useful. Obviously, semicolons are superior than endless comma splices, but I don't want to overuse semicolons they start to appear less valuable and they already have an inferiority complex because they feel derived from colons; which they are: but you don't have to rub it in. I ♥ semicolons, but they're delicate so I'm going with │. It's a... line break? I'll think of a better name by the end of this post. How do you properly use a '│'? Well, first, you should know how to conjure one. If you're using a pen - ideally, you can figure this out. If you're using a keyboard - hold down the Alt key then type 1, 7, 9 and release Alt. │ BAMF! Congrats, you've requisitioned │ You're so good at this! To properly use a '│' umm... pretty much use them after you feel you're dropping too many semicolon bombs. It's more forceful than a semicolon, the two ideas on either side of '│' are related, sometimes complementary, but not necessarily subservient to one another. You do capitalize the first word following a '│'. Have fun with it │ Don't go crazy or you might get banned from usage. I aforementioned that I'd be coming up with a better name than line break and I did: line breaker. If you make a list of items, should you use a comma before the 'and' that follows the penultimate item? IT DOESN'T MATTER because that rule tends to change every 5 years because the new Grand Grammar Wizard has overthrown the former Grand Grammar Vizier and now there are some tiny differences that no one actually cares about unless they make money by reprinting the latest edition of some arcane grammar manual. One or two spaces after a period??? You're this ││ close to getting Murder│Death│Killed. Consider yourself lucky you didn't get Interpunct · [Alt + 0-1-8-3] If you still want to know how I did that ♥ [Alt + 3] Edit: It was brought to my attention that a vertical line is easily accessible on the keyboard by holding shift and pressing backslash which will give you a |. Which I scoff at. If you want to use a | instead of │ (a proper Line Breaker) then go right ahead│Know that you're doing it wrong. Why don't you just use a capital i? I! It's childish and confusing and confirms your status as a Luddite. Scoff the second.

[disinterestedhero]

Target Audience

I probably should have started with this entry so you knew what you were getting into - in media res is pretty hype though. This is a weblog meant for people who'd like to join my religion... wait wait wait, don't leave! It's not a real religion, actual religions are so fail it amazes me how much money they rake in, I assure you I don't want your money. Which might sound familiar, because a certain Jesus claimed to not want your money but have you seen the Pope's hat? Bling bling y'all. I'm not advocating for a religion that you can join, its just a thing that you can find out about and maybe you'll like some of it and it'll make you feel a little better about how wayward you've been living your life because your current level of confusion is hitting critical mass. Uh oh, I just said mass, I take back the part where I said religion, it might be the most dangerous word ever invented, I suspect religions were invented for children because children ask so many questions and they're bound to stumble across the real stumpers. Why should I be nice? What is dead? And when you answer, "No Idea" you really undermine the protection you want to provide for children. Turns out not everyone figured out that when a religion asks you for money, its actually a business. Not that all religions charge money, but they all cost something, sometimes its just the part of your mind that struggles. I'm not saying religions can't be helpful when trying to make someone feel comfortable; I'm just saying the price of comfort has never been a good deal. My target audience are people who like to question things, especially me because I'm making it up as I go along. If you're a child, and you've found this, I was just kidding about that other stuff. Am I going to die? No, I am never going to die, don't worry so much, here's why...

[disinterestedhero]

dub dub dub

Well I thought I was going to invent this, but it turns out [and in retrospect OBVIOUSLY] that dub dub dub is already being used to refer to www. Instead of asking for a url or the http or the link or the web address or web addy I was going to suggest we all just start saying dub dub dub or dubdubdub. "What's the dubdubdub?" I just thought it would be fun, and also it's part of my long term goal to reduce the letter 'w' (spoken as double 'u' and en français double 'v' [those are my only alphabets]) to a single syllable. Double-you? It doesn't have to be so long people! I mean SURE the name specifically explains how to contruct the letter, but that's only because we know what a 'u' looks like but 'u' doesn't explain how to draw ITself, so double-u is already relying on a pre-established knowledge of the alphabet. I motion that we refer to 'w' as dub. There, now ALL the letters are only one syllable instead of 25 at 1 and 1 at an unwieldly 3. Now we can freely use 'w' in initials and acronyms without defeating the purpose of abbreviating. I solve things, its what I do. You're welcome. Don't mourn for 'double-u' it wasn't even just 2 syllables, it was 3; more than double every other letter, 200% more, it was madness - I feel so much better now that we're all using dub. Sure, the alphabet song will never be the same but that could use an update anyway, perhaps some autotune/vocodering. Eventually, we won't even be saying dubdubdub for internet addesses, we can just say dubdub, or dubdubdubdub to be funny. A few years from now we'll just simply be saying 'What's the dub?' and with any luck it will fall into popular parlance and it will start replacing phrases like "What's up?", "What's the deal?" and "What's your name?" with "What's the dub?" Then we can use dub instead of questions, "Dub the dub?" "Dub dub dub." "Dub next dub?" "Dub! Dub dub dub." The future looks doubleplusdub. Ideally, you read this post outloud and found out how fun it is to say 'dub'; it's also fun to spell! As long as you keep it lowercase it's not a true palindrome but it does hold its shape in a mirror.

[disinterestedhero]

Ye Olde School Troll

u mad?

thoust choleric?

Perish the thought that Trolling was invented for the internet. I contend that, like many things, the internet simply allows for a greater distribution and dispersion of said Trolling. I refer you to Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal which, ideally, you were taught about in high school. Thus, high school taught us to troll by introducing us to an exlempary method of trolling the Irish circa 1729. Does anyone dispute that Socrates was the original Troll? Could the entire Socratic method be intended to induce rage? There is no learning without frustration. State-Enforced Hemlock Drinking is to be considered an Epic Troll; equal parts dedication and stupidity. I accidentally this post.

[disinterestedhero]

Here comes The Running Man

It all started semi-harmlessly with America's Funniest Home Videos, Disney's Bob Sagat was there and we all felt safe enough to laugh at amateur video tapes. AFV slowly got darker but we were still laughing because snowmobile injuries are funny when you're removed far enough from them. Eventually we got Jackass which was safe to laugh at because the participants in a live-version of AFV were there voluntarily and weren't just asking for it: they were orchestrating it. Then there were the Jackass clones because the things they do can only seem fun and be physically tolerable for a short term. Not to worry, there's youtube and Tosh.O if you don't feel like sorting through yourself. What I really want you to get excited for is The Running Man, it's in preproduction for 2014, don't worry, they're not dumb enough to use Human Rights enthusiastical North Americans, it's being filmed at a safe distance in some war torn nation you haven't read an article about. Sadly, there aren't any Ice Hockey mini-bosses - but there will be some jai alai with razor grenades! If you win, no one asks you about how much of your limb you'd like severed. I haven't finished The Hunger Games trilogy (slightly more contemporary than a 1987 Schwarzennegger action vehicle) but I predict the overall message isn't You Can't Stop The Bloodlust.

[disinterestedhero]

Mnemonics

When dealing with threaded fasteners: Lefty Loosey Righty Tighty