knowing imodna is (in some regard) canon now is actually killing me because like i had my hopes up and i was Right. i will never shut up about it actually
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
She pretends not to know what she wants—she can’t know. She can’t. How can she admit it, if she doesn’t know what Laudna is thinking? (Is Imogen still capable, even if she doesn't hear Laudna say it? Is she still wonderful and talented and her tether? She feels a fire burn and she hadn’t known it had ever been lit.)
imogen and laudna don't even need to kiss they be saying shit like "our relationship transcends words" and i genuinely don't think there's a way to be gayer than that
imogen casting sending to her mother as soon as she woke up. as soon as she saw her mother's face (a memory she had once completely forgotten) and heard her mother telling her--telling her, not just hearing her voice, but face-to-face--begging her to run. waking up and instantly casting sending. and imogen, usually so good at fitting everything she needs to say in just 25 words, can only manage to say "are you there?"
i'm so sorry for another meta but this line has been sitting in my brain for DAYS now, and there are a few things about it that are just so striking and so so sad-
for one- it puts imogen's farewell to bertrand into a much greater context.
"i'm glad the noises stopped for you. i'm glad you're at peace."
how long has imogen been longing for that kind of peace? she's been dealing with her powers for a decade, now, and it seems like only in her time with bell's hells has she really been able to get a stronger harness on it.
how many times, has death seemed like the only escape? ever present, ever alluring, in the corner of her mind?
it's a layer that i couldn't quite pick up before, because there was context for what she said, but there also wasn't- but now, with the idea that "i don't know how much longer i would've lasted" at the forefront-
she's had a decade of pain, and ostracization, and voices she can't control, with no sign of reprieve, no sense that it would ever end, and for a long period in her life- with no one to support her.
it's been so obvious for so long, given the angst of imogen's past, but i've struggled to connect the dots of just how deep imogen's pain runs. laura has been dropping clues- her farewell to bertrand, talking about how bad it had gotten during what the fuck is up with that, her mentions of her father- but this was the final piece, to make it all so painfully clear.
these past few years, they've been everything.
because what did imogen have before, really? what reasons did she have to keep going? an absent mother, a distant father, and chronic, overwhelming, agonizing pain and dreams haunting her in her sleep?
who did she have to turn to?
no one, and no glimmer of hope.
and so of course she would be drawn to laudna. her musical thoughts a balm to her aching mind, her cheerful attitude a bright spot in the darkness of imogen's life, her support almost foreign to a young girl who has never had the stability of someone to lean on-
and of course she would be devastated, when that's ripped away from her again, when laudna dies. that hope, that happiness- it's intoxicating, and it's horrible when it's gone, and she's taken back to that place of hurt and anger and fear.
and of course she would do everything to bring laudna back. but it also paints her ritual contribution into a greater context- of course she wouldn't make laudna come back, either. she won't make her return to her home full of trauma, she won't make laudna leave the sweet embrace of death.
because who is she, to deny someone that tranquility, that escape- when she's been tempted by it herself? if laudna needs to go, to not hurt anymore, she'll let her, because she loves laudna so much that she wouldn't ever take that away from her, if that was what she wanted.
(however, if laudna didn't come back, imogen would most certainly struggle. especially since i don't think she's fully processed otohan's attack yet, she's been so determined on giving laudna that choice that she herself has thought about).
but it's also so beautiful- how two lonely, shunned girls could find such light and hope in each other, and find ways to battle back against the world. and it shows such depth to their love, and their devotion to each other.
it's such an intimate thing, to tell someone that they saved your life. and though it wasn't a romantic confession, it's clear that they love each other very, very much.
the "no one gets to control you anymore." the "you promise?" and the "cross my heart." the "i missed you so." okay well i am literally screaming and crying so what now laura and marisha
ok but consider laudna switching to celestial warlock but keeping her scary shadow sorcerer-ness, therefore her aesthetic becoming something like a biblically accurate angel. hello.
thinking about imogen pressing her hand against the window as laudna gets ready for her death and laudna's spirit placing a hand against hers on the other side. laudna, who doesn't know imogen, imogen, who didn't succeed on the persuasion check to get her to stay back, laudna, who has no reason to trust a stranger who tells her to dishonor her family, and they Still mirrored eachother's hands. AAARRRGGGHHHHHH.
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