A Simple Idiot Wizard

Hail and well met, my dudes! I’m Max (22, they/them) and I finally caved and made a TAZ sideblog Main: @demisexual-enjolras Might fuck around and post some art here or something Please talk to me about TAZ I need more friends that are into it (icon by @earthprincewu, header by @everelle)

[barry-j-blupjeans]

"Dude, your top surgery is choice," Carey says the moment Magnus's shirt is over his head and off. He preens a little because he deserved to. And because it was choice. He's very happy with the results. But then Carey adds, "Who'd you get it done by?"

"Oh! Uh," and here's where the problem lies. "I... don't remember."

"You don't remember," Carey repeats, sounding a little disbelieving. Killian looks over to them now and squints at Magnus's chest.

"Uhhh," Magnus says. "Nope."

"Did you get like, black market top surgery, or?"

"I... don't think so," Magnus says.

"Magnus," Killian says, "if you hadn't left your packer in the middle of our goddamn bathroom-" Magnus grins a little sheepishly and Carey laughs. "-I would literally not know you were trans. I don't even see any scars."

"It's been a while since I got it done," Magnus says.

"Which was when?" Carey prompts. At Magnus's face, she throws her hands up. "You don't remember!"

"It was a while ago!" Magnus says. "I was like- I don't know, twenty-one? Ish? Twenty-two?"

"Magnus," Carey says. She puts her foam sparring halberd down and comes over to him. "Magnus, did you just wake up one morning with them gone? This-" she looks on the verge of laughter. "This is serious."

"If I tell you the truth, you're gonna laugh," Magnus says.

"Magnus," Carey says, laughing anyway. "How do you forget a whole fucking surgery?"

"It wasn't a surgery, it was a spell," Magnus says, because he knows that much.

"Pretty sure that's not a thing," Killian says.

"Why else do they call it transmutation, then, huh?" Carey buries her head into Magnus's side, snorting with laughter. "Look, I know it was a spell. I know it. Do I know who did it? N-"

"Was it Taako?" Carey interrupts, full of giggles. Magnus pauses.

...Was it Taako?

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I met Taako like, last year. I'm pretty sure I would remember if he did my top surgery. Top spellery? Is that anything?"

"It's nothing," Carey says. "I'm-" she wipes her eye, clearing her throat. "Maybe it's like, a voidfish thing. Like, maybe the Director fucked up-"

"And specifically erased Magnus's top surgery?" Killian asks doubtfully.

"It's a big fish," Carey says, which just seems to make Killian more confused, but Magnus nods in understanding.

"It's a big fish, Killian," he says.

"Are we gonna fucking spar or not?" Killian asks. "I came here to beat ass not uncover Magnus's whole backstory."

"My backstory is actually pretty simple," Magnus says and Carey groans, retracting herself from him. "I was born in Raven's Roost on a swelteringly hot day-"

Killian hits him over the head with her foam halberd.

[m0nomercy]

sometimes i remember arms outstretched and just Die

Image description: digital art, in a stretched-out vertical orientation, of Magnus, Taako, and Merle from The Adventure Zone, based off the Arms Outstretched scene.

Merle is a fat dwarf with a white beard, colored in green and blue hues as he closes his eyes and extends his hands into the air. Two spectral green arms stretch up above him, covered in flowers and reaching towards Taako.

Taako is a skinny elf with braided hair, appearing in disembodied form with a white glow around him. He's reaching up towards Magnus with a determined expression.

Magnus is a burly human, surrounded by tendrils of the Hunger. He's in disembodied form, glowing purple, and is desperately reaching back towards Taako. End description.

[julcreates]

Taako! (From TV)

Every once in a while I’m in a TAZ phase again….

[lazylittledragon]

pov: they saw you from across the room and think your vibe is disgusting

[kmilafcs]

Phantasmal and resplendent Lup doodle 💜💀💜

[youhearstatic]

[Start description: A mostly black and white drawing of Lup with her arms spread wide as if she has just been released from the Umbra Staff. Her face is somewhat skeletal and is drawn in red and purple. Her hair is escaping from the hood of her robed coat. She is surrounded by orange flames. She looks happy and triumphant. End description.]

[nacecye]

phantasmal, resplendent, etc

(click for better quality :)

[herbgerblin]

ID: A digital comic. First image is of Magnus, Taako, Lup, Lucretia, and Merle resting on a mall bench with a bunch of shopping bags. Magnus and Lucretia sitting opposite their companions. They all look in various degrees of bored and tiredness. Merle, a dwarf man, is asleep. Magnus, a human man, rests his head on his arms as his hands. Taako, an elven man in a wizard hat and a hoodie, mutters, "Who's great idea was it to give the van keys to Barold and Capt'n Port? It's gonna take like, two hours to track them down." Lup, holding a cellphone in one hand, raises her other hand to her face and shouts, "BLUE!" into the air. The second image shows a zoomed-out view of the group in the center of the busy mall. The following panel shows the same view, now with a word bubble from somewhere on the second floor, a responding "JEANS!" The third image zooms back in on the crew, all looking puzzled about the shouting, save Merle, who is still asleep. End ID.

it's their version of marco polo

@blupjeansweek beginnith! it's not midnight for me so this counts for day 1 prompt: bluejeans

[holdmecloser-gandydancer]

I think being in such close contact with the Light for so many years did kinda do Something to the birds.

because Taako is not charismatic, that's canonical. but, even joke canonical, everyone adores him, desires him, wants to give him all their possessions. people cannot get enough of Taako, even after he dooms a town

Magnus, thanks to his rustic hospitality, is a likeable guy. but he was able to help lead the rebellion that gave him his folk hero status that gave him his rustic hospitality. people were willing to die by his side, this guy who was fairly new to their community

Lucretia managed to begin a whole secret organization and employ a large staff. These missions were deadly, dangerous, and promised the potential to have their very beings wiped from existence. yet people were willing to join the Bureau

these are the most striking instances of this but it's almost like a bit of that craveability brushed off on each of them through all their encounters with it

[jerreeeeeee]

stolen century story where magnus, davenport, and the twins are on some crazy adventure to find the light planetside but it occasionally cuts back to the starblaster where merle barry and lucretia are just chilling

[jerreeeeeee]

the ground team is on a high speed chase. davenport is driving wildly and flying off ramps and shit. magnus is standing on the roof chopping at flying enemies. lup is hanging head and shoulders out of the window trying to cast fireball and hold onto a levitating taako at the same time. cut to the starblaster where merle is watering his plants while barry and lucretia drink tea and listen to classical music

[anonymusbosch]

Visit Original Link

let’s try this again!

you asked, I answered

[barry-j-blupjeans]

anyone wanna hear my theory on who's the older twin between taako and lup

[barry-j-blupjeans]

yes you do. lup was born first at 1:57 AM right before daylight savings and thus, when taako was born 12 minutes later, they had jumped back, and it was only 1:09 AM. therefore, lup was born first chronologically but taako was born first time-wise.

[m0nomercy]

kravitz my love

[demi-enj-art]

A couple of Taaco Twins giving Edward and Lydia a run for their money

(Outfits inspired by this post)

[herbgerblin]

ID: First image is a collage of drawings of cat taco, a fluffy, white cat. From left to right: cat taco is peeking into an iced beverage with curiosity. He is laying on his stomach and looking up while meowing. In the center, he’s standing on his hind legs and looking curiously into a toilet. He's laying on a lavender pillow, with little stars sparking around his head. Bottom show him sticking a paw in a bowl of food while someone out of view shouts "cat taco no!" Second image is a drawing of attypf Lup, Taako, and Kravitz holding cat taco in various positions. Lup is human woman with tan skin, curly blonde hair, freckles, and a slight build. Cat taco is resting on her head and shoulders and is attempting to groom her. Taako is a human man with tan skin, curly blonde hair in a braid, and a slight build. His left arm is like that of the winter soldier. He is holding cat taaco like a football in one hand and holding a wineglass in the other. Kravitz is a human man with brown skin, long, black locks in a bun, and a slight, muscular build. He is craddling cat taco in both arms while looking down at him. Third image is of cat taco sitting on a lap top in front of Barry, a human man with pale skin, short, brown-grey hair, and a chubby build. Barry is tearfully trying to conjole cat taco away from his laptop from a distance, but cat taco only meows in interruption. A captioned arrow that points to Barry reads "allergic." Fourth image is another drawing of Kravitz, this time with kitten cat taco resting on his shoulder. They are both looking down at the knife that Kravitz is polishing with a rag. The speech bubble next to Kravitz just says, "[in russian.]" End ID

say hello to cat taco, america's favorite kitty.

I couldn't think of what kravitz would be saying in that last image. I just think he would be regaling some of the funnier moments of being a spy to his cat

[figofswords]

randomly I am thinking about merle highchurch and just. the fact that he’s so utterly irreverent and not even remotely religious despite being a cleric and the line “I may not be your pan but you will always be my merle” and just the implication that for a hundred years merle landed on world after world and every single pan on every single one of those worlds took one look at this god-awful plant-horny dwarf and went holy shit holy shit I love this little guy he’s my poor little meow meow my scrimblo I’m gonna give him superpowers

[figofswords]

ok this post exploded so I want to share my favorite tags

courtesy of @orange-frog

and

courtesy of @lexarga

[figofswords]

pan heelying into the deity break room: HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT I just found a new favorite follower im gonna make him my guy I’m gonna play favorites I’m gonna give him superpowers

the raven queen, who recently (in god years) adopted her new boy kravitz, a handsome, charming, and respectable young composer: oh congratulations, pan! who is it?

pan: [gestures to merle who is crouched down on the ground with his butt in the air eating dirt] isnt he beautiful

the raven queen:

[merle spits out a rock]

istus: you know I can kinda see it

pan: RIGHT

[herbgerblin]

ID: First image is a comic of a young, purple, tiefling girl in a light dress, a young boy with read hair and missing tooth, and Taako, an elven man with long, blonde hair in a braid, tan, freckled skin, and a slight build. Taako is dressed in layered clothes of purple and blue, with a large wizard hat to match. In the first panel, the boy point back at the very nervous looking girl and shouts, "Taako! Susie just said a bad word! Taako beckons for the girl to come up to him while remarking, "I'll be the judge of that. Tell me what you said. The bottom panels show him crouched down as the the girl whispers, "I said the word "stupid."" Taako fails to stifle a laugh at that, saying "Pfft- well, let's try not to say that in the classroom." Second image is of Taako, wearing a short kimono decorated with constellations. There is a group of four children gathers around him and playing with his clothes. A young orc asks, "Why do you wear a floppy hat?" Taako replies, "I'm a wizard, it comes with the territory." Third image shows all the children shouting at him at once: "I want a wizard hat" "Me too!" "Yeah, no fair!" "I want to be a wizard." The following panel shows Taako staring at them all wordlessly. The bottom panel, with the caption "several hours later" shows taako leaning against a shopping cart filled with wizard hats. He is also hold a stone of farspeech to his ear and sheepishly says, "Okay, Krav, babe, before you ask any questions...I can explain." End ID]

You can thank @ceilingfan5 for providing the cute idea of Taako, but if he taught elementary school students.

[journalofimprobablethings]

“Well, Lucretia told us he was evil!” Merle says. 

“To be fair, Barry didn’t do a lot to dispel that notion,” Magnus says. “The first time we met him he did possess a guy and force him to drink poison.”

“He was trying to poison you!” Barry protests.

“Yes,” Taako says, pointing at Barry with his glass, “He was. But do you remember the first thing you said to us?”

“After rising spectrally from the dead body of Captain Captain Bain,” Magnus puts in helpfully.

Barry blushes.

The former crew of the Starblaster are sitting around the dining table at Taako’s house, the remains of a fabulous dinner in front of them. It’s been months since they were all together, all seven of them, but when Lup got her body back she insisted on inviting everyone over for dinner, because, she said, she hadn’t hugged her family for over ten years and that was not a record she was going to let stand.

They are still learning what it means, to be a family again after everything that’s happened. But century-long habits have carried them through dinner, and the conversation has turned to stories of their adventures in their time apart—and if they are careful to stick to the funny stories, the light-hearted ones, no one mentions it.

“Lup, has Barry ever told you about this?” Taako asks, leaning across the table to refill his drink.

Lup grins and leans on Barry’s shoulder. “No, he hasn’t.” Barry rolls his eyes and puts his face in his hands.

“He said—”

“Wait, wait, do the voice,” Merle says. “You have to make sure to do the voice.”

“You and character voices,” Taako mutters. But he does his best to imitate the echoing whisper of Barry’s lich voice. “He said, ‘are you afraid?’”

“Well, yeah,” Magnus says, in character as his past self. “Isn’t everyone afraid sometimes?”

Taako waggles his fingers at Magnus. “You don’t know how to be afraid.”

Lup laughs, her forehead against Barry’s shoulder. “Barold, you didn’t!”

“He did!” Merle says. “And then he told us all about the hunger that was the true nature of man.”

“Subtle.”

“And then—“ Taako takes a breath to hold back his own laughter. “And then he said, ’This is your first lesson.‘”

“And disappeared in a burst of flame!” Magnus finishes, throwing his arms in the air.

The table erupts in laughter – Davenport with his eyes squeezed shut over his glass, Lup leaning into Barry, wiping away tears of mirth—even Lucretia, seated at one end of the table, has a hand over her mouth to hide a smile. Barry’s whole face is red, but he’s smiling too.

“I knew you had a flair for the dramatic, babe,” Lup says, kissing him on the cheek.

“Well, I did live with you and Taako for a hundred years,” Barry replies. “Some of it had to rub off.”

“I resent that,” Taako says. Then he grins and throws a bread roll at Barry, but misses and hits Lup instead, and she instantly levitates a pitcher of lager to empty itself over Taako’s head. Across the table, through the growing food fight, Magnus sees Lucretia watching the familiar chaos, laughing. And then her smile fades, and Magnus watches her get up, quietly, and go into the kitchen.

Davenport sees it, too, from his seat at the other end of the table. He starts to get up—and then he hesitates. Magnus can see his instinct as captain warring with the lingering distance that has hovered between him and Lucretia since their memories returned.

Magnus stands. “Coffee, Captain?”

Davenport meets Magnus’s eyes, and Magnus can’t believe he ever forgot what it was like to know these people so well, to be able to communicate so much with just a look.

“Thanks, Magnus,” Davenport says. “Black?”

“You got it.”

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