★ | pairing: idol!renjun x fem!reader
★ | warnings: yelling, renjun is kind of a pain in the ass, reader cries out of anger, mentions of anxiety, mark and haechan are cited
★ | synopsis: after 3 years of relationship, your boyfriend renjun starts acting weird around you. did you do something? is he hiding something from you?
you and renjun started dating 3 years ago. in the first 2 years of your relationship, renjun was the dream boyfriend. he’d wake you up carefully, he would drop everything if you were feeling bad, he was a very caring boyfriend.
even though renjun’s an idol, he would give you so much attention. sometimes, you felt like you were forcing renjun to something and overwhelming him with your attention neediness, but he’d make sure that everything was okay and he was doing this out of love.
you never doubted a word renjun said, you trusted your boyfriend more than you trusted yourself. all your friends love renjun for the way he treats you, for the way he looks at you with so much adoration in his eyes.
you love renjun for the way he touches you, for the way he kisses you and for everything he has ever done or said for you. huang renjun is everything you need and will ever need.
“renjun?” you called, holding your phone close to your ear to hear his response through the phone. “where are you?”
“hi” he simply answered. “i’m already going home, just give me 5 minutes.” he said, for the 5th time that night.
“you said that 5 times just this night, renjun.” you complained. “please, just don’t come home late.” you ended the call and shut your phone off, placing it by your side.
you sigh, tired of hearing the exact same phrase come out of renjun’s mouth. recently, renjun been acting weird every time you called him in the night, like he was hiding something from you.
both of you used to tell each other when something was wrong, you’d never hide something from renjun nor he would. you were curious about this situation, but you don’t want to imagine nothing more, avoiding getting anxious over this.
1 hour, 2 hours, 3 hours passed and renjun wasn’t home. you were about to call him again, when a key sound invaded your ears. you got up quickly, holding your thoughts back and waiting for renjun to open the door.
as you saw renjun’s figure enter in your shared apartment, you smiled brightly as he looked at you, you expected him to do the same and smile for you, but he just looked forward and went to the couch.
you were left speechless, wondering what happened to renjun that night. was he upset with you? did you do something? so many thoughts crossed your mind that moment.
you turn yourself to face your boyfriend, just to notice the way he’s giggling over his phone and typing something you couldn’t see. anguish rolled down your body, you felt sick seeing renjun get all giggly when you’re left behind, like you were nothing.
you approach the couch, sitting in it’s corner and looking at renjun, waiting for him to snap a gaze on you, but he didn’t move a muscle.
“renjun.” you called him, earning only a hum. “renjun.” you called again, earning renjun’s attention now.
“what?” he crossed his arms and looked at you coldly, making a knot tighten in your throat.
you sigh deeply, blinking away the tears that dared to swim in your eyes, finally looking at him confidently this time.
“what is happening to you these days?” you ask. “you give me billion of excuses just to come home late, you don’t give me attention anymore.” you say as he keeps his cold gaze over your face, shivering your whole body.
“nothing’s happening.” renjun simply said, getting up from the couch, ready to head to the bedroom.
“don’t leave me talking to myself!” you exclaim. “come on, renjun! you always give me a short answer to everything i say, i’m tired of it!” you get up from the couch in an impulse, feeling anguish and anger mix up in your chest.
renjun doesn’t says nothing, just listens the multiple words that come out from your mouth. you were expecting him to say something, but, again, he didn’t move a muscle.
“say something, renjun. give me an explanation.” you asked. “i’ve been humiliating myself to get your attention those days, but you don’t seem to care about me anymore.”
“i don’t care about you?” renjun finally speaks. “y/n, what the fuck are you talking about? you’re my girlfriend, of course i care about yo-” you cut him mid-sentence.
“but it doesn’t seems like you do!” you almost shout at renjun. “every time i try to talk to you, you just run off!” you burst.
renjun seemed calm over all this situation both of you were in, making you wonder how can he stay so neutral when the bound between you and him is falling apart in the most cruel way possible.
“it’s like you’re hiding something from me, renjun. when did we start hiding things from each other?” you take a step closer to him. “what’s a relationship without trust, renjun?”
“y/n, i’m not hiding anything from you!” said renjun, angrily. “stop creating things in your head! it’s not my obligation to give you attention 24/7, you’re acting like a child!”
“oh, i’m acting like a child, renjun? really?” you volume up your tone. “i’m acting like a child because i want a clear explanation about something that’s making me sad?!”
“i’m an artist y/n! how can you charge me attention when terribly busy with my work?!” he exclaimed.
“you are not busy, huang renjun!” you affirmed. “haechan’s been hanging out with his girlfriend these days and he has the same schedule as you, renjun. mark is hanging out with his friends and he has the same schedule as you. all your bandmates been free these months and you’re the only one who’s always busy!” you burst once again, anger rising up in your chest every time you draw a word out of your mouth.
“i have things to do in the company, y/n! do you think i’ll always be free for you?” he asks, using the same tone you’re doing.
“like what, renjun?” you ask this time, noticing renjun go blank of answers, looking taken back by your question. “go on, answer! you’re busy with what?” you ask once again, still waiting for an answer.
renjun looked for answers to give you, trying to choose the millions of excuses he could give you.
“look, y/n, you don’t understa-” you stop him mid-sentence for the second time.
“if you’re busy, then tell me, renjun.” you say firmly. “it’s better than give me lots of excuses just to come home at midnight and ignore my existence.” you feel tears burning in the corner of your eyes.
“i don’t ignore your existence, y/n! i have things to do, i have a life to deal with! you’re not the main thing i should give attention!” he shouts in your direction.
“sure, renjun, i’m not the main thing you should give attention.” you laugh it off. “but i’m not an object that you can use to your own neediness and just throw away when you get tired of it.” you state. “i’m your fucking girlfriend, huang renjun. you should tell me if you’re busy.”
“what is wrong with you? stop being so stubborn and selfish, y/n! i already told you why i come home late, but you don’t wanna hear me, you just prefer saying bullshit!”
“right, renjun, maybe i’m selfish, of course! but i’m fucking humiliating myself for a string of your attention, do you remember when you used to come home and ask about my day? ask how was i feeling.” you take a step forward again. “where is this renjun? what happened to him?”
“y/n, this was in our relationship’s start-”
“and does that changes something?” you ask. “do you even realize the way you look at me, renjun? the coldness present in your eyes whenever you look at me?” you feel the tears that were stuck in your eyes roll down your face.
“you never gave me an explanation, renjun. you spoke whatever you wanted to just to proof me wrong, but you never give me a clear explanation to your behaviour.”
“i don’t owe you an explanation! there’s nothing wrong, you’re just creating fake expectations in your mind and acting like it’s true!” renjun says, and you feel taken back by his response.
“you don’t owe me an explanation? really?” you feel the tears caress your face, dripping on the floor.
“why are you acting like this? i never did anythi-”
“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!” you shout. “i love you renjun, and i don’t wanna feel like trash when i’m around you, i don’t wanna lose you. do you know how hard it is to handle all the cold responses and gazes you shot me?!” you keep your voice’s high volume.
renjun felt his body shaking as you shout, feeling guilty for all he has done in these past months. he never knew you felt like that when you were around him, he thought you wouldn’t care if he changed his behavior or if he doesn’t.
“y/n, calm down-” he tried to comfort.
“go back to the dorms.” you stated firmly.
“what?” renjun blinked his eyes twice. “what do you mean? i live here, y/n.”
“i said go back to the dorms.” you state again.
renjun couldn’t believe what he was hearing, you were expelling him from his own house?
“there’s no why, y/n! you’re just-” he cuts him mid-sentence this time. “nevermind.” he shruggs. “i’ll get going. have a good night.”
renjun picked his needs up and went straight to the apartment’s main door, opening it and getting out of the apartment, heading straight to his group’s dorms.
as the door closes, you feel like falling on the floor. your tears fall in your face nonstop, wetting your face and dripping on your clothes.
you never thought you’d fight with renjun like you did today, and all you can do is cry, cry and cry. your love life was perfect until today, the day you fought with renjun the way you never did.
you felt empty, and so did renjun. you were used to be alone in that apartment, but not when you know you told renjun to get out, not when you’re the reason why you’re feeling empty and abandoned.
in all these 3 years of relationship, renjun was a very loving boyfriend, you were confused about his sudden behavior towards you, about the way he treats you after this long time.
you learned that love isn’t just pretty flowers, it can fade from a day to the other. you don’t know if that’s the case between you and renjun, but you’re pretty sure something’s wrong with him, but he doesn’t wants to tell you out of fear of your reaction.
and all that happened, because he was supposedly busy.
blakekathryn
janainaart
tangentwithtanner
germansingergirl
kaledo-art