“Malaya ka na … Malaya na rin ako.”
will byers stan first human second
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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@donotfollowmeiamlost
“Malaya ka na … Malaya na rin ako.”
STRESSORS
I've learned that I tend to shy away to things that makes me stressed. Katulad nalang nung mga nag-aaway na players sa game or yung pala-murang streamer or yung masyadong ma-dramang conversations. And it some ways mas okay sakin yung ganun.
Caffeinated
What am I doing? Tanong ko lagi sa sarili ko. Hindi ko na talaga alam ginagawa ko. What am I living for? Ang dami kong tanong. Kakatanong ko wala naman nangyayari sakin, sa buhay ko at sa paligid ko.
I am starting to think of dying again.
Nothing is always absolutely so
Give it a try
Messing up is scary
But there's no need to worry
Because there must be something
That you don't want to end
There is nothing
That is meaningless
But giving meaning to everything
Won't help you out, either
Because you're watching over it all
When you embark towards somewhere
Softly, softly, with blurred vision
I search and search - I too am trying to figure it all out
Swaying, swaying, with wavering emotions
Living frustratingly and happily
What to wear today? What to eat for dinner?
Probably even clones have discrepancies
So do whatever you want
Desperately, desperately trying to stop the tears
That are falling down, falling down
Lightly, lightly, I rub my eyes stinging from the wind
And smile - I'm alive
Softly, softly, with blurred vision
I search and search - I too am trying to figure it all out
Swaying, swaying, with wavering emotions
Living frustratingly and happily
Living frustratingly and happily
--------------------------------------------------------------
Zettai nante nai kedo
Ikkai tameshite mite yo
Shippai wa kowai keredo
Shinpai shinakute iin da yo
Owarasetakunai mono ga
Aru hazu dakara
Mattaku imi no nai koto nante
Nai to omou dakedo
Zenbu ni imi wo tsuketa tokoro de
Sukuwareru wake demo nai desho
Dokoka e tabidatsu toki wa
Mimamotteru kara
Fuwari fuwari boyaketa shikai de
Sagutte sagutte boku mo tesaguri da yo
Yurari yurari yureru kanjou de
Modokashiku tanoshiku ikiteru
Kyou wa nani wo kiyou kana
Yoru wa nani wo tabeyou tabun
Kuroon de sae fuicchi wa aru darou
Dakara suki ni shitara iin da
Porori porori nagare namida wo
Hisshi ni hisshi ni kuitomeyou tomo
Sarari sarari kaze ga shimiru me wo
Kosutte hohoende ikiteru
Fuwari fuwari boyaketa shikai de
Sagutte sagutte boku mo tesaguri da yo
Yurari yurari yureru kanjou de
Modokashiku tanoshiku ikiteru
Modokashiku tanoshiku ikiteru
Credits to: Scandal JP and Scandal Heaven for the English translation
未来になれなかったあの夜に
iroiro atta na" no iroiro no hitotsu hitotsu o Tsumabiraka ni shitakute pen o totta wake desu ga
I wanted to expand on each and every part of our ''we've been through a lot''. That's why I picked up this pen.
Mō kimi no suki ni shite yo boku mo taigai suki ni shitekita
But you can just do with it whatever you'd like. That's pretty much what I've done up until now.
Boku no koto wa wasurete hoka ni ikitai basho ga aru n nara
You just forget about me, too, if there's somewhere else you'd rather be.
Meiyo aru isagiyoi tettai yori doro ni mamire buzamana zenshin o
But instead of a proud and noble retreat, I'm choosing this clumsy, mud-soaked advance. Shippo o furu shōsan no uta yori kakumei no sanaka hibiku dogō o
Instead of a song of flattery and praise, I'm choosing the roar that echoes at the heart of revolutions.
Ano hi no jōnetsu no hi waizu ko kuyashisa o narabeta pureirisuto
Where are the passionate flames of our past? Our playlists now are full of regrets.
Sozoro ripi-to ongaku to fūkei kōkai, jōkasuru kako no junrei
Those songs and scenes are on an endless repeat, and this is a pilgrimage through my past to cleanse away those regrets.
Masaka omae, iki wakareta hazu no aokusai yume ka? osoreshirazu no
''Are you really still clinging to that naive dream?''
Sake no tsumami no omoidebanashi to narisagaru ni wa mabushisugita yo
It's just too bold and bright to let wither into an old memory shared over drinks.
Najirareta nara okotte mo ii yo sō nin de nakeba dare ni mo barenai yo
It's okay to be mad when someone scolds you. No one will know, if you cry by yourself
Sonna yorutachi ni" hora mitaro?" tte muda janakatta to dakishimetai yo
I want to hold you and tell you those nights won't have been in vain —
Mirai ni narenakatta ano yoru ni
Those nights that didn't become our future.
Maemuki ni ikiru koto hodo subarashii koto wa nai Demo" maemuki ni ikite" ja unazukenai dareka san no tame
There's nothing quite as wonderful as living an optimistic life, but just saying ''Keep your head up!'' is bound to leave some people unconvinced.
Yume oibito to wa tomosureba shakai no mina su da Shudan wa erabanai iya, erabenakatta n da
All too often, dream-chasers become the orphans of society, so I'll do whatever it takes. No, I had to do whatever it took.
Uramitsurami ya netami sonemi no gurafu kyu-bu de kokorone o nutta Soredemo nao nuritsubusenakatta yohaku no bubun ga onore to shitta
I've shaded in my heart with the graphite of resentment and jealousy, and yet I've come to realize there's still a blank space that I couldn't blot out.
Imasara yowasa buki ni wa shinai yo sore ga bokura ga yattekita koto no Tadashisa no shōmei to shitteiru ima kono boku ga ano hi no kotae da
I'm not going to turn my weakness into a weapon anymore. Now I know it's the proof that what we've done has been right all along. This person I've become now is my answer to those days. Mieru hito ni dake mieru hikari da kage koso yuiitsu hikari no rikaisha
It's a light only visible to those who can see it, but darkness is the only thing to ever understand light.
Tabidachi to ieba kikoe wa ii ga zenbu nagedashite nigedashita n da
When you think of travelling it might seem pretty nice, but in reality, I just threw everything out and ran away.
Kodokuna yoru no dangai ni tatte tobioriru riyū ato hitotsu dake Sonna yorutachi ni" kuso kurae" tte tada dare ka ni sakende hoshikatta Mirai ni narenakatta ano yoru ni
When I stood at the edge of that cliff on that lonesome night, one reason away from jumping, I just wanted someone to tell those nights to eat shit — tell those nights that didn't become our future. Those nights that didn't become our future!
Toritateru hodo fukō de wa nai ga namida wa rogin hodo ni shiharatta
It's not been bad enough to demand some sort of repayment for it, but I've paid my share of the journey with my tears.
Boku no kako no wadachi o miru hito yo koko de au no wa gūzen janai sa
To those of you who see the path I've traced through my past: it's no coincidence that we're meeting here now.
Yume mo risō mo aisuru hito mo shinjiru koto mo akirameta kedo
I've given up on my dreams, my ideals, the people I love, and the things I believe in.
Tada hitotsu dake ieru koto boku wa boku ni tou koto akiramenakatta
But if there's one thing I can say, it's that I never gave up on questioning myself.
Minikui kimi ga nonoshirareta nara minikui mama de urami o harashite
If you've ever been called ugly, then be ugly and get even!
Tarinai kimi ga baka ni sareta nara tarinai mama de kōfuku ni natte
If you've ever been ridiculed as dumb, then be dumb and find happines!
Kodokuna yatsura ga yoru no fuchi de mogaki kurushimi ashita mo akiramete
The lonely ones will suffer in the depths of the night, losing hope for tomorrow.
Sonna yorutachi ni" zamāmiro" tte ima koso boku ga utatteyaru n da
Now's the time for me to sing, to tell those nights, ''I told you so.''
Mirai ni narenakatta ano yoru ni Zamāmiro
So to those nights that didn't become our future, to those nights that didn't become our future, ''I told you so!''
Watching the MV and listening to the song made my cry, lalo na ngayon dami kong iniisip.
malawak na langit
ngunit nakapiit
kahit saglit
lahat ng nasaisip
naway mawaglit
internet na bigla nalang mawawa-
One
That feeling whenever you finished reading a certain book that became a part of your daily routine; whenever you finished watching a good movie; a series that captured your heart; that hashtag relatable. That feeling whenever you got to see people that became part of your life and together reminiscing the good old days, but everything has an end everyone will go separate ways because you do have different paths to take.
Why is it if everything goes wrong we blame other people because of their attitude? Is it the best thing a Leader can do nowadays? Why we did not try asking ourselves if they accept us to become their Leader for us to be able to lead? Why we did not make them feel important as much as we are to ourselves? Have we really tried to empower them more than the times we intervene on the concerns they should be handling? Did we not find fault in them? Did we try to help find a remedy not because we ought to do but because we really wanted to help? Have we tried building trust by giving the credits they should be getting and not by spoiling them with expensive foods that you yourself can only buy? Did we check ourselves on where we are in times of challenge and controversies?
How can you know that they are not the right people? Have you also ask yourself if you are the right one? Is it ironic that you judge them on how their attitude irritates you? But you are not brave enough to ask yourself if your attitude towards them is so righteous to earn their respect. Often times we always find other people’s flaws but was never bold enough to find ours.
On Resignation
So I did it! I know, I have written my resignation letter for countless times already but this is it, I think. Ito na yung wala kong masyadong galit na nararamdaman, alam kong hindi bugso nang damdamin. Ito na yung matagal ko nang sinasabi pero di ko naman magawa or ginagawa, ito na yun. So I finally submitted my Resignation Letter last July 13, it well went. I will washed off everything on my mind that saying it is not okay, it is not yet the time or bawiin ko na kasi wala ako sa wisho that time. I know for myself the fact that it is really hard to find a job that you will put all of your effort like what I did 3 years ago. I know I will be happy din in time. No regrets.
suck it up.
As I googled on how my resignation letter should sound like, I cried. It is amazing how you should not bad mouth your colleague (I am referring to my Officer/Supervisor) despite of being the reason on why I am vacating my position.
It took me countless of times on trying, thinking and convincing myself not to because I fucking need the job even if I am not after the salary. But, this time I can no longer suck it all up. I can no longer endure the pain I am feeling whenever I go home nor prevent my tears from falling because *tangna* I am so exhausted of pretending that all of these years I am okay in sucking things halfheartedly.
I know she will be really really happy of me resigning and I salute you with my two Middle finger. I will try my best not to put you on my character reference when applying.
Ang bilis ng panahon. Sa sobrang bilis ang daming nangyari.
Nagsimula sa naexpired na both of my personal numbers. Pareho pa naman silang naka-link sa mga accounts ko especially kay google.
Nawala na sa akin yung pagbablog, kaya pati yung una kong tumblr account di ko na marecover. Nakakapanghinayang dahil marami kaming pinagsamahan.
Hindi na ko nakakapagbasa. Yung Aleph na binili ko nung 2014 ata or 2015, hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa natatapos. Wala na rin akong mga bagong babasahin, bukod sa kinukumpleto ko ulit ang mga libro ni BO.
Masarap tumanaw sa mga bagay na nagagawa mo dati, yung mga bagay na nagpapasaya sayo, bagay na nakakapagpagaan nang pakiramdam at maganda ring magsimula ulit sa umpisa kasama ang mga bagay na dati at nakasanayang gawin.
Didiskubre at magkakaroon nang mga bagay na makakahiligan, pero ngayon alam ko na mas masarap sa pakiramdam na pagsabayin ang mga dati at bagong hilig.
Walang tayo
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
Gusto kong sumigaw baka sakaling lumabas lahat ng nararamdaman ko, as in lahat. Baka sakaling marinig mo ang boses ko’t sumagi ako sa isip mo.
Nakakainis yung ganitong pakiramdam, ni hindi ko masabi o maisulat yung eksaktong nararamdaman ko.
Put tank in a mall. Di naman naging tayo pero bakit ganito. Sabi mo maghihintay ka… sabi mo… sabi mo… hanggang sa unti-unti kang lumayo. Ilang araw kang hindi magtetext at madalang na tatawag. Simula nung lumalayo ka na, saka naman ako umasa, naghintay at ta****** nahulog pa ata ako. Hanggang sa hindi mo na nga ako nasalo. Ang sakit kayang malaglag. Ang sakit… hindi ko nga alam kung saan ako magsisimula eh. Ni hindi mo manlang pinakinggan at naintindihan yung side ko. Bakit ka ganun? Nakakainis ka naman eh, kahit na hindi mo alam minumura na kita. Syemay ka.
Ako ba ang nagkamali? Ang tanong ko sayo “Pwede bang tigilan na natin ‘to?”, hindi ka manlang nagreact na “Anong titigilan natin?”, “Wait, bakit?” Yung mga ganun. Wala eh, akala ko pa naman malakas ka.. tinanggap mo lang yung sinabi ko. Hindi ka nagreply. Wala ka nang pakialam o wala ka talagang pakialam. Sige. Hanggang dito nalang, dyan ka nalang sa kung saan mang lugar ka naroroon. Peace be with you.
[reblog]