does this ｕｎｉｔ have a 𝑺𝑶𝑼𝑳

what a thing, to be both ⸢ starving ⸥ and empty. to ache for ⸢ love ⸥ — to take the ❪ scraps ❫ from its table, and yet, run sickly  from the feast. you can't fathom why i'd ⦗ gobble ⦘ your kisses but ⦗ duck ⦘ your attention, please. understand— some of us have gone so long hungry, the idea of being ⌠ full ⌡ feels  w o r s e  than the affliction.

[dowonist-blog]

            we might be alone in this world but we have each other                                       [ adopted brothers: @parkjaewonn & dowon ]

[dowonist-blog]

[dowonist-blog]

idk how often the ooc blog is checked lately, so i’ll post this here just to be on the safe side. we have a friend visiting from overseas, so we’ll be kinda hard(ish) to reach for a week. we’ll probably still dip in here and there depending on weather canceling plans ( plus, our friend sleeps earlier than either me or sis ) so we’ll be here, but also not *too here* if that makes any sense. I LOVE YOU ALL.

[dowonist-blog]

Memory

dowon keeps his memory reel running during his sleep. it’s like watching a film, reliving moments of his life. much of the time, his reel is set to taehyun. he watches all the things they’ve done together, but never the day he left taehyun. that is one memory file he places to the side. he tries to watch his past, from before taehyun, but it comes up blank. nothing is interesting to him. it’s peaceful but isn’t as interesting as when he met taehyun. when he needs something mindless, he watches reels from his tagging, how he swirls letters and lines, and it calms him. ultimately, it’s not that he’s “asleep” like a human would be, but it’s as “asleep” as a droid could be and his memories are his “dreams”.

[dowonist-blog]

empathets‌:

( ... ) everything’s gone numb , though his eyelids are heavier than usual and his eyes are still glistening ever so slightly. dowon’s response helps ease his worries about him taking the answer the wrong way ——  he always was so patient with him , even when he didn’t feel like he deserved it. taehyun opts to keep his gaze on the details of dowon’s clothing , reacting to dowon’s words with two short nods. “ yeah. i’ll , um … i’ll call you once i have an answer. is that okay ? ” he asks , hoping to end things on a better note than they did the last time they spoke.

this isn’t horrible. this doesn’t leave dowon with the feeling of things unfinished. there isn’t a closure on anything, not really. but it does stop dowon from feeling like the complete failure he did before. it hurts, oh it hurts, but taehyun hasn’t just left him standing there. his venting hasn’t kicked in so he isn’t overheating, and his crying has practically stopped now. only the occasional tear leaks down his cheek, but these aren’t heartbreak tears now. it’s relief. it might not be a promise for something to go right between them, but it’s a promise for the chance  of it. and dowon will do just about anything for a chance. his arms ache to hold taehyun, to hug him goodbye, but that’s stepping over the line. he’s done enough for the day. between flip flopping back and forth with feelings to hurting taehyun, then giving him hope. it’s enough. so dowon just smiles a little more for taehyun and nods his head slowly. “yeah…” he starts softly, “anything’s fine… i’ll take anything.” he sounds desperate, and it’s because he is. he rubs at his arm. “my number hasn’t changed… so you— you can call, or text. either’s fine. whatever is comfortable for you…” looking on the situation, someone would probably think dowon’s giving taehyun too much power — but dowon stripped taehyun of all power two years ago. he’s giving it all back, setting his heart down on the table while taehyun has the hammer in his hand. there’s two choices — set the hammer down, or smash the ticking heart. and it’s up to taehyun to decide which to do.

[dowonist-blog]

chinchinae‌:

( ... )

chinae’s still silent back watching the night sky and a small smile curls his lips until he catches the movement and he turns his head to look back at him,, being polite he turns so that he’s facing dowon completely. all attention completely focuses on the other and he nods his head. “ of course. “ 

fear grips dowon now that it’s up and out. this probably isn’t a good idea. scratch that. it’s definitely  not a good idea, but he’s going to do it anyway. he feels a bit reckless lately and he shouldn’t. he really shouldn’t. but he does. a sigh and another shift before he rubs over his face.

“ae, i’m…” he frowns, lips pursing as if his programming is preventing him from getting it out. it’s not. he just can’t say the words without feeling a hammering in his chest. he could overheat from this kind of stress and yet it’s his own fault for bringing this up. he could lie right now and choose to say something else, but… dowon, somehow, trusts that chinae won’t tell on him.

he clears his throat. “ae, i’m a droid too.” he looks at him seriously, head tilted a fraction as if studying chinae’s reaction to his words. he wonders if he’ll be believed right off.

[bl00miing-deactivated20210506]

haunted.

[dowonist-blog]

bl00miing‌:

( ... )

“i’m sorry, sir…” he says, hands held up in front of him, palms facing towards the other, “i’m only here to get my master’s order and then i’ll leave. i’m sorry if i’ve caused you distress of any kind…”

dowon’s eyes never lose that wide stare, fingers gripping the counter until he’s shaking so bad he feels ready to collapse. red alerts of overheating enter his eye-screens and he has to force himself to breath, to vent out the heat. “you…” he licks at his lips as if they’re chapped. thoughts consume him like a wildfire consumes a forest. jiho died  in his arms not that long ago. yet, here he is, like a ghost come to haunt him for his lies. “you died, jiho. we… fuck, you don’t even remember me…”

his heart skips. jiho’s been reactivated due to his injury. dowon doesn’t know much about jiho’s master, that was never their topic of conversation, but he must be a wealthy man to have jiho restored like this. or is this some other model? “s-sorry, you don’t… even know me,” he says as he rubs over his face. “your food should be done soon, if you’ll please sit down…” he motions to one of the booths, “i’ll bring it to you.”

[dowonist-blog]

comfort

[dowonist-blog]

parkjaewonn‌:

( ... )

jaewon finally opens his eyes back up and he looks at dowon again,, his head tilts against the back of the couch. “  … . really ? “ he asks. he doesn’t want to be a burden but he really doesn’t want to go home. he nods slowly and not bothering to remove the blankets and he’d move back in a moment but he hugs dowon without so much as a thought to it. the blankets now swaddle around the two of them. 

dowon can’t help himself. there’s always this need to help someone whirring inside of his droid programming. he might be free to do as he pleases, but there’s still this desire to help people, especially if it’s someone he knows and cares about. jaewon is in that category and probably always has been. dowon isn’t going to deny the boy comfort when he needs it.

“really,” dowon says with conviction. he chuckles as he’s swaddled in blankets, his own arms sliding around jaewon to hug him back. “stay here and we’ll find something to do.” anything is good for dowon, so long as it keeps him occupied and not thinking about the visit from taehyun the other day. it might have ended on a neutral note, but dowon isn’t so good with things hanging like that. even if he said he was. he’s nervous and scared, his artificial stomach twisting and turning, knotting up.

with a little squeeze, dowon has to slowly extract himself from jaewon’s arms and the blankets to check on their kimchi jjigae, which is heating up nicely. he moves on automatic, attuned to jaewon so he can listen out for him as he works on making some rice and a few other small dishes to go with the jjigae. none of them are hard, nor take too long to cook, so he hopes jaewon doesn’t feel any guilt.

[dowonist-blog]

picnic | past

[dowonist-blog]

empathets‌:

( ... ) “ that’s really cute , but you didn’t have to , ” he says in response to dowon’s plans , a smile still stuck on his face.  eventually , curiosity gets the best of him. “ can you at least tell me what’s in the backpack , or is that a surprise ? ” he walks considerably close to dowon , head tilted towards him. “ i like the park , yeah. i like anything with you. ” it may sound like he’s trying to be smooth ,  but taehyun means it. he wouldn’t mind doing absolutely nothing with him as long as it meant that he’d get to spend time with him , hold him , kiss him ——  all of it.

dowon holds no shame whatsoever in his outburst at the customer who had crawled all over taehyun’s ass like a fucking leech. if he can help it, no one speaks to taehyun that way. it’s sad he can’t be there with him to help him all the time, but even if he were, would taehyun allow it? he knows he has to be careful so taehyun doesn’t lose his job. given what he knows, it’s hard for taehyun to keep a job. even with his annoyance at how he’s treated, dowon has to be careful; more careful. it’s quickly laid to rest for now, pleased with having taehyun all to himself now. “you’re  cute,” dowon replies with ease, squeezing taehyun’s hand gently as they walk along the sidewalk. he doesn’t move for passersby, they move for them. it’s good. “and yes, i had to. i wanted to take you on a date.” dowon gives taehyun a playfully wounded look that’s more pout than offended. at the question, dowon smiles again, eyes almost sparkling with how much he wants to hold off on telling taehyun just to tease him. but he’s a weak man to his sweet boyfriend. he guides him further on, the park sign in sight now. “it’s for a picnic,” he finally reveals, tilting his head a little to look at taehyun while also paying attention to where they’re walking. “i cooked for us to eat here… and watch the sun set together.” all those internet ideas on romantic dates had to come in handy someday.

[dowonist-blog]

parkjaewonn‌:

( ... )

jaewon grins a bit more and he leans over to the table picking up his notepad and shows him it. “ maths. “ he shrugs showing him the pages. “ it doesn’t need to be in for about three days,, but i can’t really focus on it. my attention span sucks. “ he says with another shrug. it’s not like he’s lying,, his attention span does suck.  

“yeah, i liked it a lot. is this part of a series of movies? i think i heard about it somewhere…” dowon hums softly. he hasn’t, or rather, he hasn’t been paying attention. he only knows this from his internet search, but he can’t just tell jaewon he looked it up on the internet. it’d be rather obvious how he’d done it because he doesn’t have his phone with him.

dowon shrugs a shoulder at the mention of homework — that’s nothing. he doesn’t need to go to school as he can search up whatever’s needed at any time. he wouldn’t ever have the finesse to do a job a college student could, simply because his skill set is different and he can only hold so many skills in one go. eventually something will need to be overwritten, wouldn’t it? he doesn’t know, because he hasn’t tried. why would he?

“maths aren’t hard,” dowon replies, taking the notepad and scanning over it. “oh this is simple…” he looks up the equations, noting how to do the formulas so he can explain them. “do you need help understanding how to do these? i know how.”

[taejoon]

stunning

[dowonist-blog]

chinchinae‌:

( ... )

he for some bizarre reason feels at ease with dowon and as they walk into the park he sas nothing else for a few minutes and he looks around and walks beside the other droid to the bench and he takes a seat. “ i don’t usually come here,, well,, i don’t usually get the chance i guess would be a better way of putting it. “ he looks around,, it is nice that much he can agree on. “ you don’t have to stay as long as i want. i’m sure you have better things to do. “ he says as he looks around and he gives dowon a smile. 

dowon leans back on the bench, staring ahead. his mind runs over the events of the night, the past few weeks, all the things he’s witnessed and been apart of. it seems like a year’s worth of things, and only in the matter of a month, give or take a day. he folds his hands together and tilts his head back to breathe out slowly. he still hears chinae, and he gives a little hum of acknowledgement so the other droid doesn’t feel ignored.

“there’s nothing to be sorry for, you know,” dowon replies after a little while. “i’m glad i could help. that i was there right then. it could’ve ended differently, but it didn’t.” he knows he’ll be tagging the side of rapture again, if he can get away with it anyways. he won’t risk himself too much, but there’s got to be some kind of outcry somewhere.

he shifts a little until he’s turned to chinae, leaning his shoulder against the back of the bench. “well, you have the chance to come here now. and i’ll be here to witness it,” he says with a little smile. “hey,” he says after a beat of silence, “can you keep a very important secret?” surely he has nothing to lose — chinae doesn’t seem the type to turn him in. does he?

[cricketoreilly-blog]

HEADCANON PROMPT MEME: Send in a character and a number from this list and I will write a headcanon based on the word

Love

Hate

Hopes

Fears

Crying

Laughter

Travel

Dreams

Music

Art

Best Friend

Worst Enemy

Hair

Eyes

Hands

Smile

Scars

Winter

Summer

Spring

Autumn

Family

Romance

Orientation

Religion

Beauty

Sleep

Home

Bedroom

Sex

Death

Birth

Safe

Affection

Guilt

Sacrifice

Vengeance

Sympathy

Secret

Scent

Memory

Loss

[dowonist-blog]

comfort

[dowonist-blog]

parkjaewonn‌:

( ... )

before he knows it he’s being pulled into dowon’s and being sat on the couch and he lets his hands rest on his lap as he watches dowon. the blankets look comforting and he leans over taking one and wraps it around himself. it takes his arms a few moments but he soon feels himself begin to warm up and he closes his eyes at the feeling because he’s been sitting in the cold for so long he feels a little numb. his mouth waters at the thought and he nods lightly. “ if it’s… not too much. i can get food when … when i go to my apartment. “ he sighs. 

this situation is oddly familiar to dowon and he doesn’t understand why. sure taehyun had issues with his mother, still does probably, but jaewon is different. it seems almost as if he’s… scared? that doesn’t sit right with dowon. he doesn’t say anything to jaewon about his father, it isn’t his place, but he does have to fight down the need to head to the boy’s door and kick the man out of the apartment so jaewon can be safe and happy again.

“it’s not too much,” dowon says quickly, reaching out and running his fingers through jaewon’s hair. “it’s already made anyway, just needs to heat up.” he leans over and grabs another blanket, tossing it over jaewon before heading the few steps to the kitchen. he grabs a pot out of the fridge and puts it on the stove to heat up. then he walks back to jaewon and sits beside him.

nothing is said for a moment, but finally, dowon turns his head to look at him seriously, “you don’t have to go back home right now, nor anytime today if you don’t want.” this is as much for himself as jaewon — having the other to take care of helps him forget about his own hurting. “you can stay here for a while. i like the company.” he gives a little smile to jaewon to assure him of his words.

[minbuwuty]

oh.

[nothingwithoutwords]

i love too much. even when i am not loved at all.

shelby leigh (via nothingwithoutwords)

[bl00miing-deactivated20210506]

haunted.

[dowonist-blog]

bl00miing‌:

@dowonist

once every two weeks on a sunday is a time that yongchul prefers having a meal not made by jiho’s own hands. it’s not because he feels the need to give jiho a reprieve, but because it’s the two days of the month his master allows himself to go all out and cheat on the doctor’s nutritional diet. so, the android leaves the house at the same time he always does to ensure he arrives at his master’s preferred eatery just after lunch rush and plenty of time before yongchul is due to eat. it’s a little mom and pop restaurant who has okonomiyaki and miso that yongchul adores the recipe of. jiho steps into the welcoming little restaurant and takes his spot behind a young woman who’s just finishing gathering up her order to go. once she’s left, he takes his turn and steps up to the counter, greeting the male behind the counter with a smile.

 "hello, i’m here to pick up an order for choi yongchul that was called in at 12:30 p.m.?“ 

being at this restaurant is nice. there aren’t many customers who come in and sit, most of their orders are to-go, so dowon has enough time to put everything together and then give them over once the person arrives. rarely does anyone lost patience with him, but he suspects it’s due to how well everything is made. he’s not proud of the reason being because he’s a droid. he wishes it was pure talent alone, but that’s irrelevant to think on once his next customer steps up. the shock that goes through him isn’t electrical but it certainly feels it.

“jiho,” he whispers, eyes widening, hands gripping onto the counter so tight that if it were just a bit more, he’d break the marble. “you… you can’t be here,” he hisses, his heart ticking faster, skipping a beat every three ticks. he saw jiho go down, he held him when the blue thirium poured out of him. he saw him die.