Hi Kayura452 i have this question for you What do you think is the difference between Yahiro's love for Kageyama vs Yashiro's love for Doumeki?
Very good question. I wish I had all the time in the world to answer this because it really deserves a lot of thinking and pictures.
Yashiro x Kageyama: Kageyama was simply a high school crush.
What did Yashiro get from Kageyama? Recognition.What did Kageyama get from Yashiro? Complete validation.
Think about Kageyamaâs twisted fetish. If he had never met Yashiro he might not have turned out as normal and boring as he is. He might have been an outcast or worse, sexually repressed to the point of explosive violence. As we see Kage now, itâs probably safe to say that his fetish did not play well with the ladies, or had to be repressed to the point of never revealing his dark secret, but because of Yashiro who accepted him along with his fetish, Kage was able to feel like a normal person, and was even introduced to Kuga who thought no one would ever love his scarred up body.
So why canât they be together?Kageyama doesnât care for people who canât see the world as anything bigger than themselves. People should see a bigger picture. To Kage itâs not our circumstances that make us, itâs what we create for ourselves despite them.
Yashiro canât even see himself, let alone a world or the circumstances that made him. For all intents and purposes, Yashiro is 9 years old. He blocked out the circumstances, accepted them as normal, and let the world have its way with him. This is not just socially inept, itâs debilitating.
When Yashiro meets Kageyama he experiences social recognition beyond sex. Yashiro canât even see anything strange about Kageyamaâs fetish. He isnât particularly attracted to Kage physically, all of his attraction comes from being âseenâ by Kage. Being recognized as a human being and not a random fuck toy. But Yashiro is 9 years old, and he only knows that when you like someone you punch them, tease them, and put gum in their hair. To Kage, this is painful to watch. It would be for anyone who sees someone they value not even realizing these things about themselves.
Why Kuga? Kuga is what Yashiro believes he can never be. A person who knows his circumstances are fucked from the start and even though he may never be able to live an honest life, heâs going to fight for it as long as he can. Kuga is essentially the person Kage would have wanted Yashiro to be. I believe that Kage could have accepted Yashiro if he had been able to move beyond his circumstances. I think an emotionally healed Yashiro, even if he was in the process of healing in high school, would have been far more interesting and compelling to Kageyama. (However, we wonât go into how being a healed Yashiro may never result in either of them being friends, joining the YakuzaâŚokay)
Yashiro x Doumeki: Doumeki is love.
What does Doumeki get from Yashiro? Acceptance. What does Yashiro get from Doumeki? Acceptance.
In the same way that Yashiro used Kuga (a Yashiro replacement) as an experiment on Kage to see how he falls in love, Yashiro uses Doumeki (a Kage replacement) as an experiment on himself to see how he could have interacted socially, and romantically with Kage.
However, Doumeki and Yashiro have a lot of similarities that bring them together.
Doumeki and Yashiro are both protectors who sacrificed themselves for the betterment of people they cared about. Both are also victims of an emotionally bankrupt male influence.
As I said before, Yashiro is 9yrs old. Stopping his feelings of love by drowning in pain. He canât feel anything unless it hurts. Doumeki is about 8yrs old, regressing back to a time when he didnât show emotions and didnât feel sexual feelings. In order to move forward, he canât feel anything.
Being 8yrs old, Doumeki can understand and accept Yashiroâs 9yr old behavior. Yashiro can kick him and punch him and insult him and play doctor with him and Doumeki thinks Yashiro is the coolest most beautiful 9yr old ever. And Yashiro canât get enough because Doumeki is hopelessly cute. Yashiro can play freely with Doumeki and he accepts him. Doumeki is allowed to touch Yashiro in ways heâs never allowed anyone and expresses his feelings openly.
Yashiro instantly trusts Doumeki as children tend to do with each other, and opens up about himself. And as jealous children tend to do, they want their Doumekiâs to themselves and Yashiro pries into all things Doumeki, but unlike with Kageyama, rather than say âOh that happened?â Yashiro is compelled to care about Doumeki and repair the broken parts of his life.
What Yashiro discovers in Doumeki is a sweet caring quiet man who puts others first.What Doumeki discovers in Yashiro is a strong brave fearless man who puts himself last.
Yashiro gives Doumeki back his mojo. Yashiro embodies Doumekiâs desire. A living angel who sparks attraction and want and feelings of desire in a man who had abandoned his sexuality.
What Doumeki gives Yashiro is something no one ever has, a chance to be 10yrs old. Doumeki puts Yashiro on a pedestal, treats him kindly, refuses to hurt him, seeks to replace Yashiroâs need for pain with the need for pleasure. Doumekiâs gentleness opened the Pandoraâs Box of Yashiroâs painful memories, and Yashiro got hit with 27 years of lies and suffering all at once, and he cried. Doumeki replaces Kageyama as the important person in Yashiroâs life, no longer an experiment.
Doumeki is love. Yashiroâs first true love. Suddenly, Yashiro is alive and every move he makes is important. So Yashiro has set out to protect Doumeki from harm. Because protecting that love is the only thing that matters. But Doumeki isnât Kageyama, and heâs been putting together the pieces of the puzzle that is Yashiro. Unlike Kageyama who remains blissfully unaware of the lifetime sacrifice Yashiro made for him, Doumeki wonât sit still because love is a two-way street, and Doumeki is also a protector.
When Yashiro leaves Doumeki, he puts on his actorâs mask, that blank, unfeeling, Yashiro stare that everyone is used to. But when confronted about his love for Doumeki by the last person who should ever have noticed, Kageyama, the mask slips and Yashiroâs soft and delicate âI love Doumeki!!!â face appears. He has to turn away from Kageyama because the words he speaks about Doumeki are lies, and his look of love will betray that.
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