Ask Felix @dra7z - Tumblr Blog

Do Cambions dream?

When we finally get to sleep. Which can be hard with horns. I dream quite a lot... when I have time to sleep when I’m not up, crafting, doing things. So many things to do. I can’t dream when hungover though, I just pass out black. And as I get hungover a lot... hmm. I wonder what Nanny dreams about...

What is the worst thing you've ever done?

Screamed at Nora’s scars. I really get embarrassed to think about that, it’s not me... I love people but... and I didn’t want to put her down or increase her own anxieties about her scars and like, I’ve seen Johns with as much but... in that instance I couldn’t keep quiet. It really scared and upset me and I’m so sorry and it was the rudest thing I’ve ever done and oh Virtues does she worry about it and and and....

Had you not met Lunetta, do you think you would have ever got married?

Who would want me?

I’m stinking rich but otherwise....? I’d like to know Serrusto’s opinion. Cesare already said he’d marry me to a pig farmer if it made them political ties or a profit, but I’m the youngest, adopted-est, smallest and lowest ranking CARD IN SABRINA’S DECK!

What is Ilariya's most annoying habit?

Not being there when I need to sell you to someone for lots of money. When I come up with jobs I’d like her to do I have to double check whether she’d put the effort into completing the task or whether it’s just easier if I do it myself. I don’t want to burden her and not exactly knowing if or when she’ll help me out is tricky.

If I knew she were doing something useful or being up to something in her absence I would promote her and wish her the best for helping the Empire. But as is I don’t know where she is or what she’s up to it becomes slightly annoying when I come up with a job for her and she’s not around. On the other hand I guess this is how the Carta feel about me when I slink away... but I Swear I am trying to be useful honest! I mean... my deeds have pay offs because people come looking for me and my purse is full. That proves I’ve been up to ‘something’, hope it allays the Grandmistress’ fears at least. Rule 1, look busy.

Have you ever felt like courting Lunetta was a bad idea or the wrong thing to do? If so, why? If not, why not?

Sometimes I fear I’ve trapped her in the Carta. That she ought be free of me, of the burdens I bring. That she should be able to live her own life elsewhere. I do regret asking because I’ve really changed her world’s direction and that’s unfair of me. I should have left her alone. I should have been good and been my brother’s pawn... but. Well, things were not meant to be like that. I needed her, probably more than she ever needed me. I’m such a bastard like that.

I’m paying for it now though. HOLBERG. Got. To. Love. HOLBERG. I mean.... I’ve... always WANTED to go to HOLBERG. >.> Couldn’t just let my wife go on her own now could I? Couldn’t miss out on the FUN there.

Yeah, you know what? RIGHT now I regret Everything. Up to my eyes in Rivers Run Red, Blood! Mud! Everywhere! Deaths! Screams! Noises! Casualties! I SAW AN AMPUTATION GOING ON! WHY DID I EVER DO THIS?! I used to live in a bubble bath drinking champagne and painting my toe nails. NOW I’M IN A TRENCH.

Had you ever fallen in love before you met Lunetta? If so...with who? And what was it like?

I fall in love a million times a day. With the air, with the trees, with teapots. With clothes, boots, eyes... people. People, I love people. I love characters, personalities, things about people. quirks, memories, mannerisms, voices, tones of speech. I could sit for hours listening and watching people in absolute pleasure. That’s why I love soirees... people, atmosphere. When I gaze at people, I’m appreciating them for all they are, all they’ve been through and all they do. I love it, I love them and I promote them, I want the best for them.

Individuals, well. I could name a few, some of whom still work for me now. But, that’s a story for a different time...

As a child, what was your dream job?

I don’t really know, honestly. I love hard work for sure but, if I had wanted a career I would have got one by now. I was just happy being me, it is a full time occupation after all.

I loved clothes, the first business I started up for money was in the fashion industry so, I think that’s the closest Job I’ve aspired to. And it was fun, I still Love fashion and all and I definitely still dabble in it.

I like the idea of being a bravo’s squire. Rubbing down blades, washing the mud off things. Tying codpieces on my knees in the grass. Massaging the knots out of sweating muscular backs. That always appealed...

What do you think led up to your adoption into the Gilded Horn Carta?

I know I’m a commodity, and I’m pretty sure I matched the curtains at the time of my adoption so... I think... I think that camilla wanted to buy something but didn’t have the money for it on her so adopted me to pay for it. Like a new sofa.

What is Lunetta's most annoying habit?

The same as mine, helping people ALL the time. I try to get her to rest, put her feet up, enjoy herself... and if I look away for JUST one moment she’s already up and solving someone’s problems. Got to love her for it though! But wow is it leading us to some very strange places... more to follow ;)

On that fateful day you enter the Labyrinth, what would you want people to remember you for?

Wealth, and the girls on my arms.

I hope that the guy who plays me at my funeral is pimping, swaggering, drinking and having a great time. My life is brilliant, my life is pure... I want them to remember that. I’d really like them to remember how useful I am, how I always had the appropriate tool for the situation.

I really hope they’re sad. They’d damned well better throw the best funeral the Empire has ever seen. I want them balling their eyes out and questioning their own existence when I go... ok, not that far but... They’re never going to forget me. I bet Beatriz will throw herself over my grave sobbing, clinging to the earth and screaming “WHYYYYYYYYYYY!” Sorry what was the question?

If you hadn't met Lunetta, do you think your life would have been different? If so, how?

I would have struggled with losing my parents and a friend in the same season. Melancholy was already crushing me and I needed more to hold onto. In hind sight I could have spoken to Sabrina, but I felt that I could not at the time because the deceased were her biological parents and merely my adoptive. Why ought I cry to her that Her parents are dead? I tried to cope on my own and could not. It was in Lunetta’s letters I was able to express my feelings and find support. I had someone I could trust to lay my feelings bare and I was not punished for it like I thought the Gilded Horn might. I was admitting weakness and a hopelessness I did not want my family to see but friends were few and far between.

Lunetta gave me council, saw me through those dark times. She made me realise my strengths.

Without her, if I had survived the seasons of gloom, my life would be stunted, immature. I would not know what I was capable of and not be able to stand up for myself. I would not know my prevalence in the Carta and would lack self belief. I would have no interest in the bravo games or battlefield politics, I would not know as many friends as I know now.

I would still be a Cisisbeo working Anvil, working hopelessly to find the love I craved. I might possibly start up a racket to get more regular custom, advertise better. I would sell myself to Serrusto’s political marriage intentions rather than seek my own future. I would do as I was told rather than tell the Carta what I wanted. I’d eventually marry for the Carta’s political power and, who knows what would happen then.

How did you feel when you found out you were adopted? Did you ever consider leaving the Gilded Horn Carta?

Confused at first, I suppose. Mother usually told us we were adopted at various points as a way of punishment so it was hard to know if it were truth or not. One evening after a particularly vocal drinking session mother said a few things at me. I asked Nanny about them and she explained with clarity what my mother had meant. I found out then with a sinking realisation that actually I WAS adopted, the insults were true. I felt peculiar, as I remember, aloof, like I didn’t or wasn’t meant to belong. The Carta was always home, all I’d ever known. But it was, in some way, like I was free. It was this aloofness which enabled me to sneak out as a young teen and find Home away from Home, to try and make my own roots since my upbringing was clearly roots laid for me. I had something private, I had somewhere just for me, carved out by my own doing. I sought out, arranged and attended parties of My friends, organically my own.

I thought it was private anyway. This changed when Nanny dropped hints the following morning. About shutting the window more quietly if I needed air in the night, to leave things as I left them if I wanted privacy. I figured out these hints eventually meant she knew I was coming and going, but she was not telling me off for it. A while later I confided in her, questions, advice seeking. She gave me confidence, that it was ok for me to explore, to learn who I was inside.

The next development was Sabrina following me. I do not know if she followed or just happened to be there too but it was a shock. I spotted her in the crowd, the party had been going on for hours, under the stars. In the fire light it had been hard to see much but there, I saw her, friends around her, enjoying herself. I was afraid, I felt like MY thing had been stolen from me, how dare The Carta invade. I got drunk and forgot this because the next thing I felt was how fun it was that I could share what I had with Sabrina. I was a little nervous at first because she could see the real me, me with my hair down, me with my friends. I wasn’t just a carta child any more, I was a budding teenager. And so was she, as I learned and watched. She was much in the same boat as me, looking for escape, release, exploring. Later, much later, we began to plan these soiree adventures together, it was Our thing. A closeness which, answers your last question.

I didn’t want to leave the carta, I wanted space away from them to find myself. And I did, what kept me was Nanny, Mother, Sabrina, Serrusto. Sabrina and I became close, intimately so, she saw a side of me not many others had. She watched me learn and I watched her. We had more trust in each other than anyone else.

She went to university and it was a blow. I wasn’t going to go to study but for the first time I felt alone. I’d already been in the pleasure business nonprofitably for a while, so I decided it was time to make something of it and I started The Casanova. At first it was just getting friends together, as money began to be made and as I sold artisan trinkets I could put a deposit down on an attic in Tassato. I moved out of the Gilded Horn and slept in my workshop, making items and selling pleasure to make more money. After some time I had enough to pay the ground rent on the rest of the building, decked out the ground and above floors to make The Casanova what it was. It was then I realised I had been gone from home for a long time.

What did you have for dinner last night?

Trail rations for most of the day. Getting to Holberg at last the first thing I had was a cup of tea. Strange, bitter tea. Replenishing though, stopped me feeling dizzy after a few minutes of resting with it. Quite like it, it seemed to give me my energy back. Would drink again if I could find the recipe...

What's your biggest weakness?

How truthful I am, though I agree it is a boon as well. It stops me being sneaky, stops me “taking my cut” if someone has trusted me to hold their purse for a while or lying about how much money they had made and keeping even a little bit. But what I lose out from this I recover in the kinds of company I keep and the value people hold in me. What I don’t really know for sure is whether they know how truthful I am, if they think that’s stupid or dangerous of me or whether they trust me because of it, or if they expect that I’m taking a cut behind the scenes. Too many unknowns to be sure but I do feel like I am long behind my peers and I sometimes would like to be able to be different.

I wish I had a higher constitution, I wish I had a thicker skin and could withstand more of the lashings of life. But I’m still young I suppose and being human helps me make friends better.

Do you think your life would have differed much if you were born into the Rezia family instead of being adopted?

I think I’d have more respect from my siblings and parents. I think that they would still expect just as much from me, having a birth right would change the way I think about myself, I know I’m a political pawn and this is an identity I take to heart. Birth right and innate worth would have changed my career for sure, Pride would be a stronger virtue for me I think. It’s hard to say but it gives me a lot to think about for sure.

What's your biggest strength?

My hard work. It makes me rich, likeable and noticable, reliable, trusted. It really transforms my time at Anvil, on days where I’ve been unproductive I feel I’ve had less fun. Hard work has helped me achieve things I want to but I need to try harder to have my work acknowledged by communicating better. I also need to work smarter not harder, but I’m not sure how to yet.

What is your favourite memory of Anvil? Why?

Ophelia was saying that I was amazingly resourceful, that I always had the most appropriate thing in my bag for that particular moment, such as a fan when the smoke was constantly in her face or when I brought out clip on flowers for the festival last year and all the girls got one. Then this was reinforced last Anvil when Regina was upset because her ring had broken so I produced her a brand new, mint condition one. Best feeling ever!

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