do you guys think that at some point there’s a moment where the bats are on patrol and Alfred is helping from the cave and Dick or somebody needs information urgently and he asks Alfred to send it to him and Alfred is like ‘of course, Nightwing’ confidently and then there’s silence for a few seconds and Dick’s like. are you sending it? and Alfred’s just ‘i thought i just did?’
‘no i don’t have it.’
‘i pressed the green send button?’
‘did you highlight the right information because you know if you don’t paste it right then-‘
‘which button is highlight again?’
‘…right click.’
‘i’m clicking. it’s not doing anything.’
‘it can’t not do anything- are you in spectator mode or edit mode on the document?’
‘i just went onto the document, i can see it. it’s right here.’
‘right but if you don’t get into edit mode it won’t let you highlight-‘
‘what is ‘sticky keys’? it’s blocking my screen.’
‘oh for-‘
eventually Tim hacks in remotely and sends Dick the info he needs and they all politely tell Alfred he’s fine to go to bed if he wants to. after Alfred leaves there’s a solid twenty seconds of silence before Jason mumbles ‘every now and then i forget he is like. seventy.’
It's admittedly exciting and akin to engineering trials, to have his powers tested to some hypothesis or another, especially since Hal's lantern power is such an outlier.
And it means that Hal can solo his darling husband, pookie bear, hunny bunch Bruce Batman Wayne, as they explore the........ creativity of the Green Lantern powers.
"Your powers are linked to your willpower. I want to see if your will controls your lantern powers or is it vice versa, by making you resist your own will."
Bruce was currently rattling on, one hand on Hal's thigh and keeping him on the cot.
His lips were plump with water and stolen kisses that Hal had been indulging in throughout the several test runs.
Hal can't look away. Hal doesn't want to look away.
"Of course, it's established that there is a tendency for your lantern powers to manifest subconsciously, even before you can be conscious of your desires and what you want to will to existence. That's more instinct than anything. We do, however, need to see if it's consistent. We only ever see it in action, under circumstances that cannot be studied under."
There's a tiny beauty mark in the corner of Bruce's left eye, and it draws attention to the way that his left eye had a speckle of gold around the iris that his right doesn't.
Hal wants to kiss it.
He really wants to kiss it.
Yes, he's already kissed Bruce's lips, eyes, and cheek for the last two hours, but what's one more? And it's not like Bruce would stop him! He's his husband! He's at least 98% sure that their marriage contract includes an unlimited kisses clause.
So Hal leaned in to do exactly that...
...only to have a clipboard stop his mouth from reaching his husband.
"You seem to be very interested in kissing me," Bruce noted out loud, his voice colored with enough apathy to appear professional.
Hal blinked, "Obviously. Why else would I be leaning it, Spooky?"
Bruce nodded, took a notably large step backwards, and went back to writing on his clipboard.
"Could you try resisting the will to kiss me?" And let's see if that makes your will-reliant powers react to that."
What.
"What?"
Bruce was already walking away, humming like he's satisfied by that confused response, already putting his cowl back on and writing away on his clipboard.
Meanwhile, Hal sat there with his dumbass on the cot, processing slowly the request.
"Wait, for how long?! And does it mean ALL kisses are off the table? Does this mean YOU can't initiate kisses either? Bruce? BRUCE!"
His mind went blank as he tried to comprehend what Bruce had said, done, and given him.
Hal was about to leave for another assignment, something minor that wouldn't take all month, hopefully. He was ready for the usual huffing and puffing of his particularly clingy boyfriend ("Yes Bruce, boyfriend; I don't care if we're both almost 50.") who would definitely run the argument that his work schedule is more atrocious than his own and Hal still owes a specific number of kisses.
What he hadn't expected was Bruce stopping him by the door and handing him a Batman plushie, pushing it against his chest for him to take.
"What's this for?"
To that, Bruce sputtered about for a few seconds, averting his gaze but failing to hide the adorable pink blush spreading across his pouty cheeks.
"So you... can still kiss me while you're away."
Hal blinked.
Blinked really hard.
Blinked really good.
Then promptly fell to his knees, groaning into his palms because "BRUCE YOU CAN'T BE THIS CUTE WHEN I'M ABOUT TO GO TO WORK ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME—!?"
Hal and Bruce currently watching from some bannister or another as Kyle and Jason... talk.
It looks like talking, anyways. They couldn't be sure because Jason was still wearing his helmet and Kyle had his back turned.
But from their vantage point, they can hear Kyle laughing nervously to himself, and Jason is clearly fidgeting with the bouquet of flowers that Kyle had offered earlier into their far away conversation.
If Kyle hadn't stopped speaking and Jason has not run away this far, then Hal is at least 98% sure that the plan is working.
"What plan?" Bruce asked, and Hal realized he had been thinking out loud.
"Relax, it's not a plan plan that has us coming to Gotham at 2 in the fucktown evening," Hal sighed, "Kyle's just been agonizing over asking Jason out for weeks and he rationalized it's more romantic doing it in the personas they met as, and all that."
"Agonizing," Bruce repeated carefully, tone steady with apathy, or so Hal thought was characteristic of him.
"Yeah! I mean, come on, have you not noticed?" Hal chuckled, bumping into him cheekily, "Like... the way they argue, Spooky. Kyle messes with Jason to get him to laugh or yell at him because it's fun to bite at each other. And Kyle looks at Jason like he's literally a masterpiece deserving of his own museum. Kyle obsesses over every little detail and meeting he's ever shared or seen on Jason. He loves annoying and being annoyed by him just for his attention and focus, it's almost pitiful. I mean, come on. The list goes on. Kyle's been so obvious that it's been exhausting how Jason's still so oblivious."
Hal laughed at the end, then reinvested himself to watching the scene of Kyle and Jason, blubbering and giggling to themselves.
Unbeknownst to him, Bruce is staring at Hal.
Like... staring.
Staring at Hal.
Staring at him very hard.
Then Bruce pushes Hal off the balcony.
A flash of green emerges as Hal floats back to scold at Bruce because "IT'S NOT FUNNY! WHAT THE FUCK BATMAN, ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME KILLED—!?"
This writing exercise was inspired by this post from @haveihitanerve
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Hal's phone started ringing.
The problem isn't so much that Hal left his phone exposed on the coffee table before running off to the bathroom.
It's that the phone contact read:
Incoming Call from...
FAVORITE BATKID 😼
Bruce knows that no one in the house is above infringing on each other's privacy, but that was only ever important in matters of life and death.
...but then again, with competitive children like theirs, maybe it was a matter of life and death.
Bruce has always maintained that there are no favorite children.
Dick, Cass, Jason, Tim, Duke, and Damian are loved differently but equally.
Perhaps his boyfriend had not gotten the memo.
Hal returned and plopped back onto the couch, "What'd I miss?"
Bruce squinted at him, "Your favorite child called."
It unnerved him how Hal's relaxed demeanor didn't change one bit as he sank to the couch. "Yeah? What's up?"
Bruce flinched.
He sat up and gave Hal a look, who returned it just as powerfully and confusedly.
"Harold."
Hal burst out laughing, "Uh oh, I'm Harold now. Whatever happened to 'my love' or 'darling'?"
"You can't have a favorite child," Bruce snapped seriously.
Hal arched a brow, "Uh, yeah, I don't. If I had one, it'd be Roy or Helen."
"Your phone," Bruce said, pressing a finger at his chest, "It said favorite batkid."
"Okay?"
"Hal, have you not met my children? Do you know what sort of trouble you're inviting by suggesting there's even a hierarchy among them? You know how sensitive Dick, Jason, Cass, Tim, Duke, and Damian are at the idea I'd choose any of them above the other."
In a moment, Bruce had flashbacks. To Damian's earlier years of making competitors out of his brothers. To Jason chasing Tim with a gun because he believed he was proof that he mattered less. To Dick throwing a tantrum when Jason was first introduced. To Duke when-
The phone rang again.
Incoming Call from...
FAVORITE BATKID 😼
Bruce glared at him, "Answer that."
Hal pursed his lips, clearly fighting back a laugh, especially when Bruce ducked away from his playful attempts at stealing a kiss as he reached for his phone.
Hal answered, "Yewwol~?"
"HAROLD."
Steph's voice cracked through the speaker phone.
Bruce's eyes widened. Hal stifled a laugh.
"Heya, Pumpkin. What's up-?"
"HAROLD, I FUCKED UP."
"That's not really minimizing-"
"HAROLD, I ATE THE LAST OF UNCLE J'ONN'S OREOS IN THE HALL OF JUSTICE MESS HALL. I'M HIDING IN THE VENTS, TOY CHICA STYLE."
"What does that even-"
"HAROLD SEND HELP."
Bruce cleared his throat, a smile already splitting through his barely serious expression.
Hal smirked, "Why not call Bruce-?"
"HAROLD-"
"Stop calling me Harold!"
"-BRUCE WILL BE ON UNCLE J'ONN'S SIDE BECAUSE I ALSO BROKE THE ICE CREAM MACHINE."
Silence suddenly draped across the other side.
Then Steph shrieked and promptly ended the call.
Hal and Bruce stared at each other.
Then Bruce's phone also began to rang between them.
Incoming Call from...
Favorite JL Member 🍪
Hal arched his brow at Bruce, who had already turned red from embarrassment.
Bruce cleared his throat and picked up the call, putting it on speaker phone for equality's sake.
"J'onn."
"Bruce."
Hal leaned back on the couch, laughing himself hoarse, much to Bruce's horror.
"We will be picking Steph up from the Hall of Justice early today... and restock the cookie shelf."
"Thank you," J'onn paused, and Bruce swore he can hear the smile on his mouth as he added, "Tell your second favorite JL member I said yewwol."
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Stormed in. Needed to write but too eepy seepy to progress my wips. So have this balderdash
I like the idea of Duke having visible Blaschko’s lines that became visible once he got his powers. Since they’re possibly due to cell migration patterns (I think), and Duke’s got freaky meta god blood, they might be a little different and glow when he uses his powers! I think I was also just thinking of freckles showing up when ur in the sun.
Dating a man, you would think Hal is finally safe from this all too damning question.
"Do you think I'm fat?"
Hal snapped out of his previous view and met Bruce's gaze, "What?"
"You're staring at me while I'm touching my belly," Bruce huffed, hand still carressing the thick flab spilling out of his tighter-than-sin shorts, "You think I'm fat, don't you?"
Hal opened and closed his mouth.
Maybe telling his clearly bothered husband that he spent the last half hour staring at his ass is not the best idea.
"Well," Hal said instead, scooting to sit up at the edge of the bed, "You are fat. I don't just think; it's just true. And being fat isn't a bad thing either."
Bruce turned away from the mirror, hands on his wide hips and soft fat stomach spilling over his sleep shorts.
Maybe Hal should look into re-doing their marriage vows.
"Baby doll, it's not a bad thing to be fat," Hal insisted, taking Bruce's hands into his own, "And I don't think it's bad that you are. It means you've been alive long enough to have it, and you're eating enough to gain it."
Bruce frowned, cheeks dusting that all too familiar shade of pink, "But what if you don't think that I'm sexy anymore? I'm hardly the model-perfect Batman you met some odd 20 years ago."
Hal paused.
Hal blinked.
And then he pulled Bruce until he was sitting on Hal's lap, just right over his pronounced crotch.
His husband squeaked, "Oh..."
"Exactly," Hal chuckled, leaning close and peppering kisses on his tall nose, "You need more assurances, or what?"
Bruce bit his lip, barely hiding a smile, "I-I can go for... assurances."
Single dad Bruce Wayne surrounded by his precious babies, who are all worried because last Parent-Teacher Conference, he was the only daddy without another daddy or a mommy with him!!
Bruce is trying to calm his wailing children, "Oh loves, being a single parent is fine! Unconventional but fine! I'm happy and I love you all enough for two!"
But they're not having this!! That's not fair!! Their dad is so nice and pretty, he deserves to have MANY mommies and daddies with him!! No, he should have ONE REALLY GOOD, REALLY BEST MOMMY OR DADDY WITH HIM!!
So they ask Bruce what kind of other daddy ("A husband!" Jason corrected) or a mommy ("That's called a wife!" Dick said) he would like to have
And Bruce, realizing that fighting his kids is something he simply doesn't want to do, so he tries to placate them
"Well.... I always liked someone who is good with numbers. A-And someone who's good at taking charge. I love it when someone has good hair and a biting sense of humor, and is family-oriented 😊"
Bruce thought dignifying his children with a response would be the last time he even has to think about the wifeless/husbandless existence he's living
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Then a week later, Bruce has to watch his kids come home to his porch holding one very confused looking Hal Jordan
"Dad, look! We got you a husband!" Jason cheered, pushing Hal to Bruce.
"I checked his bank statements and his police record! He's a-okay, Daddy!" Tim added on with the sweetest smile a 7 year old can have.
"And he smells nice, like hot chocolate brownies, my favorite," Cass said, currently in Hal's arms and nuzzling her face on his neck, "He has really soft hair too."
"And I checked his social media on the way here! He's single! The kids on his accounts are his brothers' kids!" Duke said, holding Hal's hand, "Isn't that right, Mr. New Dad?"
Hal chuckles nervously, "I swear, they said they were lost in the city, Mr. Wayne.
Bruce looked at his eldest in horror.
"It was that or we went to England to find what a 'distinguished gentleman' was supposed to be, or whatever it is that Alfred wanted for you," Dick shrugged, not looking up from his phone showing the map home, meaning they were very much not lost.
Before Bruce can find his bearings, they start to usher Hal into the house
"Okay new dad, you can sleep in our daddy's room!"
Hal, who is too nice and a bit of a sucker for cute kids, follows happily.
It takes Bruce 10 seconds to process that there is a stranger in his home
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After all children were put into their respective time out corners, Bruce is finally ready to face the poor soul his children abducted.
"Okay, finally. Mr. Jordan, I'd like to apologize for—"
Bruce stopped.
Currently there's a 6"4 muscular man on his floor playing with toddler Damian and letting him touch his face. Hal is blowing raspberries into the baby's palms and answering his babbles with full sentences.
"Oh, Mr. Wayne! Are the kids all packed away?" Hal asked, hands still stuffed in animal puppets that Damian is giggling at.
“Bruce is a tough teacher” well if we go off Batman Begins, Ra’s Al Ghul literally told him his parents’ deaths were his Dad’s fault (because he was weak), called Bruce weak, threw Bruce in a frozen lake (because he could; entirely unrelated to the lesson at hand) and then made fun of him for being cold and shivering after he pulled himself out, so yeah…Bruce might be tough, but his teacher was so much worse.
Tim, watching Joker cry as Jason rips the head off of his childhood teddy bear:
Tim: I’ve always sympathized more with the bad guys when they got theirs.
Tim: does that make me a bad guy?
Bruce:
Bruce, sighing as he tussles Tim’s hair: no, kid, no it doesn’t.
Bruce: it just means you’ve got a forgiving heart.
Dick, murmuring: it just means he knows four out of five members in this household are always one step away from villainy and he has come to terms to it.
okay but the delicious angst of Batman and Robin getting trapped in a collapse or some other situation where an agonized Bruce is the only thing holding up the rubble/a piece of concrete on his back above an injured Dick, playing at being Superman by holding a superhuman amount of weight on his shoulders because if he lets go, they’ll both be crushed? and Dick wakes up, instantly clocks the situation, and knows that the only thing he can do to help is talk Bruce through it. to distract him long enough for someone to find them. to keep going, B, you can do it—
I headcanon that Martha was actually a majorette/color guard when she was alive — as a girl, she was the darling of many of Gotham's parades, and she'd keep up with it even well into her middle age.
Basically, she's good with a staff/lance for artistic reasons
One day, for some odd reason or another, Tim finds old recordings of Martha being part of a color guard, and copies what is apparently a signature maneuver for her. He spends weeks perfecting the move, appropriating it for maneuver
He excitedly gets Bruce down to see because "BRUCE! BATMAN! WATCH ME! WATCH ME!" and Tim does it. It's clumsy and an obviously modified technique
Bruce immediately recognizes it
And that's the first time Bruce actually smiles brightly in months
Batman and Green Arrow stood side-by-side, listening to their teenage sons shout over each other.
Dick and Roy were pointing fingers, accusing the other of some unknown transgression, their voices a chaotic mess of puberty-induced cracking making it difficult for either man decipher the argument.
Batman, already feeling a headache building from the last few minutes of yelling, covered both boys' mouths.
Batman: When I remove my hands, you are going to tell us what you're trying to tell us. Okay?
Dick and Roy (blinking in unison): Mm-hm.
Green Arrow: All right, let's hear it.
Batman removed his hands. Immediately, both boys pointed at each other again.
Dick and Roy (in unison): He called you a pussy! No, you called him a pussy! My dad isn't a pussy!
Roy tackled Dick to the ground, and the two tumbled, wrestling and shouting, completely oblivious to their fathers watching them fight like toddlers.
The adult heroes did not have the energy to deal with that so Green Arrow changed the subject.
Green Arrow: You know who I met at a charity event? Raquel Welch.
Batman: Lucky. Is she as beautiful as she is in the movies?
Green Arrow: She is and such a sweetheart. Diva too, but she's earned it.
Batman: She has. She has.
Green Arrow (ignoring the arguing boys): You heading to that gala on Sunday?
Batman: I am. You?
Green Arrow: Yeah, I need to get out the house.
Batman: Watched any good movies?
Green Arrow: I finally sat down and watched the Star Wars movie. You were right, it's a good film.
Batman: I told you. I heard the sequels going to be good. Any coffee left?
Green Arrow: Yeah, want some?
Batman: Yep, I'm drained and need five cups. Let's talk somewhere else while they work out their teenage angst.
Green Arrow: Good call.
Green Arrow and Batman walked away, leaving Robin and Speedy to continue their slap-and-tumble match.
They were still at it when Wonder Woman and Black Canary arrived, quickly separating the two and sending them to different corners for a much-needed timeout.
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