1. Grandiosity is obvious if you look for arrogance, overconfidence, selfishness, and entitlement.
Fact: Many narcissists try to hide their grandiosity because we’re ashamed of it and/or because we’re afraid of coming off as rude, self-centered, “crazy”, unlikable, etc.
2. Narcissists don’t feel shame, guilt, remorse, or empathy.
Fact: Some narcissists can empathize and feel guilt and remorse, some can’t, some feel it in fluctuations— but we tend to experience shame in excessive amounts and are usually more reactive to it than egotypicals, often expressing it through irritation and anxiety.
3. Narcissists rely solely on others to fuel their ego and keep them stable.
Fact: Narcissists develop highly complex defense mechanisms to protect their vulnerable self-esteem. This includes strategies that rely on others and strategies that don’t. I personally tend to find isolation safe, comforting, and vital to my mental health, and will reach out when I’m lonely or wanting to talk to the people I care about.
4. Narcissists only care about themselves and don’t care about what other people want or need.
Fact: Empathy ≠ care and narcissists are fully capable of trying to keep healthy relationships. Humans generally don’t want to go through life alone, and narcissists aren’t another species. We value our relationships and want to see people happy. Yes, it makes us feel good. Yes, it serves us in multiple ways. But that doesn’t make it any less genuine or meaningful. We want to keep peace in our environment and have people in our lives, like anyone would.
5. Narcissists love themselves and think they’re perfect.
Fact: Narcissists struggle deeply with perfectionism and internalized self-loathing. Our grandiosity is a self-deception. This means that our own minds are actively trying to drown out the self-loathing with self-importance so that we won’t notice how worthless we truly feel inside. Because of this, we may hold ourselves to much higher standards and are constantly criticizing ourselves through even the most passing of thoughts. Our thoughts can be a constant battle between “I know better” and “why are you being so stupid then?”
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