Lets Get Illuminyaty

They Call Me Ranch Cuz' I Be Dressin'

[hungwy]

unfollowing because you like birch wood

You are a plastic bag that fell into a zoo enclosure and I’m a tiger that needs enrichment

[toastpotent-deactivated20250619]

nobody:

half full water bottle left behind on the floor of a public bus: *rolls around*

[thejoanglebook-deactivated20210]

OP is an optimist

[dankmemeuniversity]

[zovsko]

my refrigerator w legs barrels towards me and grabs me and stuffs me into its vegetable drawer then casually walks away

[ndiecity-deactivated20241101]

Hey is

[ndiecity-deactivated20241101]

Is your refrigerator running

[zovsko]

my refrigerator w legs is standing in the middle of your street gripping a rolling pin. are you running?

[husband]

Y'all ever think about how there are just a whole bunch of sets of stairs in the middle of forests that lead nowhere

[0u1jab0ard-deactivated20190616]

Wh

What?

[husband]

[holyself11235-deactivated202109]

[knifefightscene]

[ryangoslingofficial-deactivated]

[hotvampireadjacent]

that child is now dead

[peachy-saffic]

uhh literally that’s not true.  according to the update this child is on the autism spectrum, and he was given the opportunity to meet the artistic director.  don’t spread misinformation.  many orchestras are becoming more inclusive and less snobby.

[ryangoslingofficial-deactivated]

thanks i was worried the orchestra killed the child

[avengertonys-deactivated2019071]

detective pikachu beating endgame on the friday opening is so fucking funny to me because, like, marvel have been hyping endgame up so much and it’s the culmination of ten years and there’s been so much secrecy about the plot, and then detective pikachu literally just has a little furry friend with the voice of ryan reynolds

[captainsnoop-deactivated2020041]

Instructions on Food: Cook 20-24 minutes.

Me: Using my Superior Intellect, I have deduced that the Optimal Cooking Time is precisely… 22 minutes. 

[thefaginogion]

honestly the most realistic part in doctor who was the tv episode where david tennant says he doesnt have a tv licence and some woman’s like “Really?! They execute you for that!”

[thefaginogion]

me: has literally JUST moved house

the bbc, waltzing from the shadows snapping it’s corperate fingers: give ‘us money or we’ll break yer’ kneecaps, gov'na :)

[thefaginogion]

Yeah, i guess if you live outside the uk you might not know about this

@hotfuss you need a tv liscene to watch live tv (meaning anything that’s being shown at a scheduled time on the telly) you also need it to watch literally any bbc programming, even if you do it online on your laptop or phone. It’s the reason there are no adverts on the BBC.

It costs £154.50 that you have to pay every year. If you don’t have one they send you letters constantly telling you they’ll send somebody to your house to make sure you’re not watching tv. So despite the fact I’ve already told them i don’t watch tv (i work 40 hours a week and just watch youtube) they’ve started sending me the letters again so I have to call them up.

Oh and apparently they can track what devices you have in your home and tell when you watch their content without a liscence.

It’s very dystopian over something so fucking stupid, on the bright-side I did find this fake ad while trying to find the buildboard picture

that’s really what it’s like living here

[reallycoolsoup]

That’s honestly dystopian sounding

[callmebliss]

What is a VAT fiddle

[beckiboos]

Like a tax violin only smaller

[fuckstev-deactivated20240104]

moms be like “call me if you need me” and then leave their phone on the other side of the house charging the entire day

[pussypoptarts]

I hate when there’s a big ass bug in the room and someone’s like “LEAVE IT ALONE!” … why are you defending the bug for??? I don’t know what kind of stroke game this bug got cause you must be fucking it??? is that it??

[allthestarsareclose]

[m4ge-deactivated20210331]

i hate the term “spinal fluid” it conjures up horrible imagery in my mind

[m4ge-deactivated20210331]

(lightly taps a spigot i have attached to my spinal column) come get y’all juice

[gemineyyes]

We’ve never met and I hope it stays that way

[m4ge-deactivated20210331]

this is the most powerful reply ive ever received 

[diarygirls]

me vaccinating my future children

[valtsv]

me, wearing nothing but a sheer plunge-neck ballgown that’s plastered to my skin from the rain, soaking wet and trembling with cold and fatigue as i stand outside the entrance to the castle: p-please help me ;) i’m s-so lost and s-scared ;) ;) i have no where to stay for the night ;) ;) ;)

the sexy vampire lady who answered the door, and to whom the castle belongs: of course ;) you poor thing ;) ;) come inside, you must be freezing… you may stay as long as you need to recover from your ordeal ;) ;) ;)

[whiteroserwby]

You walked up to that house in the rain on purpose

[valtsv]

[ashleyjowilliams-deactivated202]

indie movie about a woman directed by a man

woman: *sitting on toilet, is peeing. you can hear her peeing* 

[verycooltrash-deactivated201907]

the director:

[kaijutegu]

please, I am begging you, PLEASE look at this extremely good image my friend just texted me